Twin Flame Challenges

“Love that is not madness is not love.” ~ Pedro Calderon de la Barca

During my Twin Flame journey, one thing I kept asking myself was “Why is this so hard?” I had always thought when you met the love of your life, everything would be smooth sailing. But when I met my twin, there was nothing easy about it. Meeting him triggered all my issues.

Something about him brought out a deep-seated fear in me, which manifested itself as severe anxiety. I had never felt this before when I was first dating somebody. It was intense. What was supposed to be a wonderful time of getting to know each other and building a foundation never seemed to give me any pleasure. I was so scared that it was going to end that I could never enjoy it. I put on a good face for him, but he had no idea the personal hell I was suffering through. My head was a prison of negative thinking and fear. I was in a constant state of worry. I just wanted him to love me. And nothing else mattered in my life except that need for him to love me.

All my fears, all the dysfunctions, all the toxic thoughts reared their ugly heads, which ultimately caused our separation. Meeting my twin drove me to madness. Why? Because he connected me to MYSELF. Twin Flames are made from the same soul: One is the Divine feminine, and the other is the Divine masculine. Regardless of what we may have read: These are two different entities, and they do not need one another to be complete. If we meet our Twin Flame, and we don’t have a relationship with him/her or the relationship ends, it’s okay. We are whole with or without the other twin. We must never believe otherwise.

By connecting me to myself, I was forced to deal with my mind, which was the equivalent of a cluttered attic that needed a good cleaning, but I never wanted to take the time to do it. Once I met my twin, the universe grabbed hold of me and said “Guess what you’re going to be working on! YOU NEED TO CLEAN OUT YOUR ATTIC. You’ve put it off long enough!” And the universe will lock the door until the job is done. This is why we feel chained to our twins. We can’t escape the connection until we clean our attics.

People have asked me “How do you know what your issues are?” And I always tell them “They reveal themselves to you over the course of an introspection process.” If you start to look inward, the universe will show you what they are. Embrace it: This is your lifetime to heal.

Your issues may manifest themselves in your dreams. If you’re dreaming of your twin, how is he/she acting toward you? How is the dream making you feel? If there are other people in the dream, how are they acting? How are they making you feel? Keep a pad of paper by your bed, so you can write them down. When you have a dream, immediately write down whatever you remember. The longer you’re awake after a dream, the more you’ll forget.

During this time, you may want to meditate for at least 5 minutes every day. This will center you and connect you to your Higher Self. You may even receive guidance easier after meditating. And it’s a fantastic way to relax. If you don’t like meditation, try yoga. My yoga instructor calls yoga “moving meditation.” It works the same way, only you get a great workout at the same time.

Buy a journal. Write down any songs or phrases that pop into your head. If you hear a random conversation where you have a gut feeling that you’re meant to hear it, listen closely. Pay attention to your thoughts. If you feel guided to read a certain book, take a class, or even schedule an appointment for some type of self-improvement session or therapy, do it!

Your Spirit Guides and Angels are doing everything they can to help you heal. All you have to do is listen to your intuition. You will be surprised by everything you discover about yourself. It’s as if there is a magnifying glass on all your broken pieces. The universe wants you to fix yourself once and for all. And it uses this Twin Flame connection to do it.

Looking inward is difficult: This is the reason why many twins run from the connection. It’s easier to run than it is to face our issues. My twin decided not to do the inner work. The universe gave him the opportunity, but he chose otherwise.

I spent two years carrying the guilt and pain of him not choosing the path to heal. It was destroying me. It took for me to sink into a deep depression that I could no longer fight my way through, to realize I needed help. I had hit bottom. I was in an abyss that I couldn’t escape. I was a shell of the person I once was. I knew I needed to book a session with my spiritual teacher/healer. I didn’t want to live like this anymore. Something had to change. I had to save my life.

My Reiki healer told me I was ready to let him go. It was time. I had learned my lessons. And she told me that I had to let him heal himself and not to feel any more blame. I had to now focus on myself and my happiness.

My soul was enmeshed in his soul, taking on all his issues and emotional wounds. It’s no wonder I felt like I was drowning in hopelessness all the time. I wanted him to heal so badly, that I was trying to do all the work for him. It was the equivalent of me cleaning out his attic night and day until I was exhausted and ready to pass out while he was out having fun, doing everything to avoid it. But that’s not how it works: He needs to clean his own attic! And if he doesn’t want to clean it, it’s not my problem.

We have to let our twins do their own healing. And we can’t help them or rush the process. If our twins do not choose to heal, there is nothing we can do. We have to let them go. We have to envision them walking with us down a path. I like to imagine it as the “Yellow Brick Road.” We’re holding hands with our twins, and suddenly our twins stop and say “I can’t go any further. I’m not ready to go where you’re heading.” And with that, we give them a loving hug and let go of their hand and continue on our way.

We have to realize that letting them go is a way for us to express our unconditional love to them. We can’t drag them, and they don’t want to be dragged. We have to accept that our journey continues regardless if they’re by our sides. And we must know that they will always be connected to our souls. Nothing will ever change that. How can we ever be separated if their soul is perpetually touching ours? And one of the biggest challenges of the Twin Flame connection is not only understanding that truth, but taking comfort in it.

 

How to Live When You Feel Like Dying Part I: The Twin Flame Connection

For a solid two years since I had met and separated from my Twin Flame, my existence seemed like a nightmare that I could never escape. I would wake up in so much emotional agony every morning that I felt like was dying or wanted to die. It’s not that I wanted to kill myself; it’s just I didn’t want to live in misery anymore. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel pain that deeply.

My heart and soul felt shredded. My stomach was in constant knots. People would try to talk to me, and I couldn’t pay attention to what they were saying. And I lived in silent misery, because the people around me had no idea what I was going through. How could they!

Until you have lived through a Twin Flame connection, you have no clue. You could read a thousand books about Twin Flames and still have no fucking idea. You just don’t know until you have gone through it, period. This is why the experience can feel so lonely and isolating. Because you know if you told somebody about it, they would think you were a crazy, obsessed freakshow, so you don’t say a word. You suffer in silence. And at times, you question if you actually are a crazy, obsessed freakshow. I did many times.

My head was a continuous loop of memories from the past: I thought about him every minute of my day. I only dreamed of him. My world was tinted with reflections of him through all the signs and synchronicities. I felt as if I were Alice in Wonderland, always chasing the elusive White Hare, but never catching him. That was my Twin Flame: He was my White Hare. When I lost him, I fell down the rabbit hole and was taken on a spectacular, magical, and devastating spiritual journey that changed my life forever and opened my eyes to who I was and who I needed to become.

I learned many lessons along the way: relationship lessons, love lessons, and soul lessons. And it was all because of the connection to him.

I cannot emphasize this enough: You will not break the chains that are binding you to your twin in this connection until you learn all the lessons. That feeling of being imprisoned by invisible ties will remain. We must learn our lessons to release ourselves. It is the only way. Cord cutting will not work in this type of connection. Think of the universe as a strict school teacher who won’t let you leave class until you’ve finished your test.

So how do we learn the lessons? We have to become hermits, in a sense. That doesn’t mean we can’t go out and live our lives and enjoy ourselves; it means that we have to find the answers within us through deep introspection. Through that self-reflection, the patterns of our relationships with our families and our lovers will reveal the lessons that the universe wants us to learn and is currently being shown to us by the “Mirror Effect” aka the symbolic mirror our twins are holding up to us to show us what has been holding us back in the way we love and how we receive love.

One lesson that seems to be prevalent within soul connections is: Enmeshment. aka codependency, enmeshment is where you entangle yourself (emotionally and even energetically) in somebody so much that you lose yourself. You only care about what they think, what they want, and you forget about what you want. You will do anything to keep them. You may want to save them. You may want to heal them. You feel as if you no longer exist unless you are together. You think they complete you in some way. You may view yourself as the only person who can help them. At some point in the relationship or even after, you may have stopped caring about yourself and what makes you happy.

Think for a moment how you felt once you and your twin separated: Did you give up living in a sense? Did your whole world crumble because he/she was missing from your life? Did you stop thinking about your own happiness and only focused on your twin and what he/she was doing; what he/she was telling you in dreams; what he/she was communicating to you telepathically; or even what psychic or tarot readings were telling you? Sound familiar? Of course, because we’ve ALL lived it. I lived in a state of emotional/karmic pain, heartbreak, misery, ruin, and hopelessness for two solid years.

You’re thinking: “But he/she is half of my soul! Of course I feel that way! He/she is my Twin Flame!” Yes, and I understand exactly why you feel that way; however, this is exactly how the universe teaches us this lesson. How better to learn this lesson of enmeshment than to face a soul mate who is already literally tethered to your soul! That’s why this lesson is such a bitch to learn. Some lessons are harder than others, but this one is downright brutal. It seems like a cruel joke played on us by the universe. But you have to believe that we were chosen to take on this journey because we are stronger than most.

If I weren’t as strong as I am, I know that at some point, I would have died from it. And I’m sure many of you have felt the same way at times. When our whole word turns to darkness, how do we continue to live? And yet, we do. Because we are stronger than we give ourselves credit, we triumph. The Twin Flame journey may batter and bruise us, but it never defeats us.

The blackness turns to light because we are the chariots of our own destiny. And the love that has been awakened within us by the Divine love we feel for our twin illuminates the world. We are the warriors who make the world spin with Love and Light.