me, too

Written by Jasmine Jones

me, too.

let me start off by saying i’ve seen many beautiful courageous women and men talk about their experiences but i never wanted to share mine because i hate the feeling of pity.  i’ve felt it every time i tell a person one of my mother passed away for the last 14 years. i’ll often go along with the conversation when people ask about my parents, assuming both are still living, because i hate the look of embarrassment and pain people give me when i tell them i only have one.

i’ve only told this story to two people but i feel like this needs to be shared. because many women have been in my same position. and this may reach the right person that needs to see it.

hyperaggressive dawg. 30’s. abuser.

i still remember the feeling of shame, guilt, disgust and drunkenness as I drove home. as ive gotten older ive become more mature and aware of the dangers of drunk driving and how dangerous it was for me to drive in that state. but in that moment i knew i needed to get away. for my sanity. for my safety.

i still remember my weekend routine. get dressed up, meet up with friends, get numbers and delete them the next day. rarely would i respond to men the next day asking for dates and the opportunity to “get to know each other.” but this guy seemed pretty nice, pretty established. and my early 20’s self wanted to find a man who had his life together because i just knew i was ready to settle down (spoiler alert: im still not there yet).

i agreed to hang out with this guy and watch the game because my favorite team was playing. he took me to the liquor store and let me pick what i wanted, which i thought was pretty nice. we watched the game and took a few shots and i told him i was ready to leave because it was getting late. he all but forced me to stay and drink more in order to leave. as i look back i want to cry because i can still remember the sense of fear i felt. he was a pretty big guy and i am all of 5’3, 120 pounds on a good day.

i drank more until he felt satisfied. i still remember his clammy hands dragging me to his room. his nasty ass fat ass sweaty ass body all over me. i was distraught, disgusted, and unable to move. these are the things we weren’t taught about in school. my fight or flight was impaired. once he was satisfied i left. leaving the door unlocked i prayed someone put him out of his misery. so no other woman would feel the sickening feeling i felt.

i remember blaming myself for the situation. after all i was the one that willingly went to his place. i was the one that picked out the bottle. i was the one that drank. (its not like he put a gun to my head. right?) i blocked his number after several texts of him asking, begging me to come back over. i never was able to tell him how he made me feel.

a few years go by and a friend and i go to an event his group was having. i thought “surely he wont be here. he’s way too old, hell im too old, to be out here. but of course, i look up and see him. i try to explain it to my friend and let her know im uncomfortable and want to leave. she’s enjoying herself and asks why. i say, in the most silent voice possible, “the guy that raped me is here and im ready to go now.” she repeats what i say in an annoyed, loud tone and i suddenly feel that shame hurt and disgust. hearing someone else say it honestly makes you feel like shit.

growing up, i never thought i would be that person that had to deal with the feeling of seeing their attacker. i was always stunned and felt pain for the victim of movies or tv shows but i never knew i would be that person. but at 25, this was the second time i was faced with that same pain. the second time i felt like my campus, my safe space, was violated. the second time i reminded myself that i had to keep that same cheery smile and excited attitude while looking and watching to make sure the person that hurt me wasn’t nearby.


i
want to go back to that 18 year old, that 23 year old, and tell her that its okay. tell her to speak up. and tell her that she doesn’t have to blame herself. but to anyone reading this and feeling the same way i felt: its okay, speak up when you are comfortable, and never, ever blame yourself. and to quote a beautiful line from outkast “hold on, be strong.”

Who We Once Were: Past Lives Stories

 

Think of past lives like this: What if you had a dream that affected you so deeply that you carried its energy everywhere? What if you didn’t understand the dream or barely remembered it, yet there were secrets and lessons that lingered in your subconscious. Past lives are like dreams in that sense. In our past lives, we may have played different “roles.” We may have committed heinous acts. We may have loved deeply and lost in the most heartbreaking of ways. We may have killed our lovers, or they killed us. We may have been tortured and killed in the name of religion or war. These are the wounds we carry with us every day, whether we realize it or not. Our soul memories never go away.

As we delve into our past lives through meditation, dream work, shamanic journeying, or even past life regressions, we will discover energetic patterns and karmic lessons. Karma is not a punishment; it is not good or bad, it just is. It is a re-balancing system. In a past life, if a woman abandons her son, in the next lifetime, she will encounter him again, only in a romantic relationship. To balance the karma, he will abandon her. When this occurs, the karma is balanced, and the two people can go their separate ways. The entire purpose of their pairing was to balance the karma.

Past Life Experiences

In a past life, a beautiful woman was constantly harassed by men in the village. She was forced to marry a man who was a brute. She resented him, and feels trapped by this marriage. She blamed her looks and her body for catching his attention in the first place. She lived a miserable life where she felt imprisoned. Now skip to this lifetime: she is very heavy. She doesn’t understand why she’s so addicted to food. She is ashamed of her body and lack of willpower. She goes in for a past life regression, and discovers that she has carried the shame of being beautiful into this lifetime.

Beauty, to her, equates being trapped in a marriage by a horrible man. So she eats and gains weight to hide her looks. In her past life, she felt her beauty had been a curse. Subconsciously this past life affected her deeply. She was born with subconscious programming that her looks would only create problems for her. Once she discovers this through her past life regression, she is able to heal and break this pattern of overeating. She makes peace with this past life and moves forward. Past life regression therapy was the key to healing.

Balancing Karma

In another scenario, a man wonders why he fights with his wife so much. They can never seem to get along, and they have blow-up fights. Together, they’re like fire and gasoline. They’re on the brink of divorce when they decide to go for a past life regression. It is revealed to them that they have had many lifetimes together, and they have killed each other in quite a few of them. This is a wake-up call for them. They both understand what’s been causing so much unnecessary stress on the relationship, and they commit to each other and the relationship, agreeing that they will push through these uncomfortable feelings to find the love that’s been waiting for them for years.

Every lifetime holds a message, a lesson, and an opportunity for our souls to grow and evolve. Not all our problems are rooted in this lifetimes, and as humans we have to learn to accept our flaws and broken pieces. We must open ourselves up for healing and trust that Spirit will help us heal when we ask for it. Our soul wounds do not have to hinder us from having a life filled with love, joy, and peace. We can push through the discomfort these wounds may have triggered to find the waters of Divine healing waiting for us when we are ready to fully immerse ourselves in it.

How to Live When You Feel like Dying Part 3: Soul Connection Trauma

 

Written By Monique Colette

Soul Connection Trauma

I have been through what you’re going through now. I understand the agony, the ungodly, unrelenting energetic chaos, the pull of your soul to theirs, the non-stop recurring dreams of them, the signs everywhere that only remind you of them, the heart chakra pain, the anxiety, the depression, and the feeling that you will never get through this. I want you to know that you will. But it’s going to take work on your part. You can’t give into it. You can’t wait for happiness. You have to create it yourself.

Once you meet a soul connection, your life will never be the same: It shatters you, turns you inside out, changes your cellular DNA, awakens your spiritual gifts, forces you to face your demons, unveils your shadow, drags you through a Dark Night of the Soul that will feel like death, opens your eyes to synchronicity, clears your karma, heals you, and leaves you sobbing in a pool of tears, praying to God to make the pain and ultimately, the bond to your twin go away. Your friends and family won’t understand what you’re going through. You will feel judged and ashamed that you can’t just move on and starting dating random people. You will feel crazy and obsessed. You will feel delusional. You will feel emotionally unbalanced. You will feel like a walking ball of electricity. You will read everything you can about Twin Flames and soul mates, and you still won’t have a clue what you’re experiencing. Nothing will make sense.

You won’t want to kill yourself, but you don’t want to live, so you end up existing. You will wake up every day and it will feel like a curse. You will swear at the Universe/God for destroying the life you used to know. You will resent people who are in easy regular relationships. When you tell somebody you love this person, they will tell you it’s time to move on. They will tell you it’s not meant to be. You will fall into a deeper depression. It will feel like an abyss that you’re stumbling into and nothing can stop you from falling deeper. You wonder how far you are from hitting bottom. You’ve always considered yourself a sexual person, but now the thought of having casual sex with somebody makes you nauseous. So where do you go from here? You have two options: You can allow this spiritual journey destroy you, or you can let it strengthen and change you. You have all the power, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

I am not like other bloggers/Twin Flame experts: I will not tell you what you want to hear. I don’t believe in Twin Flame magical thinking, because I know how destructive it can be. I don’t believe that a spiritual connection gives you a reason to wait for reunion. I don’t think a connection should ever interfere with your happiness. I have seen enough blogs and stories of people who spend years pining over a Twin Flame to know how detrimental this is to a person’s well being and ultimate quality of life. Even if this person is the other half of your soul (if that’s your belief), what happens to you when your twin isn’t ready? What happens to you when they don’t want to be part of your life? What happens to you when they don’t feel the connection the way you do? What happens to your life? Now let’s say you believe that they’re “running”, so you blame them. You think “they’re not ready, because they fear love and they don’t believe they are worthy. They don’t want to do the work. They don’t want to spiritually awaken. They’re in another relationship because it’s easy. They’re not even happy with this person, but they stay because they’re scared of the connection we have.” Okay, that’s fine if you believe this, but now what? Where does this leave you? Ask yourself “What am I doing to improve my life? What am I doing to bring joy into my life without my twin?” If you can’t answer or don’t know, then you have work to do. It’s time to put the focus back on you.

Since the Universe is made up entirely of energy, you have to learn how to work with the Universal Laws. If you focus all your time and energy on this spiritual connection, you will only push the person away and stagnate the energy of the connection you have with them. Basically you have to do the opposite of what feels right. Since the energy of a Twin Flame connection is so powerful and intense, your instinct is to only think and worry about them. But the more you think about them, the more obsessed you will become, and the less the energy between you two will flow. The only way to stop obsessing is to create outlets to pour your energy into. The goal is to pull away the energy from your Twin Flame, so you are able to dive into your passions and focus on your life purpose, whatever that may be.

You have been awakened by your twin, so that you will begin your mission. This mission may be spiritual, but it doesn’t have to be. It could be as simple as “you need to start writing”, or “you need to create a community of people with shared interests.” But it could also be “you need to become a healer, so you can heal others”, or “you need to become a yoga teacher to help people spiritually connect.” Your mission is unique. A spiritual obsession with your twin will only keep you distracted from this mission. If you are currently feeling this obsession, it’s okay. Be gentle with yourself. You can slowly pull your energy away from them, which will release the obsession. It may take time, but you can do it. Don’t get discouraged and be patient with your progress.

You may ask “But what about them? I want to be with them in a physical relationship?’ I want to be in union.” This is understandable. The more you balance your energy, which requires lots of grounding and the more you focus on you, that’s when the energy between you and your twin starts moving again. At this point, there will be a chance of reunion. In many cases, twins choose to stay separated. In those instances, a new soul connection will come into your life, and believe it or not, the relationship can be just as fulfilling. Another soul connection will feel like home, just as you felt with your twin. It may not be the same love, but it will be just as beautiful and Divine. Trust in what the Universe has in store for you. But at this point, you don’t have to worry about any of this. The only thing you have to start working on is your energy and yourself. That’s it. Release your fears to the Universe. Ask your Spirit Guides and Angels to take away your anxiety and sleepless nights. Let them handle the heavy stuff. Your goal at this time needs to be refocusing your energy on you and finding your passions and creating new ones. This is how you rebuild on an energetic level after devastation and trauma.

My yoga teacher always says “no rush” in the most calming, soothing voice, particularly during our flow, where everything naturally speeds up. And I think about that phrase outside of class from time to time, when I feel stress and want to rush, or I have that fight or flight anxious feeling. Use those words as your mantra in your journey. Cultivating patience with yourself and your healing is important. There is no rush. You are exactly in the right place at the right time at all times. Do not compare your journey with others. Embrace your spiritual path. It is as beautiful and special as you. Whatever you need, ask the Universe to provide, and if you believe, it will naturally flow to you.

If you are currently dealing with a twin flame connection and need help navigating it, book a Twin Flame Connection Reading or Energy Balancing Session with us here:  http://awakenedqueen.com/twin-flame-connection/

We are here to help you with whatever you are dealing with.  Find out if reconnection is possible or how you can move on. We can guide you in any situation, no matter how difficult and complex it may seem.

Losing Your Twin Flame

 

Written By Catherine

So you met your twin flame and you’ve been through the stages: you’ve surrendered, you’ve healed, you’ve had your Awakening. Now the signs, your guidance and material reality all point to the same end: it’s over. You aren’t going to be with your twin in this lifetime. How do you deal with that, how do you move on?

For most people the hardest part is acceptance. I’ve been asked to write this post because so many people believe that holding a space for your twin means holding on to hope. This delays the last stages of your healing and can prevent growth or change in other parts of your life.

Holding a space for your twin ultimately means forgiving them for choosing not to heal. We all have free will. Some of the guidance for twin flames talks about the “soul turn”; one twin is Enlightened and the other becomes ready and willing to have a healthy relationship. This can happen but your twin can also reject it.

Understand that a soul turn requires your twin to face themselves. They must face everything they’ve done to bring the relationship to its current shattered state. They must face the distance they’ve put between themselves and God.

You know how difficult and painful that is because you did it. Some people find it easier to turn their back on a part of themselves and sacrifice their spiritual growth for the comfort of ego defenses. That is their right. We all have free will.

So you hold space for your twin the way you hold space for your inner child: with firm tenderness. You accept their decision and draw your own boundaries. You reinforce this precious new subconscious belief: I deserve healthy love. You’ll know its working when the idea of reunion is no longer appealing. You’ve realized your twin can’t give you the love you deserve.

You may feel like you are no longer interested in any kind of romantic relationship at first. This is fine, because the relationships that follow your twin flame relationship are going to be very foreign to you when they do happen.

Before you met your twin, when you met your twin, you were really searching for God. You were searching for a Divine reflection of yourself in another human’s eyes. In the “bubble” stage you found it. Now you have a direct personal connection to God. The longing for love and the intensity of infatuation has evaporated because you are no longer looking for God in other people.

This is love without attachment. Now you are attracting people who can love you without attachment, and the two of you are operating from attraction alone. This means that relationships take longer to form or don’t require burning out the intensity to realize there isn’t much there to work with.

Moving on after you lose your twin means focusing on the other areas of your life. The process of dealing with a twin flame or soul connection relationship is transformative. There are mostly likely parts of your life that no longer fit. You’ve outgrown situations and other personal relationships. Rebuild your foundation.

As God brings new potential partners to you, be open-minded. Allow yourself to get to know them and allow them to know you. You are practicing loving from a place of truth. You are learning to hold your truth in the face of another perspective. These are skills that require some development.

Focus on the silver lining. Ask God to show you what good can come from the loss of your twin if you are struggling to see it. For me it is my freedom of expression. I no longer have to condition the expression of my feelings or creativity to provoke or avoid my twin’s reaction, or anyone else’s. When you understand God and you realize how deeply God understands you it is easy, necessary and joyous to live beyond praise and blame.

If you are currently dealing with a twin flame connection and need help navigating it, book a Twin Flame Connection Reading or Energy Balancing Session with us here:  http://awakenedqueen.com/twin-flame-connection/

We are here to help you with whatever you are dealing with.  Find out if reconnection is possible or how you can move on. We can guide you in any situation, no matter how difficult and complex it may seem.

New Moon in Sagittarius

 

Written By Catherine

Sun and Moon at 7 degrees Sagittarius: Cupid knocks on the door of a human heart.

This symbol is about emotional rebirth and the stirrings of romantic love. This new moon offers us an opportunity to apply the lessons and healing from Scorpio season to bring our intentions to fruition. Romantic love in its highest form is about the balance of the Divine masculine and the Divine feminine. This can manifest in a relationship with a partner, in a relationship with Source, or within our own being. The receptive principle supports the creative principle.

Sesquisquare Uranus at 20 degrees Aries: A young girl feeding birds in winter.

Sesquisquares represent disharmony and irritation: minor conflict. The keywords for this symbol are the transmutation of life into love. It represents compassion and hope. The opportunity for emotional rebirth may come from a sudden revelation or an sudden change born from a new understanding of compassion, or a new way to bring compassion to a difficult situation.

Square Neptune at 9 degrees Pisces: A jockey spurs his horse, intent on out-distancing his rivals.

Here we see that perhaps emotional rebirth was not exactly what we were most intent on manifesting. This symbol is about the pointed pursuit of success, an approach most used for personal and material goals, not relationships and emotional matters. We are reminded that love and emotional healing are not antithetical to material success: when we raise our vibration we manifest bigger and better things. Love in any form fuels our personal success when we stay true to ourselves.

Square North node at 8 degrees Virgo: A five year old child takes a first dancing lesson.

This symbol represents the potential of initiation, and the north node of a chart shows us the spiritual significance of that moment in time. To make the most of this moon cycle we will need to show our new understanding in our daily lives and ground the healing we experienced in the last cycle. There is a new way of doing things and a new manner of being available to us; harnessing this energy is the key to success under this new cycle.

Sesquisquare the Vertex at 22 degrees Cancer: A young woman awaiting a sailboat.

This symbol represents the Divine feminine. The sesquisquare shows us that there is a bit of a learning curve in releasing our tendency towards toxic masculinity. The vertex is the attraction axis. We are not going to manifest our desires by hitting them over the head and dragging them home. We must honor the process of co-creation and leave the Universe some emptiness to fill. Have faith that what you desire is coming to you in the form and timing that serves your highest good.

Trine Vesta at 5 degrees Leo: Rock formations tower over a deep canyon.

Vesta is the asteroid of spiritual heritage and self-respect, and this symbol is about impersonality. The trine helps ease the restrictions we so often place on how, when and from whom we receive what we need and want. There is an opportunity to connect with the Universe more directly, an ability to set aside our conditioned preferences and open up to formless Divine energy.

Lilith at 21 degrees Scorpio: Drawing aside two dark curtains, a woman reveals a sacred path.

Lilith applies a trine to the vertex. This symbol represents a plunge into the unknown. The two curtains here could be said to represent doubt and faith; when we allow these states to exist without operating from them we can access the energy of Divine feminine. The keyword for the vertex symbol is expectancy, and here we have an ability to rest in expectation that our desires are manifesting without our interference in the details.

Ascendant at 6 degrees Sagittarius: A game of cricket.

This symbol represents group solidarity and it refers to our guides. The ancestors, Archangels and Ascended Masters are always meeting our material efforts with support on the spiritual plane. When we understand this process of co-creation we can ask for the situations and circumstances we desire and let our guides bring them to us according to Divine design.

Midheaven at 20 degrees Virgo: A caravan of cars headed to the west coast.

The keywords for this symbol are “a totalization of purpose and effort”, and while it might appear so at first, it is not a call for a strong-armed pursuit. Here it refers to wholeness, a total effort. It suggests that the best approach to success in this cycle is examining our words and behavior to encourage what feeds our intentions and eliminate what is working against our conscious desires.

Descendant at 6 degrees Gemini: Workmen drilling for oil.

Avidity is the keyword for this symbol, and as the Descendant it shows us that there is a time and place for this energy. When we are presented with an opportunity that has the potential to bring about our desired success, then our masculine energy is well-placed and appropriate. This placement indicates that the waxing moon phase will give us that chance to openly pursue our manifestations.

IC at 20 degrees Pisces: A table set for an evening meal.

The IC of a chart represents the root, and here we see the root belief that underpins the meaning of this new moon cycle. The act of setting the table means that we are preparing to receive a meal. It symbolizes our faith in ourselves and our belief that our desires will be fulfilled. We may not know what is in the oven or when it will be ready, but if we set out the fine china in full expectancy of the feast we will be prepared to receive.

Summary:

This chart forms a strong t-square, triggering a subconscious urge for the phantom limb of what would complete the Grand Cross. That position is 7 degrees Gemini, keywords: a fundamental trust in and cooperation with life. This is the key to manifestation under the Sagittarius new moon: understanding and believing that life is always unfolding in our favor. The details that we tend to meet with discouragement or irritation when they don’t appear to serve our goals are not proof of opposing force or failure.

We must trust that the purpose of the traffic jam is to put us in the perfect place at the perfect time, that the loss of one person or decline of one relationship is creating emptiness for someone more suited to who we are becoming. Our daily life, our behavior and our assumptions are the most powerful tools we have to build the life we want; they are best used from the perspective of trust.

 

Twin Flame Pain

TWIN FLAME PAIN

Every soul connection that comes into our lives brings with them their own set of lessons and healing. They reflect back to us the shadow aspects and wounds that we would rather avoid. They show up to wake us up, to make us face what we’ve been avoiding. They mirror deep karmic pain that we have made a soul contract to heal in this lifetime. We have suffered many lifetimes, carrying this pain with us. Sometimes we don’t even realize it’s there. It’s buried so deep in our subconscious, in our souls, that we have no idea that we are burdened by such darkness.

That is until we meet a Twin Flame (I prefer to call them soul connections), and all that karmic pain rises to the surface. Suddenly, our past wounds, the heartbreaks and childhood wounds feel so deep, it’s as if somebody has carved us open with a dagger. We feel vulnerable and exposed. We think “How is it possible that this person, this soulmate, I have such strong, loving feelings for can make me feel so bad? How can they cause me so much pain without even doing anything? How can they make me feel so afraid and bring out such intense, uncomfortable feelings?”

These people come into our lives and trigger our deepest pain to heal us and clear these blockages that keep us from truly loving ourselves. Because until we love ourselves, we can’t give love to the full capacity that we are meant to. Soul connections push our buttons. They pull away when we need them the most; they take away their love when it’s all we’ve ever feared; they abandon us at our weakest moments; they make us face ourselves. They strip away all our distractions, so we finally look into the mirror once and for all. For the firs time, we see all our flaws, weaknesses, insecurities, all the things that we have hidden our entire lives. This person walks into our life, then walks out. And we are left feeling abandoned, naked, and torn apart. We wonder why it hurts so bad, why we feel so lost and afraid to pick up the pieces of our lives and start over. We don’t have the strength to begin again. It’s been drained from our bloodstream.

Their spiritual gift to us is to crack us open, so we may heal and shatter us, so we can rebuild ourselves into more balanced, stronger people. As Rumi says “The wound is where the Light enters you.” Like a phoenix rising from ashes, we transform into powerful and magical beings.  As long as we surrender to this process, this will happen. If we fight what the Universe is trying to do for us, we will only delay our progress. For some, it takes months. For others, such as myself, it takes years. True surrender is realizing that the connection is all about you and not them. It’s not about losing a piece of yourself, because you’re already whole. It’s not about them losing you either, because they are whole as well. Soul connections are not based on need.

Need creates imbalance. Between partners, when there is an imbalance, the connection cannot flow and the two have to separate. They repel each other energetically. That is why partners may get together, then have separations as time goes on, because imbalances and energetic blockages come up for people. Needing love repels love. It’s pushy energy that is based on what the Law of Attraction theory would call “lack.” In a soul connection union, there needs to be a balance between the feminine, the yin, and the masculine, the yang. Once it’s out of balance, problems arise. One partner may feel the need to separate from the other until the energy re-balances. Healing must take place before this can happen.

Codependency is an issue that many soul connections deal with. It is sometimes the greatest lesson for us to learn. Learning to love without need, without desperation, without pain, without a constant feeling of longing is what we experience during a separation. Regardless if they ever come back into our lives, we are taught the lesson to love in a healthy way. In order to fill somebody’s emotional cup, we must fill our own first. Our immense, flowing love for a partner can be showered upon them like a waterfall as long as we keep a reservoir within ourselves. We can only love them as much as we love ourselves. And we can never give more to them than we would give to ourselves in order to keep the scales balanced. Once the energy of a connection balances, the tremendous power of love reveals itself.

If you are currently dealing with a twin flame connection and need help navigating it, book a Twin Flame Connection Reading or Energy Balancing Session with us here:  http://awakenedqueen.com/twin-flame-connection/

We are here to help you with whatever you are dealing with.  Find out if reconnection is possible or how you can move on. We can guide you in any situation, no matter how difficult and complex it may seem.

Twin Flame Healing Spell

TWIN FLAME HEALING SPELL WITH ARCHANGEL METATRON

2015 and 2016 seems to be a significant  time for people meeting soul connections. Many have reached out to me here and through my Twitter, regarding their Twin Flame connections. I know this is a painful, difficult process, and I thought I would help people deal with theirs by creating a spell for healing themselves and their Twin Flames. Healing is a crucial piece of the journey. This is a lovely way to help each other through the connection.

For this spell, you will need:

(2) WHITE 7 DAY CANDLES

ROSE QUARTZ CRYSTALS

A PICTURE OF METATRON’S CUBE

A BROWN PAPER BAG

A PEN

 

The first thing you want to do is quiet your mind. Before you cast the spell, relax. Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and let all your thoughts go. If you need some additional help, check out Jonathan Goldman’s music on youtube. All you have to do is listen to the music and CHILL. Once you feel relaxed, tear off a piece of paper from the brown paper bag. You are going to take the pen and write out your prayer of intention. This is where you ask for healing for both you and your Twin Flame. Keep your focus on the healing aspect and not the reunion. If the reunion is meant to be, it will be. Healing is the most important part.

Write on the piece of paper what type of healing you need. Then ask that Archangel Metatron heal and clear your chakras. If you don’t know what type of healing you need, you can ask that the healing goes wherever it needs to. For your Twin Flame, ask that he/she is healed through the loving energy of Archangel Metatron. Once you have written the prayer exactly as you wish it to be, set it down, and prepare your candles.

At the top of the first candle, take a nail or pen and carve out your first name or initials. On the second candle, carve out your Twin Flame’s first name or initials.

Scatter the rose quartz around the candles. Place the picture of Metatron’s Cube between the 2 candles. You can print it from online or draw it. If you don’t have it, you can envision it in your head.

Ask for Archangel Michael to protect you with his Blue Sword of Fire. Then call in your Spirit Guides of Love and Light and Archangel Metatron.

Recite your prayer of intention 3 times. Then light the 2 candles. Thank the Angels and Spirit Guides for hearing your prayer, then tell them to leave your circle of healing.

Burn both candles all the way down. If you need to go to bed, or leave the house, snuff out the candles, do not blow them out. 

Through the power of the spell, you and your Twin Flame will find healing. Healing is a process. You will be guided to different people and experiences. Healing shows up in unexpected forms. You may feel pulled toward a certain group of people, a trip, a new activity, a book, spiritual guides/healers/therapists/hypnotherapists. etc. Healing happens slowly, but it happens. And it’s a wonderful journey that opens us up to a life of joy where there was once suffering. Healing transforms us. It is the greatest gift of love you can give to yourself and your Twin Flame.

If you are currently dealing with a twin flame connection and need help navigating it, book a Twin Flame Connection Reading or Energy Balancing Session with us here:  http://awakenedqueen.com/twin-flame-connection/

We are here to help you with whatever you are dealing with.  Find out if reconnection is possible or how you can move on. We can guide you in any situation, no matter how difficult and complex it may seem.

Sunset

 

Written By Monique Colette

One winter night to help me ease my pain, I wrote a poem about the type of love I wanted. It was the first time in years I had felt hope that I could find it. It was the night I finally let him go. I had finally had the courage to go online and look at his friends’ pictures and see him with his girlfriend. They seemed very happy together. I was the outsider, and I had been the outsider for two years. He shut me out and never let me back in. He went on with his life. And I was stuck mourning the past, unable to move on.

This one particular night, I accepted that he was with her, even though I had been seeing them together in my dreams for a solid year. I had known he was with her, but I never wanted to face the truth. I cried. We had never had a chance to build anything together. Everything burnt to the ground as quickly as we got together. For two years, I had been living in an empty castle of broken dreams and regret.

Without thinking about what I was going to write, I picked up a pen and a pad of paper and the words just poured out. It was all stream of consciousness. I didn’t even re-read it. I wrote it and stashed it away. I found it recently, and I read it. And I cried because I remembered how healing it felt to write about another man, another type of love from what I had experienced. I wrote this poem about my vision of true love. I remembered how what I wrote that night helped me move on from a love so deep, painful,  and transformative that it almost destroyed me.*

Sunset

Shred my soul

I will love again

Make me feel the light

Be the sun that shines upon my skin

You free me

You heal the broken pieces

I feel you

I love you

You tremble

under my touch 

You moan

my name under your breath

You break apart my fear

The moon shimmers on us

Pierce my heart

I feel you in my veins

Let my kiss heal you

The light illuminates the dark

The heat melts the ice

I want to love you

Make the rain wash away the hurt

Tear me apart so I can feel you

Stars fall upon us as our lips touch

Let the ruin bind us

Your love surrounds me

My body shivers when you grasp me

The sunset burns our skin

Say my name in the dark

My heart beats under you

Taste me

Taste my sweat

Feel my body rise and fall

Love me

Crave me

Heal me

Touch me in ways you’ve never touched before

I see the light in your soul and the scars on your heart

Hold me

Let the whole world spin

Surrender

Inside us a fire burns

Dive into the ocean

Never let me go

Let everything shatter until we see the sun

Let me be the air you breathe

Let the cups overflow

The thunder shakes us

You are everything I have dreamed

Shine your love upon me

Hold me and I will hold you

Promise I will never break again

Twin Flames and the Wheel of Karma

Karma. When referring to soul connections, specifically Twin Flames, nobody ever talks about it. It’s a huge elephant in the room that everybody pretends not to see. But I’m telling you right now, Twin Flame connections are all about KARMA.

People seem to think that karma is this negative word, but it’s not. It’s just cause and effect. It’s the way for the Universe to balance the energies within it and ourselves. Our souls are perpetual students. With each lifetime, our souls gain knowledge. Our experiences shape us, but they also teach us soul lessons. And in these lifetimes, we play many roles like actors in a play.

Twin Flames are ancient soul mates. They have spent many of these lives meeting each other, and in each one, a unique situation takes place. The roles and the relationships to each other may change, but the actual soul connection remains the same. The connection takes place on a spiritual level, whereas the relationship occurs on a real world or material level.

What if in a past life, you and your twin were having an affair with each other? And what if one of you was married at the time? What happens to the husband/wife in the next one? Do you think they disappear? Have you ever noticed that many Twin Flame separations have a third-party involved? Have you ever thought why?

Let’s use this as an example: A young woman meets a man who she believes to be her twin. They have this amazing love affair. Everything is perfect, as if the union is blessed by God himself, when all of a sudden, for whatever reason, they separate. During the separation, he meets a woman and after some time, he decides to marry her. A choice was made. He could have gotten back together with his twin, but he decided to be with this other woman. His twin is devastated, thinking how he could choose some random woman over his “other half”, his twin.

But what if in another lifetime, that random woman was his wife and his twin was the other woman? Think about what it would take to balance the wheel of karma in this life. The twin feels left out in the cold, deserted, and emotionally abandoned, and betrayed that he would choose this other woman over her. And that’s exactly how the other woman had experienced in the past life, when she was the wife who had been betrayed by her husband and his lover. The karma is balanced.

Since both twins are soul connected, they do not have to physically be together to complete their mission here on earth. He/she can choose to be with whomever they want. That’s free will. Even apart, the twins are connected to each other energetically by what’s referred to as an “Alchemical Marriage.” They are within each other. Their souls touch, therefore they are never truly apart. Separateness is an illusion. Everything in this Universe is connected.

Now what about karma between the twins themselves? Some people don’t think there is karma between twins. From what I experienced with mine and what I have seen from people who have shared their Twin Flame stories with me, karma between twins is a real occurrence. And why wouldn’t that be true since everybody with whom we have a relationship, friendship, or a familial bond shares some type of karma with us?

One of my friends is with her Twin Flame. The only reason they were able to stay together was they were both strong, balanced people who made a conscious effort to clear the karma between them. My friend had been doing lots of energy work to balance herself and to clear her ancestral karma and negative patterns. When she met her twin, she was truly ready for it. Did they have karma between them? You bet ya ass, they did.

Their past lives with each other had not been pretty. In fact, they were horrific. In one, my friend was a man and her twin was a woman. Her twin was pregnant, and she cheated on him. In the next lifetime, they were both soldiers. Her twin betrayed her and she was tortured and killed because of it. When they met, all that karma came to the surface, but because she had been doing so much energy work and healing her own karma, she was ready for it and knew how to clear their shared karma so that they would be able have a solid, balanced romantic relationship and stay together despite all the mirroring and intensity.

Nobody runs. Nobody chases. Their relationship is in perfect balance. And there’s no longer karma throwing it off kilter or bringing up residual soul memories within them so they act out and do things that will be detrimental to their relationship.

In my experience, I had been told by two different people, my healer and an intuitive who read my cards that I had ancient karma with my twin. There seemed to be a theme around abandonment. My healer told me she saw him leaving in a stagecoach while I was standing there watching him go. She said another one she saw me leaving him. The intuitive who read my cards told me that I had been his mother in one, and I had abandoned him.

During this lifetime, we had each abandoned one other at different points during our Twin Flame journey. You can call it running or whatever, but it was basically “You think you can leave me, well I’m leaving you. You think you can hurt me, well I’m hurting you.

I had ended our relationship before he could, then when I tried to come back to him, he ignored me and shut me out of his life for good. In essence, he abandoned me. And he knew he did. It was a way to get back at me for abandoning him. But this was just our karma repeating over and over from lifetime to lifetime. We had also shared wonderful lives together where we had been married and had a family, but unfortunately, there were some awful ones, too.

My healer had told me that we had a soul contract with each other to balance the karma once and for all. And we did. Once the karma was balanced, that’s when our free will took the reins. Before our karma was healed, Spirit and our Higher Selves had full control over the connection. Once our soul contract was complete, the choice of whether we would come back together or stay apart was made. It was a decision between two individuals, not Spirit or our Higher Selves. Because our soul contract had fulfilled the mission of balancing the karma, there was nothing left for us to do on a spiritual level. But because these relationships work on two levels, the spiritual and physical world, a romantic relationship was now a possibility.

Once the karma was balanced, he had a choice between reconciling with me or staying with his current girlfriend, and he chose her. During a tarot reading inquiring about it, my reader told me he had consulted with his group of friends and they told him he shouldn’t contact me, so that what was that. He let his friends make the choice. I guess if he had wanted to be with me badly enough, he would’ve made it happen, but that’s not really his personality. He goes with the flow. It was easier to be with her than me for many reasons. His final decision told me everything I needed to know about him and how he felt about me. He didn’t think I was worth making any waves within his social circle or his life so we could be together. He wanted to keep everything on an even keel. He feared our connection. He feared me. He feared getting hurt again. 

I was blessed that I was able to work with my healer, who helped me understand his choice so I wouldn’t be devastated for the rest of my life. Spirit told her why he had chosen to shut me out for good. Even though we had healed our karma with each other and I had done a lot of work to heal my individual karma and advance my spiritual growth, he hadn’t. He didn’t want to. He wasn’t ready. They wanted me to know how hurt he was, not because of me, but because he had been deeply hurt long ago. They didn’t tell me why or when. Spirit could have been referring to past lives for all I know. That is why he closed his eyes to me and our connection and shut me out of his life.

His eyes were closed, but my eyes were wide open. I saw everything crystal clear. I had awakened. And I had awakened because of him, because of our connection. He chose not to awaken. The fact that he didn’t awaken or choose to be with me didn’t make me love him any less. That is the simple truth. My soul will always love his soul. His soul will always love mine. Nothing in this world will ever change that. If being with somebody other than me was going to make him happy then he made the perfect decision, in my opinion.

Some people have come on my blog and commented how I am angry, resentful, bitter, and I blame my twin. No, I am not any of those things. I do not blame him at all. I accept him and his choice. If anything, I love the raspy-voiced, stubborn lug unconditionally and forever. I don’t think people understand how heart-wrenching and soul shattering it was that the man who I loved the most and had loved for oceans of time and centuries didn’t choose to be with me in this lifetime because I wasn’t worth the risk. When I receive comments like that, they hurt me. I’m an oversensitive Pisces. I take things to heart and my feelings get hurt easily. I feel emotions too intensely for my liking, but it’s just who I am. 

I always wonder why people post comments to intentionally hurt me when I’ve already been through so much. For brief moments, I think “Why do I even put myself out there like this for people to just come on here and judge me and my connection and insult me?” But then I think about all the pain I endured during my spiritual journey with my Twin Flame, and it gives me solace that I can channel all that heartbreak and emotion into my writing so I can guide somebody who is dealing with it now. That is the sacrifice I make every time I write a piece here.

If somebody reads one of my posts and is able to relate to it in some way and it helps them as they survive their own connection, then I have turned all my darkness into something beautiful. I have manifested a rainbow out of a rainstorm. All the shitty, mean-spirited comments no longer matter in the big picture if I can make somebody’s journey a little easier and show them that happiness is closer than they think.

I wanted to write about karma in Twin Flame connections, because nobody else writes about it. I could read fifty blogs and websites about soul mates and Twin Flames, and with the exception of a handful, they’re all the same. Few people write about Twin Flames from their own experience, and the ones that do, for whatever reason, burn out quickly and abandon their blogs. My guess is it’s emotionally exhausting to relive their journeys day in and day out. How does one move forward when they’re constantly delving into memories from the past? I think many struggle with that, especially if they’re still dealing with the pain and are not yet at a place of peace and understanding. If you’re still hoping your twin is going to come back to you and you’re writing about the connection day in and day out, you’re going to be miserable. I can say this from experience, hope can ruin your life.

I write about my journey as I lived and felt it. I don’t hold back. I don’t sugar coat anything regarding these connections. I try to be a different voice in a sea of the same ones. I make it my mission to show people another perspective of the Twin Flame experience. I don’t believe in focusing on the spiritual more than the real world and vice versa. They should be of equal balance. If you’re dealing with a connection, and you’re more concerned about the romantic aspect, you’re missing out some significant aspects; and if you’re too hung up on the spiritual side to see what’s going on in the real world, you’re not getting the whole picture.

Just because he/she loves you on a soul level, doesn’t mean he/she loves you in the physical world. If the guy is marrying somebody else, he’s giving you a clear message. If the woman says she doesn’t want to be with you, she doesn’t. He/she may love you with the power of a thousand exploding suns on a soul level though. One does not equal the other. You must balance both worlds to have a clear understanding of the connection. That’s the hard part. It’s like having a relationship with somebody who has a split personality.

I love you! We have a connection! We have the greatest love of all.

Then, they switch personalities

“No, I don’t have any feelings for you, sorry. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

These connections make us feel crazy because there is so much going on: Karma, lessons, fears, insecurities, issues, emotional wounds, karmic patterns, then throw in ENERGY and lots of it. Then top it all off with a direct line to the Universe and all the LOVE within it. If you feel as if you’re on a roller coaster, that’s because you are. It’s like being in the middle of a hurricane trying your best to remain standing. The wind is knocking you on the ground, and all you can do is get up over and over again until eventually the storm passes and you’re standing on firm ground as the sun shines upon you. That is the Twin Flame journey.

*If you would like to learn more about soul mate relationships and karma, check out Soul Mates by Kevin Todeschi and Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss.*

To book a reading or session, click here.

When the Pain Remains: Opening Your Heart Chakra

WHEN THE PAIN REMAINS: OPENING YOUR HEART CHAKRA

What is opening your heart chakra? We have all heard the phrase: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” And there is truth in that statement; however, what doesn’t kill us also darkens our hearts. I think of our hearts entangled in beautiful green vines, full of life and blossoming with tiny white flowers. When the pain overcomes us, when the exquisite hurt envelops us in its blackness, the vines harden and tiny thorns appear, the white pearl blossoms shrivel and tighten around our hearts. The vines wrap around our hearts until we are practically lifeless, and then out of the stiffened vines turned brown, the thorns pierce them and leave behind tiny holes. I’m not sure if those piercings in our hearts ever truly go away.

Even after time passes and years go by, do those tiny holes disappear? Or, do they evolve into invisible scars? We might not be able to see them, but we can feel them. They never leave. The vines and the white flowers grow back: they wind through the tiny holes like serpents in the grass. We are stronger, yet forever marked, branded by the heartache we have experienced in our lives. The pain transforms us, yet we never forget what it felt like to spiral into the abyss. Maybe when we experience deep hurt, the puncture wounds exist, so we can always remember what our heart was forced to endure, how we survived, and how we got through it and over it. But what happens when the pain remains in our hearts?

What Are Chakras?

All of us have chakras. Chakras are spinning circles of energy inside us.  One of those chakras is called the “heart chakra.” When we experience a trauma or a loss, our heart chakras may become imbalanced or even blocked. It’s as if the heart chakra holds all of our sadness and hurt that we’ve been carrying. When there is an imbalance in our heart chakras, we shut down emotionally. We don’t even feel sadness anymore; all there’s left is stagnancy.

We have nothing left of ourselves to give. All our heartbreak has faded, but the rose in our hearts has died. As the rose turns brown and slowly deteriorates, a seed does not get planted. Nothing new grows in its place. The love that we once felt has petrified and turned grey. It’s like an old, dilapidated, abandoned house. There is no more warmth or happiness there. It stands there falling apart, a sad reminder of what once was.

I have experienced this first hand: It’s like you have no more emotions left. You’re consumed in nothingness. Any time a guy would ask me out, I would freak out and push him away. I didn’t want to be touched, hugged, complimented, and I definitely couldn’t handle the thought of somebody having romantic feelings for me.

A man once stopped me on the street whom I knew was going to ask me for my number. I don’t even know how it all transpired. I blocked part of it out. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said “No”, and he said “Why?” And just thinking of the reason why, which was I had separated from the man I loved, made me well up.  Luckily I was able to hold back the torrent of tears long enough to walk away from the guy. I ran to a bench overlooking the harbor and sobbed. Those tears were the first I had cried in months. At that point, I realized how far gone I was. 

How was I ever supposed to date again if that kept happening? It had been two years since my breakup and I was still wallowing in the mud. My heart was battered. My heart chakra was blocked. I had spent two years lingering in the disappointment from the past. I had no love or affection to give anybody, even my family. I didn’t want to hug anybody, and when they hugged me, I shrunk and stiffened in their arms. I felt like a robot. I didn’t care about anything. And each day felt like the same day. One day bled into the next.

I had never realized how much the love that we put out into the Universe affects us until the love inside of me disappeared. I was uncomfortably numb. I was miserable. I knew I wasn’t living, I was just existing. But I also understood how damaged I was from all the heartbreak I had experienced with my soul connection. My heart needed healing.

Techniques to Heal Your Heart Chakra

I bought several chunks of raw rose quartz and at night, I would sleep with a few of them under my pillow or closely held to my heart. To me, the rose quartz represented pure love from the Universe and holding it against me made me feel safe and loved. It helped but it did not completely heal me. My heart healing took place over several months. It was a process.

Now my heart is open and I’m able to hug and show affection to my family. I’m happy. I enjoy life again. I feel alive. I am able to feel emotions again. It’s as if one day the sun shone through the window of my darkened heart and brought it back to life. The final piece of my heart chakra healing was when I had a Reiki session with my incredible healer. She helped me to energetically balance my heart chakra. I released all the heartbreak and pain. My heart chakra was open and spinning once again. Some ways to open the heart chakra are: crystal healing, essential oils, yoga, exercise, forgiving yourself and others, mantras, meditation, magick spells, and Reiki healing. Pamper yourself, love yourself, and don’t be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. We all have flaws. Accept your mistakes and push on.

A Heart Healing Bath Scrub

Try this “Heart Healing Bath Scrub and treat yourself like a Queen.

Heart Healing Bath Scrub

½ cup of sweet almond oil

1 cup natural finely ground sea salt (substitute sugar for sensitive skin)

10-15 drops of Rose or Clary Sage oil

Twin Flame Challenges

“Love that is not madness is not love.” ~ Pedro Calderon de la Barca

During my Twin Flame journey, one thing I kept asking myself was “Why is this so hard?” I had always thought when you met the love of your life, everything would be smooth sailing. But when I met my twin, there was nothing easy about it. Meeting him triggered all my issues.

Something about him brought out a deep-seated fear in me, which manifested itself as severe anxiety. I had never felt this before when I was first dating somebody. It was intense. What was supposed to be a wonderful time of getting to know each other and building a foundation never seemed to give me any pleasure. I was so scared that it was going to end that I could never enjoy it. I put on a good face for him, but he had no idea the personal hell I was suffering through. My head was a prison of negative thinking and fear. I was in a constant state of worry. I just wanted him to love me. And nothing else mattered in my life except that need for him to love me.

All my fears, all the dysfunctions, all the toxic thoughts reared their ugly heads, which ultimately caused our separation. Meeting my twin drove me to madness. Why? Because he connected me to MYSELF. Twin Flames are made from the same soul: One is the Divine feminine, and the other is the Divine masculine. Regardless of what we may have read: These are two different entities, and they do not need one another to be complete. If we meet our Twin Flame, and we don’t have a relationship with him/her or the relationship ends, it’s okay. We are whole with or without the other twin. We must never believe otherwise.

By connecting me to myself, I was forced to deal with my mind, which was the equivalent of a cluttered attic that needed a good cleaning, but I never wanted to take the time to do it. Once I met my twin, the universe grabbed hold of me and said “Guess what you’re going to be working on! YOU NEED TO CLEAN OUT YOUR ATTIC. You’ve put it off long enough!” And the universe will lock the door until the job is done. This is why we feel chained to our twins. We can’t escape the connection until we clean our attics.

People have asked me “How do you know what your issues are?” And I always tell them “They reveal themselves to you over the course of an introspection process.” If you start to look inward, the universe will show you what they are. Embrace it: This is your lifetime to heal.

Your issues may manifest themselves in your dreams. If you’re dreaming of your twin, how is he/she acting toward you? How is the dream making you feel? If there are other people in the dream, how are they acting? How are they making you feel? Keep a pad of paper by your bed, so you can write them down. When you have a dream, immediately write down whatever you remember. The longer you’re awake after a dream, the more you’ll forget.

During this time, you may want to meditate for at least 5 minutes every day. This will center you and connect you to your Higher Self. You may even receive guidance easier after meditating. And it’s a fantastic way to relax. If you don’t like meditation, try yoga. My yoga instructor calls yoga “moving meditation.” It works the same way, only you get a great workout at the same time.

Buy a journal. Write down any songs or phrases that pop into your head. If you hear a random conversation where you have a gut feeling that you’re meant to hear it, listen closely. Pay attention to your thoughts. If you feel guided to read a certain book, take a class, or even schedule an appointment for some type of self-improvement session or therapy, do it!

Your Spirit Guides and Angels are doing everything they can to help you heal. All you have to do is listen to your intuition. You will be surprised by everything you discover about yourself. It’s as if there is a magnifying glass on all your broken pieces. The universe wants you to fix yourself once and for all. And it uses this Twin Flame connection to do it.

Looking inward is difficult: This is the reason why many twins run from the connection. It’s easier to run than it is to face our issues. My twin decided not to do the inner work. The universe gave him the opportunity, but he chose otherwise.

I spent two years carrying the guilt and pain of him not choosing the path to heal. It was destroying me. It took for me to sink into a deep depression that I could no longer fight my way through, to realize I needed help. I had hit bottom. I was in an abyss that I couldn’t escape. I was a shell of the person I once was. I knew I needed to book a session with my spiritual teacher/healer. I didn’t want to live like this anymore. Something had to change. I had to save my life.

My Reiki healer told me I was ready to let him go. It was time. I had learned my lessons. And she told me that I had to let him heal himself and not to feel any more blame. I had to now focus on myself and my happiness.

My soul was enmeshed in his soul, taking on all his issues and emotional wounds. It’s no wonder I felt like I was drowning in hopelessness all the time. I wanted him to heal so badly, that I was trying to do all the work for him. It was the equivalent of me cleaning out his attic night and day until I was exhausted and ready to pass out while he was out having fun, doing everything to avoid it. But that’s not how it works: He needs to clean his own attic! And if he doesn’t want to clean it, it’s not my problem.

We have to let our twins do their own healing. And we can’t help them or rush the process. If our twins do not choose to heal, there is nothing we can do. We have to let them go. We have to envision them walking with us down a path. I like to imagine it as the “Yellow Brick Road.” We’re holding hands with our twins, and suddenly our twins stop and say “I can’t go any further. I’m not ready to go where you’re heading.” And with that, we give them a loving hug and let go of their hand and continue on our way.

We have to realize that letting them go is a way for us to express our unconditional love to them. We can’t drag them, and they don’t want to be dragged. We have to accept that our journey continues regardless if they’re by our sides. And we must know that they will always be connected to our souls. Nothing will ever change that. How can we ever be separated if their soul is perpetually touching ours? And one of the biggest challenges of the Twin Flame connection is not only understanding that truth, but taking comfort in it.

 

What You Need to Know About the Twin Flame Connection

Twin Flames meet to heal and transform each other. That is their only purpose. The universe doesn’t care if you have a romantic relationship with each other. You are contracted to meet. What you do with that meeting is between you and your twin. Through free will, each is given the choice to heal or not. Some may choose to stay despite the rollercoaster of emotions and intense love and heal. Some may choose to run away and never come back and not heal.

In the case of my twin, he closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see. That was the message given to me by Spirit. I desperately wanted to heal his wounded soul, but he didn’t want that. Healing his emotional karma meant that he would have to do introspection and inner work, and he chose not to. His life consists of parties and friends; he engages in anything that will distract him from having to look at himself.

Once we separated, he built a wall between us, so he would be able to block me out forever. And it worked. After a few attempts over the past two years on my part to communicate with him, he ignored me. The rejection almost killed me.

Through his rejection of me, I was pushed into the depths of my soul to face my deepest, most painful issues. I was forced to look within and fix the broken pieces of myself. I spent what seemed like an eternity healing my emotional/karmic wounds. I thought the process would never end.

I grew increasingly more depressed and anxious, trying to repair all the damaged parts of myself, with the hopes that through my healing, my twin would heal himself and we would get back together. It never happened. And it will most likely never happen in this lifetime.

I have finally come to a point where I am completely content with that thought. He has chosen his path, and all I can do is to respect his choice. I have chosen my path as well. He wouldn’t be happy with the type of deep love that I wish to have with a man. And I wouldn’t be happy with the type of surface love that he seeks. He is too damaged to truly love somebody. I am healed and ready to love with every cell of my being. Our paths are different.

I see the type of woman he has chosen as a girlfriend, and it’s made me realize who he is. It was the one thing I had never been able to see in the situation. With Twin Flames, you fall in love with their souls first. I loved his soul, and because of that I assumed I knew the type of person he was. I was under the impression, he was authentic, but he was the furthest thing from that.

He tries to be everything he’s not, because he is too wounded to be his true self. Hurt people are frightened to show people who they truly are. He hides his emotions and wears “masks.” For a brief moment in time, he showed me his true self, but it was fleeting. And once he hid it again, I desperately tried to bring it back, but he wouldn’t allow it. That was the beginning of the end for us.

During our fight, I called him out on it. I told him he that he was full of shit, and he tried to pretend he didn’t have feelings for me when he did. I basically said he tried to be somebody he was not so he wouldn’t have to be himself. This is what Twin Flames do to each other: they stir up the shit. They try to make each other see what needs to be fixed. I was basically holding up a mirror to him, saying “You need to fix this about yourself.”

There were mistakes I made that night, and I have forgiven myself. Flying off the handle is never the way to deal with a situation. Pushing somebody to be their authentic selves, or even pushing them to heal themselves is never the solution.

The experience made me learn many lessons about myself, as well as dealing with other people. You can’t make somebody do something they don’t want to do. He did not want to heal. And he didn’t want to give me a chance to help him heal. His soul had made a choice. There was no changing that.

I am sick of reading post after post on Twin Flame relationships, where the twin is pining after the other for years and years, and there is no talk of anything new. Where are the stories about how the twins never came back together, but they found happiness with other people? Does it ever happen? Nobody knows, because nobody ever writes about new relationships. By what I’ve gathered from reading stories online, apparently, you meet your twin, and if it doesn’t work out, you’re screwed, doomed to be alone for the rest of your life. That’s far from the truth, but by the lack of information on the internet, that’s what would they would lead you to believe.

Blog after blog, article after article, it’s the same bullshit: Somebody met their twin; it was love at first sight. Everything was heaven on earth, but then something happened and they split apart. Now one of the twins is in complete agony from the separation and the other one is living life, having romantic relationships, totally unaffected. Sound familiar?

From what I’ve seen, and I’ve read everything there is on Twin Flames, the internet is inundated with only the romantic elements of the Twin Flame journey without any of the reality. Nobody ever mentions getting back together after a Twin Flame separation. And nobody discusses new relationships. So what, you just crawl into a ball after you separate from your twin and die alone?? All the stayers turn into Miss Havisham, waiting for a phone that will never ring, or the return of a twin that will never happen? Give me a fucking break.

Part of the reason why this connection is so difficult, is because there is so little comfort or information available. It seems as if every Twin Flame blog I go to, is just a bunch of copied and pasted crap from somewhere else. Nobody has anything new to say about it. It leads me to believe that the people who are writing about this specific connection have no clue what they’re talking about; or they have never experienced the phenomenon but are trying to to make money by writing about it or by advertising their “Twin Flame” readings.

Let me tell you one thing about “Twin Flame” readings, Spirit will only give you the information they want you to know at that time. In the midst of one of these connections, it’s best to look within for the answers, or connect with a Reiki or shamanic healer to guide you and heal your energetic blockages along the way.

During this particular journey: Tarot readings are not the answer. I love tarot cards, but these connections go too deep for you to be able to get a good reading. The energy between the twins fluctuates so much and so sporadically that your readings will never be entirely accurate. Trust me on this one. I tried reading for myself, as well as getting tarot readings by one of the best psychics in my city for two years, and there were many times, both of us got it wrong.

In my experience, my Reiki shamanic healer, Maura, was able to help me the most.

Maura has saved my life many times during this incredibly heart-wrenching process. She was the one who was able to clear out the last of the negative energy and pain that I had been holding on to since the end of 2011. She is available for distance healing if any of you are looking for a healer who can help them. I highly recommend an intuitive healing session with her. My life would never be the same without her. If you are unable to book an appointment with her, seek out a Reiki healer. It is one of the best decisions I ever made during my spiritual journey.

If you are going through a Twin Flame or soul mate connection and you have questions about the journey, please feel free to contact me through this blog. I will be happy to talk to you about your specific situation and give you some guidance. Love yourself and be kind to yourself.

The one line that I have said to myself to help me heal the past and let it go is:
“I did the best I could being the person I was at that time.”

Image via Last Light Art by Adam LoRusso