Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Your Karma

Written By Tresmoongoddess

Everyone has heard of Karma before. This natural law has expanded beyond the beliefs of Buddhism and Hinduism into Western culture. But, do our beliefs about what Karma is, actually align with the law that is practiced by its religion of origin? In this post I will discuss the misconceptions about Karma as well as the definition of what Karma is based on the Buddhists and Hindus.

So, let’s talk about what Karma is NOT!

Many people believe that Karma is some sort of retribution, an “eye for an eye” type of deal. You do something bad and in return something bad happens to you. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve heard, “She will get what’s coming to her!” or, “I’ll let Karma deal with it.” from people seemingly taking the high road in a situation when they have been wronged by someone. While Karma IS the result of someone’s actions, it doesn’t quite work that way.

Well Goddess, what IS Karma then?

I am glad that you asked! The word Karma is a Sanskrit word that roughly translates to the English word action, and is used by Eastern religions including Buddhism and Hinduism. The overall premise of Karma is one of cause and effect. Every action that you do will have an effect on your life in the future. So, yes, Karma is something that happens to you, but the most important part of Karma is not the action, but the WHY behind the action.

The WHY is often the part Western culture leaves off when thinking about Karma. But, the WHY is what causes Karma to happen in the first place. The WHY causes the effect in the cause and effect of Karma. Karma doesn’t just look at a person’s actions. It looks at the person’s intentions.

Let’s say someone robs a store. They aren’t going to be robbed in the future just because they did this crime. Karma looks at the reason that they robbed the store. Were they trying to feed their family and didn’t have the financial means, or, were they just doing it for some type of gang initiation? The person who did it trying to feed their family may actually have good Karma come to them because their intentions were good, whereas the person who did it for gang initiation may have bad Karma come to them because their intentions were bad.

The WHY in the law of Karma is why people who are seemingly horrible people and do really fucked up things never have bad things happen to them. It is also why people who are seemingly really good people may always be down on their luck. So, while Karma IS an action, it is NOT about someone’s actions, but rather their intentions.

Now that we know what Karma is, let’s talk about HOW Karma works.

Karma is not something instantaneous. A person’s Karma can take hours, days, months, years, or even lifetimes to occur. It really just depends on how out of balance a person is. The ultimate goal of Karma is to seek, restore, and maintain balance. This idea of balance is why a lot of Western culture believes that Karma is about “an eye for an eye”. But, that’s not how Karma maintains balance.

Think about Karma as a bank. People can accrue good debt such as a home that appreciates in value that can pay out later in life as it appreciates, or they can accrue bad debt such as credit card interest, and bank fees from over-drafting their accounts. The Karma bank either pays out the appreciation or collects the interest and fees. Some fees hit quick such as an overdraft fee and others may occur over a time period such as paying interests on a car loan. How big the fee is and how hard it is felt depends on how much money (good Karma) a person has saved in their account. Karma is constantly looking at the account of a person’s intentions to make sure that their account is balanced, and it pays out and collects as necessary.

I hope that this helps you to better understand what Karma is and how it works!

You can send me any  comments on Twitter at @tresmoongoddess 🙂

Ashe!

 

Who We Once Were: Past Lives Stories

 

Think of past lives like this: What if you had a dream that affected you so deeply that you carried its energy everywhere? What if you didn’t understand the dream or barely remembered it, yet there were secrets and lessons that lingered in your subconscious. Past lives are like dreams in that sense. In our past lives, we may have played different “roles.” We may have committed heinous acts. We may have loved deeply and lost in the most heartbreaking of ways. We may have killed our lovers, or they killed us. We may have been tortured and killed in the name of religion or war. These are the wounds we carry with us every day, whether we realize it or not. Our soul memories never go away.

As we delve into our past lives through meditation, dream work, shamanic journeying, or even past life regressions, we will discover energetic patterns and karmic lessons. Karma is not a punishment; it is not good or bad, it just is. It is a re-balancing system. In a past life, if a woman abandons her son, in the next lifetime, she will encounter him again, only in a romantic relationship. To balance the karma, he will abandon her. When this occurs, the karma is balanced, and the two people can go their separate ways. The entire purpose of their pairing was to balance the karma.

Past Life Experiences

In a past life, a beautiful woman was constantly harassed by men in the village. She was forced to marry a man who was a brute. She resented him, and feels trapped by this marriage. She blamed her looks and her body for catching his attention in the first place. She lived a miserable life where she felt imprisoned. Now skip to this lifetime: she is very heavy. She doesn’t understand why she’s so addicted to food. She is ashamed of her body and lack of willpower. She goes in for a past life regression, and discovers that she has carried the shame of being beautiful into this lifetime.

Beauty, to her, equates being trapped in a marriage by a horrible man. So she eats and gains weight to hide her looks. In her past life, she felt her beauty had been a curse. Subconsciously this past life affected her deeply. She was born with subconscious programming that her looks would only create problems for her. Once she discovers this through her past life regression, she is able to heal and break this pattern of overeating. She makes peace with this past life and moves forward. Past life regression therapy was the key to healing.

Balancing Karma

In another scenario, a man wonders why he fights with his wife so much. They can never seem to get along, and they have blow-up fights. Together, they’re like fire and gasoline. They’re on the brink of divorce when they decide to go for a past life regression. It is revealed to them that they have had many lifetimes together, and they have killed each other in quite a few of them. This is a wake-up call for them. They both understand what’s been causing so much unnecessary stress on the relationship, and they commit to each other and the relationship, agreeing that they will push through these uncomfortable feelings to find the love that’s been waiting for them for years.

Every lifetime holds a message, a lesson, and an opportunity for our souls to grow and evolve. Not all our problems are rooted in this lifetimes, and as humans we have to learn to accept our flaws and broken pieces. We must open ourselves up for healing and trust that Spirit will help us heal when we ask for it. Our soul wounds do not have to hinder us from having a life filled with love, joy, and peace. We can push through the discomfort these wounds may have triggered to find the waters of Divine healing waiting for us when we are ready to fully immerse ourselves in it.

Twin Flames and the Wheel of Karma

Karma. When referring to soul connections, specifically Twin Flames, nobody ever talks about it. It’s a huge elephant in the room that everybody pretends not to see. But I’m telling you right now, Twin Flame connections are all about KARMA.

People seem to think that karma is this negative word, but it’s not. It’s just cause and effect. It’s the way for the Universe to balance the energies within it and ourselves. Our souls are perpetual students. With each lifetime, our souls gain knowledge. Our experiences shape us, but they also teach us soul lessons. And in these lifetimes, we play many roles like actors in a play.

Twin Flames are ancient soul mates. They have spent many of these lives meeting each other, and in each one, a unique situation takes place. The roles and the relationships to each other may change, but the actual soul connection remains the same. The connection takes place on a spiritual level, whereas the relationship occurs on a real world or material level.

What if in a past life, you and your twin were having an affair with each other? And what if one of you was married at the time? What happens to the husband/wife in the next one? Do you think they disappear? Have you ever noticed that many Twin Flame separations have a third-party involved? Have you ever thought why?

Let’s use this as an example: A young woman meets a man who she believes to be her twin. They have this amazing love affair. Everything is perfect, as if the union is blessed by God himself, when all of a sudden, for whatever reason, they separate. During the separation, he meets a woman and after some time, he decides to marry her. A choice was made. He could have gotten back together with his twin, but he decided to be with this other woman. His twin is devastated, thinking how he could choose some random woman over his “other half”, his twin.

But what if in another lifetime, that random woman was his wife and his twin was the other woman? Think about what it would take to balance the wheel of karma in this life. The twin feels left out in the cold, deserted, and emotionally abandoned, and betrayed that he would choose this other woman over her. And that’s exactly how the other woman had experienced in the past life, when she was the wife who had been betrayed by her husband and his lover. The karma is balanced.

Since both twins are soul connected, they do not have to physically be together to complete their mission here on earth. He/she can choose to be with whomever they want. That’s free will. Even apart, the twins are connected to each other energetically by what’s referred to as an “Alchemical Marriage.” They are within each other. Their souls touch, therefore they are never truly apart. Separateness is an illusion. Everything in this Universe is connected.

Now what about karma between the twins themselves? Some people don’t think there is karma between twins. From what I experienced with mine and what I have seen from people who have shared their Twin Flame stories with me, karma between twins is a real occurrence. And why wouldn’t that be true since everybody with whom we have a relationship, friendship, or a familial bond shares some type of karma with us?

One of my friends is with her Twin Flame. The only reason they were able to stay together was they were both strong, balanced people who made a conscious effort to clear the karma between them. My friend had been doing lots of energy work to balance herself and to clear her ancestral karma and negative patterns. When she met her twin, she was truly ready for it. Did they have karma between them? You bet ya ass, they did.

Their past lives with each other had not been pretty. In fact, they were horrific. In one, my friend was a man and her twin was a woman. Her twin was pregnant, and she cheated on him. In the next lifetime, they were both soldiers. Her twin betrayed her and she was tortured and killed because of it. When they met, all that karma came to the surface, but because she had been doing so much energy work and healing her own karma, she was ready for it and knew how to clear their shared karma so that they would be able have a solid, balanced romantic relationship and stay together despite all the mirroring and intensity.

Nobody runs. Nobody chases. Their relationship is in perfect balance. And there’s no longer karma throwing it off kilter or bringing up residual soul memories within them so they act out and do things that will be detrimental to their relationship.

In my experience, I had been told by two different people, my healer and an intuitive who read my cards that I had ancient karma with my twin. There seemed to be a theme around abandonment. My healer told me she saw him leaving in a stagecoach while I was standing there watching him go. She said another one she saw me leaving him. The intuitive who read my cards told me that I had been his mother in one, and I had abandoned him.

During this lifetime, we had each abandoned one other at different points during our Twin Flame journey. You can call it running or whatever, but it was basically “You think you can leave me, well I’m leaving you. You think you can hurt me, well I’m hurting you.

I had ended our relationship before he could, then when I tried to come back to him, he ignored me and shut me out of his life for good. In essence, he abandoned me. And he knew he did. It was a way to get back at me for abandoning him. But this was just our karma repeating over and over from lifetime to lifetime. We had also shared wonderful lives together where we had been married and had a family, but unfortunately, there were some awful ones, too.

My healer had told me that we had a soul contract with each other to balance the karma once and for all. And we did. Once the karma was balanced, that’s when our free will took the reins. Before our karma was healed, Spirit and our Higher Selves had full control over the connection. Once our soul contract was complete, the choice of whether we would come back together or stay apart was made. It was a decision between two individuals, not Spirit or our Higher Selves. Because our soul contract had fulfilled the mission of balancing the karma, there was nothing left for us to do on a spiritual level. But because these relationships work on two levels, the spiritual and physical world, a romantic relationship was now a possibility.

Once the karma was balanced, he had a choice between reconciling with me or staying with his current girlfriend, and he chose her. During a tarot reading inquiring about it, my reader told me he had consulted with his group of friends and they told him he shouldn’t contact me, so that what was that. He let his friends make the choice. I guess if he had wanted to be with me badly enough, he would’ve made it happen, but that’s not really his personality. He goes with the flow. It was easier to be with her than me for many reasons. His final decision told me everything I needed to know about him and how he felt about me. He didn’t think I was worth making any waves within his social circle or his life so we could be together. He wanted to keep everything on an even keel. He feared our connection. He feared me. He feared getting hurt again. 

I was blessed that I was able to work with my healer, who helped me understand his choice so I wouldn’t be devastated for the rest of my life. Spirit told her why he had chosen to shut me out for good. Even though we had healed our karma with each other and I had done a lot of work to heal my individual karma and advance my spiritual growth, he hadn’t. He didn’t want to. He wasn’t ready. They wanted me to know how hurt he was, not because of me, but because he had been deeply hurt long ago. They didn’t tell me why or when. Spirit could have been referring to past lives for all I know. That is why he closed his eyes to me and our connection and shut me out of his life.

His eyes were closed, but my eyes were wide open. I saw everything crystal clear. I had awakened. And I had awakened because of him, because of our connection. He chose not to awaken. The fact that he didn’t awaken or choose to be with me didn’t make me love him any less. That is the simple truth. My soul will always love his soul. His soul will always love mine. Nothing in this world will ever change that. If being with somebody other than me was going to make him happy then he made the perfect decision, in my opinion.

Some people have come on my blog and commented how I am angry, resentful, bitter, and I blame my twin. No, I am not any of those things. I do not blame him at all. I accept him and his choice. If anything, I love the raspy-voiced, stubborn lug unconditionally and forever. I don’t think people understand how heart-wrenching and soul shattering it was that the man who I loved the most and had loved for oceans of time and centuries didn’t choose to be with me in this lifetime because I wasn’t worth the risk. When I receive comments like that, they hurt me. I’m an oversensitive Pisces. I take things to heart and my feelings get hurt easily. I feel emotions too intensely for my liking, but it’s just who I am. 

I always wonder why people post comments to intentionally hurt me when I’ve already been through so much. For brief moments, I think “Why do I even put myself out there like this for people to just come on here and judge me and my connection and insult me?” But then I think about all the pain I endured during my spiritual journey with my Twin Flame, and it gives me solace that I can channel all that heartbreak and emotion into my writing so I can guide somebody who is dealing with it now. That is the sacrifice I make every time I write a piece here.

If somebody reads one of my posts and is able to relate to it in some way and it helps them as they survive their own connection, then I have turned all my darkness into something beautiful. I have manifested a rainbow out of a rainstorm. All the shitty, mean-spirited comments no longer matter in the big picture if I can make somebody’s journey a little easier and show them that happiness is closer than they think.

I wanted to write about karma in Twin Flame connections, because nobody else writes about it. I could read fifty blogs and websites about soul mates and Twin Flames, and with the exception of a handful, they’re all the same. Few people write about Twin Flames from their own experience, and the ones that do, for whatever reason, burn out quickly and abandon their blogs. My guess is it’s emotionally exhausting to relive their journeys day in and day out. How does one move forward when they’re constantly delving into memories from the past? I think many struggle with that, especially if they’re still dealing with the pain and are not yet at a place of peace and understanding. If you’re still hoping your twin is going to come back to you and you’re writing about the connection day in and day out, you’re going to be miserable. I can say this from experience, hope can ruin your life.

I write about my journey as I lived and felt it. I don’t hold back. I don’t sugar coat anything regarding these connections. I try to be a different voice in a sea of the same ones. I make it my mission to show people another perspective of the Twin Flame experience. I don’t believe in focusing on the spiritual more than the real world and vice versa. They should be of equal balance. If you’re dealing with a connection, and you’re more concerned about the romantic aspect, you’re missing out some significant aspects; and if you’re too hung up on the spiritual side to see what’s going on in the real world, you’re not getting the whole picture.

Just because he/she loves you on a soul level, doesn’t mean he/she loves you in the physical world. If the guy is marrying somebody else, he’s giving you a clear message. If the woman says she doesn’t want to be with you, she doesn’t. He/she may love you with the power of a thousand exploding suns on a soul level though. One does not equal the other. You must balance both worlds to have a clear understanding of the connection. That’s the hard part. It’s like having a relationship with somebody who has a split personality.

I love you! We have a connection! We have the greatest love of all.

Then, they switch personalities

“No, I don’t have any feelings for you, sorry. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

These connections make us feel crazy because there is so much going on: Karma, lessons, fears, insecurities, issues, emotional wounds, karmic patterns, then throw in ENERGY and lots of it. Then top it all off with a direct line to the Universe and all the LOVE within it. If you feel as if you’re on a roller coaster, that’s because you are. It’s like being in the middle of a hurricane trying your best to remain standing. The wind is knocking you on the ground, and all you can do is get up over and over again until eventually the storm passes and you’re standing on firm ground as the sun shines upon you. That is the Twin Flame journey.

*If you would like to learn more about soul mate relationships and karma, check out Soul Mates by Kevin Todeschi and Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss.*

To book a reading or session, click here.

When the Relationship Breaks: Letting Go of the Blame

“It takes two to make an accident.” ~ The Great Gatsby
A relationship either works, or it doesn’t. The two energies of the individuals either mesh, or they don’t, regardless of their connection to each other. A breakup occurs because the two people are out of balance. It takes two people to create that imbalance, two people to cause a breakup. When a relationship ends, we mourn that severed connection much like a death. We go through various stages of grieving: One of those phases is blame.
How many times have you had a relationship end and thought “If only I had done this. If only I had acted like this. If only I hadn’t done that. If only I had been better. If only I hadn’t said that. Then we would still be together.” That’s a lot of “if onlys”, don’t you think? Yet, this is the type of constant negative thinking that takes place in our heads. We create our own prisons of blame and self-hate. We live in misery and regret, continuously beating ourselves up until there’s nothing left to us. We become shells of the people we once were, nothing but zombies, because our spirits are so broken. Until we learn to forgive ourselves, we are slaves to our own destructive thoughts.
When I lost my Twin Flame, I hated myself. I put all the blame on myself. I thought: “It was all because of my stupid issues, my fear of abandonment, my fear of love, my anxiety that created our separation. If it wasn’t for those deep-seated issues of mine from childhood, we would still be together. It’s my fault. I’m the only one to blame.”
Over the course of two years, I sent him a few long letters that took me months to write, giving him all these reasons to blame me, just so he would give me a second chance. That’s how much I believed that I was the only one to blame. He never responded. He just let me take all the blame. Just because he’s my Twin Flame doesn’t mean he’s not a stubborn asshole. People think that their Twin Flames are magical beings and perfect in every way. Wrong! They’re just people: They’re human beings with flaws, insecurities, and emotional problems like everybody else in this world.
In the summer of 2013, when the pain I felt from the connection was so unrelenting, intense, and sharp, as if somebody were repeatedly stabbing me in the heart with a dagger, I performed a “Love & Beauty” spell on myself. I used the power of magick to make me love me. The spell was powerful and unbelievably effective. I felt as if it was just what I needed to heal my life at that point in time. It is one of my favorite spells I’ve ever concocted. It changed my life. I used the energy of the universe to help me love myself and see myself as beautiful, inside and out.
Within one month, I started to see the true beauty in myself and who I was as a woman. And once I loved me and thought of myself as an empowered queen, not a princess who needed a prince or a knight in shining armor, I stopped blaming myself for what had caused my separation with my twin. We were both to blame. I may have run from him, but he just let me go. He never fought for us. It wasn’t just me. It takes two people to destroy a relationship. I have fully admitted to my role in the destruction. What’s done is done.
I’ve talked to several people in recent months who are separated from their Twin Flame. They all blame themselves for the pain they have caused themselves and their twin; they all blame themselves that they’re not together. One woman told me “He was sunshine to everyone he encountered. Now he’s dead. He hides. He doesn’t create beauty anymore. I felt like we killed each other.” I experienced this as well with mine. It did feel as if we had destroyed each other just by meeting.
In the blackness of night as I lay in my bed, I could feel his pain through the energetic cords linking my soul to his, and it killed me, because I thought I was the reason. I felt so bad all the time and never realized why that pain and suffering would never dissipate. I lived in a constant state of guilt and severe regret.
I felt as if our connection permanently damaged him. I would see pictures of him through mutual friends’ pages, and he had stopped smiling the way that he used to. There was no more light behind his eyes, no more sparkle. Something had died inside of him. And I lived with the regret that he ever had to meet such a damaged person as myself. Somebody who had always been grinning and laughing, bursting with energy and life, had become a shell of himself. It’s been two years since our separation, and I have yet to see that big grin return. The last pictures I saw of him and his girlfriend, his smile is hardly a smile, and his eyes are glazed over.
When Twin Flames or even soul mates meet, individual karmic issues come to the surface so they can be healed. Oh, you have issues with your mom! Well guess what, your twin is going to show you love in the same way your mom did, or she’s going to remind you in some way of your mom. And in a past life, your twin may have even been your mom. Weird, right? When that emotional karma rears its ugly head, it causes chaos and pain within our souls. As it’s supposed to. That’s all part of the process of clearing and healing our karma.
I want to make this perfectly clear to everybody who is dealing with a Twin Flame/soul mate connection, YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. You need to realize that their connection to you is actually helping them. Their hurt is not because of you, even though it feels like it. Their hurt stems from ancient wounds of loss, heartbreak, abandonment, betrayal, etc. Why do you think Twin Flame and soul mate “Runners” can’t handle these relationships and get the hell out of Dodge as fast as they can! This is why.
Separated twins/soul mates always wonder why their partners leave them when the love felt so magical and perfect. It’s because you reminded them of every karmic hurt they’ve ever incurred in every lifetime. Some people can handle this. Many cannot. When they run, they’re running from all that karmic pain. This is also why they jump into surface relationships with other people so quickly after the separation. It’s a way for them to distract themselves, so they don’t have to face the mirror you’re holding, showing them their issues, aka “The Mirror Effect.”
When being with their twin is too painful, they separate and choose a less intense, easier relationship. Some even marry them! You’ll always hear separated twins say “I can’t believe he/she is with that person. They’re all wrong for him/her.” Mine included. In most cases, their current partner is probably the complete opposite of their twin; because they will do anything to not have to face the mirror, which is their twin.
In past lives, we play many roles to teach other lessons. You may be husband and wife in one life and mother and son in the next, but the connection remains the same. That’s why when you meet, you feel as if you’ve known this person your whole life. It’s the familiarity of the union that draws you in. And you think “I have a connection with this person. They feel like home.” But you have to understand that sometimes that feeling of home reminds the other person of a broken one.
We can only heal ourselves. We must not feel bad if our soul mates choose not to. They will at some point, just not with us. The universe will never stop trying to heal them. They can run, but eventually they will have no other choice but to heal. We can never truly escape what the universe wants for us.

A Love Like Heroin: Karmic Relationships

Have you ever met somebody, and you were instantly attracted to each other? Have you ever had a relationship that kept pulling you back when you tried to walk away, even when you knew it was wrong for you? Have you ever loved somebody in an obsessive way that just by being with them felt like a drug? The relationship was like heroin. You needed, not necessarily wanted, them in an unhealthy, dysfunctional way. You obsessed and lusted after them. These are karmic relationships.

Karmic relationships have a magnetism to them to draw you to each other so that one or both of you can learn a lesson. They are similar to soul mate relationships, but the karma is usually negative. There’s an edge to the relationship. It feels off balanced in some way. There are usually red flags, but because the attraction is so great we ignore them. We think “How can it be wrong when it feels so good?”

“Whether we like it or not, the Universal Law of Karma constantly brings before each of us the meeting of our past use of free will and consciousness. Thus, what we have done to other souls and they have done to us is reflected in the circumstances surrounding our present relationships and the basic, innate urges, attitudes and emotions we feel toward each other.” ~ John Van Auken, Soul Life: Past Lives & Present Relationships

One of the most confusing aspects in these relationships is we can easily mistake them for a soulmate because it feels like we’ve known them all our lives. They feel comfortable to us. But think of it this way: What if in another lifetime, you were betrayed by somebody which led to your murder? Well guess what, that’s the same guy you’re sleeping with now and the sex is incredible! You feel like you’ve known him before because you have: in another lifetime.

To balance the karma between you, you have a soul contract with each other to meet in this lifetime. So don’t count on this guy sticking around. He’s not the one you’re going to marry. You will most likely end up sleeping with his best friend and betraying him just as he did to you in a previous lifetime. What goes around, comes around. And it works the other way as well.

One of my harshest karmic relationships (I’ve had many) was with a younger man I only knew for three months. When we were together, we would have lovely conversations about art, literature, and music, all the things I love. He was intelligent and charming. When I was with him, I felt as if we had always been friends. But there were red flags that I didn’t pay attention to. I trusted too easily. I thought I knew him, because it felt like I knew him, but I did not.

He portrayed himself to be somebody he was not. In actuality, he was a heroin addict who had been in and out of treatment programs for years. When he met me, he was trying to make a fresh start. I didn’t know any of this. I found out later when he had totaled my car and stole my credit card, social security card, and my roommate’s checks, which he had his new junkie girlfriend cash. He had a criminal record for stealing his ex-girlfriend’s money.

This person whom I thought so fondly of didn’t exist. He was nothing but a liar and a thief. Drugs may have fueled his bad behavior, but deep down, he wasn’t a good person. He used me for whatever he could, and then disappeared in a puff of smoke. And I’m sure he will do it again and again to other women.

I believe to this day that in some other lifetime, I had wronged him in some way. But besides that, he taught me a lesson about being too trusting. I’m the type of person who always sees the good in people. This was teaching me that I had to be careful who I let into my life. All that glitters is not always gold.

I had a psychic read my cards about this karmic connection, and she called him a “snake charmer.” She said that I had beat myself about allowing a toxic person into my heart, but it wasn’t my fault. She told me “Snake charmers fool everybody.” I had another psychic cut the energetic cords that were binding us together, so the karma between us would be finished.

Often times, karmic relationships teach us lessons about codependency. What feels like love is need. And need is not love. One of the ways in which these lessons are learned is by creating scenarios of unrequited love: You want to be with this person; they don’t, and vice versa. Somebody always loves more; somebody is always heartbroken in the end. In a codependent relationship, the more you give, the more the other takes. The relationship is unbalanced. You think by giving them everything, they will love you more, but it usually works the opposite way. Ain’t that a bitch?

Now the universe will keep throwing these shitty one-sided relationships at you until you learn the lesson. I used to tell my friends “All I attract are addicts and alcoholics!” And the reason for that was the universe was trying to teach me a lesson about being codependent. I would lose myself in my relationships and make it solely about the other person.

Addicts and alcoholics are naturally self-centered: It’s part of their affliction. Being in a relationship with one, it’s all about their problems. This is why they subconsciously seek out codependent people to be their partners. And all I wanted to do was focus on them, so it was the perfect dysfunctional, karmic match! So to learn my lesson about giving too much of myself, the universe had to beat me over the head by sending several addicts and alcoholics my way.

If all you attract is a specific type of shitty person, there’s probably a lesson to be learned. Once you learn the lesson, the spell breaks, but learning the lesson is difficult. It usually takes time and several karmic relationships to do it.

People always ask me “How do I attract good people into my life to have healthy relationships?” The answer I give is: “You have to be healthy to attract healthy!” If you’re damaged, you will attract damaged partners. If you don’t love yourself, you will only meet people who don’t love you, or are incapable of showing you their love. In the Law of Attraction, they say “Like attracts like. Lack attracts lack.” When you are of strong mind, body, and soul, you attract others who are. That’s how it works! Only you can break your relationship patterns.

If you’re sick of karmic relationships and want a commitment that’s lasting and solid, start by performing my “Out of the Funk, Into the Love” full moon ritual to release the relationship residue from the past. Out with the old, in with the new. You can do it any time, but full moons are the most powerful periods of the month to “take out the garbage”, so to speak.

Once you’ve done that, start a journal and jot down your relationship patterns. What has been the connecting thread in most of your relationships? How do you show love? How have your exes shown love to you? Once you start recognizing the repeating themes in your relationships, you will see the lessons. And learning the lessons are half the battle.

Image via Fashiontography

 

I Was a Twin Flame Runner: My Story

Last year, in the midst of my Twin Flame journey when I was in the deepest agony, I turned to a now defunct website devoted to Twin Flames called Twin Soul Revelations for support. It was run by a woman named Skye, who closed that site and opened another called Mirror Spirits. She writes quite extensively on the subject of Twin Souls aka Twin Flames. She knew I was a Runner in my Twin Flame connection, so she asked me to write a piece from the Runner’s perspective. She was kind enough to publish it on her blog under my pseudonym, Belladonna.
Recently, I was trying to locate a copy of it, and Googled to see if it was available online so I could post it here. I was surprised that it had been spread to several websites. However, my name is unlisted. This is my story, and I stand by every word I wrote. People need to know what it’s like to be the Runner in a Twin Flame connection. They need to understand how it feels, and how blinded by fear they are. They need to see how a Runner choses fear over love, because that’s all they’ve ever known.
 
I will be posting more on the topic of Twin Flames, and the Runner/Chaser dynamic. I have been both. I was the Runner, then something changed, and I became the Chaser. My twin is currently running from the connection, but most importantly, he’s running from himself.
 
This is my story:
i was a twin flame runner

I am a Runner. I ran from the connection. It literally took me 6 months to even see that I was the one who was running. What you have to understand about the Runner is they are in absolute agony, and they are being pulled by the energy of the connection, which is absolutely maddening.

I felt my own pain, but I also felt my Twin Soul’s pain. It was a feeling of panic. I would wake up with it, and it was the most awful feeling. The only way I can describe it is waking up from a sound, peaceful sleep and in a matter of seconds, you feel extreme anxiety and this ungodly feeling of loss. Your heart is actually hot and it pounds; your chest is sweating. It’s the sensation of a nightmare where you’re being chased, only you’re awake. That’s how I would wake up every morning.  

Combined with feeling his pain and emotions, I was also feeling this incredible pull towards him. Everything in my body was telling me that I need to be with this man. But, something was telling me inside that I was not ready. Something was telling me I needed to really look hard at myself and my issues and fix myself, so what happened with my Twin Soul would never happen again.

I knew that even if he called me and told me how much he missed and loved me, I would still be a mess. There would never be a happily ever after until I did the work on myself. So I ran. And by running, I dove further into myself (if that makes sense) to fix what was broken inside me.

I stopped going out with my friends and became a hermit. I worked and came home, and that’s it. I was in an emotional coma. I was dealing with the loss of my Twin Soul, the strong energies that were pulling me to him, his pain, my own pain, and to top it all off, I was going through a spiritual awakening: I was a mess.
i was a twin flame runnerBut I also knew this was my time to fix all my issues. I knew I had to run and be myself to do it. I love my Twin Soul so much that I didn’t want him to have to deal with me until I had fixed myself. So I disappeared. I took myself off Facebook, and I became a ghost. I honestly didn’t even know I was running from him.
 
In the meantime, I saw signs every day telling me that this connection to him was the real deal. I felt chased by the Universe. I kept thinking “Please leave me alone! I’m just trying to get over him, and you’re making this really hard!” In my head, I thought he was the one who had run out on me. That’s how crazy these connections can make you. The energy is so strong that you feel like you’re going insane.
It wasn’t until April/May 2012, when I had the realization that I was the one who had run, and I was the one who was still running. I saw everything clearly and I thought about our fight and the way things had played out. And I realized that I couldn’t deal with the intensity of the connection anymore, so I said “If you want me gone, I’m gone.”

I saw it as me giving him an out because I thought that’s what he wanted, but he didn’t. He ended up taking the out because he thought I wanted it. We mirrored each other’s fears. I’m sure by forcing his hand to end it, I broke his heart. I hurt him, but I hurt myself, too, in unfathomable ways. Even as spiritually awakened as I was, I couldn’t see the forest through the trees. I couldn’t see that I was the one who had ended it. I couldn’t see that I was running.

Runners leave the relationship out of fear. They are scared to death. They are frightened of the intense love they feel for their Twin Soul. They are so terrified that this feeling of love is one-sided that they high-tail it out of the relationship as fast as their sneakers can take them! But where does this fear come from? The fear comes from deep-seated issues that have plagued this person for not only all of this lifetime, but previous lifetimes.
This is what is meant by “karma.” Karma is soul memory. In our past lives, we experience many things that will teach us lessons. These lessons can come in the form of losing the loves of our lives, being abandoned, betrayal by somebody we love, or even somebody killing us, and the soul never forgets. The pain of all those things resonates within us, until we do the work to clear and heal the karma and the issues, once and for all, which is exactly what Twin Soul connections do.

 

But nothing about the process is easy. It’s incredibly painful. It truly is a blessing, but it will feel like a curse sometimes. It’s the universe’s way of fixing us. With extreme pain, comes change and transformation. During these separations, only until you have seen the darkness will you see the sun. It is something that we must accept as we move through this spiritual journey.
By meeting the Twin Soul, a mirror is held up in front of the Runner’s eyes, and they can see everything that is wrong with them. All those issues of self-love, abandonment, codependency, etc., come to the surface. Suddenly, this person sees their issues, issues that they’ve avoided for possibly lifetimes, and it’s terrifying, so they run, run, run. They don’t even know what they’re running from. They just know they need to get out. And by getting out, they leave their Twin Soul behind. Many of you may blame your Runners for walking out on you, starting new relationships, and rejecting one of the most Divine unions a person can ever be blessed to have, but you have to realize that this is all part of their journey to find themselves. They cannot be with you until they do that.
Some people aren’t as spiritually enlightened, so it’s going to take them longer to find their way back to you. Some people will try to distract themselves any way they can (relationships, drugs, alcohol, etc.) so they don’t have to face their issues, but trust me, they don’t have a choice. They can put it off, but it will happen. You can’t fight the universe.
When I ran from my Twin Soul, I loved him more than I loved myself, because I didn’t know how to love myself, which was one of my issues. True love must come from within before you can give it to another person. You have to love yourself first, or a relationship will never work between you two. There is no way around it either: Once the energies between Twin Souls become unbalanced, you separate, and the universe forces you to balance the energies, whether you like it or not. The only way to come back together is for each of you to work on yourself separately. Only through inner love and happiness will a reconnection take place.
In the meantime, you have to accept that they are on a personal journey, and you can’t blame them or feel that they’ve abandoned you. They haven’t. It all goes deeper than it seems. What you see on the surface is a person who has left you because they don’t care about you, but if you look into the spiritual side, you will see they have left because they love you so much that they have to become stronger just so they can handle the firestorm of love and emotions they truly feel.
They have to be able to look at you aka their “Mirror”, and like what they see. Some of them aren’t ready to do that. Some of them haven’t found the love within themselves yet. And some of them have a deep soul knowing that they’re not ready to be with you. It’s okay. Let them find themselves. And if that involves having other relationships, you must accept it is a part of their journey, as difficult as that may be.
No pushing on your part will ever make them come back. They will come back when it’s time. The only thing you can do is do the inner work, find peace amidst the chaos, and balance amidst the pain and pull of the connection, and love yourself. Loving yourself is the key to surviving this Divine connection. Without love in your heart, you will only experience pain. And ultimately, the pain will keep you from reconnecting. Love will bring you back to each other. And if it doesn’t happen in this lifetime, love will always bring you back to your true SELF.