Relief

Written By Indigo Blackbird

I’m really not impressed by material or possessions like most of my peers. I mean of course we value them because they are tangible items that we have collectively given meaning to. But I feel that it’s truly hard to love me when you are worrying about getting me things, or what will please me when what I truly value is your existence in my life. Seeing you struggle or go out of your way to gift me things can sometimes take away from your long terms goals and I understand that. We can acquire all that we want together if we come to that decision but it is not a need.

I understand you want things for yourself just as I do and I want to encourage you to pursue them even if that means I am not a part of the picture. Your best interest is my own and if you can’t take care of yourself I would not expect you to take care of me even if I know you would try your best. My love is far too unconditional. Relax…there’s no pressure just as long as we can openly communicate our boundaries we can still treat one another. Every once in a while a thoughtful gesture is practical but when you feel that someone is obligated to ‘give’ then your love becomes selfish instead of selfless.

Relationships are an endless flow or surrender/victory (compromise). Sometimes we forget that having a partner is about operating interdependently and it leads to misunderstandings, hurt feelings and rejection. If we can learn to experience each other as we are without fearing that we will fail to meet each others expectations, we can truly experience profound growth. Plus once you have accomplished your own missions/goals you have better means to contribute to your partner’s life in the way they truly deserve, as opposed to you taking them out every weekend but this is just me venting and reflecting on my own thoughts.

I’d rather just question our existences and stroll in the park, spill out our secret passions, go swimming, hiking, dancing, embrace you while you tell me the things you never wanted to admit, support you and your craft, etc. Just enjoy other. Be free together so that you can create the foundation for better health and wealth. But even if you fail, use that momentum to launch yourself into success. It is okay to fail. We all do. We all learned how to read, this post for example, but we had to practice… So keep practicing.

Putting in effort doesn’t stop because you have a title, that is where love becomes caged. Allow your emotions to guide you and don’t suppress them. Honor your feelings while being conscious of the world around you. The riches will come, so just keep dreaming and inspiring one another but most of all–yourself.

Follow Indigo Blackbird on Twitter @VenaiiGloxiniia and  Instagram @Indigoblackbird

The Soul Mate Experience

People have asked me “What does it feel like to meet a soul mate or a Twin Flame?” I tell them “It’s warm and comfortable. It feels like home. It’s a wonderful feeling. It’s as if you know them, and they know you. You could talk for hours and not even realize time has passed. It’s like catching up with an old friend.”

In my experience, a soul mate connection never needs to be forced. It will just happen. Problems arise when our own insecurities and issues get in the way. You meet somebody that you have this incredible instantaneous connection with, and you get scared because you either don’t think you’re worthy of that type of love or you fear that love. Fear within ourselves turns to anxiety. Anxiety kills love.

The love between soul mates is an incredible thing, but that love must be cultivated and given room to grow. Think of love like a flower garden. When two soul mates first meet, they plant a seed. As a flower grows, it has to be given just enough water and sunshine. The dirt that holds it must be just right: It can’t be too sandy or rocky. The soil must be moist, but not soaking wet. Love is the same way.

Once a seed in the relationship is planted, you have to take your time and have patience, so that the roots grow strong in the ground. Seeds do not need to be over-watered, just as a budding relationship does not need to be flooded by somebody’s emotions. It is possible for one person to love too much and scare the other one away. Pushing your love onto somebody will only push them away. Everything in moderation. In love, you must ease into your emotions with each other, and you must have a solid foundation, or the relationship will break apart.

The reasons why most soul mate relationships do not work out is because there is a lack of a foundation, and without that foundation, one fight might break up your entire relationship. It happened to me with my Twin Flame! We had one nasty fight, and he refused to ever talk to me again. That was it. Our relationship ended as quickly as it had begun. Our house crumbled, because there was nothing supporting it. I’ve read countless accounts online from others talking about soul mate separations that were caused by meaningless arguments. It happens all the time.

My best advice is to go slowly and take your time to get to know each other. Let the energy flow and things happen in their own time. Love does not ever have to be rushed.

When you meet a soul mate, often feelings of love arise before you even know the person. I once met a soul mate, and we fell in love with each other as soon as our eyes met. I had never believed in “love at first sight” until that moment. As soon as I spotted him dancing with his friends at the club where I worked, I felt like I knew him. And he felt the same about me. Sometimes you just know. 

So where did it go wrong with us? We rushed the relationship. We were only together a week, maybe, before we told each other that we loved another. We both knew that we were soul mates. We could feel the connection because we were sensitive to it. He had been psychic since he was a child, and my psychic skills were only budding. By meeting him, it helped me grow spiritually. I had grown up Catholic, so I had always had faith in a Higher Power, but this was the first time, I actually felt closer to God through the love I felt for my soulmate.

The feelings were too intense between us. He had issues that were coming to the surface, and he ran instead of dealing with them. He had been trying to break up with me for a solid month, but he couldn’t go through with it. He would break up with me, and within minutes be crying in my arms. He couldn’t let me go. At one point he said “I know you are my soul mate, but I don’t understand why it’s not working.” I think he thought that just because I was his soul mate, I was supposed to be the solution to all his problems, but that’s not how it works. Soul mate or not, I was only a human being with my own set of flaws and insecurities. His issues could only be fixed by him. 

One Saturday afternoon, he called me and broke up with me. He said he didn’t love me. He said I didn’t challenge him. He said I wasn’t the woman for him. He said he had met somebody the weekend before (somebody I had been introduced to!) and they clicked with each other. With one phone call, he ended it. Our love was fiery magic, but because our relationship progressed too quickly, we burned everything to the ground. He chose to be with a woman who was not a soul mate, because it was easier. He was a drug addict.

When he was with me, I showed him a reflection of himself that he knew he had to change. With her, she was not holding any mirror in front of him. He could be an addict. He didn’t have to fix anything within himself. She was easy to be with for that reason. Their relationship lasted a year. He called me and told me that it hadn’t worked out. And he said that he wasn’t meant to be in a relationship with anybody. It wasn’t for him. He called me to apologize how he had ended things with me. And no, he didn’t want me back.

In drug-fueled moments, he would call me to see how I was doing. He had chosen drugs over me. And knowing that destroyed me. I changed my number at one point and lost touch with him for good. It was better that way. His sporadic bursts of communication were only putting rubbing alcohol in a gaping wound.

It took me several years to get over him. These connections burn into your skin, your soul, you heart; they brand every cell of your being with love. But when that person is out of your life, the love remains and the heartbreak stays. It’s hell on earth to lose a soul mate. You feel like dying inside. Your whole world turns to blackness. You go through the motions of your existence, but your soul is completely numb. When I think back to the separation, it’s as if I had blacked out. Chunks of time are missing. It’s as if my mind had given up trying to remember all the sadness and loss.

I dated people, and I don’t even remember their names or faces. It was like I wasn’t even there. I do remember I had gone on a first date with a man, and we were hanging out on my couch when I heard somebody tapping at my window. Guess who it was? Awesome, right. Perfect timing for my soul mate to show up. He was just swinging by to say “hi” and see how I was doing.

They always come back when you’re trying to get over them. It’s the push and pull of the energy between each other’s souls. But it sucks. You’re either with me or you’re not, and if you’re not, leave me the fuck alone. There’s nothing worse than loving somebody and trying to get over them, and they’re randomly showing up to check in. “Hiiiiiiiiii”

They love you, but for whatever reason they can’t be with you. And because of that, they can’t stay away. This is why you have to set boundaries. You always have to look out for your own well-being first. If your soul mate wants to be with you, he/she will be with you. It’s as simple as that.

Do not waste time with the confused ones or people you feel you need to prove something to. You’re not a defense attorney. You don’t need to establish a case for somebody to want to be with you. This is a mistake I made with my twin. I kept thinking that I had to prove how incredible a woman I was when were together, and then show him how much I had changed in order to reconcile. I had low self esteem. I didn’t see my worth, so I thought, why would somebody else see it? I had to show it to them.

It wasn’t until I truly loved myself where I said “What the fuck am I doing? I’m awesome. I’m beautiful. I’m smart and funny and I have lots of love to give, and if this idiot can’t see that, that’s his problem.” If somebody is too blind to see what you are, you do not need them in your life, regardless if they are a soul mate or not.

We have many soul mates. If one doesn’t work out, you’ll meet another one. Stop thinking this is your last chance at love, because it’s not. The people who believe that the soul mate who left them was their last chance at happiness are the ones who are right. What you believe is what you will have. If you put it into the universe that you will never love again, then you won’t. Be careful what you wish for.

Go online and Google “soul mate separation”, and you will be amazed by the amount of posts from people who have been suffering for decades over one lost soul mate. Take back the power. It’s your life, not theirs. Don’t let one damaged soul destroy the beauty and goodness of your life. Do you want to give one person the key to your happiness for your entire life? To quote Kanye, “No one man should have all that power.” 

If your soul mate does not want to continue the journey with you, let him/her go with love. Let go or be dragged. Once you get over the pain of the break from them, you will heal, and become stronger than you ever were. And the love you find the next time will be even better. That’s how it works. Every soul mate experience opens our heart more, like a rose blossoming in the garden. These connections heal us, and they help us love deeper and healthier in the end.

Images via Last Light Art by Adam LoRusso