Why They Walk Away From Love

This is a question I hear all the time: Why do people walk away from love? It doesn’t make any sense. How could a soul connection love you one minute, then just walk away? Who doesn’t want love?

There are several reasons for this. Love can be terrifying. Love can come on too fast and leave the person feeling vulnerable and powerless. Love can bring out feelings of unworthiness, especially when the person has difficulty loving him/herself. The person who is walking away may have had a dysfunctional family who didn’t show them love, so they don’t know what love feels like. Love doesn’t feel comfortable. It doesn’t feel like home. Teal Swan goes into great detail about this phenomenon. Since they grew up in a love-starved environment, that’s ultimately what makes them feel secure.

A woman may have grown up with a emotionally distant father. She meets a man who falls head over heels with her. She loves him too, but because she’s not used to that feeling, she only allows herself to love him so much. He can feel that emotional distance. He fears he loves her more than she does. And because of this, he pushes the relationship onto her. It’s overwhelming. She doesn’t know how to handle it. She continues to distance herself. He pushes more. She runs. He is devastated. He wonders why she ran from the love.

All his life, he has had to push his love onto other people. He has never felt loved. He fears of being abandoned. It’s an issue he’s had since he was a child, when his parents divorced. The trauma of a divorce at a young age has scarred him. He didn’t feel emotionally safe, and that carried over into adulthood.

They mirror each other’s fears. Through their brief relationship, they are forced to face their demons. She fears love. He fears abandonment. He pushes. She pulls away. It’s an energetic dance. The energy is unbalanced between them. Because of this, they separate. They must deal with their issues separately, so they can heal and balance themselves. The relationship is over. But their spiritual connection is as strong as ever.

The man is left, feeling abandoned and devastated, mourning the end of a relationship. This is his fear. This is what he must push through to heal in this lifetime.

The woman feels terrible and guilty. She did not want to hurt him, but he came on too strong. She fears that all her future relationships will end because she can’t accept love. This is her fear. This is the obstacle she must overcome in order to heal in this lifetime.

So, yes, she walked away from love, but she only did it so she could heal that fear. He should not take it personally, but he does. His abandonment brings up feelings of unworthiness. He must heal this as well. He must learn to love himself and feel whole, even though he is without her. This is his lesson.

She must learn to love herself and feel whole as well, but she must also learn accept love from other people without feeling overwhelmed and fearful. This is her lesson.

They must learn to love themselves and find happiness from within. And they are unable to do this together.  They must not blame each other or themselves for any of this. They met to heal each other’s fears. This was the purpose of their union. Even though the relationship is over, the transformation of their lives begins.  This is what they are meant to do. Everything has happened for a reason.

And this is very important: The lessons must be learned and the fears healed before they are able to make the choice to have the relationship once again. No amount of calling, pining over the other, waiting, crying, blaming, resenting, hating, or begging will bring that relationship back until the lessons and healing are complete. But it has to be BOTH people, not just one. If you learn a lesson, and the other does not, you won’t have the chance of having a relationship.

If and when BOTH people achieve their goals, the energies between the two souls balance and they are drawn back together and given a choice to have the relationship again. It’s a CHOICE. It’s left to free will. It is not Spirit-driven. It is a choice between two people living in the material world, not two souls in the spiritual one. That is why some come back together and have a relationship again and others do not.

I know people who are with their soul mates or Twin Flames, as well as ones who were given the option, but for whatever reason, they decided not to have a relationship. Each group has the same thing in common: They are happy with their choices. Do not believe the tired, outdated theory that the people who have met their soul mates or Twin Flames and have decided not have a relationship with them are miserable. They are all at peace. They have healed and learned their lessons, and they realized the relationship was not the reason for their happiness: they were.

Twin Flames and the Wheel of Karma

Karma. When referring to soul connections, specifically Twin Flames, nobody ever talks about it. It’s a huge elephant in the room that everybody pretends not to see. But I’m telling you right now, Twin Flame connections are all about KARMA.

People seem to think that karma is this negative word, but it’s not. It’s just cause and effect. It’s the way for the Universe to balance the energies within it and ourselves. Our souls are perpetual students. With each lifetime, our souls gain knowledge. Our experiences shape us, but they also teach us soul lessons. And in these lifetimes, we play many roles like actors in a play.

Twin Flames are ancient soul mates. They have spent many of these lives meeting each other, and in each one, a unique situation takes place. The roles and the relationships to each other may change, but the actual soul connection remains the same. The connection takes place on a spiritual level, whereas the relationship occurs on a real world or material level.

What if in a past life, you and your twin were having an affair with each other? And what if one of you was married at the time? What happens to the husband/wife in the next one? Do you think they disappear? Have you ever noticed that many Twin Flame separations have a third-party involved? Have you ever thought why?

Let’s use this as an example: A young woman meets a man who she believes to be her twin. They have this amazing love affair. Everything is perfect, as if the union is blessed by God himself, when all of a sudden, for whatever reason, they separate. During the separation, he meets a woman and after some time, he decides to marry her. A choice was made. He could have gotten back together with his twin, but he decided to be with this other woman. His twin is devastated, thinking how he could choose some random woman over his “other half”, his twin.

But what if in another lifetime, that random woman was his wife and his twin was the other woman? Think about what it would take to balance the wheel of karma in this life. The twin feels left out in the cold, deserted, and emotionally abandoned, and betrayed that he would choose this other woman over her. And that’s exactly how the other woman had experienced in the past life, when she was the wife who had been betrayed by her husband and his lover. The karma is balanced.

Since both twins are soul connected, they do not have to physically be together to complete their mission here on earth. He/she can choose to be with whomever they want. That’s free will. Even apart, the twins are connected to each other energetically by what’s referred to as an “Alchemical Marriage.” They are within each other. Their souls touch, therefore they are never truly apart. Separateness is an illusion. Everything in this Universe is connected.

Now what about karma between the twins themselves? Some people don’t think there is karma between twins. From what I experienced with mine and what I have seen from people who have shared their Twin Flame stories with me, karma between twins is a real occurrence. And why wouldn’t that be true since everybody with whom we have a relationship, friendship, or a familial bond shares some type of karma with us?

One of my friends is with her Twin Flame. The only reason they were able to stay together was they were both strong, balanced people who made a conscious effort to clear the karma between them. My friend had been doing lots of energy work to balance herself and to clear her ancestral karma and negative patterns. When she met her twin, she was truly ready for it. Did they have karma between them? You bet ya ass, they did.

Their past lives with each other had not been pretty. In fact, they were horrific. In one, my friend was a man and her twin was a woman. Her twin was pregnant, and she cheated on him. In the next lifetime, they were both soldiers. Her twin betrayed her and she was tortured and killed because of it. When they met, all that karma came to the surface, but because she had been doing so much energy work and healing her own karma, she was ready for it and knew how to clear their shared karma so that they would be able have a solid, balanced romantic relationship and stay together despite all the mirroring and intensity.

Nobody runs. Nobody chases. Their relationship is in perfect balance. And there’s no longer karma throwing it off kilter or bringing up residual soul memories within them so they act out and do things that will be detrimental to their relationship.

In my experience, I had been told by two different people, my healer and an intuitive who read my cards that I had ancient karma with my twin. There seemed to be a theme around abandonment. My healer told me she saw him leaving in a stagecoach while I was standing there watching him go. She said another one she saw me leaving him. The intuitive who read my cards told me that I had been his mother in one, and I had abandoned him.

During this lifetime, we had each abandoned one other at different points during our Twin Flame journey. You can call it running or whatever, but it was basically “You think you can leave me, well I’m leaving you. You think you can hurt me, well I’m hurting you.

I had ended our relationship before he could, then when I tried to come back to him, he ignored me and shut me out of his life for good. In essence, he abandoned me. And he knew he did. It was a way to get back at me for abandoning him. But this was just our karma repeating over and over from lifetime to lifetime. We had also shared wonderful lives together where we had been married and had a family, but unfortunately, there were some awful ones, too.

My healer had told me that we had a soul contract with each other to balance the karma once and for all. And we did. Once the karma was balanced, that’s when our free will took the reins. Before our karma was healed, Spirit and our Higher Selves had full control over the connection. Once our soul contract was complete, the choice of whether we would come back together or stay apart was made. It was a decision between two individuals, not Spirit or our Higher Selves. Because our soul contract had fulfilled the mission of balancing the karma, there was nothing left for us to do on a spiritual level. But because these relationships work on two levels, the spiritual and physical world, a romantic relationship was now a possibility.

Once the karma was balanced, he had a choice between reconciling with me or staying with his current girlfriend, and he chose her. During a tarot reading inquiring about it, my reader told me he had consulted with his group of friends and they told him he shouldn’t contact me, so that what was that. He let his friends make the choice. I guess if he had wanted to be with me badly enough, he would’ve made it happen, but that’s not really his personality. He goes with the flow. It was easier to be with her than me for many reasons. His final decision told me everything I needed to know about him and how he felt about me. He didn’t think I was worth making any waves within his social circle or his life so we could be together. He wanted to keep everything on an even keel. He feared our connection. He feared me. He feared getting hurt again. 

I was blessed that I was able to work with my healer, who helped me understand his choice so I wouldn’t be devastated for the rest of my life. Spirit told her why he had chosen to shut me out for good. Even though we had healed our karma with each other and I had done a lot of work to heal my individual karma and advance my spiritual growth, he hadn’t. He didn’t want to. He wasn’t ready. They wanted me to know how hurt he was, not because of me, but because he had been deeply hurt long ago. They didn’t tell me why or when. Spirit could have been referring to past lives for all I know. That is why he closed his eyes to me and our connection and shut me out of his life.

His eyes were closed, but my eyes were wide open. I saw everything crystal clear. I had awakened. And I had awakened because of him, because of our connection. He chose not to awaken. The fact that he didn’t awaken or choose to be with me didn’t make me love him any less. That is the simple truth. My soul will always love his soul. His soul will always love mine. Nothing in this world will ever change that. If being with somebody other than me was going to make him happy then he made the perfect decision, in my opinion.

Some people have come on my blog and commented how I am angry, resentful, bitter, and I blame my twin. No, I am not any of those things. I do not blame him at all. I accept him and his choice. If anything, I love the raspy-voiced, stubborn lug unconditionally and forever. I don’t think people understand how heart-wrenching and soul shattering it was that the man who I loved the most and had loved for oceans of time and centuries didn’t choose to be with me in this lifetime because I wasn’t worth the risk. When I receive comments like that, they hurt me. I’m an oversensitive Pisces. I take things to heart and my feelings get hurt easily. I feel emotions too intensely for my liking, but it’s just who I am. 

I always wonder why people post comments to intentionally hurt me when I’ve already been through so much. For brief moments, I think “Why do I even put myself out there like this for people to just come on here and judge me and my connection and insult me?” But then I think about all the pain I endured during my spiritual journey with my Twin Flame, and it gives me solace that I can channel all that heartbreak and emotion into my writing so I can guide somebody who is dealing with it now. That is the sacrifice I make every time I write a piece here.

If somebody reads one of my posts and is able to relate to it in some way and it helps them as they survive their own connection, then I have turned all my darkness into something beautiful. I have manifested a rainbow out of a rainstorm. All the shitty, mean-spirited comments no longer matter in the big picture if I can make somebody’s journey a little easier and show them that happiness is closer than they think.

I wanted to write about karma in Twin Flame connections, because nobody else writes about it. I could read fifty blogs and websites about soul mates and Twin Flames, and with the exception of a handful, they’re all the same. Few people write about Twin Flames from their own experience, and the ones that do, for whatever reason, burn out quickly and abandon their blogs. My guess is it’s emotionally exhausting to relive their journeys day in and day out. How does one move forward when they’re constantly delving into memories from the past? I think many struggle with that, especially if they’re still dealing with the pain and are not yet at a place of peace and understanding. If you’re still hoping your twin is going to come back to you and you’re writing about the connection day in and day out, you’re going to be miserable. I can say this from experience, hope can ruin your life.

I write about my journey as I lived and felt it. I don’t hold back. I don’t sugar coat anything regarding these connections. I try to be a different voice in a sea of the same ones. I make it my mission to show people another perspective of the Twin Flame experience. I don’t believe in focusing on the spiritual more than the real world and vice versa. They should be of equal balance. If you’re dealing with a connection, and you’re more concerned about the romantic aspect, you’re missing out some significant aspects; and if you’re too hung up on the spiritual side to see what’s going on in the real world, you’re not getting the whole picture.

Just because he/she loves you on a soul level, doesn’t mean he/she loves you in the physical world. If the guy is marrying somebody else, he’s giving you a clear message. If the woman says she doesn’t want to be with you, she doesn’t. He/she may love you with the power of a thousand exploding suns on a soul level though. One does not equal the other. You must balance both worlds to have a clear understanding of the connection. That’s the hard part. It’s like having a relationship with somebody who has a split personality.

I love you! We have a connection! We have the greatest love of all.

Then, they switch personalities

“No, I don’t have any feelings for you, sorry. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

These connections make us feel crazy because there is so much going on: Karma, lessons, fears, insecurities, issues, emotional wounds, karmic patterns, then throw in ENERGY and lots of it. Then top it all off with a direct line to the Universe and all the LOVE within it. If you feel as if you’re on a roller coaster, that’s because you are. It’s like being in the middle of a hurricane trying your best to remain standing. The wind is knocking you on the ground, and all you can do is get up over and over again until eventually the storm passes and you’re standing on firm ground as the sun shines upon you. That is the Twin Flame journey.

*If you would like to learn more about soul mate relationships and karma, check out Soul Mates by Kevin Todeschi and Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss.*

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When the Twin Flame Connection Makes You Feel Crazy

Every day after we separated was the same. I thought “Am I going crazy?”

What the fuck is happening to me?”

“Why do I feel like I’m losing my mind?”

“When am I going to get through this?”

“Will I get through this?”

“Is this how I’m going to feel for the rest of my life?”

A Twin Flame connection will make you feel like you’re going insane. I spent my days Googling “Why is this connection making me feel crazy?” Either I never found the answer online or I didn’t understand the answer given, but for whatever reason, I had to figure out the answer on my own.

I discovered it’s because the energy between the two souls is entwined. I felt his energy as well as my energy. Our souls were entangled. It was a constant push pull. The energy after a separation is INTENSE. It shook me to the core. I could feel him, yet we weren’t together. His essence was all over me, and there was nothing I could do but miss him. I had to accept the fact that he was no longer in my life. I loved him from hundreds of miles away. We weren’t speaking to each other, yet I woke up feeling his energy as if he were lying next to me. It was maddening. I woke up in sweat. I woke up with my chest pounding. I woke up with a pit of despair at the bottom of my stomach. Every morning, I felt like I wanted to die.

His misery permeated the air that I breathed. I knew he was sad. I knew he was hurt. But it wasn’t the right time to contact him. I had to accept that. There was a deep knowing within me telling me that there was work to be done. I was a mess. I needed to fix myself. It was all coming to the surface. For years, I had done everything I could to push away my emotional problems and my childhood wounds.

I drank. I self-medicated. I dove into a sub-culture of music where people took drugs and escaped from reality for a weekend at a time. And in those dark clubs and warehouses, I found shreds of happiness; in those hours of drugged out bliss, I didn’t have to think about how lost I was deep down, how much it hurt inside, how fearful I was that the people who came into my life would abandon me. I escaped all that. I got to party and dance with my friends. For one night, sometimes two, I didn’t have a care in the world. I could forget about all my insecurities and childhood wounds.

He was everything, and I was nothing. I didn’t deserve him. How could he ever love a mess like me? I couldn’t hide how broken I was. He was realizing it. I was ruining a good thing. I was pushing the connection. I was rushing. I felt so much anxiety that my stomach was constantly in knots. I was so scared to lose him that all I could do was push and push my feelings onto him. He wouldn’t want to be with somebody who was so needy for love. He wouldn’t want to love somebody who feared being abandoned. He was normal. And I had problems.

The night we had our fight, as the ecstasy raced through my veins, it intensified all my emotions, but it also brought out my spiritual self. Ever since I had met him, I had been slowly awakening. As I awakened, I began to realize that I was a healer. I was meant to heal people. And I was meant to heal him. I told him that I would heal his heart. Right after I said it, I saw the blood drain out of his face. And he got angry. I could see how scared he was. I was so hurt that he was angry with me that I lashed out at him.

I made a fool out of myself at that club. I had never acted that way before. He had a bouncer separate me from him, because he couldn’t deal with me. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I could blame it on the drugs and the alcohol, but it was as if I had no control over my words and actions. The fight and my reactions escalated so quickly that there was no turning back. I had acted like a mental case. And to make it worse, one of his friends that he brought to the club that night is now his girlfriend. It took them a while to get together romantically, but I always saw her in pictures, and I had a gut feeling about her. My dreams confirmed my worst fears.

He saw the worst side of me anybody had ever seen before. The jig was up. He knew how unbalanced and fucked up I was. I decided to give him an out and he took it. I hated myself at that moment, and because of that, I said “If you want me out of your life, just say it.” He texted back “All set.” I pulled the plug on us. We were over before we had started.

The rose had wilted before it had bloomed. It was the worst night of my life. Even writing this brings tears to my eyes. I lost him for good. In those five months, he had become my best friend, my lover, the man that I wanted to spend my life with – then in one moment – it was all gone.

It was Halloween night in Brooklyn at a warehouse party at 4:30 in the morning and there I was standing in a Snow White costume, realizing that I had lost the love of my life. I remember calling my mom the next day, completely numb from what had occurred. I said “Is he coming back?” And she said “No, he’s not.” And she was right. Regardless of the spiritual awakening and all the signs and everything connecting us, he never came back.

My healer said I had scared him by something I said. I hadn’t even remembered what it was until she reminded me. I had told him “I can heal your heart.” And he wasn’t able to deal with that. I don’t really know why. Maybe it was too out there for him. Maybe he didn’t think his heart needed healing. It doesn’t matter. I don’t regret what I said. I was being my true self. I never want to be anybody but who I really am. I never want to pretend that I’m somebody else. My purpose on earth is to help people. And that is my mission. The man who truly loves me will understand and love that side of me, not run from it.

I am still working on healing from that night. It was traumatic, to the point where I replayed it over and over in my head for six months after. My biggest challenge has been learning to forgive the person that I was in that moment of time. I was a lost Princess. I was by no means a Queen. I was Snow White lost in the dark forest. And it would take me years to find my way out of the black woods into the light. Every day that passes, I get stronger, and those painful memories fade more and more. Someday soon I will be able to think about those devastating moments without crying. When I do, I’ll know I am healed. Until then, so we beat on. 

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Twin Flame Challenges

“Love that is not madness is not love.” ~ Pedro Calderon de la Barca

During my Twin Flame journey, one thing I kept asking myself was “Why is this so hard?” I had always thought when you met the love of your life, everything would be smooth sailing. But when I met my twin, there was nothing easy about it. Meeting him triggered all my issues.

Something about him brought out a deep-seated fear in me, which manifested itself as severe anxiety. I had never felt this before when I was first dating somebody. It was intense. What was supposed to be a wonderful time of getting to know each other and building a foundation never seemed to give me any pleasure. I was so scared that it was going to end that I could never enjoy it. I put on a good face for him, but he had no idea the personal hell I was suffering through. My head was a prison of negative thinking and fear. I was in a constant state of worry. I just wanted him to love me. And nothing else mattered in my life except that need for him to love me.

All my fears, all the dysfunctions, all the toxic thoughts reared their ugly heads, which ultimately caused our separation. Meeting my twin drove me to madness. Why? Because he connected me to MYSELF. Twin Flames are made from the same soul: One is the Divine feminine, and the other is the Divine masculine. Regardless of what we may have read: These are two different entities, and they do not need one another to be complete. If we meet our Twin Flame, and we don’t have a relationship with him/her or the relationship ends, it’s okay. We are whole with or without the other twin. We must never believe otherwise.

By connecting me to myself, I was forced to deal with my mind, which was the equivalent of a cluttered attic that needed a good cleaning, but I never wanted to take the time to do it. Once I met my twin, the universe grabbed hold of me and said “Guess what you’re going to be working on! YOU NEED TO CLEAN OUT YOUR ATTIC. You’ve put it off long enough!” And the universe will lock the door until the job is done. This is why we feel chained to our twins. We can’t escape the connection until we clean our attics.

People have asked me “How do you know what your issues are?” And I always tell them “They reveal themselves to you over the course of an introspection process.” If you start to look inward, the universe will show you what they are. Embrace it: This is your lifetime to heal.

Your issues may manifest themselves in your dreams. If you’re dreaming of your twin, how is he/she acting toward you? How is the dream making you feel? If there are other people in the dream, how are they acting? How are they making you feel? Keep a pad of paper by your bed, so you can write them down. When you have a dream, immediately write down whatever you remember. The longer you’re awake after a dream, the more you’ll forget.

During this time, you may want to meditate for at least 5 minutes every day. This will center you and connect you to your Higher Self. You may even receive guidance easier after meditating. And it’s a fantastic way to relax. If you don’t like meditation, try yoga. My yoga instructor calls yoga “moving meditation.” It works the same way, only you get a great workout at the same time.

Buy a journal. Write down any songs or phrases that pop into your head. If you hear a random conversation where you have a gut feeling that you’re meant to hear it, listen closely. Pay attention to your thoughts. If you feel guided to read a certain book, take a class, or even schedule an appointment for some type of self-improvement session or therapy, do it!

Your Spirit Guides and Angels are doing everything they can to help you heal. All you have to do is listen to your intuition. You will be surprised by everything you discover about yourself. It’s as if there is a magnifying glass on all your broken pieces. The universe wants you to fix yourself once and for all. And it uses this Twin Flame connection to do it.

Looking inward is difficult: This is the reason why many twins run from the connection. It’s easier to run than it is to face our issues. My twin decided not to do the inner work. The universe gave him the opportunity, but he chose otherwise.

I spent two years carrying the guilt and pain of him not choosing the path to heal. It was destroying me. It took for me to sink into a deep depression that I could no longer fight my way through, to realize I needed help. I had hit bottom. I was in an abyss that I couldn’t escape. I was a shell of the person I once was. I knew I needed to book a session with my spiritual teacher/healer. I didn’t want to live like this anymore. Something had to change. I had to save my life.

My Reiki healer told me I was ready to let him go. It was time. I had learned my lessons. And she told me that I had to let him heal himself and not to feel any more blame. I had to now focus on myself and my happiness.

My soul was enmeshed in his soul, taking on all his issues and emotional wounds. It’s no wonder I felt like I was drowning in hopelessness all the time. I wanted him to heal so badly, that I was trying to do all the work for him. It was the equivalent of me cleaning out his attic night and day until I was exhausted and ready to pass out while he was out having fun, doing everything to avoid it. But that’s not how it works: He needs to clean his own attic! And if he doesn’t want to clean it, it’s not my problem.

We have to let our twins do their own healing. And we can’t help them or rush the process. If our twins do not choose to heal, there is nothing we can do. We have to let them go. We have to envision them walking with us down a path. I like to imagine it as the “Yellow Brick Road.” We’re holding hands with our twins, and suddenly our twins stop and say “I can’t go any further. I’m not ready to go where you’re heading.” And with that, we give them a loving hug and let go of their hand and continue on our way.

We have to realize that letting them go is a way for us to express our unconditional love to them. We can’t drag them, and they don’t want to be dragged. We have to accept that our journey continues regardless if they’re by our sides. And we must know that they will always be connected to our souls. Nothing will ever change that. How can we ever be separated if their soul is perpetually touching ours? And one of the biggest challenges of the Twin Flame connection is not only understanding that truth, but taking comfort in it.

 

How to Live When You Feel Like Dying Part I: The Twin Flame Connection

For a solid two years since I had met and separated from my Twin Flame, my existence seemed like a nightmare that I could never escape. I would wake up in so much emotional agony every morning that I felt like was dying or wanted to die. It’s not that I wanted to kill myself; it’s just I didn’t want to live in misery anymore. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel pain that deeply.

My heart and soul felt shredded. My stomach was in constant knots. People would try to talk to me, and I couldn’t pay attention to what they were saying. And I lived in silent misery, because the people around me had no idea what I was going through. How could they!

Until you have lived through a Twin Flame connection, you have no clue. You could read a thousand books about Twin Flames and still have no fucking idea. You just don’t know until you have gone through it, period. This is why the experience can feel so lonely and isolating. Because you know if you told somebody about it, they would think you were a crazy, obsessed freakshow, so you don’t say a word. You suffer in silence. And at times, you question if you actually are a crazy, obsessed freakshow. I did many times.

My head was a continuous loop of memories from the past: I thought about him every minute of my day. I only dreamed of him. My world was tinted with reflections of him through all the signs and synchronicities. I felt as if I were Alice in Wonderland, always chasing the elusive White Hare, but never catching him. That was my Twin Flame: He was my White Hare. When I lost him, I fell down the rabbit hole and was taken on a spectacular, magical, and devastating spiritual journey that changed my life forever and opened my eyes to who I was and who I needed to become.

I learned many lessons along the way: relationship lessons, love lessons, and soul lessons. And it was all because of the connection to him.

I cannot emphasize this enough: You will not break the chains that are binding you to your twin in this connection until you learn all the lessons. That feeling of being imprisoned by invisible ties will remain. We must learn our lessons to release ourselves. It is the only way. Cord cutting will not work in this type of connection. Think of the universe as a strict school teacher who won’t let you leave class until you’ve finished your test.

So how do we learn the lessons? We have to become hermits, in a sense. That doesn’t mean we can’t go out and live our lives and enjoy ourselves; it means that we have to find the answers within us through deep introspection. Through that self-reflection, the patterns of our relationships with our families and our lovers will reveal the lessons that the universe wants us to learn and is currently being shown to us by the “Mirror Effect” aka the symbolic mirror our twins are holding up to us to show us what has been holding us back in the way we love and how we receive love.

One lesson that seems to be prevalent within soul connections is: Enmeshment. aka codependency, enmeshment is where you entangle yourself (emotionally and even energetically) in somebody so much that you lose yourself. You only care about what they think, what they want, and you forget about what you want. You will do anything to keep them. You may want to save them. You may want to heal them. You feel as if you no longer exist unless you are together. You think they complete you in some way. You may view yourself as the only person who can help them. At some point in the relationship or even after, you may have stopped caring about yourself and what makes you happy.

Think for a moment how you felt once you and your twin separated: Did you give up living in a sense? Did your whole world crumble because he/she was missing from your life? Did you stop thinking about your own happiness and only focused on your twin and what he/she was doing; what he/she was telling you in dreams; what he/she was communicating to you telepathically; or even what psychic or tarot readings were telling you? Sound familiar? Of course, because we’ve ALL lived it. I lived in a state of emotional/karmic pain, heartbreak, misery, ruin, and hopelessness for two solid years.

You’re thinking: “But he/she is half of my soul! Of course I feel that way! He/she is my Twin Flame!” Yes, and I understand exactly why you feel that way; however, this is exactly how the universe teaches us this lesson. How better to learn this lesson of enmeshment than to face a soul mate who is already literally tethered to your soul! That’s why this lesson is such a bitch to learn. Some lessons are harder than others, but this one is downright brutal. It seems like a cruel joke played on us by the universe. But you have to believe that we were chosen to take on this journey because we are stronger than most.

If I weren’t as strong as I am, I know that at some point, I would have died from it. And I’m sure many of you have felt the same way at times. When our whole word turns to darkness, how do we continue to live? And yet, we do. Because we are stronger than we give ourselves credit, we triumph. The Twin Flame journey may batter and bruise us, but it never defeats us.

The blackness turns to light because we are the chariots of our own destiny. And the love that has been awakened within us by the Divine love we feel for our twin illuminates the world. We are the warriors who make the world spin with Love and Light.

 

 

A Love Like Heroin: Karmic Relationships

Have you ever met somebody, and you were instantly attracted to each other? Have you ever had a relationship that kept pulling you back when you tried to walk away, even when you knew it was wrong for you? Have you ever loved somebody in an obsessive way that just by being with them felt like a drug? The relationship was like heroin. You needed, not necessarily wanted, them in an unhealthy, dysfunctional way. You obsessed and lusted after them. These are karmic relationships.

Karmic relationships have a magnetism to them to draw you to each other so that one or both of you can learn a lesson. They are similar to soul mate relationships, but the karma is usually negative. There’s an edge to the relationship. It feels off balanced in some way. There are usually red flags, but because the attraction is so great we ignore them. We think “How can it be wrong when it feels so good?”

“Whether we like it or not, the Universal Law of Karma constantly brings before each of us the meeting of our past use of free will and consciousness. Thus, what we have done to other souls and they have done to us is reflected in the circumstances surrounding our present relationships and the basic, innate urges, attitudes and emotions we feel toward each other.” ~ John Van Auken, Soul Life: Past Lives & Present Relationships

One of the most confusing aspects in these relationships is we can easily mistake them for a soulmate because it feels like we’ve known them all our lives. They feel comfortable to us. But think of it this way: What if in another lifetime, you were betrayed by somebody which led to your murder? Well guess what, that’s the same guy you’re sleeping with now and the sex is incredible! You feel like you’ve known him before because you have: in another lifetime.

To balance the karma between you, you have a soul contract with each other to meet in this lifetime. So don’t count on this guy sticking around. He’s not the one you’re going to marry. You will most likely end up sleeping with his best friend and betraying him just as he did to you in a previous lifetime. What goes around, comes around. And it works the other way as well.

One of my harshest karmic relationships (I’ve had many) was with a younger man I only knew for three months. When we were together, we would have lovely conversations about art, literature, and music, all the things I love. He was intelligent and charming. When I was with him, I felt as if we had always been friends. But there were red flags that I didn’t pay attention to. I trusted too easily. I thought I knew him, because it felt like I knew him, but I did not.

He portrayed himself to be somebody he was not. In actuality, he was a heroin addict who had been in and out of treatment programs for years. When he met me, he was trying to make a fresh start. I didn’t know any of this. I found out later when he had totaled my car and stole my credit card, social security card, and my roommate’s checks, which he had his new junkie girlfriend cash. He had a criminal record for stealing his ex-girlfriend’s money.

This person whom I thought so fondly of didn’t exist. He was nothing but a liar and a thief. Drugs may have fueled his bad behavior, but deep down, he wasn’t a good person. He used me for whatever he could, and then disappeared in a puff of smoke. And I’m sure he will do it again and again to other women.

I believe to this day that in some other lifetime, I had wronged him in some way. But besides that, he taught me a lesson about being too trusting. I’m the type of person who always sees the good in people. This was teaching me that I had to be careful who I let into my life. All that glitters is not always gold.

I had a psychic read my cards about this karmic connection, and she called him a “snake charmer.” She said that I had beat myself about allowing a toxic person into my heart, but it wasn’t my fault. She told me “Snake charmers fool everybody.” I had another psychic cut the energetic cords that were binding us together, so the karma between us would be finished.

Often times, karmic relationships teach us lessons about codependency. What feels like love is need. And need is not love. One of the ways in which these lessons are learned is by creating scenarios of unrequited love: You want to be with this person; they don’t, and vice versa. Somebody always loves more; somebody is always heartbroken in the end. In a codependent relationship, the more you give, the more the other takes. The relationship is unbalanced. You think by giving them everything, they will love you more, but it usually works the opposite way. Ain’t that a bitch?

Now the universe will keep throwing these shitty one-sided relationships at you until you learn the lesson. I used to tell my friends “All I attract are addicts and alcoholics!” And the reason for that was the universe was trying to teach me a lesson about being codependent. I would lose myself in my relationships and make it solely about the other person.

Addicts and alcoholics are naturally self-centered: It’s part of their affliction. Being in a relationship with one, it’s all about their problems. This is why they subconsciously seek out codependent people to be their partners. And all I wanted to do was focus on them, so it was the perfect dysfunctional, karmic match! So to learn my lesson about giving too much of myself, the universe had to beat me over the head by sending several addicts and alcoholics my way.

If all you attract is a specific type of shitty person, there’s probably a lesson to be learned. Once you learn the lesson, the spell breaks, but learning the lesson is difficult. It usually takes time and several karmic relationships to do it.

People always ask me “How do I attract good people into my life to have healthy relationships?” The answer I give is: “You have to be healthy to attract healthy!” If you’re damaged, you will attract damaged partners. If you don’t love yourself, you will only meet people who don’t love you, or are incapable of showing you their love. In the Law of Attraction, they say “Like attracts like. Lack attracts lack.” When you are of strong mind, body, and soul, you attract others who are. That’s how it works! Only you can break your relationship patterns.

If you’re sick of karmic relationships and want a commitment that’s lasting and solid, start by performing my “Out of the Funk, Into the Love” full moon ritual to release the relationship residue from the past. Out with the old, in with the new. You can do it any time, but full moons are the most powerful periods of the month to “take out the garbage”, so to speak.

Once you’ve done that, start a journal and jot down your relationship patterns. What has been the connecting thread in most of your relationships? How do you show love? How have your exes shown love to you? Once you start recognizing the repeating themes in your relationships, you will see the lessons. And learning the lessons are half the battle.

Image via Fashiontography