Twin Flame Survival: How to Live When You Feel Like Dying Part 2

I felt it was time for me to complete the second part of this article: I’ve been receiving several emails from people asking for advice on how to survive the Twin Flame journey. I want to start by telling you that you, too, can be victorious in this situation. You can get to the other side of this connection and live a happy life. I am living proof of that. And I have met others who have not only survived the connection, but overcame the obstacles of it, made it through the pain, and transformed into incredible people. They are now “kings” and “queens.”  And since their journeys, nothing can hold them back from living their lives out loud with fiery passion. They have all chosen their own happiness over the connection. They are free to live again.

To get to that point in the journey, takes time and hard work. It’s difficult, and it forces you to put all your deepest, darkest issues under a spotlight. You will realize things you never did about  yourself. You will have epiphanies about your issues from childhood. You will recognize toxic relationship patterns. The connection will show you all the issues you’ve been hiding from; all the problems you’ve been avoiding. These all rise to the surface so they can be fixed. It’s an arduous process of healing and clearing.

What does it feel like to lose a soul connection? It feels like death. And in a sense, you do die. The person you were before meeting your twin disappears; like a snake shedding its skin, you let go of all the pieces of yourself that no longer serve you. You transform. You lose friendships. Your interests change. The way you look at the world evolves. You become more spiritual, more philosophical. But the pain remains. It never seems to go away.

When I separated from my soul connection, it felt as if I had lost my husband of fifty years. I grieved him. It was as if I had loved him for decades even though I had only known him for months. These connections are so powerful because you have known them in past lives. I was told by my Reiki healer that he was an ancient soul mate. When we broke up, it was if my soul had shattered into a thousand pieces. It was devastating.

The feeling of loss overwhelmed me. I fell into an abyss of blackness. I don’t know how I functioned. I don’t know how I went to work. I had never felt hopelessness until I lost him. It was as if my soul had died within me. My healer performed a soul retrieval, a powerful shamanic healing method, on me. Because the separation had been so traumatic, I had lost a fragment of my soul.

From all the different methods with which I experimented during my spiritual journey, these will bring you to the other side of the connection: Reiki healing sessions, yoga, and wearing hematite on a regular basis to ground your energy. I would also include magick, which is manifesting by manipulating energy. However in the place of magick, daily affirmations are also effective. If you tell yourself that you’re beautiful or handsome, and that you love yourself, eventually you will believe it. Anybody can feel like a king or queen if they put their mind and energy into it. Transformation starts in your own mind.

To get through the connection to the other side of it, you must have strength and perseverance. You must be willing to try different methods until you find one that works for you and in turn, reaching a place of surrender. If you continue to cling to the connection, you will not be able to move on from it. If you tell yourself that you will be able to get through it to the other side, you will.

There is a myth that you will never be able to ever get over a “Twin Flame”or have another relationship. This is not true. Many people find love again. It happens all the time. Just because you and your twin do not choose to stay together doesn’t mean that you can’t continue on your life’s journey with different partners. You are connected to your twin forever. They are within you, and you are within them. The love that you feel for them can be spread to others. Love is as vast as you want it to be. 

The people I have talked to who were unable to move on past their soul connections took on the role of a perpetual widow or widower. They did not want to let go. Some of them lingered decades later, playing over memories of the past on a continuous loop in their minds. They believed their soul connection was the only one they could ever love and the only one that could ever love them. They believed they would never feel a greater love for another woman or man; therefore, they closed themselves off to any other romantic opportunities. Because they put out the energy that they would never love again into the Universe, they turned it into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We become the people we wish to be. If we want to play the role of the widow/widower for the rest of our lives, the Universe is not going to stop us. If anything, the Universe is going to help us in our mission, because it matches the energy we feed it.

This is why I am starting to dislike the “Twin Flame” label more with each passing day, because it makes people think that this one soul is their one and only soul mate, and if they can’t be with this untouchable, completely flawless god/goddess, they can’t and shouldn’t be with anybody else. That is just not true.

Twin Flames are not one soul. They do not share a soul or a Higher Self. They are two separate souls. They do not complete each other. They are already complete. If you think that another soul makes you whole, the Universe is showing you that you are codependent. Most importantly, these strong connections are members of our soul community, which is a large group of souls in which we have incarnated with in our lifetimes.

We have many soul connections. Each one touches our lives in different ways. Some teach us hard lessons. Some help us grow. Some show us how to love and be loved. Some become our husbands and wives. Some tear our whole world apart and leave us to pick up the pieces. “Twin Flames” are powerful soul connections that teach us, help us heal, and spiritually awaken us.

They are not magical beings. And they are not our one and only anything. The “Twin Flame” label keeps us from truly living, because the entire concept implies that our life and happiness is dependent on another person. The only soul who can make us truly happy is the one we find within ourselves. So how do you live when you feel like dying? You use every cell of your being to make it happen, because you know you have no other choice but to live again.

Sweet Surrender: The Twin Flame Journey

When I was dealing with my Twin Flame connection, the advice that I was constantly given was to “let go” and “surrender.” My grandmother, who is a Shamballa Reiki healer/medium, advised me to “let go, let God” when I told her about separating from my soul connection. But how do you let go when you care so much? How do you suddenly tell yourself that you’re not going to worry about it when it’s all you can think about and when everything around you is showing you how connected you are to this other person? How is it even possible to surrender?

In my experience, the more I tried to surrender, the harder it became. I couldn’t let him go, no matter how much I wanted to. It was as if I was under a love spell that I couldn’t break. It tormented me all day into the night; and that’s how I lived for two years. I just accepted it as a way of life and pretended to be happy around my family and friends. I knew that I had to surrender it to the Universe and trust that everything that was meant to be for the highest good would be, but it was impossible.

Surrender is not something you can force, it just happens. What I discovered is we reach a point where we bottom out; we’re incapable of feeling more pain and loss. All the tears have dried up, and we have nothing left of our emotions to give. It is when we discover that our ultimate happiness and well-being are more important than another person, regardless of how connected we are to them, that we find release and freedom again.

It’s the equivalent of coming to a point in a battle where we can’t go on any further, because we know we are no match for our opponent, in this case, the Universe. We wave our white flag and surrender once and for all. We finally let go of the outcome. And we trust that everything will work out for the highest good, but we also accept that we may or may not end up with our twins. We reach a point where it no longer matters; our meticulously structured fairy tale ending we had once dreamed about fades, and a bright optimism about the endless possibilities of the future take shape.

We were once caged birds, and now we are free to fly again. A new life begins. Doors open. Opportunities present themselves. Loving souls come into our lives. We no longer worry about what will be, and we stop trying to plan out our lives, because we have learned that it is a losing battle. Whatever will be, will be.

As John Lennon said “Life happens when you’re busy making other plans.”

Twin Flame Challenges

“Love that is not madness is not love.” ~ Pedro Calderon de la Barca

During my Twin Flame journey, one thing I kept asking myself was “Why is this so hard?” I had always thought when you met the love of your life, everything would be smooth sailing. But when I met my twin, there was nothing easy about it. Meeting him triggered all my issues.

Something about him brought out a deep-seated fear in me, which manifested itself as severe anxiety. I had never felt this before when I was first dating somebody. It was intense. What was supposed to be a wonderful time of getting to know each other and building a foundation never seemed to give me any pleasure. I was so scared that it was going to end that I could never enjoy it. I put on a good face for him, but he had no idea the personal hell I was suffering through. My head was a prison of negative thinking and fear. I was in a constant state of worry. I just wanted him to love me. And nothing else mattered in my life except that need for him to love me.

All my fears, all the dysfunctions, all the toxic thoughts reared their ugly heads, which ultimately caused our separation. Meeting my twin drove me to madness. Why? Because he connected me to MYSELF. Twin Flames are made from the same soul: One is the Divine feminine, and the other is the Divine masculine. Regardless of what we may have read: These are two different entities, and they do not need one another to be complete. If we meet our Twin Flame, and we don’t have a relationship with him/her or the relationship ends, it’s okay. We are whole with or without the other twin. We must never believe otherwise.

By connecting me to myself, I was forced to deal with my mind, which was the equivalent of a cluttered attic that needed a good cleaning, but I never wanted to take the time to do it. Once I met my twin, the universe grabbed hold of me and said “Guess what you’re going to be working on! YOU NEED TO CLEAN OUT YOUR ATTIC. You’ve put it off long enough!” And the universe will lock the door until the job is done. This is why we feel chained to our twins. We can’t escape the connection until we clean our attics.

People have asked me “How do you know what your issues are?” And I always tell them “They reveal themselves to you over the course of an introspection process.” If you start to look inward, the universe will show you what they are. Embrace it: This is your lifetime to heal.

Your issues may manifest themselves in your dreams. If you’re dreaming of your twin, how is he/she acting toward you? How is the dream making you feel? If there are other people in the dream, how are they acting? How are they making you feel? Keep a pad of paper by your bed, so you can write them down. When you have a dream, immediately write down whatever you remember. The longer you’re awake after a dream, the more you’ll forget.

During this time, you may want to meditate for at least 5 minutes every day. This will center you and connect you to your Higher Self. You may even receive guidance easier after meditating. And it’s a fantastic way to relax. If you don’t like meditation, try yoga. My yoga instructor calls yoga “moving meditation.” It works the same way, only you get a great workout at the same time.

Buy a journal. Write down any songs or phrases that pop into your head. If you hear a random conversation where you have a gut feeling that you’re meant to hear it, listen closely. Pay attention to your thoughts. If you feel guided to read a certain book, take a class, or even schedule an appointment for some type of self-improvement session or therapy, do it!

Your Spirit Guides and Angels are doing everything they can to help you heal. All you have to do is listen to your intuition. You will be surprised by everything you discover about yourself. It’s as if there is a magnifying glass on all your broken pieces. The universe wants you to fix yourself once and for all. And it uses this Twin Flame connection to do it.

Looking inward is difficult: This is the reason why many twins run from the connection. It’s easier to run than it is to face our issues. My twin decided not to do the inner work. The universe gave him the opportunity, but he chose otherwise.

I spent two years carrying the guilt and pain of him not choosing the path to heal. It was destroying me. It took for me to sink into a deep depression that I could no longer fight my way through, to realize I needed help. I had hit bottom. I was in an abyss that I couldn’t escape. I was a shell of the person I once was. I knew I needed to book a session with my spiritual teacher/healer. I didn’t want to live like this anymore. Something had to change. I had to save my life.

My Reiki healer told me I was ready to let him go. It was time. I had learned my lessons. And she told me that I had to let him heal himself and not to feel any more blame. I had to now focus on myself and my happiness.

My soul was enmeshed in his soul, taking on all his issues and emotional wounds. It’s no wonder I felt like I was drowning in hopelessness all the time. I wanted him to heal so badly, that I was trying to do all the work for him. It was the equivalent of me cleaning out his attic night and day until I was exhausted and ready to pass out while he was out having fun, doing everything to avoid it. But that’s not how it works: He needs to clean his own attic! And if he doesn’t want to clean it, it’s not my problem.

We have to let our twins do their own healing. And we can’t help them or rush the process. If our twins do not choose to heal, there is nothing we can do. We have to let them go. We have to envision them walking with us down a path. I like to imagine it as the “Yellow Brick Road.” We’re holding hands with our twins, and suddenly our twins stop and say “I can’t go any further. I’m not ready to go where you’re heading.” And with that, we give them a loving hug and let go of their hand and continue on our way.

We have to realize that letting them go is a way for us to express our unconditional love to them. We can’t drag them, and they don’t want to be dragged. We have to accept that our journey continues regardless if they’re by our sides. And we must know that they will always be connected to our souls. Nothing will ever change that. How can we ever be separated if their soul is perpetually touching ours? And one of the biggest challenges of the Twin Flame connection is not only understanding that truth, but taking comfort in it.

 

How to Live When You Feel Like Dying Part I: The Twin Flame Connection

For a solid two years since I had met and separated from my Twin Flame, my existence seemed like a nightmare that I could never escape. I would wake up in so much emotional agony every morning that I felt like was dying or wanted to die. It’s not that I wanted to kill myself; it’s just I didn’t want to live in misery anymore. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel pain that deeply.

My heart and soul felt shredded. My stomach was in constant knots. People would try to talk to me, and I couldn’t pay attention to what they were saying. And I lived in silent misery, because the people around me had no idea what I was going through. How could they!

Until you have lived through a Twin Flame connection, you have no clue. You could read a thousand books about Twin Flames and still have no fucking idea. You just don’t know until you have gone through it, period. This is why the experience can feel so lonely and isolating. Because you know if you told somebody about it, they would think you were a crazy, obsessed freakshow, so you don’t say a word. You suffer in silence. And at times, you question if you actually are a crazy, obsessed freakshow. I did many times.

My head was a continuous loop of memories from the past: I thought about him every minute of my day. I only dreamed of him. My world was tinted with reflections of him through all the signs and synchronicities. I felt as if I were Alice in Wonderland, always chasing the elusive White Hare, but never catching him. That was my Twin Flame: He was my White Hare. When I lost him, I fell down the rabbit hole and was taken on a spectacular, magical, and devastating spiritual journey that changed my life forever and opened my eyes to who I was and who I needed to become.

I learned many lessons along the way: relationship lessons, love lessons, and soul lessons. And it was all because of the connection to him.

I cannot emphasize this enough: You will not break the chains that are binding you to your twin in this connection until you learn all the lessons. That feeling of being imprisoned by invisible ties will remain. We must learn our lessons to release ourselves. It is the only way. Cord cutting will not work in this type of connection. Think of the universe as a strict school teacher who won’t let you leave class until you’ve finished your test.

So how do we learn the lessons? We have to become hermits, in a sense. That doesn’t mean we can’t go out and live our lives and enjoy ourselves; it means that we have to find the answers within us through deep introspection. Through that self-reflection, the patterns of our relationships with our families and our lovers will reveal the lessons that the universe wants us to learn and is currently being shown to us by the “Mirror Effect” aka the symbolic mirror our twins are holding up to us to show us what has been holding us back in the way we love and how we receive love.

One lesson that seems to be prevalent within soul connections is: Enmeshment. aka codependency, enmeshment is where you entangle yourself (emotionally and even energetically) in somebody so much that you lose yourself. You only care about what they think, what they want, and you forget about what you want. You will do anything to keep them. You may want to save them. You may want to heal them. You feel as if you no longer exist unless you are together. You think they complete you in some way. You may view yourself as the only person who can help them. At some point in the relationship or even after, you may have stopped caring about yourself and what makes you happy.

Think for a moment how you felt once you and your twin separated: Did you give up living in a sense? Did your whole world crumble because he/she was missing from your life? Did you stop thinking about your own happiness and only focused on your twin and what he/she was doing; what he/she was telling you in dreams; what he/she was communicating to you telepathically; or even what psychic or tarot readings were telling you? Sound familiar? Of course, because we’ve ALL lived it. I lived in a state of emotional/karmic pain, heartbreak, misery, ruin, and hopelessness for two solid years.

You’re thinking: “But he/she is half of my soul! Of course I feel that way! He/she is my Twin Flame!” Yes, and I understand exactly why you feel that way; however, this is exactly how the universe teaches us this lesson. How better to learn this lesson of enmeshment than to face a soul mate who is already literally tethered to your soul! That’s why this lesson is such a bitch to learn. Some lessons are harder than others, but this one is downright brutal. It seems like a cruel joke played on us by the universe. But you have to believe that we were chosen to take on this journey because we are stronger than most.

If I weren’t as strong as I am, I know that at some point, I would have died from it. And I’m sure many of you have felt the same way at times. When our whole word turns to darkness, how do we continue to live? And yet, we do. Because we are stronger than we give ourselves credit, we triumph. The Twin Flame journey may batter and bruise us, but it never defeats us.

The blackness turns to light because we are the chariots of our own destiny. And the love that has been awakened within us by the Divine love we feel for our twin illuminates the world. We are the warriors who make the world spin with Love and Light.

 

 

Mastering Your Own Destiny

One expression that I cannot stand is: “It was meant to be.” And I’ll tell you why I hate that stupid cliché, because it takes away our power; it takes away our free will and our choices. In relationships, we need to stop thinking in terms of “meant to be.” We need to start believing in the strength of our own decisions to create the lives and relationships we desire.

I have met two men in my life who I would’ve sworn on my soul that we were “meant to be”, but we were not. What does that tell you about the feeling that it’s “meant to be?”

Now if we break up with somebody who we truly believe we are meant to be with, how devastated do you think we’d be that we’re no longer together? We think: “If we are meant to be together, then why is he/she gone? What did I do wrong?” As we cry our tears and pour out our hearts to our friends, we tell them: “It was meant to be! We are supposed to be together!” To which they nod their heads and listen to us weep, being the good friends they are.

“Meant to be” holds us back from truly living and in times of separation from people we love, it chains us to our past. I have known many people (and have been one) who are dealing with the loss of a relationship, and they can’t move on, because they believe in “meant to be.” We are told that if something is meant to be, then it will happen, but does that really mean? And in cases where you miss your lost love/Twin Flame/soul mate, having faith that the universe is conspiring to bring you two back together because it’s “meant to be” only creates severe disappointment and feelings of loss.

Getting hung up on what you think the universe is and should be doing for you is the worst thing you can focus on. I wasted two years of my life waiting for something to happen. At one point, I was so angry that nothing was happening, I remember thinking “Fuck the universe.”

I felt betrayed by the universe at times. But it was because I didn’t realize that the power to change my life had been within me all along. It was as if I was stuck in molasses and my life was not moving. Nothing new was coming into it. But what I didn’t realize is that we create the new. And we can only manifest new when we let go of the old.

My mind was trapped in a glass case that held all the memories I had of my Twin Flame, because I couldn’t stop holding on to “meant to be.” “Meant to be” was supposed to bring us back together. I thought: “If something is “meant to be”, then it’s supposed to happen, right? All those soulmate/Twin Flame quotes told me as such. He’s got to come back then. How could he not? We’re Twin Flames. We are connected to each other’s souls. All I see are signs pointing me to him! Then why aren’t we together?”

Once I broke through the illusion of “meant to be”, I understood that free will and destiny create a dance together. Some things are meant to happen: Yes, absolutely. We are meant to meet certain people in our lives: Yes! But what we do with those meetings are our choices as human beings with free will. The people we meet have those choices as well. In a relationship, two people’s choices create the outcome.

“Meant to be” means absolute shit. We were meant to meet for a variety of soul reasons, but that’s where it ends. The future is something that you and the other person form together. And if it doesn’t work out, the universe is more than happy to send us another romantic partner your way, if we are open to love and ready for it. We have many soul mates. We just have to know how to manifest them and believe that we can. And when we are ready, they will appear. Once we stop dwelling on the ideal of “meant to be”, we may find love in the most unexpected places.

Image via Bigg World

When the Relationship Breaks: Letting Go of the Blame

“It takes two to make an accident.” ~ The Great Gatsby
A relationship either works, or it doesn’t. The two energies of the individuals either mesh, or they don’t, regardless of their connection to each other. A breakup occurs because the two people are out of balance. It takes two people to create that imbalance, two people to cause a breakup. When a relationship ends, we mourn that severed connection much like a death. We go through various stages of grieving: One of those phases is blame.
How many times have you had a relationship end and thought “If only I had done this. If only I had acted like this. If only I hadn’t done that. If only I had been better. If only I hadn’t said that. Then we would still be together.” That’s a lot of “if onlys”, don’t you think? Yet, this is the type of constant negative thinking that takes place in our heads. We create our own prisons of blame and self-hate. We live in misery and regret, continuously beating ourselves up until there’s nothing left to us. We become shells of the people we once were, nothing but zombies, because our spirits are so broken. Until we learn to forgive ourselves, we are slaves to our own destructive thoughts.
When I lost my Twin Flame, I hated myself. I put all the blame on myself. I thought: “It was all because of my stupid issues, my fear of abandonment, my fear of love, my anxiety that created our separation. If it wasn’t for those deep-seated issues of mine from childhood, we would still be together. It’s my fault. I’m the only one to blame.”
Over the course of two years, I sent him a few long letters that took me months to write, giving him all these reasons to blame me, just so he would give me a second chance. That’s how much I believed that I was the only one to blame. He never responded. He just let me take all the blame. Just because he’s my Twin Flame doesn’t mean he’s not a stubborn asshole. People think that their Twin Flames are magical beings and perfect in every way. Wrong! They’re just people: They’re human beings with flaws, insecurities, and emotional problems like everybody else in this world.
In the summer of 2013, when the pain I felt from the connection was so unrelenting, intense, and sharp, as if somebody were repeatedly stabbing me in the heart with a dagger, I performed a “Love & Beauty” spell on myself. I used the power of magick to make me love me. The spell was powerful and unbelievably effective. I felt as if it was just what I needed to heal my life at that point in time. It is one of my favorite spells I’ve ever concocted. It changed my life. I used the energy of the universe to help me love myself and see myself as beautiful, inside and out.
Within one month, I started to see the true beauty in myself and who I was as a woman. And once I loved me and thought of myself as an empowered queen, not a princess who needed a prince or a knight in shining armor, I stopped blaming myself for what had caused my separation with my twin. We were both to blame. I may have run from him, but he just let me go. He never fought for us. It wasn’t just me. It takes two people to destroy a relationship. I have fully admitted to my role in the destruction. What’s done is done.
I’ve talked to several people in recent months who are separated from their Twin Flame. They all blame themselves for the pain they have caused themselves and their twin; they all blame themselves that they’re not together. One woman told me “He was sunshine to everyone he encountered. Now he’s dead. He hides. He doesn’t create beauty anymore. I felt like we killed each other.” I experienced this as well with mine. It did feel as if we had destroyed each other just by meeting.
In the blackness of night as I lay in my bed, I could feel his pain through the energetic cords linking my soul to his, and it killed me, because I thought I was the reason. I felt so bad all the time and never realized why that pain and suffering would never dissipate. I lived in a constant state of guilt and severe regret.
I felt as if our connection permanently damaged him. I would see pictures of him through mutual friends’ pages, and he had stopped smiling the way that he used to. There was no more light behind his eyes, no more sparkle. Something had died inside of him. And I lived with the regret that he ever had to meet such a damaged person as myself. Somebody who had always been grinning and laughing, bursting with energy and life, had become a shell of himself. It’s been two years since our separation, and I have yet to see that big grin return. The last pictures I saw of him and his girlfriend, his smile is hardly a smile, and his eyes are glazed over.
When Twin Flames or even soul mates meet, individual karmic issues come to the surface so they can be healed. Oh, you have issues with your mom! Well guess what, your twin is going to show you love in the same way your mom did, or she’s going to remind you in some way of your mom. And in a past life, your twin may have even been your mom. Weird, right? When that emotional karma rears its ugly head, it causes chaos and pain within our souls. As it’s supposed to. That’s all part of the process of clearing and healing our karma.
I want to make this perfectly clear to everybody who is dealing with a Twin Flame/soul mate connection, YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. You need to realize that their connection to you is actually helping them. Their hurt is not because of you, even though it feels like it. Their hurt stems from ancient wounds of loss, heartbreak, abandonment, betrayal, etc. Why do you think Twin Flame and soul mate “Runners” can’t handle these relationships and get the hell out of Dodge as fast as they can! This is why.
Separated twins/soul mates always wonder why their partners leave them when the love felt so magical and perfect. It’s because you reminded them of every karmic hurt they’ve ever incurred in every lifetime. Some people can handle this. Many cannot. When they run, they’re running from all that karmic pain. This is also why they jump into surface relationships with other people so quickly after the separation. It’s a way for them to distract themselves, so they don’t have to face the mirror you’re holding, showing them their issues, aka “The Mirror Effect.”
When being with their twin is too painful, they separate and choose a less intense, easier relationship. Some even marry them! You’ll always hear separated twins say “I can’t believe he/she is with that person. They’re all wrong for him/her.” Mine included. In most cases, their current partner is probably the complete opposite of their twin; because they will do anything to not have to face the mirror, which is their twin.
In past lives, we play many roles to teach other lessons. You may be husband and wife in one life and mother and son in the next, but the connection remains the same. That’s why when you meet, you feel as if you’ve known this person your whole life. It’s the familiarity of the union that draws you in. And you think “I have a connection with this person. They feel like home.” But you have to understand that sometimes that feeling of home reminds the other person of a broken one.
We can only heal ourselves. We must not feel bad if our soul mates choose not to. They will at some point, just not with us. The universe will never stop trying to heal them. They can run, but eventually they will have no other choice but to heal. We can never truly escape what the universe wants for us.

Love is Love: Breaking Through False Beliefs

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”-  Pablo Neruda

Love is emotion. Love is energy. Love is inside us. Love is beautiful. Love is more powerful than hate. Love is life-changing. Love connects us to our souls. Love connects us to each other. Love is all-encompassing. Love heals. Love transforms. Love breaks down walls. Love is the magic of the universe. Love is our life force.

Love is not hard. Love is not obsession. Love does not hurt. Love is not pushed onto somebody else. Love is not marriage. Love is not monogamy. Love is not possession. Love is not jealousy. Love is love.

Soul mates and Twin Flames teach each other how to love without expectations and to love themselves. When I separated from my twin, I was overwhelmed with feelings of love and Divine ecstasy. Love beat rapidly from my chest; it lit my heart on fire as my heart chakra opened for the first time. I loved him more than I had ever loved anybody. But this was a different love than I had ever felt.

I loved him, and I loved the sky. I loved the sunlit trees. I loved the flowers and the flock of birds flying over me in a perfect choreography, as if they were dancing a ballet only they knew. I loved the world around me. And sometimes that world was so exquisite and enchanting to me that I would find myself breaking down, sobbing. Tears ran down my face because I realized how beautiful the world was around me. My spiritual awakening lifted the veil that had been covering my eyes for 36 years. It showed me that the universe is pure magic, but we’re all just too blind to see it.

The love I felt for my twin had filled my body with so much love that it made me feel closer to God and the universe. I felt connected to everything. And I knew that was all because of the love I had for him.

He had pulled a love from inside of me, so deep and powerful like an ocean wave from my soul, that it completely transformed me. It made me realize that I had never known true love. This was not just romantic love, this was something on a whole other level. This was Divine love. My soul loved his soul. And I knew that his soul loved mine. It was all that simple.

It didn’t matter that we weren’t together. It didn’t matter that he refused to talk to me, or that he was upset with me for ruining our budding relationship. None of it mattered. That was all ego. That was all surface problems. What we had was a spiritual connection, and with that connection came a love that changed my life and who I was forever. And it was all because of something so simple and wonderful as love.

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All the Signs That Bind You: Twin Flame Connections

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin’ out the scenery, breakin’ my mind

Signs – Five Man Electrical Band

 

One of the most confusing, and downright annoying aspects of the Twin Flame connection are the never ending signs or what is known as synchronicity. Synchronicity is when you experience two or more coincidental occurrences that are linked to another. I refer to this phenomenon as “signs.”

The signs were the absolute worst part for me, because we had already separated, and all I wanted was to stop missing him. I wanted to get on with my life without him. I was consumed by thoughts of only him. I could not escape from the connection no matter how hard I tried.

There was a not a day that went by where I didn’t see or hear his name numerous times. He lived in New York City, and suddenly it seemed as if the roads were filled with cars with New York license plates. People were constantly having conversations about New York. Everybody I met was from New York. Any time I heard somebody’s cell phone go off around me, you could guarantee that they would mention New York during the conversation.

I would go to a bar and see people who looked like him. There were times I would see license plates with one word on them, and the word would resonate for me, because it brought back a memory of a moment we had shared together. It was the craziest thing, but it happened all the time. Everything around me reminded me of him. And it was overwhelming as hell. I would try to explain the signs to my closest friends, but people had no idea what it was like, because they had never experienced it. They listened to me, but they probably thought I was under stress from a broken heart and imagining it.

How do you get over somebody when you’re constantly shown how connected you are to each other? You don’t! The universe was chasing me. I didn’t understand why everything around me was about my twin. Everything in my world led back to him, but why? It gave me hope that we would reconnect, and that hope almost killed me. I thought “How could I see so many signs of this man that I love and would do anything to have him back for it not to mean that we will be together again? How is that even possible?” Unfortunately, it is.

all the signs that bind youI have read many stories of Twin Flame separations where one twin experiences these seemingly coincidental signs. No matter how much they try to run from the soul connection, they are continuously reminded of it by the universe through all the synchronicity. From my personal situation, the more I tried to “run” or forget the connection, the more I would see signs.

Let’s look at this piece of the puzzle from a spiritual standpoint first: The reason why you met your twin was to conquer all those deep issues that both of you had been carrying all your lives. That is the whole purpose. It does not matter if you end up married, living in the suburbs with three kids and a Golden Retriever. That’s not how the connection works.

The outcome of your romantic relationship is not a priority; it is only secondary to each other’s healing. The relationship outcome is dependent on you and your twin’s personal choices. So you see more signs when you’re trying to escape the connection, because the connection is what heals you. The universe wants you to heal. That’s all it cares about.

If he/she is no longer in your life due to separation, the only way you’ll fix yourself is to be reminded of that person. It’s the equivalent of the “Mirror Effect” where they reflect your issues back to you and vice versa, as if both of you are holding up mirrors. In my case, I faced my issues because my connection to him held me captive until I did. There were also lessons that I was supposed to learn. And once I learned those lessons, the chains that energetically bound me to him dissolved.

If you are in the midst of a Twin Flame connection, and you are experiencing signs, use them as a learning tool. Every time you see his/her name or a sign pointing you to them, think “What do I need to change about myself? What is the universe trying to help me heal?” The one mistake you need not to make is to think that these signs are a premonition of what’s to come in the future for you and your twin. I wasted months into years thinking my love would come back to me because of all the signs, and he never did. It was one of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn:  As much as we don’t want to believe it, sometimes we love our soul mates more than they love us.

From Torment to Butterflies: Forgiving Yourself

In life, we tend to hold on too tightly to what we have done and that which was done to us. Because we can’t let go of the past and all the hurts, we destroy the love we have for ourselves. One of the most powerful actions we can take is to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we have made.

If you carry the pain of yesterday, you will only feel burden. You have to let it all go; all the stagnant emotions left over from the past, the disappointment, the “what ifs”, and the regret. And the only way to release it, is to forgive yourself first.

During my spiritual/Twin Flame journey, I made many mistakes. I didn’t make sensible decisions. I let fear guide my actions; I let anxiety keep me from seeing situations clearly. I didn’t listen to my intuition. I lost friendships. I lost my twin. I hurt him. I hurt myself. I felt as if it was all my fault. Waking up each day felt like a living nightmare. How could I go on knowing that I had created the separation and done all this damage to a wonderful connection?

Over the course of two years, I tore myself apart with regret. I hated myself. And through the disdain and resentment of myself, I had to take a hard look at who I was as a person and recognize my deep-seated issues that had been bubbling to the surface for years. I worked hard to try to heal the broken pieces. But the pain of losing somebody I loved and knowing I was to blame shredded me. It had been a choice that I had made but would never stop regretting. All I did was blame myself and live in my own prison of self-flagellation and negative thinking. 

At one point, I realized I needed to forgive myself. I thought “What’s done is done. I cannot change the past as much as I am dying to. I have to accept the present. I have to forgive what I did.” And then I thought “I did the best I could. I am not perfect. I was damaged, and I needed healing.”

That night before bed, I created an affirmation for myself. I exclaimed “I forgive myself. I forgive myself for hurting him. I forgive myself for hurting me. I forgive myself, and I let it go to be healed.” After I had said it all, I cried. I let it all out, every molecule of hurt that I had been carrying with me, all the regret, and I let all of it go.

Forgiving myself was the first step in an incredibly painful, eye-opening journey. It helped me become the person that I am today. It helped me love myself. You cannot love yourself if you hate yourself. Carrying regret for one’s actions only leads to self-hate.

You are not perfect. I am not perfect. Once you accept the imperfections, you let love in. When you let love into yourself, you attract love. All the pain of yesterday is transformed by the love you have for yourself. That is how powerful love is. Love turns torment into butterflies.

 

The Swan

Yesterday, as I was getting out of my car, carrying all my groceries to the back door of my apartment, I noticed a single swan sitting on a piece of ice on top of the Charles River. I stopped to gaze at him, because he was so beautiful. He was at peace, and he wasn’t frightened by my presence. He was just out on the ice, chillin’.

About a year before, I had been lucky enough to see two swans swimming in the river. At the time, I felt as if it was some sign about my twin flame and me. Swans pair up for life. During our separation between my twin and me, I had always thought we would able to reconcile and get back together. We should have been like those swans, but we weren’t. My fairy tale did not end with him.

When I came across the swan yesterday, I noticed that he wasn’t with a partner. He was by himself. I looked to see if his mate was around, but she was not there. I told my mom that I had seen one swan, and she said “Swans mate for life. Something must have happened to the other swan.” To think that something tragic had happened to his swan love made me sad, but it also helped me recognize a lovely message from Spirit.

Even though the swan was no longer with his partner, he was okay. He was still living, and seemed perfectly content on the ice, basking in the late afternoon rays of sunshine. Life goes on. The world continues to spin, regardless if he is with her or not. Being without your twin is not the end of the world. You can find true happiness being apart from a person you loved the most. The swans were on a journey together, and now one has taken on that journey by himself. I am that swan. And in some regards, my life is better because of it.

Update: The next day, the same swan was back on the ice, but this time he was with his swan wife. It gave me hope that I would find my own special swan someday with whom I could spend my life.

What You Need to Know About the Twin Flame Connection

Twin Flames meet to heal and transform each other. That is their only purpose. The universe doesn’t care if you have a romantic relationship with each other. You are contracted to meet. What you do with that meeting is between you and your twin. Through free will, each is given the choice to heal or not. Some may choose to stay despite the rollercoaster of emotions and intense love and heal. Some may choose to run away and never come back and not heal.

In the case of my twin, he closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see. That was the message given to me by Spirit. I desperately wanted to heal his wounded soul, but he didn’t want that. Healing his emotional karma meant that he would have to do introspection and inner work, and he chose not to. His life consists of parties and friends; he engages in anything that will distract him from having to look at himself.

Once we separated, he built a wall between us, so he would be able to block me out forever. And it worked. After a few attempts over the past two years on my part to communicate with him, he ignored me. The rejection almost killed me.

Through his rejection of me, I was pushed into the depths of my soul to face my deepest, most painful issues. I was forced to look within and fix the broken pieces of myself. I spent what seemed like an eternity healing my emotional/karmic wounds. I thought the process would never end.

I grew increasingly more depressed and anxious, trying to repair all the damaged parts of myself, with the hopes that through my healing, my twin would heal himself and we would get back together. It never happened. And it will most likely never happen in this lifetime.

I have finally come to a point where I am completely content with that thought. He has chosen his path, and all I can do is to respect his choice. I have chosen my path as well. He wouldn’t be happy with the type of deep love that I wish to have with a man. And I wouldn’t be happy with the type of surface love that he seeks. He is too damaged to truly love somebody. I am healed and ready to love with every cell of my being. Our paths are different.

I see the type of woman he has chosen as a girlfriend, and it’s made me realize who he is. It was the one thing I had never been able to see in the situation. With Twin Flames, you fall in love with their souls first. I loved his soul, and because of that I assumed I knew the type of person he was. I was under the impression, he was authentic, but he was the furthest thing from that.

He tries to be everything he’s not, because he is too wounded to be his true self. Hurt people are frightened to show people who they truly are. He hides his emotions and wears “masks.” For a brief moment in time, he showed me his true self, but it was fleeting. And once he hid it again, I desperately tried to bring it back, but he wouldn’t allow it. That was the beginning of the end for us.

During our fight, I called him out on it. I told him he that he was full of shit, and he tried to pretend he didn’t have feelings for me when he did. I basically said he tried to be somebody he was not so he wouldn’t have to be himself. This is what Twin Flames do to each other: they stir up the shit. They try to make each other see what needs to be fixed. I was basically holding up a mirror to him, saying “You need to fix this about yourself.”

There were mistakes I made that night, and I have forgiven myself. Flying off the handle is never the way to deal with a situation. Pushing somebody to be their authentic selves, or even pushing them to heal themselves is never the solution.

The experience made me learn many lessons about myself, as well as dealing with other people. You can’t make somebody do something they don’t want to do. He did not want to heal. And he didn’t want to give me a chance to help him heal. His soul had made a choice. There was no changing that.

I am sick of reading post after post on Twin Flame relationships, where the twin is pining after the other for years and years, and there is no talk of anything new. Where are the stories about how the twins never came back together, but they found happiness with other people? Does it ever happen? Nobody knows, because nobody ever writes about new relationships. By what I’ve gathered from reading stories online, apparently, you meet your twin, and if it doesn’t work out, you’re screwed, doomed to be alone for the rest of your life. That’s far from the truth, but by the lack of information on the internet, that’s what would they would lead you to believe.

Blog after blog, article after article, it’s the same bullshit: Somebody met their twin; it was love at first sight. Everything was heaven on earth, but then something happened and they split apart. Now one of the twins is in complete agony from the separation and the other one is living life, having romantic relationships, totally unaffected. Sound familiar?

From what I’ve seen, and I’ve read everything there is on Twin Flames, the internet is inundated with only the romantic elements of the Twin Flame journey without any of the reality. Nobody ever mentions getting back together after a Twin Flame separation. And nobody discusses new relationships. So what, you just crawl into a ball after you separate from your twin and die alone?? All the stayers turn into Miss Havisham, waiting for a phone that will never ring, or the return of a twin that will never happen? Give me a fucking break.

Part of the reason why this connection is so difficult, is because there is so little comfort or information available. It seems as if every Twin Flame blog I go to, is just a bunch of copied and pasted crap from somewhere else. Nobody has anything new to say about it. It leads me to believe that the people who are writing about this specific connection have no clue what they’re talking about; or they have never experienced the phenomenon but are trying to to make money by writing about it or by advertising their “Twin Flame” readings.

Let me tell you one thing about “Twin Flame” readings, Spirit will only give you the information they want you to know at that time. In the midst of one of these connections, it’s best to look within for the answers, or connect with a Reiki or shamanic healer to guide you and heal your energetic blockages along the way.

During this particular journey: Tarot readings are not the answer. I love tarot cards, but these connections go too deep for you to be able to get a good reading. The energy between the twins fluctuates so much and so sporadically that your readings will never be entirely accurate. Trust me on this one. I tried reading for myself, as well as getting tarot readings by one of the best psychics in my city for two years, and there were many times, both of us got it wrong.

In my experience, my Reiki shamanic healer, Maura, was able to help me the most.

Maura has saved my life many times during this incredibly heart-wrenching process. She was the one who was able to clear out the last of the negative energy and pain that I had been holding on to since the end of 2011. She is available for distance healing if any of you are looking for a healer who can help them. I highly recommend an intuitive healing session with her. My life would never be the same without her. If you are unable to book an appointment with her, seek out a Reiki healer. It is one of the best decisions I ever made during my spiritual journey.

If you are going through a Twin Flame or soul mate connection and you have questions about the journey, please feel free to contact me through this blog. I will be happy to talk to you about your specific situation and give you some guidance. Love yourself and be kind to yourself.

The one line that I have said to myself to help me heal the past and let it go is:
“I did the best I could being the person I was at that time.”

Image via Last Light Art by Adam LoRusso

A Recipe to Lift Your Spirits

“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.” – Carl Jung

The holidays are approaching: It can be a depressing time for many of us. This time of year brings out our feelings. We reflect on the year, on our lives, our love lives. And not every year is going to be wonderful. Some years are better than others.

We may be dealing loneliness, separations from the ones we still love, or we may be experiencing the feeling that time was wasted. The holidays signal the end of a year. Maybe we feel as if we could have done better, made more of an effort at some point during the year, and we didn’t. Instead we let time slip by us.

Through our perception, it’s almost the New Year, and we have little to show for it; we didn’t accomplish what we had hoped. These feelings are normal, and they happen to the best of us. We are our own worst critics. We mustn’t be too hard on ourselves.

Over the past two years, I’ve struggled with depression. I know the torment and the hopelessness that some of you may be feeling. And through trial and error, I have tried many methods to heal and energize myself. I was able to pull myself out of the abyss. I want to share with you my magickal recipe to lift your spirits.

You’re going to laugh, but this advice was given to me by my spiritual mentor, and it worked! Buy a few items for your home in the color, crimson. 


It’s a deep red. You need bursts of crimson in your surroundings to pull you out of the darkness. There is something about the color that will invigorate you. My cat died last year: I remember staring up at my crimson-colored Chinese lanterns, still feeling somewhat alive. I knew the crimson was having a positive effect. It was helping me through a dismal time.
The next step is you will need to buy a yellow candle. You will think of this candle’s energy as “sunshine” and “happiness.” The energy of the candle will fill your home. Burn it all the way down. If you need to leave the house, snuff it out, do not blow it out, then relight it when you get home. It can be any size candle. 
Buy a hematite bracelet, ring, or necklace. You want the stone close to your skin. It will help energetically ground you and keep you emotionally balanced. The Egyptians called it the “worry stone.” When we’re filled with anxiety, depressed, fearful, our energy becomes unbalanced. Hematite is cheap. You can buy a bracelet like this. 

Here is some more information on hematite.

I am offering these suggestions, because I know they work. If you do try these methods or have any, post your experiences in the comments.