waves in my brain crash against the edge of my skull a dimming lull
sometimes i recall the way you say
about steamed breath
flooding my ears
thinnest part of me
ear to collar
tiny mountains rise
at the edge
of our ecstasy
our shadows wait
to greet us
i’m here to feel
merge with mine
i don’t know you yet
i feel your sweat
fill each of my pores
i accept death.
decayed fingers grip my throat,
wrap tight and slow
like the boa constrictor.
i ache for rebirth. stuck holding on
for some reason.
i’ve become one
i want to live
at times feels like breaking
bones that choke me.
love should be easy.
i don’t think it’s that
i don’t love you,
but that i do.
– let go
i am in love with the life on this earth,
i am in love with the dirt,
i am in love with all of the venus-in-aries flirts.
the more that i come home to myself, the more i wallow in my worth,
even more love is then birthed.
through me hot body parts
i feel it in my bones
i find myself soaking and seeking
only that which lives
– sex magic will heal the earth
Samantha Rose is the author of two books of poetry, most recently, L’ACQUA. Her writing has been featured in The Occulum, The Milk Thistle, ILY Mag, and more. She is also the Creatress in Chief of Pussy Magic. For more, visit sunrosedivine.com.
Every soul connection that comes into our lives brings with them their own set of lessons and healing. They reflect back to us the shadow aspects and wounds that we would rather avoid. They show up to wake us up, to make us face what we’ve been avoiding. They mirror deep karmic pain that we have made a soul contract to heal in this lifetime. We have suffered many lifetimes, carrying this pain with us. Sometimes we don’t even realize it’s there. It’s buried so deep in our subconscious, in our souls, that we have no idea that we are burdened by such darkness.
That is until we meet a Twin Flame (I prefer to call them soul connections), and all that karmic pain rises to the surface. Suddenly, our past wounds, the heartbreaks and childhood wounds feel so deep, it’s as if somebody has carved us open with a dagger. We feel vulnerable and exposed. We think “How is it possible that this person, this soulmate, I have such strong, loving feelings for can make me feel so bad? How can they cause me so much pain without even doing anything? How can they make me feel so afraid and bring out such intense, uncomfortable feelings?”
These people come into our lives and trigger our deepest pain to heal us and clear these blockages that keep us from truly loving ourselves. Because until we love ourselves, we can’t give love to the full capacity that we are meant to. Soul connections push our buttons. They pull away when we need them the most; they take away their love when it’s all we’ve ever feared; they abandon us at our weakest moments; they make us face ourselves. They strip away all our distractions, so we finally look into the mirror once and for all. For the firs time, we see all our flaws, weaknesses, insecurities, all the things that we have hidden our entire lives. This person walks into our life, then walks out. And we are left feeling abandoned, naked, and torn apart. We wonder why it hurts so bad, why we feel so lost and afraid to pick up the pieces of our lives and start over. We don’t have the strength to begin again. It’s been drained from our bloodstream.
Their spiritual gift to us is to crack us open, so we may heal and shatter us, so we can rebuild ourselves into more balanced, stronger people. As Rumi says “The wound is where the Light enters you.” Like a phoenix rising from ashes, we transform into powerful and magical beings. As long as we surrender to this process, this will happen. If we fight what the Universe is trying to do for us, we will only delay our progress. For some, it takes months. For others, such as myself, it takes years. True surrender is realizing that the connection is all about you and not them. It’s not about losing a piece of yourself, because you’re already whole. It’s not about them losing you either, because they are whole as well. Soul connections are not based on need.
Need creates imbalance. Between partners, when there is an imbalance, the connection cannot flow and the two have to separate. They repel each other energetically. That is why partners may get together, then have separations as time goes on, because imbalances and energetic blockages come up for people. Needing love repels love. It’s pushy energy that is based on what the Law of Attraction theory would call “lack.” In a soul connection union, there needs to be a balance between the feminine, the yin, and the masculine, the yang. Once it’s out of balance, problems arise. One partner may feel the need to separate from the other until the energy re-balances. Healing must take place before this can happen.
Codependency is an issue that many soul connections deal with. It is sometimes the greatest lesson for us to learn. Learning to love without need, without desperation, without pain, without a constant feeling of longing is what we experience during a separation. Regardless if they ever come back into our lives, we are taught the lesson to love in a healthy way. In order to fill somebody’s emotional cup, we must fill our own first. Our immense, flowing love for a partner can be showered upon them like a waterfall as long as we keep a reservoir within ourselves. We can only love them as much as we love ourselves. And we can never give more to them than we would give to ourselves in order to keep the scales balanced. Once the energy of a connection balances, the tremendous power of love reveals itself.
We are here to help you with whatever you are dealing with. Find out if reconnection is possible or how you can move on. We can guide you in any situation, no matter how difficult and complex it may seem.
One winter night to help me ease my pain, I wrote a poem about the type of love I wanted. It was the first time in years I had felt hope that I could find it. It was the night I finally let him go. I had finally had the courage to go online and look at his friends’ pictures and see him with his girlfriend. They seemed very happy together. I was the outsider, and I had been the outsider for two years. He shut me out and never let me back in. He went on with his life. And I was stuck mourning the past, unable to move on.
This one particular night, I accepted that he was with her, even though I had been seeing them together in my dreams for a solid year. I had known he was with her, but I never wanted to face the truth. I cried. We had never had a chance to build anything together. Everything burnt to the ground as quickly as we got together. For two years, I had been living in an empty castle of broken dreams and regret.
Without thinking about what I was going to write, I picked up a pen and a pad of paper and the words just poured out. It was all stream of consciousness. I didn’t even re-read it. I wrote it and stashed it away. I found it recently, and I read it. And I cried because I remembered how healing it felt to write about another man, another type of love from what I had experienced. I wrote this poem about my vision of true love. I remembered how what I wrote that night helped me move on from a love so deep, painful, and transformative that it almost destroyed me.*
Shred my soul
I will love again
Make me feel the light
Be the sun that shines upon my skin
You free me
You heal the broken pieces
I feel you
I love you
under my touch
my name under your breath
You break apart my fear
The moon shimmers on us
Pierce my heart
I feel you in my veins
Let my kiss heal you
The light illuminates the dark
The heat melts the ice
I want to love you
Make the rain wash away the hurt
Tear me apart so I can feel you
Stars fall upon us as our lips touch
Let the ruin bind us
Your love surrounds me
My body shivers when you grasp me
The sunset burns our skin
Say my name in the dark
My heart beats under you
Taste my sweat
Feel my body rise and fall
Touch me in ways you’ve never touched before
I see the light in your soul and the scars on your heart
“We loved with a love that was more than love.” – Edgar Allan Poe
If the Ace of Cups is the emotional offering, the 2 of Cups is the connection that follows. It represents love, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It’s about harmony and emotional union. In this card, love has a focus. It takes two people to love the other for there to be a true flowing connection. There is an exchange of balanced emotional energy here.
The 2 of Cups often times alludes to a romantic love, but it may show up as a friendship or familial love as well. Some of our closest friends are our soul mates. We love them even if we are not romantically involved with them. It symbolizes any connection that touches our hearts as much as we touch theirs.
The most important aspect of this card is mutual feelings. This is not a card that would appear in a reading about unrequited love or somebody giving more in a friendship than the other person. This is all about balance and the feeling that you get back as much as you give in this relationship.
Aleister Crowley titled this card “Love” and described it as “Love under Will.” He believed it was the harmony of the feminine and masculine. In the Thoth version, there are two heraldic dolphins (pink with yellow fins) entwined around a pink lotus. Water flows onto their heads and gushes out their mouths to fill two large gold chalices. The dolphin and chalice on the right side mirrors the pair on the opposite side. This signifies mutual emotions, a truly balanced union of love.
Something to note: The dolphin was sacred to Aphrodite (Venus), the goddess of Love. It was also the companion to both the god Apollo (the Sun) as well as Aphrodite (the Moon.) The Sun is masculine energy whereas the Moon is feminine. In shamanism, dolphin personifies balance, harmony, playfulness, and love. It teaches us to connect to our emotions and not be afraid to swim in the depths of them. The 2 of Cups embodies that notion, because it is about two people emotionally open enough to connect on a deep, meaningful level.
It corresponds astrologically to Venus in the 1st Decan of Cancer. In regards to the Quabalah Tree of Life, it is Chokmah through Water.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu
The Ace of Cups is the seed of the suit of the Cups. It represents new beginnings, emotional openness, renewed emotion, an outpouring of love, or an emotional offering. This card shows up when there are no obstacles in the way. There are no emotional blocks within the person or situation. Everything just flows.
Cups represent emotions. When the Ace of Cups shows up, it is telling us that we are ready to give and receive love. We are not held back by our past hurts. Whatever we’ve been through that wounded and temporarily closed our hearts is over, and now we are diving into the fresh waters of unlimited emotional possibility.
The Ace of Cups tells us to live in the moment of that refreshed emotion, as if we are playing in a fountain or letting a waterfall cool us down on a blistering summer day. Moments of emotional bliss are what make our lives beautiful and rewarding: It’s a kiss on our cheek from our mother, a hug from our best friend, or a passionate embrace with our lover. The Ace of Cups symbolizes that feeling of love in that perfect moment. It is powerful, because it is pure emotion and connects us to our hearts. It is so special that nothing comes close to duplicating it.
Regarding the Thoth version of this card, my tarot teacher observed that the golden cup looks like a woman holding her hips. There is an element of femininity and beauty to the card. It’s as if a woman is letting her true emotional self shine through. The Divine light that pours out of her is love pulled from the depths of her soul. This light creates an intricate web of positive energy, which surrounds the chalice as it sends out waves of love. Love is healing. Love is a blessing. Love transforms.
Astrologically, it corresponds to the water signs (e.g. Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio.) In regards to timing questions, it would point to either of these three signs. In the Quabalah Tree of Life, it is Kether through Water.
Within the Twin Flame community, there seems to be a major disconnect on what is a true Twin Flame vs. a soul mate. I have been living with this connection for four years; and within those four years, I have been on countless message boards, read hundreds of blogs related to Twin Flames, and had the pleasure of people writing me e-mails about their personal journeys. And the funny thing is I know nothing more than I did four years ago when I met my “twin.” None of what I read has really had any effect over my life. The Twin Flame/Soul Mate path was a significant experience for me, but it was something I had to go through to truly understand how these connections work.
I’m tired of reading about the stereotypical stages and the inner workings of a Twin Flame relationship. I don’t want to hear about the runner and the chaser and how the runner will always come back. I don’t want to see that people are waiting for their “twins” to return. The truth is we really don’t know what these connections are.
My definition of a Twin Flame is not necessarily somebody else’s. Did I experience a deep, transforming soul connection that I had carried with me for lifetimes? Yes, without a doubt. Do I think he’s half of my soul or that we share the same Higher Self? Absolutely not. I don’t believe and have never that Twin Flames are half souls, nor do I believe that they share the same Higher Self. But here’s the thing: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE WHAT I BELIEVE. You are free to think any way you wish in regards to your personal connection.
I don’t think anybody is right or wrong, because nobody really knows. Yes, people channel information from Spirit and from collective entities, but those channeled messages may not be completely accurate, or the concepts may be misinterpreted. There’s no reason to argue with anybody over this, or try to prove to somebody that you’re right and they’re wrong.
I spent the past four years, constantly trying to push my views down people’s throats and make them see. In my head, I thought I was helping them navigate through their journeys, but I realize now that I was just throwing my opinions onto them, hoping they would stick. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s best to experience your connection and make up your own mind on what it is and what it isn’t. Call him/her a Twin Flame, soul mate, soul connection, karmic twin, etc. It’s your connection and nobody else’s. You should have the freedom to label it any way you want without judgement or somebody telling you it’s wrong.
There are the people who will tell you that a Twin Flame relationship is easy, smooth, energetically balanced, and everything flows right from the start. There’s no push and pull, no running and chasing, and no separation. And those couples are very proud of the Twin Flame label, and they will defend it to the death. I have seen people in these relationships get so sick of trying to drill into people’s heads the definition of what they believe is a true Twin Flame that they eventually give up and deactivate their online accounts. Some of them (not all) use the Twin Flame label as a badge of accomplishment, or a reward for being spiritual. All they do is argue with separated twins and try to shower them with THEIR TRUTH, which is exhausting for both parties.
Then, there are the others who will explain that a Twin Flame relationship has stages, and many times there is a runner and chaser, and there may be a separation, but the runner will always decide to come back, and when that happens the twins live happily ever after. The two sides constantly fight about who’s in a REAL Twin Flame relationship, and who’s not.
Trust me, the separated ones are already experiencing some of the worst pain imaginable. They don’t need anybody, especially self-proclaimed Twin Flame couples who are together, to make them feel worse about their connections. They shouldn’t have to deal with anybody judging their connections and down-playing the significance of the people with whom they feel them. It’s just not fair to do to these people who are already suffering immensely. Judging their connections and telling them that they’re not Twin Flames is not the answer. It’s not helping them. It’s not educating them. It’s honestly only making the situation worse and exacerbating their emotional pain and fear.
Let’s look at one possibility: What if there are two types of Twin Flames? There are the ones who you mesh with and everything is balanced, and there are the others where the energy isn’t. Because of this, there is no vibrational match between the two people and they separate. Like attracts like. If the vibrations don’t match up, they’ll float out of each other’s lives. Each of those types carry that “Twin Flame” energy, so instead of being one or the other, it’s both. Nobody is right, and nobody is wrong, because the two types of Twin Flames are experiencing the same energy: One is balanced and the other is unbalanced. Balanced energy keeps them together. Unbalanced energy separates them.
We need to start seeking other viewpoints and looking outside the box, finding what personally works for us. It’s okay to read the same copied and pasted literature on a website that you’ve seen a hundred times before and say “I DON’T AGREE WITH THIS. This doesn’t resonate with MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.” Lately, there is a lot of new information that people are writing about related to Twin Flames, and it’s stirring the pot and angering people, but at least it’s making us ponder and question the way these connections work and their true purpose.
My connection is not yours and vice versa. If I experienced something different than yours, who am I to say my connection is more significant or be able to label yours? IT’S YOUR CONNECTION. You’re the one living it, and the anonymous person on a message board preaching to you about their connection compared to yours isn’t. You should be the one who defines it. There’s this really condescending sensibility within the Twin Flame community that your connection is not real, but theirs is. I see it all the time, and it infuriates me.
If a connection deeply affects you, IT MATTERS. Nobody has the right to tell you it doesn’t. Nobody should tell you what he/she means to you, or how you should feel about them. You have the power. Do not allow another person to try to take it from you or make you feel beneath them.
Matt Kahn, a spiritual speaker, says “Judgement is the opposite of Love. You cannot love when you are in the state of judging.” In regards to all the people who write to me or have shared their stories online, I will only hold you and your truth in a state of Love. I refuse to judge. I just ask that you do the same for me.
We are here to help you with whatever you are dealing with. Find out if reconnection is possible or how you can move on. We can guide you in any situation, no matter how difficult and complex it may seem.
Do you want to manifest a soulmate? I have three words for you: WRITE A LIST. It’s that simple! So what does this list entail exactly? Be clear and specific. The Universe takes your words literally, almost to a ridiculous degree. If you ask for a man who will love you, you may want to specify that he’s emotionally and physically available, otherwise you could end up with a man with a girlfriend, or somebody who loves you, but for whatever reason, is unable to be with you. Details, details, details, and lots of them! Make your dreams become a reality.
Visualize this person in your head and describe their characteristics. Who is this person? What do they look like? What kind of personality do they have? Most importantly, describe the relationship you wish to have with this person. Are you just looking for a casual dating situation? Do you want to live together? Do you want to get married? Do you want to have children?
What are you looking for? Envision it, then write it in a journal or a piece of paper. Close the journal or set the paper in a safe place and this is important: FORGET ABOUT IT. Let it go. This is the Law of Detachment. Let the Universe do its work. Don’t worry about when and where you’re going to meet them. Just enjoy your life. Trust that it will happen.
Instead of using labels while creating your list, e.g., soul mate or Twin Flame, focus on the person you want to meet and the relationship you wish to have with them. The rest will fall into place. Soul mate relationships can be created with the right person. You don’t need to have had past lifetimes together. It’s not necessary. You want to manifest somebody with whom you are emotionally and physically compatible and share the same goals.
When you compile your list, write as it’s already happening. Everything should be in the present tense. E.g., “She has long, flowing blonde hair. She is loving. She is nurturing. She is emotionally ready for a long-term relationship. We are extremely happy together. We are married.” This is a powerful way to manifest.
“Her name is Gayle and many years ago she was advised by her astrologer to put her intentions for a soul mate into the world by coloring a mandala. She took a black and white mandala and a rainbow of multi-colored pencils and began declaring her intentions while she colored in a space on the mandala. She asked for things like: finding the perfect spiritual friend and lover to go through life with; a man who is kind to animals; someone who would appreciate her sense of humor; a man who would be accepting and open to her spiritual quest. For each intention she used a different color until the entire mandala became a multi-hued Technicolor testimony to the qualities she desired in her future partner. Within weeks of doing this she met her soul mate and they have now been married for more than twenty years.”
Manifesting a love partner is simple, but being ready to love and accept love without fear can be difficult. You have to ask yourself before you write your list the following questions:
“Do I love myself?”
“Could I love myself more?”
“What could I do to show myself love?”
“Have I let go of my past hurts from relationships?”
“Have I forgiven my ex-partners for their mistakes?”
“Have I forgiven myself for mistakes in my relationships?”
“Am I ready to love and be loved?”
“Our barriers to love are rarely consciously chosen. They are our efforts to protect the places where the heart is bruised. Somewhere, sometime, we felt as though an open heart caused us pain or humiliation…we tried to build a fortress across our heart, to protect us from any cold assault.”
– “A Return to Love”, Marianne Williamson
If you fear love, you attract people who fear love. When you emanate love, all you do is attract love. And that is when your soul mate walks into your life.
My twin was perfect. He was everything I had always wanted in a man and more. I loved his artistic abilities. I loved his voice. I loved the idiosyncrasies that made him stand out from everybody else. In my eyes, he was a King. He could do no wrong. And I knew him so well. I knew him better than anybody knew him, or at least I thought. I knew his soul, even though I had only known him for a few months. I loved him. I loved every piece of his personality and everything he thought and did.
Once we separated, I only placed him higher up on my pedestal. I dreamed about him almost every night. He was in my thoughts every second of my day. He became something immortal in my mind. He was a god. He was a legend. The power he had over every molecule of my being was astounding. Whenever I thought about him, my emotions intensified. I was a live wire: My body felt electric. My heart fluttered and physically ached. There was a soul pull to him that to this day I will never understand. It felt as if my soul was literally being tugged by his, even though he was hundreds of miles away.
And oh God, did I love this man. I loved him more than I ever knew I could love or feel love, and loving somebody so deeply felt so amazing, UNTIL I remembered that he was gone. He was out of my life, and he wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t even reply back to the few emails I sent him. I did not understand how I could love somebody so hard and deep and the love wouldn’t be returned. How could I feel such a strong connection that was bringing me closer to God but this man wouldn’t acknowledge it? All he did was ignore me.
Dream after dream, he would visit me in his sleep. In most of the dreams, he ignored me, and he wanted me to know I was being ignored. The way he ignored me was blatant, almost child-like, as if he were a little boy mad at his mommy, trying to punish her.
With each passing month of our separation, he became less of a real person and more god-like. I got to a point where our idyllic past together felt so far away that it was as if it had been all a dream. “Had I even met him?” Nothing felt real anymore. The thought of him became a fantasy. I was experiencing the “God/Goddess Complex.”
He was my god. He was the best man in the world. And I thought about the way it ended, and I thought of myself as a horrible person. The more I put him on a pedestal, the harder I became on myself. I didn’t see myself as a goddess or a Queen, I was the crazy girl who made his life hell. I was a ball of chaos and brokenness. He didn’t deserve to meet somebody like me. He deserved to be happy. I felt bad that he ever had to deal with me. I carried that regret with me like a sack of heavy stones on my back.
Sometimes these soul connections make us delusional. They force us to think in ways we normally would never. They pull veils over our eyes until we learn the lessons. We see them as gods and goddesses and not as human beings with flaws. We view them as who we wish them to be and not who they really are.
My twin was not perfect. He was not a god. He was a man with deep wounds. He did the best he could with who he was at that time. I’m sure as I was going through my hell, he was going through his own. I can only guess that while he was mirroring issues to me, he was forced to face his own reflections. Who knows what he saw in that mirror? I only know what I saw in mine.
Once the “God/Goddess Complex” fades, the truth reveals we are better than we ever gave ourselves credit. We were so preoccupied, focused on how amazing our soul connections were that we could no longer see the god and goddess within ourselves. We were giving all our love to them and neglecting our own hearts. We can love ourselves as much as we love them. Love this powerful can be spread far. The more we love, the more it grows. And the more we love ourselves, the more we find peace in the connection.
This is a question I hear all the time: Why do people walk away from love? It doesn’t make any sense. How could a soul connection love you one minute, then just walk away? Who doesn’t want love?
There are several reasons for this. Love can be terrifying. Love can come on too fast and leave the person feeling vulnerable and powerless. Love can bring out feelings of unworthiness, especially when the person has difficulty loving him/herself. The person who is walking away may have had a dysfunctional family who didn’t show them love, so they don’t know what love feels like. Love doesn’t feel comfortable. It doesn’t feel like home. Teal Swan goes into great detail about this phenomenon. Since they grew up in a love-starved environment, that’s ultimately what makes them feel secure.
A woman may have grown up with a emotionally distant father. She meets a man who falls head over heels with her. She loves him too, but because she’s not used to that feeling, she only allows herself to love him so much. He can feel that emotional distance. He fears he loves her more than she does. And because of this, he pushes the relationship onto her. It’s overwhelming. She doesn’t know how to handle it. She continues to distance herself. He pushes more. She runs. He is devastated. He wonders why she ran from the love.
All his life, he has had to push his love onto other people. He has never felt loved. He fears of being abandoned. It’s an issue he’s had since he was a child, when his parents divorced. The trauma of a divorce at a young age has scarred him. He didn’t feel emotionally safe, and that carried over into adulthood.
They mirror each other’s fears. Through their brief relationship, they are forced to face their demons. She fears love. He fears abandonment. He pushes. She pulls away. It’s an energetic dance. The energy is unbalanced between them. Because of this, they separate. They must deal with their issues separately, so they can heal and balance themselves. The relationship is over. But their spiritual connection is as strong as ever.
The man is left, feeling abandoned and devastated, mourning the end of a relationship. This is his fear. This is what he must push through to heal in this lifetime.
The woman feels terrible and guilty. She did not want to hurt him, but he came on too strong. She fears that all her future relationships will end because she can’t accept love. This is her fear. This is the obstacle she must overcome in order to heal in this lifetime.
So, yes, she walked away from love, but she only did it so she could heal that fear. He should not take it personally, but he does. His abandonment brings up feelings of unworthiness. He must heal this as well. He must learn to love himself and feel whole, even though he is without her. This is his lesson.
She must learn to love herself and feel whole as well, but she must also learn accept love from other people without feeling overwhelmed and fearful. This is her lesson.
They must learn to love themselves and find happiness from within. And they are unable to do this together. They must not blame each other or themselves for any of this. They met to heal each other’s fears. This was the purpose of their union. Even though the relationship is over, the transformation of their lives begins. This is what they are meant to do. Everything has happened for a reason.
And this is very important: The lessons must be learned and the fears healed before they are able to make the choice to have the relationship once again. No amount of calling, pining over the other, waiting, crying, blaming, resenting, hating, or begging will bring that relationship back until the lessons and healing are complete. But it has to be BOTH people, not just one. If you learn a lesson, and the other does not, you won’t have the chance of having a relationship.
If and when BOTH people achieve their goals, the energies between the two souls balance and they are drawn back together and given a choice to have the relationship again. It’s a CHOICE. It’s left to free will. It is not Spirit-driven. It is a choice between two people living in the material world, not two souls in the spiritual one. That is why some come back together and have a relationship again and others do not.
I know people who are with their soul mates or Twin Flames, as well as ones who were given the option, but for whatever reason, they decided not to have a relationship. Each group has the same thing in common: They are happy with their choices. Do not believe the tired, outdated theory that the people who have met their soul mates or Twin Flames and have decided not have a relationship with them are miserable. They are all at peace. They have healed and learned their lessons, and they realized the relationship was not the reason for their happiness: they were.
People have asked me “What does it feel like to meet a soul mate or a Twin Flame?” I tell them “It’s warm and comfortable. It feels like home. It’s a wonderful feeling. It’s as if you know them, and they know you. You could talk for hours and not even realize time has passed. It’s like catching up with an old friend.”
In my experience, a soul mate connection never needs to be forced. It will just happen. Problems arise when our own insecurities and issues get in the way. You meet somebody that you have this incredible instantaneous connection with, and you get scared because you either don’t think you’re worthy of that type of love or you fear that love. Fear within ourselves turns to anxiety. Anxiety kills love.
The love between soul mates is an incredible thing, but that love must be cultivated and given room to grow. Think of love like a flower garden. When two soul mates first meet, they plant a seed. As a flower grows, it has to be given just enough water and sunshine. The dirt that holds it must be just right: It can’t be too sandy or rocky. The soil must be moist, but not soaking wet. Love is the same way.
Once a seed in the relationship is planted, you have to take your time and have patience, so that the roots grow strong in the ground. Seeds do not need to be over-watered, just as a budding relationship does not need to be flooded by somebody’s emotions. It is possible for one person to love too much and scare the other one away. Pushing your love onto somebody will only push them away. Everything in moderation. In love, you must ease into your emotions with each other, and you must have a solid foundation, or the relationship will break apart.
The reasons why most soul mate relationships do not work out is because there is a lack of a foundation, and without that foundation, one fight might break up your entire relationship. It happened to me with my Twin Flame! We had one nasty fight, and he refused to ever talk to me again. That was it. Our relationship ended as quickly as it had begun. Our house crumbled, because there was nothing supporting it. I’ve read countless accounts online from others talking about soul mate separations that were caused by meaningless arguments. It happens all the time.
My best advice is to go slowly and take your time to get to know each other. Let the energy flow and things happen in their own time. Love does not ever have to be rushed.
When you meet a soul mate, often feelings of love arise before you even know the person. I once met a soul mate, and we fell in love with each other as soon as our eyes met. I had never believed in “love at first sight” until that moment. As soon as I spotted him dancing with his friends at the club where I worked, I felt like I knew him. And he felt the same about me. Sometimes you just know.
So where did it go wrong with us? We rushed the relationship. We were only together a week, maybe, before we told each other that we loved another. We both knew that we were soul mates. We could feel the connection because we were sensitive to it. He had been psychic since he was a child, and my psychic skills were only budding. By meeting him, it helped me grow spiritually. I had grown up Catholic, so I had always had faith in a Higher Power, but this was the first time, I actually felt closer to God through the love I felt for my soulmate.
The feelings were too intense between us. He had issues that were coming to the surface, and he ran instead of dealing with them. He had been trying to break up with me for a solid month, but he couldn’t go through with it. He would break up with me, and within minutes be crying in my arms. He couldn’t let me go. At one point he said “I know you are my soul mate, but I don’t understand why it’s not working.” I think he thought that just because I was his soul mate, I was supposed to be the solution to all his problems, but that’s not how it works. Soul mate or not, I was only a human being with my own set of flaws and insecurities. His issues could only be fixed by him.
One Saturday afternoon, he called me and broke up with me. He said he didn’t love me. He said I didn’t challenge him. He said I wasn’t the woman for him. He said he had met somebody the weekend before (somebody I had been introduced to!) and they clicked with each other. With one phone call, he ended it. Our love was fiery magic, but because our relationship progressed too quickly, we burned everything to the ground. He chose to be with a woman who was not a soul mate, because it was easier. He was a drug addict.
When he was with me, I showed him a reflection of himself that he knew he had to change. With her, she was not holding any mirror in front of him. He could be an addict. He didn’t have to fix anything within himself. She was easy to be with for that reason. Their relationship lasted a year. He called me and told me that it hadn’t worked out. And he said that he wasn’t meant to be in a relationship with anybody. It wasn’t for him. He called me to apologize how he had ended things with me. And no, he didn’t want me back.
In drug-fueled moments, he would call me to see how I was doing. He had chosen drugs over me. And knowing that destroyed me. I changed my number at one point and lost touch with him for good. It was better that way. His sporadic bursts of communication were only putting rubbing alcohol in a gaping wound.
It took me several years to get over him. These connections burn into your skin, your soul, you heart; they brand every cell of your being with love. But when that person is out of your life, the love remains and the heartbreak stays. It’s hell on earth to lose a soul mate. You feel like dying inside. Your whole world turns to blackness. You go through the motions of your existence, but your soul is completely numb. When I think back to the separation, it’s as if I had blacked out. Chunks of time are missing. It’s as if my mind had given up trying to remember all the sadness and loss.
I dated people, and I don’t even remember their names or faces. It was like I wasn’t even there. I do remember I had gone on a first date with a man, and we were hanging out on my couch when I heard somebody tapping at my window. Guess who it was? Awesome, right. Perfect timing for my soul mate to show up. He was just swinging by to say “hi” and see how I was doing.
They always come back when you’re trying to get over them. It’s the push and pull of the energy between each other’s souls. But it sucks. You’re either with me or you’re not, and if you’re not, leave me the fuck alone. There’s nothing worse than loving somebody and trying to get over them, and they’re randomly showing up to check in. “Hiiiiiiiiii”
They love you, but for whatever reason they can’t be with you. And because of that, they can’t stay away. This is why you have to set boundaries. You always have to look out for your own well-being first. If your soul mate wants to be with you, he/she will be with you. It’s as simple as that.
Do not waste time with the confused ones or people you feel you need to prove something to. You’re not a defense attorney. You don’t need to establish a case for somebody to want to be with you. This is a mistake I made with my twin. I kept thinking that I had to prove how incredible a woman I was when were together, and then show him how much I had changed in order to reconcile. I had low self esteem. I didn’t see my worth, so I thought, why would somebody else see it? I had to show it to them.
It wasn’t until I truly loved myself where I said “What the fuck am I doing? I’m awesome. I’m beautiful. I’m smart and funny and I have lots of love to give, and if this idiot can’t see that, that’s his problem.” If somebody is too blind to see what you are, you do not need them in your life, regardless if they are a soul mate or not.
We have many soul mates. If one doesn’t work out, you’ll meet another one. Stop thinking this is your last chance at love, because it’s not. The people who believe that the soul mate who left them was their last chance at happiness are the ones who are right. What you believe is what you will have. If you put it into the universe that you will never love again, then you won’t.Be careful what you wish for.
Go online and Google “soul mate separation”, and you will be amazed by the amount of posts from people who have been suffering for decades over one lost soul mate. Take back the power. It’s your life, not theirs. Don’t let one damaged soul destroy the beauty and goodness of your life. Do you want to give one person the key to your happiness for your entire life? To quote Kanye, “No one man should have all that power.”
If your soul mate does not want to continue the journey with you, let him/her go with love. Let go or be dragged. Once you get over the pain of the break from them, you will heal, and become stronger than you ever were. And the love you find the next time will be even better. That’s how it works. Every soul mate experience opens our heart more, like a rose blossoming in the garden. These connections heal us, and they help us love deeper and healthier in the end.
Over the past year, I’ve switched back and forth from label to label, trying to pinpoint my soul connection. Is he a soul mate? Is he a Twin Flame? Is he just the love of my life? What is he to me? Who is he? And it’s taken me much analysis, much research, to realize that love has no labels. And honestly, the universe doesn’t need you to label it.
The universe wants you to trust in the power of the connection and how it will transform you if you allow it. Transformation is an incredible thing: It’s one of the most miraculous, life-changing experiences, but you must have total faith in the process, which can be incredibly difficult.
Love is love. It’s an all-encompassing feeling that fills your whole mind, body, and soul with warmth. Why put a label on something so pure and beautiful? The answer is: You don’t need to, ever.
Everybody has free will in every lifetime. Ultimately, you choose who you want to be with, and labels are nothing but words on paper. Soul connections don’t care about your labels. They honor a whole other set of spiritual rules. Only your ego wants to label this perfect connection that’s been blessed by the universe; and it will drive you absolutely insane trying to figure it out. I suggest you don’t even bother, and leave that nasty ego at the door where it belongs.
Your ego has no clue about the spiritual world, and it’s not supposed to: It has other purposes. It helps shape your personality, but when it comes to dealing with Divine connections, it’s a downright nuisance. Your ego will keep you up at night, wracked with anxiety trying to figure it all out.
“What is happening to me?! Who is this person? Why am I so connected to them? Why is it they are the only person I can think about every waking moment of my life? Why am I being cursed!”: These are all thoughts that will cross your mind at some point after you meet this person. And you’ll desperately search the internet and read books to make sense of it. I did – for months.
You may even spend hundreds of dollars on constant psychic readings, asking if this is an indeed a “soul mate” or a “Twin Flame.” And even if the psychic tells you “Yes, this is your Twin Flame!”, where does that get you? Nowhere. You’re still back in the same situation. Nothing changed, except you fed your greedy little ego for a few temporary moments, and now you’re out $50. How do you feel? The same. In a few days, you start doubting what the psychic said, now here comes the extreme anxiety and fear, greeting you once again like an old friend.
You run back online to do some more research. You may even buy “soul mate” or “Twin Flame” books to really get to the bottom of this. You have to know! “Who is this person who is turning my life upside down! What is the label for this obsession?!”
The vicious cycle continues, and it’s only kept you from what you really need to do, which is to work on YOURSELF, and by not working on yourself, you’re not achieving what the universe wants for you. And if you’re separated from your soul partner, until you’ve worked on yourself, you will not have the chance to reconnect with this person. Some will reconnect, others will not. It all depends on choices of the couple and free will.
If you don’t do the inner work, you’re telling the universe “Nope, I’m not ready to be with him/her!” Until you become a rock, you can never be somebody else’s rock. The inner work will transform you, and in turn, it will transform the connection. If both partners have the desire to heal, they will come back together to do it.
Call him/her whatever you want. All the labels in the world won’t make it so you don’t have to fix yourself. The universe plays hardball whether you like it or not. You either get on the field with your catcher’s mitt, or you spend the rest of the time sitting on the bench waiting for nothing to happen. Love is all you ever need to believe in. It will change your whole world whether you’re ready or not.
For a solid two years since I had met and separated from my Twin Flame, my existence seemed like a nightmare that I could never escape. I would wake up in so much emotional agony every morning that I felt like was dying or wanted to die. It’s not that I wanted to kill myself; it’s just I didn’t want to live in misery anymore. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel pain that deeply.
My heart and soul felt shredded. My stomach was in constant knots. People would try to talk to me, and I couldn’t pay attention to what they were saying. And I lived in silent misery, because the people around me had no idea what I was going through. How could they!
I learned many lessons along the way: relationship lessons, love lessons, and soul lessons. And it was all because of the connection to him.
I cannot emphasize this enough: You will not break the chains that are binding you to your twin in this connection until you learn all the lessons. That feeling of being imprisoned by invisible ties will remain. We must learn our lessons to release ourselves. It is the only way. Cord cutting will not work in this type of connection. Think of the universe as a strict school teacher who won’t let you leave class until you’ve finished your test.
One lesson that seems to be prevalent within soul connections is: Enmeshment. aka codependency, enmeshment is where you entangle yourself (emotionally and even energetically) in somebody so much that you lose yourself. You only care about what they think, what they want, and you forget about what you want. You will do anything to keep them. You may want to save them. You may want to heal them. You feel as if you no longer exist unless you are together. You think they complete you in some way. You may view yourself as the only person who can help them. At some point in the relationship or even after, you may have stopped caring about yourself and what makes you happy.
Think for a moment how you felt once you and your twin separated: Did you give up living in a sense? Did your whole world crumble because he/she was missing from your life? Did you stop thinking about your own happiness and only focused on your twin and what he/she was doing; what he/she was telling you in dreams; what he/she was communicating to you telepathically; or even what psychic or tarot readings were telling you? Sound familiar? Of course, because we’ve ALL lived it. I lived in a state of emotional/karmic pain, heartbreak, misery, ruin, and hopelessness for two solid years.
You’re thinking: “But he/she is half of my soul! Of course I feel that way! He/she is my Twin Flame!” Yes, and I understand exactly why you feel that way; however, this is exactly how the universe teaches us this lesson. How better to learn this lesson of enmeshment than to face a soul mate who is already literally tethered to your soul! That’s why this lesson is such a bitch to learn. Some lessons are harder than others, but this one is downright brutal. It seems like a cruel joke played on us by the universe. But you have to believe that we were chosen to take on this journey because we are stronger than most.
If I weren’t as strong as I am, I know that at some point, I would have died from it. And I’m sure many of you have felt the same way at times. When our whole word turns to darkness, how do we continue to live? And yet, we do. Because we are stronger than we give ourselves credit, we triumph. The Twin Flame journey may batter and bruise us, but it never defeats us.
The blackness turns to light because we are the chariots of our own destiny. And the love that has been awakened within us by the Divine love we feel for our twin illuminates the world. We are the warriors who make the world spin with Love and Light.
One expression that I cannot stand is: “It was meant to be.” And I’ll tell you why I hate that stupid cliché, because it takes away our power; it takes away our free will and our choices. In relationships, we need to stop thinking in terms of “meant to be.” We need to start believing in the strength of our own decisions to create the lives and relationships we desire.
I have met two men in my life who I would’ve sworn on my soul that we were “meant to be”, but we were not. What does that tell you about the feeling that it’s “meant to be?”
Now if we break up with somebody who we truly believe we are meant to be with, how devastated do you think we’d be that we’re no longer together? We think: “If we are meant to be together, then why is he/she gone? What did I do wrong?” As we cry our tears and pour out our hearts to our friends, we tell them: “It was meant to be! We are supposed to be together!” To which they nod their heads and listen to us weep, being the good friends they are.
“Meant to be” holds us back from truly living and in times of separation from people we love, it chains us to our past. I have known many people (and have been one) who are dealing with the loss of a relationship, and they can’t move on, because they believe in “meant to be.” We are told that if something is meant to be, then it will happen, but does that really mean? And in cases where you miss your lost love/Twin Flame/soul mate, having faith that the universe is conspiring to bring you two back together because it’s “meant to be” only creates severe disappointment and feelings of loss.
Getting hung up on what you think the universe is and should be doing for you is the worst thing you can focus on. I wasted two years of my life waiting for something to happen. At one point, I was so angry that nothing was happening, I remember thinking “Fuck the universe.”
I felt betrayed by the universe at times. But it was because I didn’t realize that the power to change my life had been within me all along. It was as if I was stuck in molasses and my life was not moving. Nothing new was coming into it. But what I didn’t realize is that we create the new. And we can only manifest new when we let go of the old.
My mind was trapped in a glass case that held all the memories I had of my Twin Flame, because I couldn’t stop holding on to “meant to be.” “Meant to be” was supposed to bring us back together. I thought: “If something is “meant to be”, then it’s supposed to happen, right? All those soulmate/Twin Flame quotes told me as such. He’s got to come back then. How could he not? We’re Twin Flames. We are connected to each other’s souls. All I see are signs pointing me to him! Then why aren’t we together?”
Once I broke through the illusion of “meant to be”, I understood that free will and destiny create a dance together. Some things are meant to happen: Yes, absolutely. We are meant to meet certain people in our lives: Yes! But what we do with those meetings are our choices as human beings with free will. The people we meet have those choices as well. In a relationship, two people’s choices create the outcome.
“Meant to be” means absolute shit. We were meant to meet for a variety of soul reasons, but that’s where it ends. The future is something that you and the other person form together. And if it doesn’t work out, the universe is more than happy to send us another romantic partner your way, if we are open to love and ready for it. We have many soul mates. We just have to know how to manifest them and believe that we can. And when we are ready, they will appear. Once we stop dwelling on the ideal of “meant to be”, we may find love in the most unexpected places.
Have you ever met somebody, and you were instantly attracted to each other? Have you ever had a relationship that kept pulling you back when you tried to walk away, even when you knew it was wrong for you? Have you ever loved somebody in an obsessive way that just by being with them felt like a drug? The relationship was like heroin. You needed, not necessarily wanted, them in an unhealthy, dysfunctional way. You obsessed and lusted after them. These are karmic relationships.
Karmic relationships have a magnetism to them to draw you to each other so that one or both of you can learn a lesson. They are similar to soul mate relationships, but the karma is usually negative. There’s an edge to the relationship. It feels off balanced in some way. There are usually red flags, but because the attraction is so great we ignore them. We think “How can it be wrong when it feels so good?”
“Whether we like it or not, the Universal Law of Karma constantly brings before each of us the meeting of our past use of free will and consciousness. Thus, what we have done to other souls and they have done to us is reflected in the circumstances surrounding our present relationships and the basic, innate urges, attitudes and emotions we feel toward each other.” ~ John Van Auken, Soul Life: Past Lives & Present Relationships
One of the most confusing aspects in these relationships is we can easily mistake them for a soulmate because it feels like we’ve known them all our lives. They feel comfortable to us. But think of it this way: What if in another lifetime, you were betrayed by somebody which led to your murder? Well guess what, that’s the same guy you’re sleeping with now and the sex is incredible! You feel like you’ve known him before because you have: in another lifetime.
To balance the karma between you, you have a soul contract with each other to meet in this lifetime. So don’t count on this guy sticking around. He’s not the one you’re going to marry. You will most likely end up sleeping with his best friend and betraying him just as he did to you in a previous lifetime. What goes around, comes around. And it works the other way as well.
One of my harshest karmic relationships (I’ve had many) was with a younger man I only knew for three months. When we were together, we would have lovely conversations about art, literature, and music, all the things I love. He was intelligent and charming. When I was with him, I felt as if we had always been friends. But there were red flags that I didn’t pay attention to. I trusted too easily. I thought I knew him, because it felt like I knew him, but I did not.
He portrayed himself to be somebody he was not. In actuality, he was a heroin addict who had been in and out of treatment programs for years. When he met me, he was trying to make a fresh start. I didn’t know any of this. I found out later when he had totaled my car and stole my credit card, social security card, and my roommate’s checks, which he had his new junkie girlfriend cash. He had a criminal record for stealing his ex-girlfriend’s money.
This person whom I thought so fondly of didn’t exist. He was nothing but a liar and a thief. Drugs may have fueled his bad behavior, but deep down, he wasn’t a good person. He used me for whatever he could, and then disappeared in a puff of smoke. And I’m sure he will do it again and again to other women.
I believe to this day that in some other lifetime, I had wronged him in some way. But besides that, he taught me a lesson about being too trusting. I’m the type of person who always sees the good in people. This was teaching me that I had to be careful who I let into my life. All that glitters is not always gold.
I had a psychic read my cards about this karmic connection, and she called him a “snake charmer.” She said that I had beat myself about allowing a toxic person into my heart, but it wasn’t my fault. She told me “Snake charmers fool everybody.” I had another psychic cut the energetic cords that were binding us together, so the karma between us would be finished.
Often times, karmic relationships teach us lessons about codependency. What feels like love is need. And need is not love. One of the ways in which these lessons are learned is by creating scenarios of unrequited love: You want to be with this person; they don’t, and vice versa. Somebody always loves more; somebody is always heartbroken in the end. In a codependent relationship, the more you give, the more the other takes. The relationship is unbalanced. You think by giving them everything, they will love you more, but it usually works the opposite way. Ain’t that a bitch?
Now the universe will keep throwing these shitty one-sided relationships at you until you learn the lesson. I used to tell my friends “All I attract are addicts and alcoholics!” And the reason for that was the universe was trying to teach me a lesson about being codependent. I would lose myself in my relationships and make it solely about the other person.
Addicts and alcoholics are naturally self-centered: It’s part of their affliction. Being in a relationship with one, it’s all about their problems. This is why they subconsciously seek out codependent people to be their partners. And all I wanted to do was focus on them, so it was the perfect dysfunctional, karmic match! So to learn my lesson about giving too much of myself, the universe had to beat me over the head by sending several addicts and alcoholics my way.
If all you attract is a specific type of shitty person, there’s probably a lesson to be learned. Once you learn the lesson, the spell breaks, but learning the lesson is difficult. It usually takes time and several karmic relationships to do it.
People always ask me “How do I attract good people into my life to have healthy relationships?” The answer I give is: “You have to be healthy to attract healthy!” If you’re damaged, you will attract damaged partners. If you don’t love yourself, you will only meet people who don’t love you, or are incapable of showing you their love. In the Law of Attraction, they say “Like attracts like. Lack attracts lack.” When you are of strong mind, body, and soul, you attract others who are. That’s how it works! Only you can break your relationship patterns.
If you’re sick of karmic relationships and want a commitment that’s lasting and solid, start by performing my “Out of the Funk, Into the Love” full moon ritual to release the relationship residue from the past. Out with the old, in with the new. You can do it any time, but full moons are the most powerful periods of the month to “take out the garbage”, so to speak.
Once you’ve done that, start a journal and jot down your relationship patterns. What has been the connecting thread in most of your relationships? How do you show love? How have your exes shown love to you? Once you start recognizing the repeating themes in your relationships, you will see the lessons. And learning the lessons are half the battle.
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”- Pablo Neruda
Love is emotion. Love is energy. Love is inside us. Love is beautiful. Love is more powerful than hate. Love is life-changing. Love connects us to our souls. Love connects us to each other. Love is all-encompassing. Love heals. Love transforms. Love breaks down walls. Love is the magic of the universe. Love is our life force.
Love is not hard. Love is not obsession. Love does not hurt. Love is not pushed onto somebody else. Love is not marriage. Love is not monogamy. Love is not possession. Love is not jealousy. Love is love.
Soul mates and Twin Flames teach each other how to love without expectations and to love themselves. When I separated from my twin, I was overwhelmed with feelings of love and Divine ecstasy. Love beat rapidly from my chest; it lit my heart on fire as my heart chakra opened for the first time. I loved him more than I had ever loved anybody. But this was a different love than I had ever felt.
I loved him, and I loved the sky. I loved the sunlit trees. I loved the flowers and the flock of birds flying over me in a perfect choreography, as if they were dancing a ballet only they knew. I loved the world around me. And sometimes that world was so exquisite and enchanting to me that I would find myself breaking down, sobbing. Tears ran down my face because I realized how beautiful the world was around me. My spiritual awakening lifted the veil that had been covering my eyes for 36 years. It showed me that the universe is pure magic, but we’re all just too blind to see it.
The love I felt for my twin had filled my body with so much love that it made me feel closer to God and the universe. I felt connected to everything. And I knew that was all because of the love I had for him.
He had pulled a love from inside of me, so deep and powerful like an ocean wave from my soul, that it completely transformed me. It made me realize that I had never known true love. This was not just romantic love, this was something on a whole other level. This was Divine love. My soul loved his soul. And I knew that his soul loved mine. It was all that simple.
It didn’t matter that we weren’t together. It didn’t matter that he refused to talk to me, or that he was upset with me for ruining our budding relationship. None of it mattered. That was all ego. That was all surface problems. What we had was a spiritual connection, and with that connection came a love that changed my life and who I was forever. And it was all because of something so simple and wonderful as love.