The God/Goddess Complex in Soul Connections

My twin was perfect. He was everything I had always wanted in a man and more. I loved his artistic abilities. I loved his voice. I loved the idiosyncrasies that made him stand out from everybody else. In my eyes, he was a King.  He could do no wrong. And I knew him so well. I knew him better than anybody knew him, or at least I thought. I knew his soul, even though I had only known him for a few months. I loved him. I loved every piece of his personality and everything he thought and did.

Once we separated, I only placed him higher up on my pedestal. I dreamed about him almost every night. He was in my thoughts every second of my day. He became something immortal in my mind. He was a god. He was a legend. The power he had over every molecule of my being was astounding. Whenever I thought about him, my emotions intensified. I was a live wire: My body felt electric. My heart fluttered and physically ached. There was a soul pull to him that to this day I will never understand. It felt as if my soul was literally being tugged by his, even though he was hundreds of miles away.

And oh God, did I love this man. I loved him more than I ever knew I could love or feel love, and loving somebody so deeply felt so amazing, UNTIL I remembered that he was gone. He was out of my life, and he wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t even reply back to the few emails I sent him. I did not understand how I could love somebody so hard and deep and the love wouldn’t be returned. How could I feel such a strong connection that was bringing me closer to God but this man wouldn’t acknowledge it? All he did was ignore me.

Dream after dream, he would visit me in his sleep. In most of the dreams, he ignored me, and he wanted me to know I was being ignored. The way he ignored me was blatant, almost child-like, as if he were a little boy mad at his mommy, trying to punish her.

With each passing month of our separation, he became less of a real person and more god-like. I got to a point where our idyllic past together felt so far away that it was as if it had been all a dream. “Had I even met him?”  Nothing felt real anymore. The thought of him became a fantasy. I was experiencing the “God/Goddess Complex.”

He was my god. He was the best man in the world. And I thought about the way it ended, and I thought of myself as a horrible person. The more I put him on a pedestal, the harder I became on myself. I didn’t see myself as a goddess or a Queen, I was the crazy girl who made his life hell. I was a ball of chaos and brokenness. He didn’t deserve to meet somebody like me. He deserved to be happy. I felt bad that he ever had to deal with me. I carried that regret with me like a sack of heavy stones on my back.

Sometimes these soul connections make us delusional. They force us to think in ways we normally would never. They pull veils over our eyes until we learn the lessons. We see them as gods and goddesses and not as human beings with flaws. We view them as who we wish them to be and not who they really are.

My twin was not perfect. He was not a god. He was a man with deep wounds. He did the best he could with who he was at that time. I’m sure as I was going through my hell, he was going through his own. I can only guess that while he was mirroring issues to me, he was forced to face his own reflections. Who knows what he saw in that mirror? I only know what I saw in mine.

Once the “God/Goddess Complex” fades, the truth reveals we are better than we ever gave ourselves credit. We were so preoccupied, focused on how amazing our soul connections were that we could no longer see the god and goddess within ourselves. We were giving all our love to them and neglecting our own hearts. We can love ourselves as much as we love them. Love this powerful can be spread far. The more we love, the more it grows. And the more we love ourselves, the more we find peace in the connection.

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When the Twin Flame Connection Makes You Feel Crazy

Every day after we separated was the same. I thought “Am I going crazy?”

What the fuck is happening to me?”

“Why do I feel like I’m losing my mind?”

“When am I going to get through this?”

“Will I get through this?”

“Is this how I’m going to feel for the rest of my life?”

A Twin Flame connection will make you feel like you’re going insane. I spent my days Googling “Why is this connection making me feel crazy?” Either I never found the answer online or I didn’t understand the answer given, but for whatever reason, I had to figure out the answer on my own.

I discovered it’s because the energy between the two souls is entwined. I felt his energy as well as my energy. Our souls were entangled. It was a constant push pull. The energy after a separation is INTENSE. It shook me to the core. I could feel him, yet we weren’t together. His essence was all over me, and there was nothing I could do but miss him. I had to accept the fact that he was no longer in my life. I loved him from hundreds of miles away. We weren’t speaking to each other, yet I woke up feeling his energy as if he were lying next to me. It was maddening. I woke up in sweat. I woke up with my chest pounding. I woke up with a pit of despair at the bottom of my stomach. Every morning, I felt like I wanted to die.

His misery permeated the air that I breathed. I knew he was sad. I knew he was hurt. But it wasn’t the right time to contact him. I had to accept that. There was a deep knowing within me telling me that there was work to be done. I was a mess. I needed to fix myself. It was all coming to the surface. For years, I had done everything I could to push away my emotional problems and my childhood wounds.

I drank. I self-medicated. I dove into a sub-culture of music where people took drugs and escaped from reality for a weekend at a time. And in those dark clubs and warehouses, I found shreds of happiness; in those hours of drugged out bliss, I didn’t have to think about how lost I was deep down, how much it hurt inside, how fearful I was that the people who came into my life would abandon me. I escaped all that. I got to party and dance with my friends. For one night, sometimes two, I didn’t have a care in the world. I could forget about all my insecurities and childhood wounds.

He was everything, and I was nothing. I didn’t deserve him. How could he ever love a mess like me? I couldn’t hide how broken I was. He was realizing it. I was ruining a good thing. I was pushing the connection. I was rushing. I felt so much anxiety that my stomach was constantly in knots. I was so scared to lose him that all I could do was push and push my feelings onto him. He wouldn’t want to be with somebody who was so needy for love. He wouldn’t want to love somebody who feared being abandoned. He was normal. And I had problems.

The night we had our fight, as the ecstasy raced through my veins, it intensified all my emotions, but it also brought out my spiritual self. Ever since I had met him, I had been slowly awakening. As I awakened, I began to realize that I was a healer. I was meant to heal people. And I was meant to heal him. I told him that I would heal his heart. Right after I said it, I saw the blood drain out of his face. And he got angry. I could see how scared he was. I was so hurt that he was angry with me that I lashed out at him.

I made a fool out of myself at that club. I had never acted that way before. He had a bouncer separate me from him, because he couldn’t deal with me. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I could blame it on the drugs and the alcohol, but it was as if I had no control over my words and actions. The fight and my reactions escalated so quickly that there was no turning back. I had acted like a mental case. And to make it worse, one of his friends that he brought to the club that night is now his girlfriend. It took them a while to get together romantically, but I always saw her in pictures, and I had a gut feeling about her. My dreams confirmed my worst fears.

He saw the worst side of me anybody had ever seen before. The jig was up. He knew how unbalanced and fucked up I was. I decided to give him an out and he took it. I hated myself at that moment, and because of that, I said “If you want me out of your life, just say it.” He texted back “All set.” I pulled the plug on us. We were over before we had started.

The rose had wilted before it had bloomed. It was the worst night of my life. Even writing this brings tears to my eyes. I lost him for good. In those five months, he had become my best friend, my lover, the man that I wanted to spend my life with – then in one moment – it was all gone.

It was Halloween night in Brooklyn at a warehouse party at 4:30 in the morning and there I was standing in a Snow White costume, realizing that I had lost the love of my life. I remember calling my mom the next day, completely numb from what had occurred. I said “Is he coming back?” And she said “No, he’s not.” And she was right. Regardless of the spiritual awakening and all the signs and everything connecting us, he never came back.

My healer said I had scared him by something I said. I hadn’t even remembered what it was until she reminded me. I had told him “I can heal your heart.” And he wasn’t able to deal with that. I don’t really know why. Maybe it was too out there for him. Maybe he didn’t think his heart needed healing. It doesn’t matter. I don’t regret what I said. I was being my true self. I never want to be anybody but who I really am. I never want to pretend that I’m somebody else. My purpose on earth is to help people. And that is my mission. The man who truly loves me will understand and love that side of me, not run from it.

I am still working on healing from that night. It was traumatic, to the point where I replayed it over and over in my head for six months after. My biggest challenge has been learning to forgive the person that I was in that moment of time. I was a lost Princess. I was by no means a Queen. I was Snow White lost in the dark forest. And it would take me years to find my way out of the black woods into the light. Every day that passes, I get stronger, and those painful memories fade more and more. Someday soon I will be able to think about those devastating moments without crying. When I do, I’ll know I am healed. Until then, so we beat on. 

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Twin Flame Survival: How to Live When You Feel Like Dying Part 2

I felt it was time for me to complete the second part of this article: I’ve been receiving several emails from people asking for advice on how to survive the Twin Flame journey. I want to start by telling you that you, too, can be victorious in this situation. You can get to the other side of this connection and live a happy life. I am living proof of that. And I have met others who have not only survived the connection, but overcame the obstacles of it, made it through the pain, and transformed into incredible people. They are now “kings” and “queens.”  And since their journeys, nothing can hold them back from living their lives out loud with fiery passion. They have all chosen their own happiness over the connection. They are free to live again.

To get to that point in the journey, takes time and hard work. It’s difficult, and it forces you to put all your deepest, darkest issues under a spotlight. You will realize things you never did about  yourself. You will have epiphanies about your issues from childhood. You will recognize toxic relationship patterns. The connection will show you all the issues you’ve been hiding from; all the problems you’ve been avoiding. These all rise to the surface so they can be fixed. It’s an arduous process of healing and clearing.

What does it feel like to lose a soul connection? It feels like death. And in a sense, you do die. The person you were before meeting your twin disappears; like a snake shedding its skin, you let go of all the pieces of yourself that no longer serve you. You transform. You lose friendships. Your interests change. The way you look at the world evolves. You become more spiritual, more philosophical. But the pain remains. It never seems to go away.

When I separated from my soul connection, it felt as if I had lost my husband of fifty years. I grieved him. It was as if I had loved him for decades even though I had only known him for months. These connections are so powerful because you have known them in past lives. I was told by my Reiki healer that he was an ancient soul mate. When we broke up, it was if my soul had shattered into a thousand pieces. It was devastating.

The feeling of loss overwhelmed me. I fell into an abyss of blackness. I don’t know how I functioned. I don’t know how I went to work. I had never felt hopelessness until I lost him. It was as if my soul had died within me. My healer performed a soul retrieval, a powerful shamanic healing method, on me. Because the separation had been so traumatic, I had lost a fragment of my soul.

From all the different methods with which I experimented during my spiritual journey, these will bring you to the other side of the connection: Reiki healing sessions, yoga, and wearing hematite on a regular basis to ground your energy. I would also include magick, which is manifesting by manipulating energy. However in the place of magick, daily affirmations are also effective. If you tell yourself that you’re beautiful or handsome, and that you love yourself, eventually you will believe it. Anybody can feel like a king or queen if they put their mind and energy into it. Transformation starts in your own mind.

To get through the connection to the other side of it, you must have strength and perseverance. You must be willing to try different methods until you find one that works for you and in turn, reaching a place of surrender. If you continue to cling to the connection, you will not be able to move on from it. If you tell yourself that you will be able to get through it to the other side, you will.

There is a myth that you will never be able to ever get over a “Twin Flame”or have another relationship. This is not true. Many people find love again. It happens all the time. Just because you and your twin do not choose to stay together doesn’t mean that you can’t continue on your life’s journey with different partners. You are connected to your twin forever. They are within you, and you are within them. The love that you feel for them can be spread to others. Love is as vast as you want it to be. 

The people I have talked to who were unable to move on past their soul connections took on the role of a perpetual widow or widower. They did not want to let go. Some of them lingered decades later, playing over memories of the past on a continuous loop in their minds. They believed their soul connection was the only one they could ever love and the only one that could ever love them. They believed they would never feel a greater love for another woman or man; therefore, they closed themselves off to any other romantic opportunities. Because they put out the energy that they would never love again into the Universe, they turned it into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We become the people we wish to be. If we want to play the role of the widow/widower for the rest of our lives, the Universe is not going to stop us. If anything, the Universe is going to help us in our mission, because it matches the energy we feed it.

This is why I am starting to dislike the “Twin Flame” label more with each passing day, because it makes people think that this one soul is their one and only soul mate, and if they can’t be with this untouchable, completely flawless god/goddess, they can’t and shouldn’t be with anybody else. That is just not true.

Twin Flames are not one soul. They do not share a soul or a Higher Self. They are two separate souls. They do not complete each other. They are already complete. If you think that another soul makes you whole, the Universe is showing you that you are codependent. Most importantly, these strong connections are members of our soul community, which is a large group of souls in which we have incarnated with in our lifetimes.

We have many soul connections. Each one touches our lives in different ways. Some teach us hard lessons. Some help us grow. Some show us how to love and be loved. Some become our husbands and wives. Some tear our whole world apart and leave us to pick up the pieces. “Twin Flames” are powerful soul connections that teach us, help us heal, and spiritually awaken us.

They are not magical beings. And they are not our one and only anything. The “Twin Flame” label keeps us from truly living, because the entire concept implies that our life and happiness is dependent on another person. The only soul who can make us truly happy is the one we find within ourselves. So how do you live when you feel like dying? You use every cell of your being to make it happen, because you know you have no other choice but to live again.

The Twin Flame Connection: Why Is This Bond So Strong?

The Twin Flame connection is not a soulmate connection. It is far stronger. It works on a deeper level. Meeting a soulmate can be a life-changing experience, but meeting a Twin Flame, alters every cell of your being. It transforms you. But it also imprisons you.

Imagine waking up every day and feeling like you belong to this person, and he/she belongs to you. And yet they are not in your life. You do not even talk to each other. What would that feel like? You feel loss and torment. Some days are better than others. There are even moments where you feel unaffected by the connection, and you think “I’m getting over this. I’m moving on.” But the next morning you wake up with his/her energy all around you, and you find yourself weeping because you miss your twin so much. This is the Twin Flame connection.

Surviving The Connection

At first, there is no getting over it or moving on: There is only surviving. There is only making it through each day. When you try to run from the signs connecting you to your twin, the signs will increase. When you try to have feelings for another man/woman, your dreams of your twin will intensify. Nobody, except for the people who have met their twins, will understand this. This is not a regular, romantic love or want: This goes beyond all logic and reason. You LOVE this person. You love this person more than you’ve ever loved anyone, period. And every day, you are shown by the Universe how strong that love is, whether you’re with that person or not.

This has nothing to do with how compatible you are, your relationship issues with this person, or if one of you is rejecting the other. None of that matters. So do yourself a favor, and do not try to get relationship advice from others. It will be like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. And save all your bullshit relationship cliches that you see on Facebook for another relationship. They mean absolutely nothing in this one.

Divine Love

This spiritual connection is about two souls. It’s not based on what you did to him/her, what you two fight about, why he is mad at you, why you are mad at him, how he is running, how you are running, etc. NO. NOTHING. It’s based on the purest form of love in this world you will ever feel. It is centered around two souls feeling DIVINE LOVE.

Once these twins meet each other in this world, their connection is so strong and all-encompassing; the bonds are so tight like being chained to the other person’s soul, that all they can do is learn how to love each other, love themselves, and find peace and happiness. There is no key to surviving it. You just have to have the will to do it. You have to believe that “This too shall pass.” You have to know that you will live through it. You have to have the strength to create your own destiny with or without your Twin Flame.

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