How to Live When You Feel like Dying Part 3: Soul Connection Trauma

 

Written By Monique Colette

Soul Connection Trauma

I have been through what you’re going through now. I understand the agony, the ungodly, unrelenting energetic chaos, the pull of your soul to theirs, the non-stop recurring dreams of them, the signs everywhere that only remind you of them, the heart chakra pain, the anxiety, the depression, and the feeling that you will never get through this. I want you to know that you will. But it’s going to take work on your part. You can’t give into it. You can’t wait for happiness. You have to create it yourself.

Once you meet a soul connection, your life will never be the same: It shatters you, turns you inside out, changes your cellular DNA, awakens your spiritual gifts, forces you to face your demons, unveils your shadow, drags you through a Dark Night of the Soul that will feel like death, opens your eyes to synchronicity, clears your karma, heals you, and leaves you sobbing in a pool of tears, praying to God to make the pain and ultimately, the bond to your twin go away. Your friends and family won’t understand what you’re going through. You will feel judged and ashamed that you can’t just move on and starting dating random people. You will feel crazy and obsessed. You will feel delusional. You will feel emotionally unbalanced. You will feel like a walking ball of electricity. You will read everything you can about Twin Flames and soul mates, and you still won’t have a clue what you’re experiencing. Nothing will make sense.

You won’t want to kill yourself, but you don’t want to live, so you end up existing. You will wake up every day and it will feel like a curse. You will swear at the Universe/God for destroying the life you used to know. You will resent people who are in easy regular relationships. When you tell somebody you love this person, they will tell you it’s time to move on. They will tell you it’s not meant to be. You will fall into a deeper depression. It will feel like an abyss that you’re stumbling into and nothing can stop you from falling deeper. You wonder how far you are from hitting bottom. You’ve always considered yourself a sexual person, but now the thought of having casual sex with somebody makes you nauseous. So where do you go from here? You have two options: You can allow this spiritual journey destroy you, or you can let it strengthen and change you. You have all the power, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

I am not like other bloggers/Twin Flame experts: I will not tell you what you want to hear. I don’t believe in Twin Flame magical thinking, because I know how destructive it can be. I don’t believe that a spiritual connection gives you a reason to wait for reunion. I don’t think a connection should ever interfere with your happiness. I have seen enough blogs and stories of people who spend years pining over a Twin Flame to know how detrimental this is to a person’s well being and ultimate quality of life. Even if this person is the other half of your soul (if that’s your belief), what happens to you when your twin isn’t ready? What happens to you when they don’t want to be part of your life? What happens to you when they don’t feel the connection the way you do? What happens to your life? Now let’s say you believe that they’re “running”, so you blame them. You think “they’re not ready, because they fear love and they don’t believe they are worthy. They don’t want to do the work. They don’t want to spiritually awaken. They’re in another relationship because it’s easy. They’re not even happy with this person, but they stay because they’re scared of the connection we have.” Okay, that’s fine if you believe this, but now what? Where does this leave you? Ask yourself “What am I doing to improve my life? What am I doing to bring joy into my life without my twin?” If you can’t answer or don’t know, then you have work to do. It’s time to put the focus back on you.

Since the Universe is made up entirely of energy, you have to learn how to work with the Universal Laws. If you focus all your time and energy on this spiritual connection, you will only push the person away and stagnate the energy of the connection you have with them. Basically you have to do the opposite of what feels right. Since the energy of a Twin Flame connection is so powerful and intense, your instinct is to only think and worry about them. But the more you think about them, the more obsessed you will become, and the less the energy between you two will flow. The only way to stop obsessing is to create outlets to pour your energy into. The goal is to pull away the energy from your Twin Flame, so you are able to dive into your passions and focus on your life purpose, whatever that may be.

You have been awakened by your twin, so that you will begin your mission. This mission may be spiritual, but it doesn’t have to be. It could be as simple as “you need to start writing”, or “you need to create a community of people with shared interests.” But it could also be “you need to become a healer, so you can heal others”, or “you need to become a yoga teacher to help people spiritually connect.” Your mission is unique. A spiritual obsession with your twin will only keep you distracted from this mission. If you are currently feeling this obsession, it’s okay. Be gentle with yourself. You can slowly pull your energy away from them, which will release the obsession. It may take time, but you can do it. Don’t get discouraged and be patient with your progress.

You may ask “But what about them? I want to be with them in a physical relationship?’ I want to be in union.” This is understandable. The more you balance your energy, which requires lots of grounding and the more you focus on you, that’s when the energy between you and your twin starts moving again. At this point, there will be a chance of reunion. In many cases, twins choose to stay separated. In those instances, a new soul connection will come into your life, and believe it or not, the relationship can be just as fulfilling. Another soul connection will feel like home, just as you felt with your twin. It may not be the same love, but it will be just as beautiful and Divine. Trust in what the Universe has in store for you. But at this point, you don’t have to worry about any of this. The only thing you have to start working on is your energy and yourself. That’s it. Release your fears to the Universe. Ask your Spirit Guides and Angels to take away your anxiety and sleepless nights. Let them handle the heavy stuff. Your goal at this time needs to be refocusing your energy on you and finding your passions and creating new ones. This is how you rebuild on an energetic level after devastation and trauma.

My yoga teacher always says “no rush” in the most calming, soothing voice, particularly during our flow, where everything naturally speeds up. And I think about that phrase outside of class from time to time, when I feel stress and want to rush, or I have that fight or flight anxious feeling. Use those words as your mantra in your journey. Cultivating patience with yourself and your healing is important. There is no rush. You are exactly in the right place at the right time at all times. Do not compare your journey with others. Embrace your spiritual path. It is as beautiful and special as you. Whatever you need, ask the Universe to provide, and if you believe, it will naturally flow to you.

If you are currently dealing with a twin flame connection and need help navigating it, book a Twin Flame Connection Reading or Energy Balancing Session with us here:  http://awakenedqueen.com/twin-flame-connection/

We are here to help you with whatever you are dealing with.  Find out if reconnection is possible or how you can move on. We can guide you in any situation, no matter how difficult and complex it may seem.

Sweet Surrender: The Twin Flame Journey

When I was dealing with my Twin Flame connection, the advice that I was constantly given was to “let go” and “surrender.” My grandmother, who is a Shamballa Reiki healer/medium, advised me to “let go, let God” when I told her about separating from my soul connection. But how do you let go when you care so much? How do you suddenly tell yourself that you’re not going to worry about it when it’s all you can think about and when everything around you is showing you how connected you are to this other person? How is it even possible to surrender?

In my experience, the more I tried to surrender, the harder it became. I couldn’t let him go, no matter how much I wanted to. It was as if I was under a love spell that I couldn’t break. It tormented me all day into the night; and that’s how I lived for two years. I just accepted it as a way of life and pretended to be happy around my family and friends. I knew that I had to surrender it to the Universe and trust that everything that was meant to be for the highest good would be, but it was impossible.

Surrender is not something you can force, it just happens. What I discovered is we reach a point where we bottom out; we’re incapable of feeling more pain and loss. All the tears have dried up, and we have nothing left of our emotions to give. It is when we discover that our ultimate happiness and well-being are more important than another person, regardless of how connected we are to them, that we find release and freedom again.

It’s the equivalent of coming to a point in a battle where we can’t go on any further, because we know we are no match for our opponent, in this case, the Universe. We wave our white flag and surrender once and for all. We finally let go of the outcome. And we trust that everything will work out for the highest good, but we also accept that we may or may not end up with our twins. We reach a point where it no longer matters; our meticulously structured fairy tale ending we had once dreamed about fades, and a bright optimism about the endless possibilities of the future take shape.

We were once caged birds, and now we are free to fly again. A new life begins. Doors open. Opportunities present themselves. Loving souls come into our lives. We no longer worry about what will be, and we stop trying to plan out our lives, because we have learned that it is a losing battle. Whatever will be, will be.

As John Lennon said “Life happens when you’re busy making other plans.”

From Torment to Butterflies: Forgiving Yourself

In life, we tend to hold on too tightly to what we have done and that which was done to us. Because we can’t let go of the past and all the hurts, we destroy the love we have for ourselves. One of the most powerful actions we can take is to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we have made.

If you carry the pain of yesterday, you will only feel burden. You have to let it all go; all the stagnant emotions left over from the past, the disappointment, the “what ifs”, and the regret. And the only way to release it, is to forgive yourself first.

During my spiritual/Twin Flame journey, I made many mistakes. I didn’t make sensible decisions. I let fear guide my actions; I let anxiety keep me from seeing situations clearly. I didn’t listen to my intuition. I lost friendships. I lost my twin. I hurt him. I hurt myself. I felt as if it was all my fault. Waking up each day felt like a living nightmare. How could I go on knowing that I had created the separation and done all this damage to a wonderful connection?

Over the course of two years, I tore myself apart with regret. I hated myself. And through the disdain and resentment of myself, I had to take a hard look at who I was as a person and recognize my deep-seated issues that had been bubbling to the surface for years. I worked hard to try to heal the broken pieces. But the pain of losing somebody I loved and knowing I was to blame shredded me. It had been a choice that I had made but would never stop regretting. All I did was blame myself and live in my own prison of self-flagellation and negative thinking. 

At one point, I realized I needed to forgive myself. I thought “What’s done is done. I cannot change the past as much as I am dying to. I have to accept the present. I have to forgive what I did.” And then I thought “I did the best I could. I am not perfect. I was damaged, and I needed healing.”

That night before bed, I created an affirmation for myself. I exclaimed “I forgive myself. I forgive myself for hurting him. I forgive myself for hurting me. I forgive myself, and I let it go to be healed.” After I had said it all, I cried. I let it all out, every molecule of hurt that I had been carrying with me, all the regret, and I let all of it go.

Forgiving myself was the first step in an incredibly painful, eye-opening journey. It helped me become the person that I am today. It helped me love myself. You cannot love yourself if you hate yourself. Carrying regret for one’s actions only leads to self-hate.

You are not perfect. I am not perfect. Once you accept the imperfections, you let love in. When you let love into yourself, you attract love. All the pain of yesterday is transformed by the love you have for yourself. That is how powerful love is. Love turns torment into butterflies.

 

What You Need to Know About the Twin Flame Connection

Twin Flames meet to heal and transform each other. That is their only purpose. The universe doesn’t care if you have a romantic relationship with each other. You are contracted to meet. What you do with that meeting is between you and your twin. Through free will, each is given the choice to heal or not. Some may choose to stay despite the rollercoaster of emotions and intense love and heal. Some may choose to run away and never come back and not heal.

In the case of my twin, he closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see. That was the message given to me by Spirit. I desperately wanted to heal his wounded soul, but he didn’t want that. Healing his emotional karma meant that he would have to do introspection and inner work, and he chose not to. His life consists of parties and friends; he engages in anything that will distract him from having to look at himself.

Once we separated, he built a wall between us, so he would be able to block me out forever. And it worked. After a few attempts over the past two years on my part to communicate with him, he ignored me. The rejection almost killed me.

Through his rejection of me, I was pushed into the depths of my soul to face my deepest, most painful issues. I was forced to look within and fix the broken pieces of myself. I spent what seemed like an eternity healing my emotional/karmic wounds. I thought the process would never end.

I grew increasingly more depressed and anxious, trying to repair all the damaged parts of myself, with the hopes that through my healing, my twin would heal himself and we would get back together. It never happened. And it will most likely never happen in this lifetime.

I have finally come to a point where I am completely content with that thought. He has chosen his path, and all I can do is to respect his choice. I have chosen my path as well. He wouldn’t be happy with the type of deep love that I wish to have with a man. And I wouldn’t be happy with the type of surface love that he seeks. He is too damaged to truly love somebody. I am healed and ready to love with every cell of my being. Our paths are different.

I see the type of woman he has chosen as a girlfriend, and it’s made me realize who he is. It was the one thing I had never been able to see in the situation. With Twin Flames, you fall in love with their souls first. I loved his soul, and because of that I assumed I knew the type of person he was. I was under the impression, he was authentic, but he was the furthest thing from that.

He tries to be everything he’s not, because he is too wounded to be his true self. Hurt people are frightened to show people who they truly are. He hides his emotions and wears “masks.” For a brief moment in time, he showed me his true self, but it was fleeting. And once he hid it again, I desperately tried to bring it back, but he wouldn’t allow it. That was the beginning of the end for us.

During our fight, I called him out on it. I told him he that he was full of shit, and he tried to pretend he didn’t have feelings for me when he did. I basically said he tried to be somebody he was not so he wouldn’t have to be himself. This is what Twin Flames do to each other: they stir up the shit. They try to make each other see what needs to be fixed. I was basically holding up a mirror to him, saying “You need to fix this about yourself.”

There were mistakes I made that night, and I have forgiven myself. Flying off the handle is never the way to deal with a situation. Pushing somebody to be their authentic selves, or even pushing them to heal themselves is never the solution.

The experience made me learn many lessons about myself, as well as dealing with other people. You can’t make somebody do something they don’t want to do. He did not want to heal. And he didn’t want to give me a chance to help him heal. His soul had made a choice. There was no changing that.

I am sick of reading post after post on Twin Flame relationships, where the twin is pining after the other for years and years, and there is no talk of anything new. Where are the stories about how the twins never came back together, but they found happiness with other people? Does it ever happen? Nobody knows, because nobody ever writes about new relationships. By what I’ve gathered from reading stories online, apparently, you meet your twin, and if it doesn’t work out, you’re screwed, doomed to be alone for the rest of your life. That’s far from the truth, but by the lack of information on the internet, that’s what would they would lead you to believe.

Blog after blog, article after article, it’s the same bullshit: Somebody met their twin; it was love at first sight. Everything was heaven on earth, but then something happened and they split apart. Now one of the twins is in complete agony from the separation and the other one is living life, having romantic relationships, totally unaffected. Sound familiar?

From what I’ve seen, and I’ve read everything there is on Twin Flames, the internet is inundated with only the romantic elements of the Twin Flame journey without any of the reality. Nobody ever mentions getting back together after a Twin Flame separation. And nobody discusses new relationships. So what, you just crawl into a ball after you separate from your twin and die alone?? All the stayers turn into Miss Havisham, waiting for a phone that will never ring, or the return of a twin that will never happen? Give me a fucking break.

Part of the reason why this connection is so difficult, is because there is so little comfort or information available. It seems as if every Twin Flame blog I go to, is just a bunch of copied and pasted crap from somewhere else. Nobody has anything new to say about it. It leads me to believe that the people who are writing about this specific connection have no clue what they’re talking about; or they have never experienced the phenomenon but are trying to to make money by writing about it or by advertising their “Twin Flame” readings.

Let me tell you one thing about “Twin Flame” readings, Spirit will only give you the information they want you to know at that time. In the midst of one of these connections, it’s best to look within for the answers, or connect with a Reiki or shamanic healer to guide you and heal your energetic blockages along the way.

During this particular journey: Tarot readings are not the answer. I love tarot cards, but these connections go too deep for you to be able to get a good reading. The energy between the twins fluctuates so much and so sporadically that your readings will never be entirely accurate. Trust me on this one. I tried reading for myself, as well as getting tarot readings by one of the best psychics in my city for two years, and there were many times, both of us got it wrong.

In my experience, my Reiki shamanic healer, Maura, was able to help me the most.

Maura has saved my life many times during this incredibly heart-wrenching process. She was the one who was able to clear out the last of the negative energy and pain that I had been holding on to since the end of 2011. She is available for distance healing if any of you are looking for a healer who can help them. I highly recommend an intuitive healing session with her. My life would never be the same without her. If you are unable to book an appointment with her, seek out a Reiki healer. It is one of the best decisions I ever made during my spiritual journey.

If you are going through a Twin Flame or soul mate connection and you have questions about the journey, please feel free to contact me through this blog. I will be happy to talk to you about your specific situation and give you some guidance. Love yourself and be kind to yourself.

The one line that I have said to myself to help me heal the past and let it go is:
“I did the best I could being the person I was at that time.”

Image via Last Light Art by Adam LoRusso