Relief

Written By Indigo Blackbird

I’m really not impressed by material or possessions like most of my peers. I mean of course we value them because they are tangible items that we have collectively given meaning to. But I feel that it’s truly hard to love me when you are worrying about getting me things, or what will please me when what I truly value is your existence in my life. Seeing you struggle or go out of your way to gift me things can sometimes take away from your long terms goals and I understand that. We can acquire all that we want together if we come to that decision but it is not a need.

I understand you want things for yourself just as I do and I want to encourage you to pursue them even if that means I am not a part of the picture. Your best interest is my own and if you can’t take care of yourself I would not expect you to take care of me even if I know you would try your best. My love is far too unconditional. Relax…there’s no pressure just as long as we can openly communicate our boundaries we can still treat one another. Every once in a while a thoughtful gesture is practical but when you feel that someone is obligated to ‘give’ then your love becomes selfish instead of selfless.

Relationships are an endless flow or surrender/victory (compromise). Sometimes we forget that having a partner is about operating interdependently and it leads to misunderstandings, hurt feelings and rejection. If we can learn to experience each other as we are without fearing that we will fail to meet each others expectations, we can truly experience profound growth. Plus once you have accomplished your own missions/goals you have better means to contribute to your partner’s life in the way they truly deserve, as opposed to you taking them out every weekend but this is just me venting and reflecting on my own thoughts.

I’d rather just question our existences and stroll in the park, spill out our secret passions, go swimming, hiking, dancing, embrace you while you tell me the things you never wanted to admit, support you and your craft, etc. Just enjoy other. Be free together so that you can create the foundation for better health and wealth. But even if you fail, use that momentum to launch yourself into success. It is okay to fail. We all do. We all learned how to read, this post for example, but we had to practice… So keep practicing.

Putting in effort doesn’t stop because you have a title, that is where love becomes caged. Allow your emotions to guide you and don’t suppress them. Honor your feelings while being conscious of the world around you. The riches will come, so just keep dreaming and inspiring one another but most of all–yourself.

Follow Indigo Blackbird on Twitter @VenaiiGloxiniia and  Instagram @Indigoblackbird

Beauty in the Breakdown: Letting Go

We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~ Joseph Campbell

 

One thing I learned during my Twin Flame experience was we have little control over what happens in these connections. And the more we try to control it, the more resistance we will face. The Universe has free rein; we do not. We can do our best to fight it, but we will never win. I fought the Universe tooth and nail. I was determined to get my happy ending with my twin. I thought “We are meant to be. We belong together. This will happen. I know it will. How could it not? He will realize how much he loves me. He will see what I see. I am going to do everything in my power to bring us back together.”

The first year after the separation was hell on earth. It felt as if I was mourning my husband, only he wasn’t dead. He was living in another city without me. He refused to talk to me. It was devastating. I felt deep rejection, but I had read so much about these connections that I knew he was reflecting my lifetime emotional issues back to me. It didn’t make it hurt any less. It may not have been deliberate rejection, because there were spiritual reasons behind it, but it still tore my heart apart. When I found out he was dating another woman, it was the equivalent of somebody taking a sharp knife and stabbing me in the chest over and over until there was nothing left of me. 

At some point, I realized that I had control issues when it came to my life. The more I read about the Buddhist belief of “letting go”, the more I fought it. I told myself “I don’t want to let go. He’s my twin. I love him. I never want to let him go. I don’t want to give up on him. I hurt him. It was my fault. I can make it right.” My head was spinning with half truths, hopes and dreams, and negative thinking. I couldn’t tell the difference between my clairaudience and the voice in my head telling myself lies to make me feel better. “He will come back. Yes, he will come back.” I couldn’t let go of that. I was miserable, but I could not let go of that outcome.

I wanted to be with him and marry him. I wanted to live the rest of my life with him. He just needed to come back. I was intuitive, but I did everything I could to push those intuitive messages away to make room for what I wanted to hear. At times, I was delusional. I will be the first to admit it. I believe that these connections are so powerful and so jolting to our whole being, that we may slip into delusion once in a while.

They make us see what we want to see. We believe what we want to believe, because the thought of losing the love of our lives is devastating and too much to emotionally and psychically process. And all the Twin Flame schlock we read online on message boards and blogs tells us how miserable we will be if we permanently separate. “You’ll never love another. You’ll never have another relationship. You’ll always feel as if something is missing.” Then why can the other twin have relationships? Why can they get married and have children? Why are they capable of falling in love again? Nobody ever brings that up though. They don’t want to think about it. “Oh, he/she’ll come back once he/she realizes the Twin Flame love.” Hmm, and how long is that going to take? “Oh, I don’t know but I’m just going to wait. It WILL happen.”

Twins who date or marry another have made that choice. We can respect and honor that choice, or we can resent it. We can let it tear us to pieces. We can fight it. We can hate our twin. We can be bitter. We can blame ourselves. We can we hold on and let it control us. Think of this connection as a river. Do you swim against the river, or do you surrender to the current and let the movement of the water carry you?

There is a book called Things Are Going Great in My Absence, which is a wonderful spiritual guide on how to release stress and worries and live in a state of joy and peace, trusting that the Divine is taking care of everything. I highly recommend reading it. I found it quite helpful and uplifting. It’s a wonderful book to read when life seems overwhelming and heavy. The concept of the book is simple: Let go of the way you think everything in your life should be, and let it flow the way it’s meant to. Stop over-thinking and start living. We can choose suffering, or we can embrace the fluidity and constant movement of our lives.

One of my favorite articles about letting go gives wonderful advice in regards to relationships:

“Hold lightly. This one isn’t just about releasing attachments—it’s also about maintaining healthy relationships. Contrary to romantic notions, you are not someone’s other half. You’re separate and whole. You can still hold someone to close to your heart; just remember, if you squeeze too tightly, you’ll both be suffocated.

Justify less. I can’t let him go—I’ll be miserable without him. I’d die if I lost her—she’s all that I have. These thoughts reinforce beliefs that are not fact, even if they feel like it. The only way to let go and feel less pain is to believe you’re strong enough to carry on if and when things change.”

When I refer to “letting go” in regards to the Twin Flame union, I am not telling you to stop loving this person. No, I am referring to letting everything play out, or as my teacher Maura says “unfold.” Let the events unfold. If you are guided to call him/her, reach out to them. If you are guided to work on yourself, follow that guidance. If you are guided to take a class or read a certain book that is going to help you with the journey, do it. 

Always go with your gut and do what you think you should do, but do not cling and do not try to control the connection. Surrender to it. Let the connection transform and heal you. Take it all in a moment at a time. Letting go is freedom from suffering, which is in essence the key to surviving the Twin Flame journey.

“Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.” ~ Melody Beattie

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.” ~ Lao Tzu

“Surrendering means, by definition, giving up attachment to results.  When we surrender to God, we let go of our attachment to how things happen on the outside and we become more concerned with what happens on the inside.” ~ Marianne Williamson

 

Going Through the Twin Flame Journey to the Other Side: Part 1

Everybody who is dealing with a Twin Flame connection wants to know how you can not only survive, but make it through where you find peace and happiness. The most important thing I want you to know is: IT CAN BE DONE. Not only am I living proof of it, but I receive several e-mails a day from people all over the world, sharing their personal Twin Flame experiences with me and how they made it through them. I hear incredible stories of devastating loss, Dark Night of the Souls, spiritual awakenings, healing, perseverance, fearlessness, and fighting through Ego and old emotional wounds to find a rainbow at the end of a storm.

There are people who argue with me that you can’t have a relationship with another man/woman after a Twin Flame connection. These people are misguided. They let the connection win. Now they’re stuck. They don’t know how to deal with it anymore, so they stay chained to it. Or they tell me that twins always come back together. I see it everywhere: “Eventually the twins reunite.” When? In this lifetime or the next? Who says? Where is this information coming from? It sounds good. But I’ve seen a lot of suffering Twin Flames and it doesn’t look like their partners are coming back any time soon or ever.

Have they ever considered that maybe the Universe does not want them together in this lifetime? What if they’re never going to reconnect? What then? Should they not open their hearts to any other romantic partners and continue to wait for their twin to come back? These people have never moved on from these broken relationships. The journey defeated them. A physical relationship and a spiritual connection are two different entities. They may come together to form a beautiful, harmonious union, but they also may conflict with each other.

If you think it’s going to be easy to find happiness, think again. The process is a BITCH. It will leave you in a pool or your tears, aching because your soul is being torn apart, facing your shadow self, fighting your Ego, looking inward and seeing all your flaws, literally praying to God to make the pain go away, begging Him to release you from the connection’s grip on you, and feeling like you’re dying every day. These people have found peace and happiness: Some are living separated from their twins; some have come back together and are in loving relationships with their twins. Everybody’s story is different.

 I would never judge somebody for not choosing to be with their twin. And I would never judge a person for choosing to be with their twin no matter how difficult the relationship. It’s free will. We are the masters of our own happiness and lives. Recently, I have discovered this is quite a polarizing topic within the Twin Flame community. There are many people who believe that once you meet a Twin Flame, you either end up together or you remain separated and are never capable of loving another man/woman.

 I have read countless blog posts from people whose twin has chosen not to have a physical relationship with them or won’t even talk to them. The other twin feels rejection, abandonment, and an immense loss while their twins find new partners, have new experiences, marry other soul connections, and start families. They seem to go on with their lives as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile the other twin is devastated, feeling abandoned and rejected. “How is this even possible?  We are meant to be together. He/she’s the other half of me. He/she is my one and only soul mate. How could he/she just abandon me?” they think to themselves.

 These scenarios happen all the time. It’s sad and it may not make sense to the people who are dealing with these situations, but it’s reality. We’re not meant to understand it. A soul connection is a special bond you have with another member of your soul family. Our Twin Flames are the soul mates with whom we have had the most lives, with whom we have the most karma, the ones who teach us the most and the hardest lessons; they are the ones who push our buttons the most; they are the ones who cause us the most pain; they are the ones who reflect all our karmic issues and emotional wounds; they are the ones who teach us how to love and be loved; they are the ones who clear away the veil so that we see the true beauty and magnificence of the Universe, BUT they are not necessarily the ones we are meant to marry, have 2.5 children, a Golden Retriever, the house with the white picket house in the suburbs. Our purpose for meeting them goes far beyond a physical relationship.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work the way we want it to. The Universe has a plan for us, and it’s not always what we had designed in our heads like the architects of life we try to be (myself included.) If we just trust in the Universe, things would go a lot smoother for us. When we tightly hold onto the reins of our lives, the energy stagnates. Nothing moves. Nothing happens. We wait and wait, and nothing changes in our lives. It’s when we surrender and let go and let the Universe do what it does best is when wonderful things manifest in our lives.

Not all Twin Flame couples are meant to be together. Some Twin Flame connections are not romantic at all! What happens when we love somebody more than we have ever loved anybody in our entire lives and suddenly they are ripped away from us, never to return? Where do we go from there? What do we do next? Do we wait for them to see the light and come back? We have two options: We can shrivel up, crawl into a ball and die, or we can fight our way through the loss, the pain, the misery, the fear, the depression, the anxiety, and do everything in our power to heal and make it to the other side from hell to paradise. Can it be done? YES! A million times yes. Spirit wants us to heal. Spirit wants us to find happiness. Spirit wants us to find love again with another soul connection from your soul family.

But the question is: WHAT DO WE WANT? This is our choice. Do we choose happiness, or do we choose imprisonment? Do we choose opening our hearts, living life out loud, experiencing every wonderful thing we wish to experience, or do we choose waiting, living in the past, closing our hearts, drowning in disappointment, heartbreak, and never moving on? I can assure you the journey is one of the most difficult emotional processes we can go through: It’s a battle we fight, because we know we have to; we know the alternative is no way to live. We see the people who are still suffering decades later, because they gave up fighting, and we vow that we will never let that happen to us.

We are fighters. We make it through to the other side of the journey because we believe that we can. And let’s say we have been suffering for decades, and we can’t seem to get over him/her, it’s NEVER too late. I promise when we decide to fight for our happiness, Spirit will do everything in its power to help us achieve that goal. That was my experience, and from what I’ve heard from others, it’s theirs as well. Spirit wants us to have abundance and joy. These connections bring us to the brink of madness and destruction, so we’ll finally stop trying to control the situation and let the Universe take over. In many cases, we have to hit rock bottom to reach the stage called “Surrender.”

Surrender is allowing life to unfold as its meant to without us acting like backseat drivers telling the Universe where it needs to take us and what routes it should take to get there. If you want to hang onto this connection, you want to wait, you’ll be waiting forever. A watched pot never boils. When you walk away from the pot, that’s when it starts boiling. Let go of the outcome. Let go of what you think should be. The Twin Flame couples who have separated and reconnected both reached the stage of Surrender. That’s why the reconnection occurred. I have an expression: “Your soul mate will never come back to you when you’re sobbing in a corner with tears and snot running down your face. (If it’s meant to happen) your soul mate will come back to you when you’re at your happiest and you don’t NEED anybody to make you happy.”

Years ago, a soul mate of mine left me. I tried calling him, and he would not even talk to me. I called once, and some girl he was dating answered the phone. I was devastated. He wanted nothing to do with me. My heart was shattered. One year later, I decided to go on a date, then we came back to my apartment to hang out, and guess who showed up at my door to say “Hi.” I could not make that story up if I tried, it was so ridiculous. The moral of the story is when I was at my happiest and was putting my energy elsewhere, that’s when this dipshit soul mate of mine reappeared.

Do you want something to happen? Get busy and live life, with or without your twin. And try to have as much fun as you can doing it. The connection is like an elastic band. When we push and chase, the band stretches farther away from us; when we pull away and put our energy elsewhere, the rubber band flicks back.

 Some reconnections never happen. Some do. Regardless, we have to keep on living. We must become warriors and push on even when it hurts, even when we think we can’t go on any further. If we keep going and fight our way through the journey, the other side of paradise is waiting for us. If we want it badly enough, we can make it happen. The battle can be fought: We can be victorious in the end.