Relief

Written By Indigo Blackbird

I’m really not impressed by material or possessions like most of my peers. I mean of course we value them because they are tangible items that we have collectively given meaning to. But I feel that it’s truly hard to love me when you are worrying about getting me things, or what will please me when what I truly value is your existence in my life. Seeing you struggle or go out of your way to gift me things can sometimes take away from your long terms goals and I understand that. We can acquire all that we want together if we come to that decision but it is not a need.

I understand you want things for yourself just as I do and I want to encourage you to pursue them even if that means I am not a part of the picture. Your best interest is my own and if you can’t take care of yourself I would not expect you to take care of me even if I know you would try your best. My love is far too unconditional. Relax…there’s no pressure just as long as we can openly communicate our boundaries we can still treat one another. Every once in a while a thoughtful gesture is practical but when you feel that someone is obligated to ‘give’ then your love becomes selfish instead of selfless.

Relationships are an endless flow or surrender/victory (compromise). Sometimes we forget that having a partner is about operating interdependently and it leads to misunderstandings, hurt feelings and rejection. If we can learn to experience each other as we are without fearing that we will fail to meet each others expectations, we can truly experience profound growth. Plus once you have accomplished your own missions/goals you have better means to contribute to your partner’s life in the way they truly deserve, as opposed to you taking them out every weekend but this is just me venting and reflecting on my own thoughts.

I’d rather just question our existences and stroll in the park, spill out our secret passions, go swimming, hiking, dancing, embrace you while you tell me the things you never wanted to admit, support you and your craft, etc. Just enjoy other. Be free together so that you can create the foundation for better health and wealth. But even if you fail, use that momentum to launch yourself into success. It is okay to fail. We all do. We all learned how to read, this post for example, but we had to practice… So keep practicing.

Putting in effort doesn’t stop because you have a title, that is where love becomes caged. Allow your emotions to guide you and don’t suppress them. Honor your feelings while being conscious of the world around you. The riches will come, so just keep dreaming and inspiring one another but most of all–yourself.

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4 of Cups: Luxury

Bliss—a-second-by-second joy and gratitude at the gift of being alive, conscious—lies on the other side of crushing, crushing boredom. Pay close attention to the most tedious thing you can find (Tax Returns, Televised Golf) and, in waves, a boredom like you’ve never known will wash over you and just about kill you. Ride these out, and it’s like stepping from black and white into color. Like water after days in the desert. Instant bliss in every atom.”

– David Foster Wallace

Image via Daily Styling Deluxe

The journey through the tarot cups continues as we move away from the celebratory energy of the 3 of Cups to the stable and balanced, yet slightly boring, 4 of Cups. Aleister Crowley titled it “Luxury.” When you look at the Thoth 4 of Cups, you see a lovely image of 4 golden cups flowing with water. Everything seems perfect, but in life, nothing is ever perfect.

This card warns us that when things get too comfortable, we have the tendency to wonder what it would be like to have a different life. What we once desired, we may not even want anymore. And what is being offered to us, we may not even see because we’re too focused on our current emotional yearning and dissatisfaction. We are all caught up in what we don’t have rather than what we already do or could have. It carries the message: The grass is always greener on the other side.

Crowley writes: “The card refers to the Moon in Cancer, which is her own house; but Cancer itself is so placed that this implies a certain weakness, an abandonment to desire. This tends to introduce the seeds of decay into the fruit of pleasure.” The theme of this card is ennui.

I once had a dream where I saw this card, and I heard a voice say “SUBURBIA.” When I awoke, I completely understood the meaning of the 4 of Cups. Living in the suburbs in a house with a white picket fence with a husband/wife, kids, and a dog could be boring at times, especially if the couple didn’t switch up their routine once in a while and make a conscious effort to stop and have a little fun.

This card makes me think of the vibrantly colored cookie cutter houses in the movie, Edward Scissorhands, where everything is the same. Stability and comfort are nice, but sometimes you want more from life. I believe we can create our most optimal life and make it uniquely ours without having to follow anybody else’s personal template for happiness and fulfillment.

The 4 of Cups asks us to ponder the existential questions: “What do we truly want from life? And when we attain those life goals, what will keep us from taking our comfortable, “happy” life for granted?” Stability is lovely to have in a relationship, a job, or life in general, but in regards, to emotions, there is no way to go but down, as stability quickly turns to stagnancy. In a relationship reading this could be showing us that the fantasy bubble has burst, the honeymoon phase is over, and now we need to figure out how to keep it from growing stagnant.

On a lighter note, this card may also represent the notion of self-love, sending the message that the love we find within ourselves is the basis of our happiness; it is the foundation from which to build a relationship. Emotional stability and structure in our core are the keys to a lasting relationship with another person.

In the book, Understanding Aleister Crowley’s Thoth Tarot, Lon DuQuette declares: “Love leads to Abundance, which (left uncontrolled) leads to Luxury which (left uncontrolled) leads to decadence, boredom, frustration – and Disappointment.”

Astrologically, it corresponds to Moon in the 3rd Decan of Cancer. In regards to the Quabalah, Tree of Life, it is Chesed through Water.

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The God/Goddess Complex in Soul Connections

My twin was perfect. He was everything I had always wanted in a man and more. I loved his artistic abilities. I loved his voice. I loved the idiosyncrasies that made him stand out from everybody else. In my eyes, he was a King.  He could do no wrong. And I knew him so well. I knew him better than anybody knew him, or at least I thought. I knew his soul, even though I had only known him for a few months. I loved him. I loved every piece of his personality and everything he thought and did.

Once we separated, I only placed him higher up on my pedestal. I dreamed about him almost every night. He was in my thoughts every second of my day. He became something immortal in my mind. He was a god. He was a legend. The power he had over every molecule of my being was astounding. Whenever I thought about him, my emotions intensified. I was a live wire: My body felt electric. My heart fluttered and physically ached. There was a soul pull to him that to this day I will never understand. It felt as if my soul was literally being tugged by his, even though he was hundreds of miles away.

And oh God, did I love this man. I loved him more than I ever knew I could love or feel love, and loving somebody so deeply felt so amazing, UNTIL I remembered that he was gone. He was out of my life, and he wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t even reply back to the few emails I sent him. I did not understand how I could love somebody so hard and deep and the love wouldn’t be returned. How could I feel such a strong connection that was bringing me closer to God but this man wouldn’t acknowledge it? All he did was ignore me.

Dream after dream, he would visit me in his sleep. In most of the dreams, he ignored me, and he wanted me to know I was being ignored. The way he ignored me was blatant, almost child-like, as if he were a little boy mad at his mommy, trying to punish her.

With each passing month of our separation, he became less of a real person and more god-like. I got to a point where our idyllic past together felt so far away that it was as if it had been all a dream. “Had I even met him?”  Nothing felt real anymore. The thought of him became a fantasy. I was experiencing the “God/Goddess Complex.”

He was my god. He was the best man in the world. And I thought about the way it ended, and I thought of myself as a horrible person. The more I put him on a pedestal, the harder I became on myself. I didn’t see myself as a goddess or a Queen, I was the crazy girl who made his life hell. I was a ball of chaos and brokenness. He didn’t deserve to meet somebody like me. He deserved to be happy. I felt bad that he ever had to deal with me. I carried that regret with me like a sack of heavy stones on my back.

Sometimes these soul connections make us delusional. They force us to think in ways we normally would never. They pull veils over our eyes until we learn the lessons. We see them as gods and goddesses and not as human beings with flaws. We view them as who we wish them to be and not who they really are.

My twin was not perfect. He was not a god. He was a man with deep wounds. He did the best he could with who he was at that time. I’m sure as I was going through my hell, he was going through his own. I can only guess that while he was mirroring issues to me, he was forced to face his own reflections. Who knows what he saw in that mirror? I only know what I saw in mine.

Once the “God/Goddess Complex” fades, the truth reveals we are better than we ever gave ourselves credit. We were so preoccupied, focused on how amazing our soul connections were that we could no longer see the god and goddess within ourselves. We were giving all our love to them and neglecting our own hearts. We can love ourselves as much as we love them. Love this powerful can be spread far. The more we love, the more it grows. And the more we love ourselves, the more we find peace in the connection.

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Why They Walk Away From Love

This is a question I hear all the time: Why do people walk away from love? It doesn’t make any sense. How could a soul connection love you one minute, then just walk away? Who doesn’t want love?

There are several reasons for this. Love can be terrifying. Love can come on too fast and leave the person feeling vulnerable and powerless. Love can bring out feelings of unworthiness, especially when the person has difficulty loving him/herself. The person who is walking away may have had a dysfunctional family who didn’t show them love, so they don’t know what love feels like. Love doesn’t feel comfortable. It doesn’t feel like home. Teal Swan goes into great detail about this phenomenon. Since they grew up in a love-starved environment, that’s ultimately what makes them feel secure.

A woman may have grown up with a emotionally distant father. She meets a man who falls head over heels with her. She loves him too, but because she’s not used to that feeling, she only allows herself to love him so much. He can feel that emotional distance. He fears he loves her more than she does. And because of this, he pushes the relationship onto her. It’s overwhelming. She doesn’t know how to handle it. She continues to distance herself. He pushes more. She runs. He is devastated. He wonders why she ran from the love.

All his life, he has had to push his love onto other people. He has never felt loved. He fears of being abandoned. It’s an issue he’s had since he was a child, when his parents divorced. The trauma of a divorce at a young age has scarred him. He didn’t feel emotionally safe, and that carried over into adulthood.

They mirror each other’s fears. Through their brief relationship, they are forced to face their demons. She fears love. He fears abandonment. He pushes. She pulls away. It’s an energetic dance. The energy is unbalanced between them. Because of this, they separate. They must deal with their issues separately, so they can heal and balance themselves. The relationship is over. But their spiritual connection is as strong as ever.

The man is left, feeling abandoned and devastated, mourning the end of a relationship. This is his fear. This is what he must push through to heal in this lifetime.

The woman feels terrible and guilty. She did not want to hurt him, but he came on too strong. She fears that all her future relationships will end because she can’t accept love. This is her fear. This is the obstacle she must overcome in order to heal in this lifetime.

So, yes, she walked away from love, but she only did it so she could heal that fear. He should not take it personally, but he does. His abandonment brings up feelings of unworthiness. He must heal this as well. He must learn to love himself and feel whole, even though he is without her. This is his lesson.

She must learn to love herself and feel whole as well, but she must also learn accept love from other people without feeling overwhelmed and fearful. This is her lesson.

They must learn to love themselves and find happiness from within. And they are unable to do this together.  They must not blame each other or themselves for any of this. They met to heal each other’s fears. This was the purpose of their union. Even though the relationship is over, the transformation of their lives begins.  This is what they are meant to do. Everything has happened for a reason.

And this is very important: The lessons must be learned and the fears healed before they are able to make the choice to have the relationship once again. No amount of calling, pining over the other, waiting, crying, blaming, resenting, hating, or begging will bring that relationship back until the lessons and healing are complete. But it has to be BOTH people, not just one. If you learn a lesson, and the other does not, you won’t have the chance of having a relationship.

If and when BOTH people achieve their goals, the energies between the two souls balance and they are drawn back together and given a choice to have the relationship again. It’s a CHOICE. It’s left to free will. It is not Spirit-driven. It is a choice between two people living in the material world, not two souls in the spiritual one. That is why some come back together and have a relationship again and others do not.

I know people who are with their soul mates or Twin Flames, as well as ones who were given the option, but for whatever reason, they decided not to have a relationship. Each group has the same thing in common: They are happy with their choices. Do not believe the tired, outdated theory that the people who have met their soul mates or Twin Flames and have decided not have a relationship with them are miserable. They are all at peace. They have healed and learned their lessons, and they realized the relationship was not the reason for their happiness: they were.

The Soul Mate Experience

People have asked me “What does it feel like to meet a soul mate or a Twin Flame?” I tell them “It’s warm and comfortable. It feels like home. It’s a wonderful feeling. It’s as if you know them, and they know you. You could talk for hours and not even realize time has passed. It’s like catching up with an old friend.”

In my experience, a soul mate connection never needs to be forced. It will just happen. Problems arise when our own insecurities and issues get in the way. You meet somebody that you have this incredible instantaneous connection with, and you get scared because you either don’t think you’re worthy of that type of love or you fear that love. Fear within ourselves turns to anxiety. Anxiety kills love.

The love between soul mates is an incredible thing, but that love must be cultivated and given room to grow. Think of love like a flower garden. When two soul mates first meet, they plant a seed. As a flower grows, it has to be given just enough water and sunshine. The dirt that holds it must be just right: It can’t be too sandy or rocky. The soil must be moist, but not soaking wet. Love is the same way.

Once a seed in the relationship is planted, you have to take your time and have patience, so that the roots grow strong in the ground. Seeds do not need to be over-watered, just as a budding relationship does not need to be flooded by somebody’s emotions. It is possible for one person to love too much and scare the other one away. Pushing your love onto somebody will only push them away. Everything in moderation. In love, you must ease into your emotions with each other, and you must have a solid foundation, or the relationship will break apart.

The reasons why most soul mate relationships do not work out is because there is a lack of a foundation, and without that foundation, one fight might break up your entire relationship. It happened to me with my Twin Flame! We had one nasty fight, and he refused to ever talk to me again. That was it. Our relationship ended as quickly as it had begun. Our house crumbled, because there was nothing supporting it. I’ve read countless accounts online from others talking about soul mate separations that were caused by meaningless arguments. It happens all the time.

My best advice is to go slowly and take your time to get to know each other. Let the energy flow and things happen in their own time. Love does not ever have to be rushed.

When you meet a soul mate, often feelings of love arise before you even know the person. I once met a soul mate, and we fell in love with each other as soon as our eyes met. I had never believed in “love at first sight” until that moment. As soon as I spotted him dancing with his friends at the club where I worked, I felt like I knew him. And he felt the same about me. Sometimes you just know. 

So where did it go wrong with us? We rushed the relationship. We were only together a week, maybe, before we told each other that we loved another. We both knew that we were soul mates. We could feel the connection because we were sensitive to it. He had been psychic since he was a child, and my psychic skills were only budding. By meeting him, it helped me grow spiritually. I had grown up Catholic, so I had always had faith in a Higher Power, but this was the first time, I actually felt closer to God through the love I felt for my soulmate.

The feelings were too intense between us. He had issues that were coming to the surface, and he ran instead of dealing with them. He had been trying to break up with me for a solid month, but he couldn’t go through with it. He would break up with me, and within minutes be crying in my arms. He couldn’t let me go. At one point he said “I know you are my soul mate, but I don’t understand why it’s not working.” I think he thought that just because I was his soul mate, I was supposed to be the solution to all his problems, but that’s not how it works. Soul mate or not, I was only a human being with my own set of flaws and insecurities. His issues could only be fixed by him. 

One Saturday afternoon, he called me and broke up with me. He said he didn’t love me. He said I didn’t challenge him. He said I wasn’t the woman for him. He said he had met somebody the weekend before (somebody I had been introduced to!) and they clicked with each other. With one phone call, he ended it. Our love was fiery magic, but because our relationship progressed too quickly, we burned everything to the ground. He chose to be with a woman who was not a soul mate, because it was easier. He was a drug addict.

When he was with me, I showed him a reflection of himself that he knew he had to change. With her, she was not holding any mirror in front of him. He could be an addict. He didn’t have to fix anything within himself. She was easy to be with for that reason. Their relationship lasted a year. He called me and told me that it hadn’t worked out. And he said that he wasn’t meant to be in a relationship with anybody. It wasn’t for him. He called me to apologize how he had ended things with me. And no, he didn’t want me back.

In drug-fueled moments, he would call me to see how I was doing. He had chosen drugs over me. And knowing that destroyed me. I changed my number at one point and lost touch with him for good. It was better that way. His sporadic bursts of communication were only putting rubbing alcohol in a gaping wound.

It took me several years to get over him. These connections burn into your skin, your soul, you heart; they brand every cell of your being with love. But when that person is out of your life, the love remains and the heartbreak stays. It’s hell on earth to lose a soul mate. You feel like dying inside. Your whole world turns to blackness. You go through the motions of your existence, but your soul is completely numb. When I think back to the separation, it’s as if I had blacked out. Chunks of time are missing. It’s as if my mind had given up trying to remember all the sadness and loss.

I dated people, and I don’t even remember their names or faces. It was like I wasn’t even there. I do remember I had gone on a first date with a man, and we were hanging out on my couch when I heard somebody tapping at my window. Guess who it was? Awesome, right. Perfect timing for my soul mate to show up. He was just swinging by to say “hi” and see how I was doing.

They always come back when you’re trying to get over them. It’s the push and pull of the energy between each other’s souls. But it sucks. You’re either with me or you’re not, and if you’re not, leave me the fuck alone. There’s nothing worse than loving somebody and trying to get over them, and they’re randomly showing up to check in. “Hiiiiiiiiii”

They love you, but for whatever reason they can’t be with you. And because of that, they can’t stay away. This is why you have to set boundaries. You always have to look out for your own well-being first. If your soul mate wants to be with you, he/she will be with you. It’s as simple as that.

Do not waste time with the confused ones or people you feel you need to prove something to. You’re not a defense attorney. You don’t need to establish a case for somebody to want to be with you. This is a mistake I made with my twin. I kept thinking that I had to prove how incredible a woman I was when were together, and then show him how much I had changed in order to reconcile. I had low self esteem. I didn’t see my worth, so I thought, why would somebody else see it? I had to show it to them.

It wasn’t until I truly loved myself where I said “What the fuck am I doing? I’m awesome. I’m beautiful. I’m smart and funny and I have lots of love to give, and if this idiot can’t see that, that’s his problem.” If somebody is too blind to see what you are, you do not need them in your life, regardless if they are a soul mate or not.

We have many soul mates. If one doesn’t work out, you’ll meet another one. Stop thinking this is your last chance at love, because it’s not. The people who believe that the soul mate who left them was their last chance at happiness are the ones who are right. What you believe is what you will have. If you put it into the universe that you will never love again, then you won’t. Be careful what you wish for.

Go online and Google “soul mate separation”, and you will be amazed by the amount of posts from people who have been suffering for decades over one lost soul mate. Take back the power. It’s your life, not theirs. Don’t let one damaged soul destroy the beauty and goodness of your life. Do you want to give one person the key to your happiness for your entire life? To quote Kanye, “No one man should have all that power.” 

If your soul mate does not want to continue the journey with you, let him/her go with love. Let go or be dragged. Once you get over the pain of the break from them, you will heal, and become stronger than you ever were. And the love you find the next time will be even better. That’s how it works. Every soul mate experience opens our heart more, like a rose blossoming in the garden. These connections heal us, and they help us love deeper and healthier in the end.

Images via Last Light Art by Adam LoRusso

Divine Connections: I Believe in Love

Over the past year, I’ve switched back and forth from label to label, trying to pinpoint my soul connection. Is he a soul mate? Is he a Twin Flame? Is he just the love of my life? What is he to me? Who is he? And it’s taken me much analysis, much research, to realize that love has no labels. And honestly, the universe doesn’t need you to label it.

The universe wants you to trust in the power of the connection and how it will transform you if you allow it. Transformation is an incredible thing: It’s one of the most miraculous, life-changing experiences, but you must have total faith in the process, which can be incredibly difficult.

Love is love. It’s an all-encompassing feeling that fills your whole mind, body, and soul with warmth. Why put a label on something so pure and beautiful? The answer is: You don’t need to, ever.

Everybody has free will in every lifetime. Ultimately, you choose who you want to be with, and labels are nothing but words on paper. Soul connections don’t care about your labels. They honor a whole other set of spiritual rules. Only your ego wants to label this perfect connection that’s been blessed by the universe; and it will drive you absolutely insane trying to figure it out. I suggest you don’t even bother, and leave that nasty ego at the door where it belongs.

Your ego has no clue about the spiritual world, and it’s not supposed to: It has other purposes. It helps shape your personality, but when it comes to dealing with Divine connections, it’s a downright nuisance. Your ego will keep you up at night, wracked with anxiety trying to figure it all out.

“What is happening to me?! Who is this person? Why am I so connected to them? Why is it they are the only person I can think about every waking moment of my life? Why am I being cursed!”: These are all thoughts that will cross your mind at some point after you meet this person. And you’ll desperately search the internet and read books to make sense of it. I did – for months.

You may even spend hundreds of dollars on constant psychic readings, asking if this is an indeed a “soul mate” or a “Twin Flame.” And even if the psychic tells you “Yes, this is your Twin Flame!”, where does that get you? Nowhere. You’re still back in the same situation. Nothing changed, except you fed your greedy little ego for a few temporary moments, and now you’re out $50. How do you feel? The same. In a few days, you start doubting what the psychic said, now here comes the extreme anxiety and fear, greeting you once again like an old friend.

You run back online to do some more research. You may even buy “soul mate” or “Twin Flame” books to really get to the bottom of this. You have to know! “Who is this person who is turning my life upside down! What is the label for this obsession?!”

The vicious cycle continues, and it’s only kept you from what you really need to do, which is to work on YOURSELF, and by not working on yourself, you’re not achieving what the universe wants for you. And if you’re separated from your soul partner, until you’ve worked on yourself, you will not have the chance to reconnect with this person. Some will reconnect, others will not. It all depends on choices of the couple and free will.

If you don’t do the inner work, you’re telling the universe “Nope, I’m not ready to be with him/her!” Until you become a rock,  you can never be somebody else’s rock. The inner work will transform you, and in turn, it will transform the connection. If both partners have the desire to heal, they will come back together to do it.

Call him/her whatever you want. All the labels in the world won’t make it so you don’t have to fix yourself. The universe plays hardball whether you like it or not. You either get on the field with your catcher’s mitt, or you spend the rest of the time sitting on the bench waiting for nothing to happen. Love is all you ever need to believe in. It will change your whole world whether you’re ready or not.

How to Live When You Feel Like Dying Part I: The Twin Flame Connection

For a solid two years since I had met and separated from my Twin Flame, my existence seemed like a nightmare that I could never escape. I would wake up in so much emotional agony every morning that I felt like was dying or wanted to die. It’s not that I wanted to kill myself; it’s just I didn’t want to live in misery anymore. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel pain that deeply.

My heart and soul felt shredded. My stomach was in constant knots. People would try to talk to me, and I couldn’t pay attention to what they were saying. And I lived in silent misery, because the people around me had no idea what I was going through. How could they!

Until you have lived through a Twin Flame connection, you have no clue. You could read a thousand books about Twin Flames and still have no fucking idea. You just don’t know until you have gone through it, period. This is why the experience can feel so lonely and isolating. Because you know if you told somebody about it, they would think you were a crazy, obsessed freakshow, so you don’t say a word. You suffer in silence. And at times, you question if you actually are a crazy, obsessed freakshow. I did many times.

My head was a continuous loop of memories from the past: I thought about him every minute of my day. I only dreamed of him. My world was tinted with reflections of him through all the signs and synchronicities. I felt as if I were Alice in Wonderland, always chasing the elusive White Hare, but never catching him. That was my Twin Flame: He was my White Hare. When I lost him, I fell down the rabbit hole and was taken on a spectacular, magical, and devastating spiritual journey that changed my life forever and opened my eyes to who I was and who I needed to become.

I learned many lessons along the way: relationship lessons, love lessons, and soul lessons. And it was all because of the connection to him.

I cannot emphasize this enough: You will not break the chains that are binding you to your twin in this connection until you learn all the lessons. That feeling of being imprisoned by invisible ties will remain. We must learn our lessons to release ourselves. It is the only way. Cord cutting will not work in this type of connection. Think of the universe as a strict school teacher who won’t let you leave class until you’ve finished your test.

So how do we learn the lessons? We have to become hermits, in a sense. That doesn’t mean we can’t go out and live our lives and enjoy ourselves; it means that we have to find the answers within us through deep introspection. Through that self-reflection, the patterns of our relationships with our families and our lovers will reveal the lessons that the universe wants us to learn and is currently being shown to us by the “Mirror Effect” aka the symbolic mirror our twins are holding up to us to show us what has been holding us back in the way we love and how we receive love.

One lesson that seems to be prevalent within soul connections is: Enmeshment. aka codependency, enmeshment is where you entangle yourself (emotionally and even energetically) in somebody so much that you lose yourself. You only care about what they think, what they want, and you forget about what you want. You will do anything to keep them. You may want to save them. You may want to heal them. You feel as if you no longer exist unless you are together. You think they complete you in some way. You may view yourself as the only person who can help them. At some point in the relationship or even after, you may have stopped caring about yourself and what makes you happy.

Think for a moment how you felt once you and your twin separated: Did you give up living in a sense? Did your whole world crumble because he/she was missing from your life? Did you stop thinking about your own happiness and only focused on your twin and what he/she was doing; what he/she was telling you in dreams; what he/she was communicating to you telepathically; or even what psychic or tarot readings were telling you? Sound familiar? Of course, because we’ve ALL lived it. I lived in a state of emotional/karmic pain, heartbreak, misery, ruin, and hopelessness for two solid years.

You’re thinking: “But he/she is half of my soul! Of course I feel that way! He/she is my Twin Flame!” Yes, and I understand exactly why you feel that way; however, this is exactly how the universe teaches us this lesson. How better to learn this lesson of enmeshment than to face a soul mate who is already literally tethered to your soul! That’s why this lesson is such a bitch to learn. Some lessons are harder than others, but this one is downright brutal. It seems like a cruel joke played on us by the universe. But you have to believe that we were chosen to take on this journey because we are stronger than most.

If I weren’t as strong as I am, I know that at some point, I would have died from it. And I’m sure many of you have felt the same way at times. When our whole word turns to darkness, how do we continue to live? And yet, we do. Because we are stronger than we give ourselves credit, we triumph. The Twin Flame journey may batter and bruise us, but it never defeats us.

The blackness turns to light because we are the chariots of our own destiny. And the love that has been awakened within us by the Divine love we feel for our twin illuminates the world. We are the warriors who make the world spin with Love and Light.

 

 

Mastering Your Own Destiny

One expression that I cannot stand is: “It was meant to be.” And I’ll tell you why I hate that stupid cliché, because it takes away our power; it takes away our free will and our choices. In relationships, we need to stop thinking in terms of “meant to be.” We need to start believing in the strength of our own decisions to create the lives and relationships we desire.

I have met two men in my life who I would’ve sworn on my soul that we were “meant to be”, but we were not. What does that tell you about the feeling that it’s “meant to be?”

Now if we break up with somebody who we truly believe we are meant to be with, how devastated do you think we’d be that we’re no longer together? We think: “If we are meant to be together, then why is he/she gone? What did I do wrong?” As we cry our tears and pour out our hearts to our friends, we tell them: “It was meant to be! We are supposed to be together!” To which they nod their heads and listen to us weep, being the good friends they are.

“Meant to be” holds us back from truly living and in times of separation from people we love, it chains us to our past. I have known many people (and have been one) who are dealing with the loss of a relationship, and they can’t move on, because they believe in “meant to be.” We are told that if something is meant to be, then it will happen, but does that really mean? And in cases where you miss your lost love/Twin Flame/soul mate, having faith that the universe is conspiring to bring you two back together because it’s “meant to be” only creates severe disappointment and feelings of loss.

Getting hung up on what you think the universe is and should be doing for you is the worst thing you can focus on. I wasted two years of my life waiting for something to happen. At one point, I was so angry that nothing was happening, I remember thinking “Fuck the universe.”

I felt betrayed by the universe at times. But it was because I didn’t realize that the power to change my life had been within me all along. It was as if I was stuck in molasses and my life was not moving. Nothing new was coming into it. But what I didn’t realize is that we create the new. And we can only manifest new when we let go of the old.

My mind was trapped in a glass case that held all the memories I had of my Twin Flame, because I couldn’t stop holding on to “meant to be.” “Meant to be” was supposed to bring us back together. I thought: “If something is “meant to be”, then it’s supposed to happen, right? All those soulmate/Twin Flame quotes told me as such. He’s got to come back then. How could he not? We’re Twin Flames. We are connected to each other’s souls. All I see are signs pointing me to him! Then why aren’t we together?”

Once I broke through the illusion of “meant to be”, I understood that free will and destiny create a dance together. Some things are meant to happen: Yes, absolutely. We are meant to meet certain people in our lives: Yes! But what we do with those meetings are our choices as human beings with free will. The people we meet have those choices as well. In a relationship, two people’s choices create the outcome.

“Meant to be” means absolute shit. We were meant to meet for a variety of soul reasons, but that’s where it ends. The future is something that you and the other person form together. And if it doesn’t work out, the universe is more than happy to send us another romantic partner your way, if we are open to love and ready for it. We have many soul mates. We just have to know how to manifest them and believe that we can. And when we are ready, they will appear. Once we stop dwelling on the ideal of “meant to be”, we may find love in the most unexpected places.

Image via Bigg World

A Love Like Heroin: Karmic Relationships

Have you ever met somebody, and you were instantly attracted to each other? Have you ever had a relationship that kept pulling you back when you tried to walk away, even when you knew it was wrong for you? Have you ever loved somebody in an obsessive way that just by being with them felt like a drug? The relationship was like heroin. You needed, not necessarily wanted, them in an unhealthy, dysfunctional way. You obsessed and lusted after them. These are karmic relationships.

Karmic relationships have a magnetism to them to draw you to each other so that one or both of you can learn a lesson. They are similar to soul mate relationships, but the karma is usually negative. There’s an edge to the relationship. It feels off balanced in some way. There are usually red flags, but because the attraction is so great we ignore them. We think “How can it be wrong when it feels so good?”

“Whether we like it or not, the Universal Law of Karma constantly brings before each of us the meeting of our past use of free will and consciousness. Thus, what we have done to other souls and they have done to us is reflected in the circumstances surrounding our present relationships and the basic, innate urges, attitudes and emotions we feel toward each other.” ~ John Van Auken, Soul Life: Past Lives & Present Relationships

One of the most confusing aspects in these relationships is we can easily mistake them for a soulmate because it feels like we’ve known them all our lives. They feel comfortable to us. But think of it this way: What if in another lifetime, you were betrayed by somebody which led to your murder? Well guess what, that’s the same guy you’re sleeping with now and the sex is incredible! You feel like you’ve known him before because you have: in another lifetime.

To balance the karma between you, you have a soul contract with each other to meet in this lifetime. So don’t count on this guy sticking around. He’s not the one you’re going to marry. You will most likely end up sleeping with his best friend and betraying him just as he did to you in a previous lifetime. What goes around, comes around. And it works the other way as well.

One of my harshest karmic relationships (I’ve had many) was with a younger man I only knew for three months. When we were together, we would have lovely conversations about art, literature, and music, all the things I love. He was intelligent and charming. When I was with him, I felt as if we had always been friends. But there were red flags that I didn’t pay attention to. I trusted too easily. I thought I knew him, because it felt like I knew him, but I did not.

He portrayed himself to be somebody he was not. In actuality, he was a heroin addict who had been in and out of treatment programs for years. When he met me, he was trying to make a fresh start. I didn’t know any of this. I found out later when he had totaled my car and stole my credit card, social security card, and my roommate’s checks, which he had his new junkie girlfriend cash. He had a criminal record for stealing his ex-girlfriend’s money.

This person whom I thought so fondly of didn’t exist. He was nothing but a liar and a thief. Drugs may have fueled his bad behavior, but deep down, he wasn’t a good person. He used me for whatever he could, and then disappeared in a puff of smoke. And I’m sure he will do it again and again to other women.

I believe to this day that in some other lifetime, I had wronged him in some way. But besides that, he taught me a lesson about being too trusting. I’m the type of person who always sees the good in people. This was teaching me that I had to be careful who I let into my life. All that glitters is not always gold.

I had a psychic read my cards about this karmic connection, and she called him a “snake charmer.” She said that I had beat myself about allowing a toxic person into my heart, but it wasn’t my fault. She told me “Snake charmers fool everybody.” I had another psychic cut the energetic cords that were binding us together, so the karma between us would be finished.

Often times, karmic relationships teach us lessons about codependency. What feels like love is need. And need is not love. One of the ways in which these lessons are learned is by creating scenarios of unrequited love: You want to be with this person; they don’t, and vice versa. Somebody always loves more; somebody is always heartbroken in the end. In a codependent relationship, the more you give, the more the other takes. The relationship is unbalanced. You think by giving them everything, they will love you more, but it usually works the opposite way. Ain’t that a bitch?

Now the universe will keep throwing these shitty one-sided relationships at you until you learn the lesson. I used to tell my friends “All I attract are addicts and alcoholics!” And the reason for that was the universe was trying to teach me a lesson about being codependent. I would lose myself in my relationships and make it solely about the other person.

Addicts and alcoholics are naturally self-centered: It’s part of their affliction. Being in a relationship with one, it’s all about their problems. This is why they subconsciously seek out codependent people to be their partners. And all I wanted to do was focus on them, so it was the perfect dysfunctional, karmic match! So to learn my lesson about giving too much of myself, the universe had to beat me over the head by sending several addicts and alcoholics my way.

If all you attract is a specific type of shitty person, there’s probably a lesson to be learned. Once you learn the lesson, the spell breaks, but learning the lesson is difficult. It usually takes time and several karmic relationships to do it.

People always ask me “How do I attract good people into my life to have healthy relationships?” The answer I give is: “You have to be healthy to attract healthy!” If you’re damaged, you will attract damaged partners. If you don’t love yourself, you will only meet people who don’t love you, or are incapable of showing you their love. In the Law of Attraction, they say “Like attracts like. Lack attracts lack.” When you are of strong mind, body, and soul, you attract others who are. That’s how it works! Only you can break your relationship patterns.

If you’re sick of karmic relationships and want a commitment that’s lasting and solid, start by performing my “Out of the Funk, Into the Love” full moon ritual to release the relationship residue from the past. Out with the old, in with the new. You can do it any time, but full moons are the most powerful periods of the month to “take out the garbage”, so to speak.

Once you’ve done that, start a journal and jot down your relationship patterns. What has been the connecting thread in most of your relationships? How do you show love? How have your exes shown love to you? Once you start recognizing the repeating themes in your relationships, you will see the lessons. And learning the lessons are half the battle.

Image via Fashiontography

 

Love is Love: Breaking Through False Beliefs

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”-  Pablo Neruda

Love is emotion. Love is energy. Love is inside us. Love is beautiful. Love is more powerful than hate. Love is life-changing. Love connects us to our souls. Love connects us to each other. Love is all-encompassing. Love heals. Love transforms. Love breaks down walls. Love is the magic of the universe. Love is our life force.

Love is not hard. Love is not obsession. Love does not hurt. Love is not pushed onto somebody else. Love is not marriage. Love is not monogamy. Love is not possession. Love is not jealousy. Love is love.

Soul mates and Twin Flames teach each other how to love without expectations and to love themselves. When I separated from my twin, I was overwhelmed with feelings of love and Divine ecstasy. Love beat rapidly from my chest; it lit my heart on fire as my heart chakra opened for the first time. I loved him more than I had ever loved anybody. But this was a different love than I had ever felt.

I loved him, and I loved the sky. I loved the sunlit trees. I loved the flowers and the flock of birds flying over me in a perfect choreography, as if they were dancing a ballet only they knew. I loved the world around me. And sometimes that world was so exquisite and enchanting to me that I would find myself breaking down, sobbing. Tears ran down my face because I realized how beautiful the world was around me. My spiritual awakening lifted the veil that had been covering my eyes for 36 years. It showed me that the universe is pure magic, but we’re all just too blind to see it.

The love I felt for my twin had filled my body with so much love that it made me feel closer to God and the universe. I felt connected to everything. And I knew that was all because of the love I had for him.

He had pulled a love from inside of me, so deep and powerful like an ocean wave from my soul, that it completely transformed me. It made me realize that I had never known true love. This was not just romantic love, this was something on a whole other level. This was Divine love. My soul loved his soul. And I knew that his soul loved mine. It was all that simple.

It didn’t matter that we weren’t together. It didn’t matter that he refused to talk to me, or that he was upset with me for ruining our budding relationship. None of it mattered. That was all ego. That was all surface problems. What we had was a spiritual connection, and with that connection came a love that changed my life and who I was forever. And it was all because of something so simple and wonderful as love.

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All the Signs That Bind You: Twin Flame Connections

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin’ out the scenery, breakin’ my mind

Signs – Five Man Electrical Band

 

One of the most confusing, and downright annoying aspects of the Twin Flame connection are the never ending signs or what is known as synchronicity. Synchronicity is when you experience two or more coincidental occurrences that are linked to another. I refer to this phenomenon as “signs.”

The signs were the absolute worst part for me, because we had already separated, and all I wanted was to stop missing him. I wanted to get on with my life without him. I was consumed by thoughts of only him. I could not escape from the connection no matter how hard I tried.

There was a not a day that went by where I didn’t see or hear his name numerous times. He lived in New York City, and suddenly it seemed as if the roads were filled with cars with New York license plates. People were constantly having conversations about New York. Everybody I met was from New York. Any time I heard somebody’s cell phone go off around me, you could guarantee that they would mention New York during the conversation.

I would go to a bar and see people who looked like him. There were times I would see license plates with one word on them, and the word would resonate for me, because it brought back a memory of a moment we had shared together. It was the craziest thing, but it happened all the time. Everything around me reminded me of him. And it was overwhelming as hell. I would try to explain the signs to my closest friends, but people had no idea what it was like, because they had never experienced it. They listened to me, but they probably thought I was under stress from a broken heart and imagining it.

How do you get over somebody when you’re constantly shown how connected you are to each other? You don’t! The universe was chasing me. I didn’t understand why everything around me was about my twin. Everything in my world led back to him, but why? It gave me hope that we would reconnect, and that hope almost killed me. I thought “How could I see so many signs of this man that I love and would do anything to have him back for it not to mean that we will be together again? How is that even possible?” Unfortunately, it is.

all the signs that bind youI have read many stories of Twin Flame separations where one twin experiences these seemingly coincidental signs. No matter how much they try to run from the soul connection, they are continuously reminded of it by the universe through all the synchronicity. From my personal situation, the more I tried to “run” or forget the connection, the more I would see signs.

Let’s look at this piece of the puzzle from a spiritual standpoint first: The reason why you met your twin was to conquer all those deep issues that both of you had been carrying all your lives. That is the whole purpose. It does not matter if you end up married, living in the suburbs with three kids and a Golden Retriever. That’s not how the connection works.

The outcome of your romantic relationship is not a priority; it is only secondary to each other’s healing. The relationship outcome is dependent on you and your twin’s personal choices. So you see more signs when you’re trying to escape the connection, because the connection is what heals you. The universe wants you to heal. That’s all it cares about.

If he/she is no longer in your life due to separation, the only way you’ll fix yourself is to be reminded of that person. It’s the equivalent of the “Mirror Effect” where they reflect your issues back to you and vice versa, as if both of you are holding up mirrors. In my case, I faced my issues because my connection to him held me captive until I did. There were also lessons that I was supposed to learn. And once I learned those lessons, the chains that energetically bound me to him dissolved.

If you are in the midst of a Twin Flame connection, and you are experiencing signs, use them as a learning tool. Every time you see his/her name or a sign pointing you to them, think “What do I need to change about myself? What is the universe trying to help me heal?” The one mistake you need not to make is to think that these signs are a premonition of what’s to come in the future for you and your twin. I wasted months into years thinking my love would come back to me because of all the signs, and he never did. It was one of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn:  As much as we don’t want to believe it, sometimes we love our soul mates more than they love us.

New Moon Peacock Spell to Find a Soulmate

Since the New Moon is approaching (January 30), I created a spell to manifest a romantic soulmate. This is a spell for somebody who is serious about meeting a life partner. If you have any baggage or emotional issues from a past relationship, I highly recommend not doing this particular spell. Cast this spell when the timing feels right. If you have issues, work on yourself first.

Manifesting a soulmate is no joke. Make sure you know what you’re asking for because meeting a soulmate will rock your world. You are asking the Universe to send you a soul connection. This is somebody with whom you have shared past lives.

It is one of the deepest connections you can have with a person, because you have met them many times before in previous lifetimes. You will trigger each other’s issues; you will help each other grow. However, personal growth is not all hearts and roses: In fact, growth can be quite painful at times. One has to understand how soulmate love has been romanticized, losing its true meaning over the years. This is a spiritual connection first, a romantic relationship second.

If you’re not ready to love, if you’re not ready to be loved, and if you don’t love yourself, meeting a soulmate can be hell on earth. This is a spell for people who are truly ready for a loving relationship.

What you will need:
2 red candles
1 pink candle
2 peacock feathers
1 chunk of raw rose quartz (the bigger, the better)
rose oil
lavender incense
sea salt

Before you cast the spell
The first step is washing your hands with sea salt and water. As you scrub the salt on to your hands, envision cleansing yourself of any pain from past relationships. You are wiping the slate clean for new love to enter your life. Rinse your hands.

Next, you will take a few drops of rose oil and anoint the candles. To anoint a candle, you will be starting from the center and working up. Once half the candle is anointed with oil, you finish coating the bottom half by starting in the center and working down. As you do this, think of you filling the candle with love. You can even say “I am filling this candle with the love of the Universe.”

Now, you will light the lavender incense to cleanse the space in which you will be casting your spell. Think of the smoke clearing away all the negative energy. It’s a way of “cleaning house” before your spell.

Write down your prayer of intention. These are words you are going to say out loud as you cast your spell. Be clear. I cannot stress this enough. There is a saying: “Be careful what you wish for.” You are basically wishing during a spell. Make sure you cover all the bases. Saying you want a relationship could mean many things. You may meet somebody and become friends with them only, because you didn’t specify what type of relationship you wanted. The Universe is funny that way. It takes your words literally.

Tell the Universe what you are seeking in a partner. Go into as much detail as you want about this soulmate. Word it in the “present” tense, as if you are already with this person. For example, instead of saying “I want a loving relationship”, say “I am in a loving relationship.” Tell the Universe what type of relationship you have with this soulmate. Visualize it in your head to help you.

Casting your spell
Take a few deep breaths. Center yourself. If you’re feeling stressed or anxious, meditate for a few minutes. Envision your ritual space in the middle of a circle. The circle is protected from all energy except who what type of energy you choose to invite in. Say out loud “Archangel Michael and all the Archangels, please keep my circle protected. May only the highest of Love, Light, and Wisdom enter my circle.” There are different ways to cast a circle. This is the method I use when casting mine.

You will now call in any deities into your circle. I personally believe in God, so I call in “God.” However, you may feel more comfortable calling in “gods or goddesses” or other “Ascended Masters.” Whomever you pray to, is who you will invite into your circle. I also invite in my Angels and Spirit Guides of Love and Light.

Position your candles. The first red candle represents you. The second red candle represents your soulmate. You are going to face these across from each other. Place the pink candle in the middle. The pink candle represents LOVE. This is the love that you two will have together in your relationship.

Now, take the chunk of rose quartz and place it next to the pink candle. The rose quartz will raise the power of the spell. Rose quartz attracts love. Next, you will place your two peacock feathers next to the candles. One feather represents you. The other represents your soulmate. Peacock feathers are used in magick, because the “eye” on the feather symbolizes the “third eye.” It’s also known as your brow or sixth chakra. The third eye sees everything. It sees what your normal eyes do not. Think of you and your soulmate opening your “eyes” to find each other.

Say your prayer of intention out loud. You may chant it once, or as many times as you see fit. It’s your personal preference. This is your spell. Make it whatever you want it to be. At the end of your prayer of intention, say “Please bring this soulmate to me as long as Free Will allows. So mote it be.” Then light the candles and burn them all the way down.

Once you light the candles, it will be time to close down your circle. Thank all the deities, Angels, and Spirit Guides whom you have invited into your circle. Then ask them to leave your circle, as the spell has been cast, and the circle must be closed.

Keep your candles lit until they burn down on their own. Be safe. If you need to leave the house or go to bed, snuff out the candles, do not blow them out. Fire safety is a priority. It will not affect the power of the spell if you have to snuff them out and re-light them later. As long as you burn down the candles, the spell will be effective.

Once the spell is cast, do not think about it. Let the Universe do its work. Enjoy your life. Have faith. Let life happen. Don’t try to hold on too tightly to how it happens. Trust that everything will work out for the highest good.

I cast mine this past weekend, and this is what it looked like. I added some tarot cards to the spell, but it’s not required. Do whatever comes naturally. If there is something you think you should add to the ritual, by all means, do it! The key to spellwork is adding elements that will help you envision your desire happening. It’s similar to a vision board in that regard.

I Was a Twin Flame Runner: My Story

Last year, in the midst of my Twin Flame journey when I was in the deepest agony, I turned to a now defunct website devoted to Twin Flames called Twin Soul Revelations for support. It was run by a woman named Skye, who closed that site and opened another called Mirror Spirits. She writes quite extensively on the subject of Twin Souls aka Twin Flames. She knew I was a Runner in my Twin Flame connection, so she asked me to write a piece from the Runner’s perspective. She was kind enough to publish it on her blog under my pseudonym, Belladonna.
Recently, I was trying to locate a copy of it, and Googled to see if it was available online so I could post it here. I was surprised that it had been spread to several websites. However, my name is unlisted. This is my story, and I stand by every word I wrote. People need to know what it’s like to be the Runner in a Twin Flame connection. They need to understand how it feels, and how blinded by fear they are. They need to see how a Runner choses fear over love, because that’s all they’ve ever known.
 
I will be posting more on the topic of Twin Flames, and the Runner/Chaser dynamic. I have been both. I was the Runner, then something changed, and I became the Chaser. My twin is currently running from the connection, but most importantly, he’s running from himself.
 
This is my story:
i was a twin flame runner

I am a Runner. I ran from the connection. It literally took me 6 months to even see that I was the one who was running. What you have to understand about the Runner is they are in absolute agony, and they are being pulled by the energy of the connection, which is absolutely maddening.

I felt my own pain, but I also felt my Twin Soul’s pain. It was a feeling of panic. I would wake up with it, and it was the most awful feeling. The only way I can describe it is waking up from a sound, peaceful sleep and in a matter of seconds, you feel extreme anxiety and this ungodly feeling of loss. Your heart is actually hot and it pounds; your chest is sweating. It’s the sensation of a nightmare where you’re being chased, only you’re awake. That’s how I would wake up every morning.  

Combined with feeling his pain and emotions, I was also feeling this incredible pull towards him. Everything in my body was telling me that I need to be with this man. But, something was telling me inside that I was not ready. Something was telling me I needed to really look hard at myself and my issues and fix myself, so what happened with my Twin Soul would never happen again.

I knew that even if he called me and told me how much he missed and loved me, I would still be a mess. There would never be a happily ever after until I did the work on myself. So I ran. And by running, I dove further into myself (if that makes sense) to fix what was broken inside me.

I stopped going out with my friends and became a hermit. I worked and came home, and that’s it. I was in an emotional coma. I was dealing with the loss of my Twin Soul, the strong energies that were pulling me to him, his pain, my own pain, and to top it all off, I was going through a spiritual awakening: I was a mess.
i was a twin flame runnerBut I also knew this was my time to fix all my issues. I knew I had to run and be myself to do it. I love my Twin Soul so much that I didn’t want him to have to deal with me until I had fixed myself. So I disappeared. I took myself off Facebook, and I became a ghost. I honestly didn’t even know I was running from him.
 
In the meantime, I saw signs every day telling me that this connection to him was the real deal. I felt chased by the Universe. I kept thinking “Please leave me alone! I’m just trying to get over him, and you’re making this really hard!” In my head, I thought he was the one who had run out on me. That’s how crazy these connections can make you. The energy is so strong that you feel like you’re going insane.
It wasn’t until April/May 2012, when I had the realization that I was the one who had run, and I was the one who was still running. I saw everything clearly and I thought about our fight and the way things had played out. And I realized that I couldn’t deal with the intensity of the connection anymore, so I said “If you want me gone, I’m gone.”

I saw it as me giving him an out because I thought that’s what he wanted, but he didn’t. He ended up taking the out because he thought I wanted it. We mirrored each other’s fears. I’m sure by forcing his hand to end it, I broke his heart. I hurt him, but I hurt myself, too, in unfathomable ways. Even as spiritually awakened as I was, I couldn’t see the forest through the trees. I couldn’t see that I was the one who had ended it. I couldn’t see that I was running.

Runners leave the relationship out of fear. They are scared to death. They are frightened of the intense love they feel for their Twin Soul. They are so terrified that this feeling of love is one-sided that they high-tail it out of the relationship as fast as their sneakers can take them! But where does this fear come from? The fear comes from deep-seated issues that have plagued this person for not only all of this lifetime, but previous lifetimes.
This is what is meant by “karma.” Karma is soul memory. In our past lives, we experience many things that will teach us lessons. These lessons can come in the form of losing the loves of our lives, being abandoned, betrayal by somebody we love, or even somebody killing us, and the soul never forgets. The pain of all those things resonates within us, until we do the work to clear and heal the karma and the issues, once and for all, which is exactly what Twin Soul connections do.

 

But nothing about the process is easy. It’s incredibly painful. It truly is a blessing, but it will feel like a curse sometimes. It’s the universe’s way of fixing us. With extreme pain, comes change and transformation. During these separations, only until you have seen the darkness will you see the sun. It is something that we must accept as we move through this spiritual journey.
By meeting the Twin Soul, a mirror is held up in front of the Runner’s eyes, and they can see everything that is wrong with them. All those issues of self-love, abandonment, codependency, etc., come to the surface. Suddenly, this person sees their issues, issues that they’ve avoided for possibly lifetimes, and it’s terrifying, so they run, run, run. They don’t even know what they’re running from. They just know they need to get out. And by getting out, they leave their Twin Soul behind. Many of you may blame your Runners for walking out on you, starting new relationships, and rejecting one of the most Divine unions a person can ever be blessed to have, but you have to realize that this is all part of their journey to find themselves. They cannot be with you until they do that.
Some people aren’t as spiritually enlightened, so it’s going to take them longer to find their way back to you. Some people will try to distract themselves any way they can (relationships, drugs, alcohol, etc.) so they don’t have to face their issues, but trust me, they don’t have a choice. They can put it off, but it will happen. You can’t fight the universe.
When I ran from my Twin Soul, I loved him more than I loved myself, because I didn’t know how to love myself, which was one of my issues. True love must come from within before you can give it to another person. You have to love yourself first, or a relationship will never work between you two. There is no way around it either: Once the energies between Twin Souls become unbalanced, you separate, and the universe forces you to balance the energies, whether you like it or not. The only way to come back together is for each of you to work on yourself separately. Only through inner love and happiness will a reconnection take place.
In the meantime, you have to accept that they are on a personal journey, and you can’t blame them or feel that they’ve abandoned you. They haven’t. It all goes deeper than it seems. What you see on the surface is a person who has left you because they don’t care about you, but if you look into the spiritual side, you will see they have left because they love you so much that they have to become stronger just so they can handle the firestorm of love and emotions they truly feel.
They have to be able to look at you aka their “Mirror”, and like what they see. Some of them aren’t ready to do that. Some of them haven’t found the love within themselves yet. And some of them have a deep soul knowing that they’re not ready to be with you. It’s okay. Let them find themselves. And if that involves having other relationships, you must accept it is a part of their journey, as difficult as that may be.
No pushing on your part will ever make them come back. They will come back when it’s time. The only thing you can do is do the inner work, find peace amidst the chaos, and balance amidst the pain and pull of the connection, and love yourself. Loving yourself is the key to surviving this Divine connection. Without love in your heart, you will only experience pain. And ultimately, the pain will keep you from reconnecting. Love will bring you back to each other. And if it doesn’t happen in this lifetime, love will always bring you back to your true SELF.