From Torment to Butterflies: Forgiving Yourself

In life, we tend to hold on too tightly to what we have done and that which was done to us. Because we can’t let go of the past and all the hurts, we destroy the love we have for ourselves. One of the most powerful actions we can take is to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we have made.

If you carry the pain of yesterday, you will only feel burden. You have to let it all go; all the stagnant emotions left over from the past, the disappointment, the “what ifs”, and the regret. And the only way to release it, is to forgive yourself first.

During my spiritual/Twin Flame journey, I made many mistakes. I didn’t make sensible decisions. I let fear guide my actions; I let anxiety keep me from seeing situations clearly. I didn’t listen to my intuition. I lost friendships. I lost my twin. I hurt him. I hurt myself. I felt as if it was all my fault. Waking up each day felt like a living nightmare. How could I go on knowing that I had created the separation and done all this damage to a wonderful connection?

Over the course of two years, I tore myself apart with regret. I hated myself. And through the disdain and resentment of myself, I had to take a hard look at who I was as a person and recognize my deep-seated issues that had been bubbling to the surface for years. I worked hard to try to heal the broken pieces. But the pain of losing somebody I loved and knowing I was to blame shredded me. It had been a choice that I had made but would never stop regretting. All I did was blame myself and live in my own prison of self-flagellation and negative thinking. 

At one point, I realized I needed to forgive myself. I thought “What’s done is done. I cannot change the past as much as I am dying to. I have to accept the present. I have to forgive what I did.” And then I thought “I did the best I could. I am not perfect. I was damaged, and I needed healing.”

That night before bed, I created an affirmation for myself. I exclaimed “I forgive myself. I forgive myself for hurting him. I forgive myself for hurting me. I forgive myself, and I let it go to be healed.” After I had said it all, I cried. I let it all out, every molecule of hurt that I had been carrying with me, all the regret, and I let all of it go.

Forgiving myself was the first step in an incredibly painful, eye-opening journey. It helped me become the person that I am today. It helped me love myself. You cannot love yourself if you hate yourself. Carrying regret for one’s actions only leads to self-hate.

You are not perfect. I am not perfect. Once you accept the imperfections, you let love in. When you let love into yourself, you attract love. All the pain of yesterday is transformed by the love you have for yourself. That is how powerful love is. Love turns torment into butterflies.