My spiritual awakening happened as if a veil had been lifted, and I could see something that had always been there, but my eyes had been covered. But there’s something so disconcerting about seeing the world one way for 36 years, and then all of a sudden, viewing it a completely different way. I constantly wondered if other people were seeing the same electric reds and oranges in the sky or the white tufts of cotton clouds that looked as if they had been painted in watercolors. I questioned my sanity many times. It was impossible not to.
You feel so alone. Even the people you love the most do not understand what you’re going through. Some days, you feel like you’re dying. Your ego fights your true self, and your ego tells you that you need to feel a certain way, and if you don’t feel that way, you’re not “normal.” Your true self aka Higher Self shouts it from the tree tops that everything is in perfect order and this is the way that you’re supposed to feel, but there’s the little voice, the ego telling you it’s not. So all you do is doubt the experience, even though it’s happening right in front of your eyes.
The awakening revealed itself to me in magical, beautiful ways: It was as if the mystery of the Universe was unraveling before my eyes. Suddenly, everything felt in sync. Many times, flocks of birds flew over my car as I drove, in perfect synchronicity Repeating numbers and triple digit numbers like “222″ or “777″ appeared everywhere as I noticed the world around me more and more. I constantly heard random conversations that were somehow always connected to my Twin Flame and the city where he lived. The more I recognized the signs, the more I saw. During the first year of my separation from him, the signs bombarded me in a spiritual frenzy of synchronicity.
My awakening was triggered by separating from the man I loved, my Twin Flame. We were so connected that I felt his emotions even though we were hundreds of miles apart, and at times, I sensed his energy around me. Once, I actually heard him say something to me in my head. It was the feeling of loving somebody times a thousand and losing them times a million. The pain of losing a soul partner is unbearable. I’m honestly surprised that I’m still alive: There were some days, I thought I would die of a broken heart and a shredded soul.
Even though we had technically known each for a few months, I felt like we had known each other for years. When we separated, a part of my soul died, or at least it felt as if it had. This was not regular breakup pain; this was an incredible, unrelenting pain that was embedded so deep in my soul that I had never experienced anything even close to it. It had felt like somebody I had been married to for 50 years had died. Regardless of whether or not we are in each other’s lives: We have a soul connection. We are Twin Flames.
Nothing will ever change that. Our connection is spiritual. The romantic relationship that we had was secondary to it. This is a Divine connection. We were meant to meet to heal and transform each other. I like to refer to Twin Flames as “Fire and Ice Partners” because they challenge one another, (as they’re supposed to.) The fire is always trying to melt the ice, and the ice is always trying to put out the fire. This is why Twin Flame connections are not easy and many of them do not last.
These Divine connections will shake your world upside down. It’s a roller coaster, and the only thing you can do is stay on the ride. This is the reason why you can’t talk to anybody about these Twin Flame connections. The people you try to talk to have no clue what you’re talking about, because until you’ve lived it, you have no idea and you can’t even fathom how intense and spiritually charged these connections are. It’s like climbing Mt. Everest and trying to relate to a room full of people who have never been on a mountain. This connection and separation from him is by far, the most powerful and painful experience of my entire life.
It took me six months to process the connection and ultimately, the awakening. During those crucial months, I wasn’t there: I was in an emotional coma. Everything in my world seemed to stop moving, and I fell into an abyss that I finally crawled out of after two years of solid misery and emotional pain. My mind was always fighting it, always choosing to intellectualize the awakening. Unfortunately for me, being in my head is where I feel the most comfortable. I analyze everything I’m going through a thousand times until my head is a jumbled mess.
At the time of my awakening, my ego and soul were not aligned, therefore the two were always at odds with each other. My ego kept trying to deny the spiritual awakening and the entire Twin Flame process of clearing and healing karma. But my soul knew everything was happening as it should be, and I was just where I needed to be at that point in my life. Everything was going to according to Divine plan, but my ego fought it all, tooth and nail.
Now I am learning to live in the moment. It is a lesson for me. I have many lessons to learn, and soul connections and spiritual awakenings make you face those lessons head on. You have no choice but to learn them. You can’t fight the Universe, as much as you want or try. The more you try to resist what the Universe wants for you, the more resistance you will experience. Once you let the reins go, everything will flow.