Seduce

Written by Samantha Rose

(s)

waves in my brain
crash against the edge
of my skull
a dimming lull

(e)

sometimes i recall
the way you say
my name
i think
about steamed breath
flooding my ears

(d)

lips graze
thinnest part of me
journey beneath
ear to collar
tiny mountains rise
soft residence
sensual simplicity
sends electricity

(u)

at the edge
of our ecstasy
our shadows wait
to greet us

(c)

i’m here to feel
your flesh
merge with mine
true awakening

(e)

i don’t know you yet
i feel your sweat
fill each of my pores
hot anticipation

–  soulmate(s)

i accept death.
decayed fingers grip my throat,
wrap tight and slow
like the boa constrictor.

i ache for rebirth.
stuck holding on
for some reason.
i’ve become one
with vines,
rusted wires.

i want to live
for you
at times
feels like breaking
bones that choke me.

love should be easy.
i don’t think it’s that
i don’t love you,
but that i do.

– let go

i am in love with the life on this earth,
i am in love with the dirt,
i am in love with all of the venus-in-aries flirts.

the more that i come home to myself,
the more i wallow in my worth,
even more love is then birthed.

bliss pours
through me
hot body parts
react
i feel it in my bones
building up

i find myself soaking and seeking
only that which lives
inside me

– sex magic will heal the earth


Samantha Rose is the author of two books of poetry, most recently, 
L’ACQUA. Her writing has been featured in The Occulum, The Milk Thistle, ILY Mag, and more. She is also the Creatress in Chief of Pussy Magic. For more, visit sunrosedivine.com.

 

Connection

Written By Demetra De’Vine Davis

I put my hand out to feel the warmth of your skin.

smiling because you’re there

rolling over to peek at you before succumbing to sleep

Our eyes meet

Are we thinking the same thing?

 

Follow Demetra on Twitter and Instagram @DeeDe_Vine

2 of Cups: Love

Image via Fashiontography

“We loved with a love that was more than love.”
– Edgar Allan Poe

If the Ace of Cups is the emotional offering, the 2 of Cups is the connection that follows. It represents love, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It’s about harmony and emotional union. In this card, love has a focus. It takes two people to love the other for there to be a true flowing connection. There is an exchange of balanced emotional energy here.

The 2 of Cups often times alludes to a romantic love, but it may show up as a friendship or familial love as well. Some of our closest friends are our soul mates. We love them even if we are not romantically involved with them. It symbolizes any connection that touches our hearts as much as we touch theirs.

The most important aspect of this card is mutual feelings. This is not a card that would appear in a reading about unrequited love or somebody giving more in a friendship than the other person. This is all about balance and the feeling that you get back as much as you give in this relationship.

Aleister Crowley titled this card “Love” and described it as “Love under Will.” He believed it was the harmony of the feminine and masculine. In the Thoth version, there are two heraldic dolphins (pink with yellow fins) entwined around a pink lotus. Water flows onto their heads and gushes out their mouths to fill two large gold chalices. The dolphin and chalice on the right side mirrors the pair on the opposite side. This signifies mutual emotions, a truly balanced union of love.

Something to note: The dolphin was sacred to Aphrodite (Venus), the goddess of Love. It was also the companion to both the god Apollo (the Sun) as well as Aphrodite (the Moon.) The Sun is masculine energy whereas the Moon is feminine. In shamanism, dolphin personifies balance, harmony, playfulness, and love. It teaches us to connect to our emotions and not be afraid to swim in the depths of them. The 2 of Cups embodies that notion, because it is about two people emotionally open enough to connect on a deep, meaningful level.

It corresponds astrologically to Venus in the 1st Decan of Cancer. In regards to the Quabalah Tree of Life, it is Chokmah through Water.

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When the Twin Flame Connection Makes You Feel Crazy

Every day after we separated was the same. I thought “Am I going crazy?”

What the fuck is happening to me?”

“Why do I feel like I’m losing my mind?”

“When am I going to get through this?”

“Will I get through this?”

“Is this how I’m going to feel for the rest of my life?”

A Twin Flame connection will make you feel like you’re going insane. I spent my days Googling “Why is this connection making me feel crazy?” Either I never found the answer online or I didn’t understand the answer given, but for whatever reason, I had to figure out the answer on my own.

I discovered it’s because the energy between the two souls is entwined. I felt his energy as well as my energy. Our souls were entangled. It was a constant push pull. The energy after a separation is INTENSE. It shook me to the core. I could feel him, yet we weren’t together. His essence was all over me, and there was nothing I could do but miss him. I had to accept the fact that he was no longer in my life. I loved him from hundreds of miles away. We weren’t speaking to each other, yet I woke up feeling his energy as if he were lying next to me. It was maddening. I woke up in sweat. I woke up with my chest pounding. I woke up with a pit of despair at the bottom of my stomach. Every morning, I felt like I wanted to die.

His misery permeated the air that I breathed. I knew he was sad. I knew he was hurt. But it wasn’t the right time to contact him. I had to accept that. There was a deep knowing within me telling me that there was work to be done. I was a mess. I needed to fix myself. It was all coming to the surface. For years, I had done everything I could to push away my emotional problems and my childhood wounds.

I drank. I self-medicated. I dove into a sub-culture of music where people took drugs and escaped from reality for a weekend at a time. And in those dark clubs and warehouses, I found shreds of happiness; in those hours of drugged out bliss, I didn’t have to think about how lost I was deep down, how much it hurt inside, how fearful I was that the people who came into my life would abandon me. I escaped all that. I got to party and dance with my friends. For one night, sometimes two, I didn’t have a care in the world. I could forget about all my insecurities and childhood wounds.

He was everything, and I was nothing. I didn’t deserve him. How could he ever love a mess like me? I couldn’t hide how broken I was. He was realizing it. I was ruining a good thing. I was pushing the connection. I was rushing. I felt so much anxiety that my stomach was constantly in knots. I was so scared to lose him that all I could do was push and push my feelings onto him. He wouldn’t want to be with somebody who was so needy for love. He wouldn’t want to love somebody who feared being abandoned. He was normal. And I had problems.

The night we had our fight, as the ecstasy raced through my veins, it intensified all my emotions, but it also brought out my spiritual self. Ever since I had met him, I had been slowly awakening. As I awakened, I began to realize that I was a healer. I was meant to heal people. And I was meant to heal him. I told him that I would heal his heart. Right after I said it, I saw the blood drain out of his face. And he got angry. I could see how scared he was. I was so hurt that he was angry with me that I lashed out at him.

I made a fool out of myself at that club. I had never acted that way before. He had a bouncer separate me from him, because he couldn’t deal with me. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I could blame it on the drugs and the alcohol, but it was as if I had no control over my words and actions. The fight and my reactions escalated so quickly that there was no turning back. I had acted like a mental case. And to make it worse, one of his friends that he brought to the club that night is now his girlfriend. It took them a while to get together romantically, but I always saw her in pictures, and I had a gut feeling about her. My dreams confirmed my worst fears.

He saw the worst side of me anybody had ever seen before. The jig was up. He knew how unbalanced and fucked up I was. I decided to give him an out and he took it. I hated myself at that moment, and because of that, I said “If you want me out of your life, just say it.” He texted back “All set.” I pulled the plug on us. We were over before we had started.

The rose had wilted before it had bloomed. It was the worst night of my life. Even writing this brings tears to my eyes. I lost him for good. In those five months, he had become my best friend, my lover, the man that I wanted to spend my life with – then in one moment – it was all gone.

It was Halloween night in Brooklyn at a warehouse party at 4:30 in the morning and there I was standing in a Snow White costume, realizing that I had lost the love of my life. I remember calling my mom the next day, completely numb from what had occurred. I said “Is he coming back?” And she said “No, he’s not.” And she was right. Regardless of the spiritual awakening and all the signs and everything connecting us, he never came back.

My healer said I had scared him by something I said. I hadn’t even remembered what it was until she reminded me. I had told him “I can heal your heart.” And he wasn’t able to deal with that. I don’t really know why. Maybe it was too out there for him. Maybe he didn’t think his heart needed healing. It doesn’t matter. I don’t regret what I said. I was being my true self. I never want to be anybody but who I really am. I never want to pretend that I’m somebody else. My purpose on earth is to help people. And that is my mission. The man who truly loves me will understand and love that side of me, not run from it.

I am still working on healing from that night. It was traumatic, to the point where I replayed it over and over in my head for six months after. My biggest challenge has been learning to forgive the person that I was in that moment of time. I was a lost Princess. I was by no means a Queen. I was Snow White lost in the dark forest. And it would take me years to find my way out of the black woods into the light. Every day that passes, I get stronger, and those painful memories fade more and more. Someday soon I will be able to think about those devastating moments without crying. When I do, I’ll know I am healed. Until then, so we beat on. 

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When the Relationship Breaks: Letting Go of the Blame

“It takes two to make an accident.” ~ The Great Gatsby
A relationship either works, or it doesn’t. The two energies of the individuals either mesh, or they don’t, regardless of their connection to each other. A breakup occurs because the two people are out of balance. It takes two people to create that imbalance, two people to cause a breakup. When a relationship ends, we mourn that severed connection much like a death. We go through various stages of grieving: One of those phases is blame.
How many times have you had a relationship end and thought “If only I had done this. If only I had acted like this. If only I hadn’t done that. If only I had been better. If only I hadn’t said that. Then we would still be together.” That’s a lot of “if onlys”, don’t you think? Yet, this is the type of constant negative thinking that takes place in our heads. We create our own prisons of blame and self-hate. We live in misery and regret, continuously beating ourselves up until there’s nothing left to us. We become shells of the people we once were, nothing but zombies, because our spirits are so broken. Until we learn to forgive ourselves, we are slaves to our own destructive thoughts.
When I lost my Twin Flame, I hated myself. I put all the blame on myself. I thought: “It was all because of my stupid issues, my fear of abandonment, my fear of love, my anxiety that created our separation. If it wasn’t for those deep-seated issues of mine from childhood, we would still be together. It’s my fault. I’m the only one to blame.”
Over the course of two years, I sent him a few long letters that took me months to write, giving him all these reasons to blame me, just so he would give me a second chance. That’s how much I believed that I was the only one to blame. He never responded. He just let me take all the blame. Just because he’s my Twin Flame doesn’t mean he’s not a stubborn asshole. People think that their Twin Flames are magical beings and perfect in every way. Wrong! They’re just people: They’re human beings with flaws, insecurities, and emotional problems like everybody else in this world.
In the summer of 2013, when the pain I felt from the connection was so unrelenting, intense, and sharp, as if somebody were repeatedly stabbing me in the heart with a dagger, I performed a “Love & Beauty” spell on myself. I used the power of magick to make me love me. The spell was powerful and unbelievably effective. I felt as if it was just what I needed to heal my life at that point in time. It is one of my favorite spells I’ve ever concocted. It changed my life. I used the energy of the universe to help me love myself and see myself as beautiful, inside and out.
Within one month, I started to see the true beauty in myself and who I was as a woman. And once I loved me and thought of myself as an empowered queen, not a princess who needed a prince or a knight in shining armor, I stopped blaming myself for what had caused my separation with my twin. We were both to blame. I may have run from him, but he just let me go. He never fought for us. It wasn’t just me. It takes two people to destroy a relationship. I have fully admitted to my role in the destruction. What’s done is done.
I’ve talked to several people in recent months who are separated from their Twin Flame. They all blame themselves for the pain they have caused themselves and their twin; they all blame themselves that they’re not together. One woman told me “He was sunshine to everyone he encountered. Now he’s dead. He hides. He doesn’t create beauty anymore. I felt like we killed each other.” I experienced this as well with mine. It did feel as if we had destroyed each other just by meeting.
In the blackness of night as I lay in my bed, I could feel his pain through the energetic cords linking my soul to his, and it killed me, because I thought I was the reason. I felt so bad all the time and never realized why that pain and suffering would never dissipate. I lived in a constant state of guilt and severe regret.
I felt as if our connection permanently damaged him. I would see pictures of him through mutual friends’ pages, and he had stopped smiling the way that he used to. There was no more light behind his eyes, no more sparkle. Something had died inside of him. And I lived with the regret that he ever had to meet such a damaged person as myself. Somebody who had always been grinning and laughing, bursting with energy and life, had become a shell of himself. It’s been two years since our separation, and I have yet to see that big grin return. The last pictures I saw of him and his girlfriend, his smile is hardly a smile, and his eyes are glazed over.
When Twin Flames or even soul mates meet, individual karmic issues come to the surface so they can be healed. Oh, you have issues with your mom! Well guess what, your twin is going to show you love in the same way your mom did, or she’s going to remind you in some way of your mom. And in a past life, your twin may have even been your mom. Weird, right? When that emotional karma rears its ugly head, it causes chaos and pain within our souls. As it’s supposed to. That’s all part of the process of clearing and healing our karma.
I want to make this perfectly clear to everybody who is dealing with a Twin Flame/soul mate connection, YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. You need to realize that their connection to you is actually helping them. Their hurt is not because of you, even though it feels like it. Their hurt stems from ancient wounds of loss, heartbreak, abandonment, betrayal, etc. Why do you think Twin Flame and soul mate “Runners” can’t handle these relationships and get the hell out of Dodge as fast as they can! This is why.
Separated twins/soul mates always wonder why their partners leave them when the love felt so magical and perfect. It’s because you reminded them of every karmic hurt they’ve ever incurred in every lifetime. Some people can handle this. Many cannot. When they run, they’re running from all that karmic pain. This is also why they jump into surface relationships with other people so quickly after the separation. It’s a way for them to distract themselves, so they don’t have to face the mirror you’re holding, showing them their issues, aka “The Mirror Effect.”
When being with their twin is too painful, they separate and choose a less intense, easier relationship. Some even marry them! You’ll always hear separated twins say “I can’t believe he/she is with that person. They’re all wrong for him/her.” Mine included. In most cases, their current partner is probably the complete opposite of their twin; because they will do anything to not have to face the mirror, which is their twin.
In past lives, we play many roles to teach other lessons. You may be husband and wife in one life and mother and son in the next, but the connection remains the same. That’s why when you meet, you feel as if you’ve known this person your whole life. It’s the familiarity of the union that draws you in. And you think “I have a connection with this person. They feel like home.” But you have to understand that sometimes that feeling of home reminds the other person of a broken one.
We can only heal ourselves. We must not feel bad if our soul mates choose not to. They will at some point, just not with us. The universe will never stop trying to heal them. They can run, but eventually they will have no other choice but to heal. We can never truly escape what the universe wants for us.

The Twin Flame Connection: Why Is This Bond So Strong?

The Twin Flame connection is not a soulmate connection. It is far stronger. It works on a deeper level. Meeting a soulmate can be a life-changing experience, but meeting a Twin Flame, alters every cell of your being. It transforms you. But it also imprisons you.

Imagine waking up every day and feeling like you belong to this person, and he/she belongs to you. And yet they are not in your life. You do not even talk to each other. What would that feel like? You feel loss and torment. Some days are better than others. There are even moments where you feel unaffected by the connection, and you think “I’m getting over this. I’m moving on.” But the next morning you wake up with his/her energy all around you, and you find yourself weeping because you miss your twin so much. This is the Twin Flame connection.

Surviving The Connection

At first, there is no getting over it or moving on: There is only surviving. There is only making it through each day. When you try to run from the signs connecting you to your twin, the signs will increase. When you try to have feelings for another man/woman, your dreams of your twin will intensify. Nobody, except for the people who have met their twins, will understand this. This is not a regular, romantic love or want: This goes beyond all logic and reason. You LOVE this person. You love this person more than you’ve ever loved anyone, period. And every day, you are shown by the Universe how strong that love is, whether you’re with that person or not.

This has nothing to do with how compatible you are, your relationship issues with this person, or if one of you is rejecting the other. None of that matters. So do yourself a favor, and do not try to get relationship advice from others. It will be like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. And save all your bullshit relationship cliches that you see on Facebook for another relationship. They mean absolutely nothing in this one.

Divine Love

This spiritual connection is about two souls. It’s not based on what you did to him/her, what you two fight about, why he is mad at you, why you are mad at him, how he is running, how you are running, etc. NO. NOTHING. It’s based on the purest form of love in this world you will ever feel. It is centered around two souls feeling DIVINE LOVE.

Once these twins meet each other in this world, their connection is so strong and all-encompassing; the bonds are so tight like being chained to the other person’s soul, that all they can do is learn how to love each other, love themselves, and find peace and happiness. There is no key to surviving it. You just have to have the will to do it. You have to believe that “This too shall pass.” You have to know that you will live through it. You have to have the strength to create your own destiny with or without your Twin Flame.

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I Was a Twin Flame Runner: My Story

Last year, in the midst of my Twin Flame journey when I was in the deepest agony, I turned to a now defunct website devoted to Twin Flames called Twin Soul Revelations for support. It was run by a woman named Skye, who closed that site and opened another called Mirror Spirits. She writes quite extensively on the subject of Twin Souls aka Twin Flames. She knew I was a Runner in my Twin Flame connection, so she asked me to write a piece from the Runner’s perspective. She was kind enough to publish it on her blog under my pseudonym, Belladonna.
Recently, I was trying to locate a copy of it, and Googled to see if it was available online so I could post it here. I was surprised that it had been spread to several websites. However, my name is unlisted. This is my story, and I stand by every word I wrote. People need to know what it’s like to be the Runner in a Twin Flame connection. They need to understand how it feels, and how blinded by fear they are. They need to see how a Runner choses fear over love, because that’s all they’ve ever known.
 
I will be posting more on the topic of Twin Flames, and the Runner/Chaser dynamic. I have been both. I was the Runner, then something changed, and I became the Chaser. My twin is currently running from the connection, but most importantly, he’s running from himself.
 
This is my story:
i was a twin flame runner

I am a Runner. I ran from the connection. It literally took me 6 months to even see that I was the one who was running. What you have to understand about the Runner is they are in absolute agony, and they are being pulled by the energy of the connection, which is absolutely maddening.

I felt my own pain, but I also felt my Twin Soul’s pain. It was a feeling of panic. I would wake up with it, and it was the most awful feeling. The only way I can describe it is waking up from a sound, peaceful sleep and in a matter of seconds, you feel extreme anxiety and this ungodly feeling of loss. Your heart is actually hot and it pounds; your chest is sweating. It’s the sensation of a nightmare where you’re being chased, only you’re awake. That’s how I would wake up every morning.  

Combined with feeling his pain and emotions, I was also feeling this incredible pull towards him. Everything in my body was telling me that I need to be with this man. But, something was telling me inside that I was not ready. Something was telling me I needed to really look hard at myself and my issues and fix myself, so what happened with my Twin Soul would never happen again.

I knew that even if he called me and told me how much he missed and loved me, I would still be a mess. There would never be a happily ever after until I did the work on myself. So I ran. And by running, I dove further into myself (if that makes sense) to fix what was broken inside me.

I stopped going out with my friends and became a hermit. I worked and came home, and that’s it. I was in an emotional coma. I was dealing with the loss of my Twin Soul, the strong energies that were pulling me to him, his pain, my own pain, and to top it all off, I was going through a spiritual awakening: I was a mess.
i was a twin flame runnerBut I also knew this was my time to fix all my issues. I knew I had to run and be myself to do it. I love my Twin Soul so much that I didn’t want him to have to deal with me until I had fixed myself. So I disappeared. I took myself off Facebook, and I became a ghost. I honestly didn’t even know I was running from him.
 
In the meantime, I saw signs every day telling me that this connection to him was the real deal. I felt chased by the Universe. I kept thinking “Please leave me alone! I’m just trying to get over him, and you’re making this really hard!” In my head, I thought he was the one who had run out on me. That’s how crazy these connections can make you. The energy is so strong that you feel like you’re going insane.
It wasn’t until April/May 2012, when I had the realization that I was the one who had run, and I was the one who was still running. I saw everything clearly and I thought about our fight and the way things had played out. And I realized that I couldn’t deal with the intensity of the connection anymore, so I said “If you want me gone, I’m gone.”

I saw it as me giving him an out because I thought that’s what he wanted, but he didn’t. He ended up taking the out because he thought I wanted it. We mirrored each other’s fears. I’m sure by forcing his hand to end it, I broke his heart. I hurt him, but I hurt myself, too, in unfathomable ways. Even as spiritually awakened as I was, I couldn’t see the forest through the trees. I couldn’t see that I was the one who had ended it. I couldn’t see that I was running.

Runners leave the relationship out of fear. They are scared to death. They are frightened of the intense love they feel for their Twin Soul. They are so terrified that this feeling of love is one-sided that they high-tail it out of the relationship as fast as their sneakers can take them! But where does this fear come from? The fear comes from deep-seated issues that have plagued this person for not only all of this lifetime, but previous lifetimes.
This is what is meant by “karma.” Karma is soul memory. In our past lives, we experience many things that will teach us lessons. These lessons can come in the form of losing the loves of our lives, being abandoned, betrayal by somebody we love, or even somebody killing us, and the soul never forgets. The pain of all those things resonates within us, until we do the work to clear and heal the karma and the issues, once and for all, which is exactly what Twin Soul connections do.

 

But nothing about the process is easy. It’s incredibly painful. It truly is a blessing, but it will feel like a curse sometimes. It’s the universe’s way of fixing us. With extreme pain, comes change and transformation. During these separations, only until you have seen the darkness will you see the sun. It is something that we must accept as we move through this spiritual journey.
By meeting the Twin Soul, a mirror is held up in front of the Runner’s eyes, and they can see everything that is wrong with them. All those issues of self-love, abandonment, codependency, etc., come to the surface. Suddenly, this person sees their issues, issues that they’ve avoided for possibly lifetimes, and it’s terrifying, so they run, run, run. They don’t even know what they’re running from. They just know they need to get out. And by getting out, they leave their Twin Soul behind. Many of you may blame your Runners for walking out on you, starting new relationships, and rejecting one of the most Divine unions a person can ever be blessed to have, but you have to realize that this is all part of their journey to find themselves. They cannot be with you until they do that.
Some people aren’t as spiritually enlightened, so it’s going to take them longer to find their way back to you. Some people will try to distract themselves any way they can (relationships, drugs, alcohol, etc.) so they don’t have to face their issues, but trust me, they don’t have a choice. They can put it off, but it will happen. You can’t fight the universe.
When I ran from my Twin Soul, I loved him more than I loved myself, because I didn’t know how to love myself, which was one of my issues. True love must come from within before you can give it to another person. You have to love yourself first, or a relationship will never work between you two. There is no way around it either: Once the energies between Twin Souls become unbalanced, you separate, and the universe forces you to balance the energies, whether you like it or not. The only way to come back together is for each of you to work on yourself separately. Only through inner love and happiness will a reconnection take place.
In the meantime, you have to accept that they are on a personal journey, and you can’t blame them or feel that they’ve abandoned you. They haven’t. It all goes deeper than it seems. What you see on the surface is a person who has left you because they don’t care about you, but if you look into the spiritual side, you will see they have left because they love you so much that they have to become stronger just so they can handle the firestorm of love and emotions they truly feel.
They have to be able to look at you aka their “Mirror”, and like what they see. Some of them aren’t ready to do that. Some of them haven’t found the love within themselves yet. And some of them have a deep soul knowing that they’re not ready to be with you. It’s okay. Let them find themselves. And if that involves having other relationships, you must accept it is a part of their journey, as difficult as that may be.
No pushing on your part will ever make them come back. They will come back when it’s time. The only thing you can do is do the inner work, find peace amidst the chaos, and balance amidst the pain and pull of the connection, and love yourself. Loving yourself is the key to surviving this Divine connection. Without love in your heart, you will only experience pain. And ultimately, the pain will keep you from reconnecting. Love will bring you back to each other. And if it doesn’t happen in this lifetime, love will always bring you back to your true SELF.