Twin Flame Pain

TWIN FLAME PAIN

Every soul connection that comes into our lives brings with them their own set of lessons and healing. They reflect back to us the shadow aspects and wounds that we would rather avoid. They show up to wake us up, to make us face what we’ve been avoiding. They mirror deep karmic pain that we have made a soul contract to heal in this lifetime. We have suffered many lifetimes, carrying this pain with us. Sometimes we don’t even realize it’s there. It’s buried so deep in our subconscious, in our souls, that we have no idea that we are burdened by such darkness.

That is until we meet a Twin Flame (I prefer to call them soul connections), and all that karmic pain rises to the surface. Suddenly, our past wounds, the heartbreaks and childhood wounds feel so deep, it’s as if somebody has carved us open with a dagger. We feel vulnerable and exposed. We think “How is it possible that this person, this soulmate, I have such strong, loving feelings for can make me feel so bad? How can they cause me so much pain without even doing anything? How can they make me feel so afraid and bring out such intense, uncomfortable feelings?”

These people come into our lives and trigger our deepest pain to heal us and clear these blockages that keep us from truly loving ourselves. Because until we love ourselves, we can’t give love to the full capacity that we are meant to. Soul connections push our buttons. They pull away when we need them the most; they take away their love when it’s all we’ve ever feared; they abandon us at our weakest moments; they make us face ourselves. They strip away all our distractions, so we finally look into the mirror once and for all. For the firs time, we see all our flaws, weaknesses, insecurities, all the things that we have hidden our entire lives. This person walks into our life, then walks out. And we are left feeling abandoned, naked, and torn apart. We wonder why it hurts so bad, why we feel so lost and afraid to pick up the pieces of our lives and start over. We don’t have the strength to begin again. It’s been drained from our bloodstream.

Their spiritual gift to us is to crack us open, so we may heal and shatter us, so we can rebuild ourselves into more balanced, stronger people. As Rumi says “The wound is where the Light enters you.” Like a phoenix rising from ashes, we transform into powerful and magical beings.  As long as we surrender to this process, this will happen. If we fight what the Universe is trying to do for us, we will only delay our progress. For some, it takes months. For others, such as myself, it takes years. True surrender is realizing that the connection is all about you and not them. It’s not about losing a piece of yourself, because you’re already whole. It’s not about them losing you either, because they are whole as well. Soul connections are not based on need.

Need creates imbalance. Between partners, when there is an imbalance, the connection cannot flow and the two have to separate. They repel each other energetically. That is why partners may get together, then have separations as time goes on, because imbalances and energetic blockages come up for people. Needing love repels love. It’s pushy energy that is based on what the Law of Attraction theory would call “lack.” In a soul connection union, there needs to be a balance between the feminine, the yin, and the masculine, the yang. Once it’s out of balance, problems arise. One partner may feel the need to separate from the other until the energy re-balances. Healing must take place before this can happen.

Codependency is an issue that many soul connections deal with. It is sometimes the greatest lesson for us to learn. Learning to love without need, without desperation, without pain, without a constant feeling of longing is what we experience during a separation. Regardless if they ever come back into our lives, we are taught the lesson to love in a healthy way. In order to fill somebody’s emotional cup, we must fill our own first. Our immense, flowing love for a partner can be showered upon them like a waterfall as long as we keep a reservoir within ourselves. We can only love them as much as we love ourselves. And we can never give more to them than we would give to ourselves in order to keep the scales balanced. Once the energy of a connection balances, the tremendous power of love reveals itself.

If you are currently dealing with a twin flame connection and need help navigating it, book a Twin Flame Connection Reading or Energy Balancing Session with us here:  http://awakenedqueen.com/twin-flame-connection/

We are here to help you with whatever you are dealing with.  Find out if reconnection is possible or how you can move on. We can guide you in any situation, no matter how difficult and complex it may seem.

Embrace Your Twin Flame Experience

EMBRACE YOUR TWIN FLAME EXPERIENCE

[pic: Mario Testino]

Within the Twin Flame community, there seems to be a major disconnect on what is a true Twin Flame vs. a soul mate. I have been living with this connection for four years; and within those four years, I have been on countless message boards, read hundreds of blogs related to Twin Flames, and had the pleasure of people writing me e-mails about their personal journeys. And the funny thing is I know nothing more than I did four years ago when I met my “twin.” None of what I read has really had any effect over my life. The Twin Flame/Soul Mate path was a significant experience for me, but it was something I had to go through to truly understand how these connections work.

I’m tired of reading about the stereotypical stages and the inner workings of a Twin Flame relationship. I don’t want to hear about the runner and the chaser and how the runner will always come back. I don’t want to see that people are waiting for their “twins” to return. The truth is we really don’t know what these connections are.

My definition of a Twin Flame is not necessarily somebody else’s. Did I experience a deep, transforming soul connection that I had carried with me for lifetimes? Yes, without a doubt. Do I think he’s half of my soul or that we share the same Higher Self? Absolutely not. I don’t believe and have never that Twin Flames are half souls, nor do I believe that they share the same Higher Self. But here’s the thing: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE WHAT I BELIEVE. You are free to think any way you wish in regards to your personal connection.

I don’t think anybody is right or wrong, because nobody really knows. Yes, people channel information from Spirit and from collective entities, but those channeled messages may not be completely accurate, or the concepts may be misinterpreted. There’s no reason to argue with anybody over this, or try to prove to somebody that you’re right and they’re wrong.

I spent the past four years, constantly trying to push my views down people’s throats and make them see. In my head, I thought I was helping them navigate through their journeys, but I realize now that I was just throwing my opinions onto them, hoping they would stick. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s best to experience your connection and make up your own mind on what it is and what it isn’t. Call him/her a Twin Flame, soul mate, soul connection, karmic twin, etc. It’s your connection and nobody else’s. You should have the freedom to label it any way you want without judgement or somebody telling you it’s wrong.

There are the people who will tell you that a Twin Flame relationship is easy, smooth, energetically balanced, and everything flows right from the start. There’s no push and pull, no running and chasing, and no separation. And those couples are very proud of the Twin Flame label, and they will defend it to the death. I have seen people in these relationships get so sick of trying to drill into people’s heads the definition of what they believe is a true Twin Flame that they eventually give up and deactivate their online accounts. Some of them (not all) use the Twin Flame label as a badge of accomplishment, or a reward for being spiritual. All they do is argue with separated twins and try to shower them with THEIR TRUTH, which is exhausting for both parties.

Then, there are the others who will explain that a Twin Flame relationship has stages, and many times there is a runner and chaser, and there may be a separation, but the runner will always decide to come back, and when that happens the twins live happily ever after. The two sides constantly fight about who’s in a REAL Twin Flame relationship, and who’s not.

Trust me, the separated ones are already experiencing some of the worst pain imaginable. They don’t need anybody, especially self-proclaimed Twin Flame couples who are together, to make them feel worse about their connections. They shouldn’t have to deal with anybody judging their connections and down-playing the significance of the people with whom they feel them. It’s just not fair to do to these people who are already suffering immensely. Judging their connections and telling them that they’re not Twin Flames is not the answer. It’s not helping them. It’s not educating them. It’s honestly only making the situation worse and exacerbating their emotional pain and fear.

Let’s look at one possibility: What if there are two types of Twin Flames? There are the ones who you mesh with and everything is balanced, and there are the others where the energy isn’t. Because of this, there is no vibrational match between the two people and they separate. Like attracts like. If the vibrations don’t match up, they’ll float out of each other’s lives. Each of those types carry that “Twin Flame” energy, so instead of being one or the other, it’s both. Nobody is right, and nobody is wrong, because the two types of Twin Flames are experiencing the same energy: One is balanced and the other is unbalanced. Balanced energy keeps them together. Unbalanced energy separates them.

We need to start seeking other viewpoints and looking outside the box, finding what personally works for us. It’s okay to read the same copied and pasted literature on a website that you’ve seen a hundred times before and say “I DON’T AGREE WITH THIS. This doesn’t resonate with MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.” Lately, there is a lot of new information that people are writing about related to Twin Flames, and it’s stirring the pot and angering people, but at least it’s making us ponder and question the way these connections work and their true purpose.

My connection is not yours and vice versa. If I experienced something different than yours, who am I to say my connection is more significant or be able to label yours? IT’S YOUR CONNECTION. You’re the one living it, and the anonymous person on a message board preaching to you about their connection compared to yours isn’t. You should be the one who defines it. There’s this really condescending sensibility within the Twin Flame community that your connection is not real, but theirs is. I see it all the time, and it infuriates me.

If a connection deeply affects you, IT MATTERS. Nobody has the right to tell you it doesn’t. Nobody should tell you what he/she means to you, or how you should feel about them. You have the power. Do not allow another person to try to take it from you or make you feel beneath them.

Matt Kahn, a spiritual speaker, says “Judgement is the opposite of Love. You cannot love when you are in the state of judging.” In regards to all the people who write to me or have shared their stories online, I will only hold you and your truth in a state of Love. I refuse to judge. I just ask that you do the same for me.

If you are currently dealing with a twin flame connection and need help navigating it, book a Twin Flame Connection Reading or Energy Balancing Session with us here:  http://awakenedqueen.com/twin-flame-connection/

We are here to help you with whatever you are dealing with.  Find out if reconnection is possible or how you can move on. We can guide you in any situation, no matter how difficult and complex it may seem.

Why Twin Flame Running Chasing is an Illusion

WHY TWIN FLAME RUNNING CHASING IS AN ILLUSION

Whenever somebody mentions a Twin Flame relationship, 9 times out of 10, you will hear them use the words “running” and “chasing.” When a Twin Flame couple meet, it’s sheer bliss. But when they separate, it’s hell on earth. One of them runs. The other chases. That’s the classic dynamic. One twin is always running while the other is chasing them, trying to get them back. The more I’ve thought about this theory, I’m starting to believe that running and chasing is an illusion.

What is running and chasing really? If one of the twins leaves the relationship, are they really running from the other, or is the separation a necessary, Divinely guided event to help each other heal? Is the twin who left running from love, or is he/she creating a catalyst event so the other twin can spiritually grow? It is said that twins must have balanced energy to be together. Once the energy between two twins becomes unbalanced, they separate. If that is the case, would that be considered running? Wouldn’t that be a mutual energetic separation, like if two magnets repelled each other?

 

I always hear people say “My twin is running.” By making this statement, they’re inferring that their twin is to blame and that they’re more awakened, more aware of the connection, and more accepting of love than their twin. They carry a lot of bitterness in their hearts when they believe this. I think it’s a natural emotion to feel when you’re going through the separation. At times, I’ve believed it myself. There is always a certain amount of blame in these connections, whether it’s one twin blaming the other and/or one twin blaming themselves.

Human beings are simple creatures who are ruled by their egos. When spiritual matters collide with ego, there is a battle. It’s easier for us to blame the separation on “running” instead of looking at the deeper reason. One runs. The other chases. And the longer the twin runs, the more blame is placed on him/her, and the more the other twin feels like a martyr. All of it is an illusion.

In my experience, running was an internal process. It had nothing to do with my twin, and everything to do with myself. I didn’t want to face my demons. I was seeing all my flaws reflected back to me, and I didn’t want to deal with them. Because of that, it felt like I was running from the relationship and the connection, but in actuality I was running from the inner work. It didn’t have to do with the love for my twin or the romance we had: IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME. The connection to him was the ultimate mirror of what was going on inside myself.

Think of the connection as a majestic oak tree with many branches. Each branch represents an aspect of the connection. One is “Love”; one is Relationship; one is “Mirror”; one is “Healing”; one is “Spiritual Growth”; one is “Ego”, and one is “Transformation”, etc. Every branch on the tree is just as important as the other. The roots are held by Mother Earth, just as the Twin Flame connection is linked to the Universe. Every piece of the connection is significant. That’s why it’s pointless to focus on one part only.

It’s not a regular relationship. It’s complex. We as a collective community need to stop obsessing over the running and chasing. Running and chasing is just a distraction for our own egos. It’s not real. Even when we think we’re running, we’re not. We’re standing still. Even when we think we’re chasing, we’re not. We’re only trying to find the love within ourselves.

If you are currently dealing with a twin flame connection and need help navigating it, book a Twin Flame Connection Reading or Energy Balancing Session with us here:  http://awakenedqueen.com/twin-flame-connection/

We are here to help you with whatever you are dealing with.  Find out if reconnection is possible or how you can move on. We can guide you in any situation, no matter how difficult and complex it may seem.

Soulmate Manifesting

 

Do you want to manifest a soulmate? I have three words for you: WRITE A LIST. It’s that simple! So what does this list entail exactly? Be clear and specific. The Universe takes your words literally, almost to a ridiculous degree. If you ask for a man who will love you, you may want to specify that he’s emotionally and physically available, otherwise you could end up with a man with a girlfriend, or somebody who loves you, but for whatever reason, is unable to be with you. Details, details, details, and lots of them! Make your dreams become a reality.

Visualize this person in your head and describe their characteristics. Who is this person? What do they look like? What kind of personality do they have? Most importantly, describe the relationship you wish to have with this person. Are you just looking for a casual dating situation? Do you want to live together? Do you want to get married? Do you want to have children?

What are you looking for? Envision it, then write it in a journal or a piece of paper. Close the journal or set the paper in a safe place and this is important: FORGET ABOUT IT. Let it go. This is the Law of Detachment. Let the Universe do its work. Don’t worry about when and where you’re going to meet them. Just enjoy your life. Trust that it will happen.

Ask yourself “What does the word soul mate mean to me?” Is your soul mate a compatible romantic partner, or is it a strong spiritual connection with somebody with whom you’ve shared past lives and have karma to balance? Sure, it can be both, but sometimes it’s not.  A true soul mate can be one of the most challenging relationships of your life. 

Lisa Frideborg Lloyd, a tarot reader and blogger, wrote a wonderful post listing the reasons why it’s best not to manifest a soul mate relationship. As somebody who has manifested soul mate relationships by writing lists in my journal, all I have to say is be careful what you wish for. Soul mate relationships can be transformative, but hell on earth. These connections are best for spiritual growth, but can be quite difficult if both partners have unhealed issues.

Instead of using labels while creating  your list, e.g., soul mate or Twin Flame, focus on the person you want to meet and the relationship you wish to have with them. The rest will fall into place. Soul mate relationships can be created with the right person. You don’t need to have had past lifetimes together. It’s not necessary. You want to manifest somebody with whom you are emotionally and physically compatible and share the same goals.

When you compile your list, write as it’s already happening. Everything should be in the present tense. E.g., “She has long, flowing blonde hair. She is loving. She is nurturing. She is emotionally ready for a long-term relationship. We are extremely happy together. We are married.” This is a powerful way to manifest.

Arielle Ford, the acclaimed soul mate expert, who wrote “The Soulmate Secret”, shares a story about the woman who manifested her soul mate through crayons:

“Her name is Gayle and many years ago she was advised by her astrologer to put her intentions for a soul mate into the world by coloring a mandala. She took a black and white mandala and a rainbow of multi-colored pencils and began declaring her intentions while she colored in a space on the mandala.  She asked for things like: finding the perfect spiritual friend and lover to go through life with; a man who is kind to animals; someone who would appreciate her sense of humor; a man who would be accepting and open to her spiritual quest. For each intention she used a different color until the entire mandala became a multi-hued Technicolor testimony to the qualities she desired in her future partner. Within weeks of doing this she met her soul mate and they have now been married for more than twenty years.”

Manifesting a love partner is simple, but being ready to love and accept love without fear can be difficult. You have to ask yourself before you write your list the following questions:

“Do I love myself?”

“Could I love myself more?”

“What could I do to show myself love?”

“Have I let go of my past hurts from relationships?”

“Have I forgiven my ex-partners for their mistakes?”

“Have I forgiven myself for mistakes in my relationships?”

“Am I ready to love and be loved?”

“Our barriers to love are rarely consciously chosen. They are our efforts to protect the places where the heart is bruised. Somewhere, sometime, we felt as though an open heart caused us pain or humiliation…we tried to build a fortress across our heart, to protect us from any cold assault.”

– “A Return to Love”, Marianne Williamson

If you fear love, you attract people who fear love. When you emanate love, all you do is attract love. And that is when your soul mate walks into your life.

 

The God/Goddess Complex in Soul Connections

My twin was perfect. He was everything I had always wanted in a man and more. I loved his artistic abilities. I loved his voice. I loved the idiosyncrasies that made him stand out from everybody else. In my eyes, he was a King.  He could do no wrong. And I knew him so well. I knew him better than anybody knew him, or at least I thought. I knew his soul, even though I had only known him for a few months. I loved him. I loved every piece of his personality and everything he thought and did.

Once we separated, I only placed him higher up on my pedestal. I dreamed about him almost every night. He was in my thoughts every second of my day. He became something immortal in my mind. He was a god. He was a legend. The power he had over every molecule of my being was astounding. Whenever I thought about him, my emotions intensified. I was a live wire: My body felt electric. My heart fluttered and physically ached. There was a soul pull to him that to this day I will never understand. It felt as if my soul was literally being tugged by his, even though he was hundreds of miles away.

And oh God, did I love this man. I loved him more than I ever knew I could love or feel love, and loving somebody so deeply felt so amazing, UNTIL I remembered that he was gone. He was out of my life, and he wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t even reply back to the few emails I sent him. I did not understand how I could love somebody so hard and deep and the love wouldn’t be returned. How could I feel such a strong connection that was bringing me closer to God but this man wouldn’t acknowledge it? All he did was ignore me.

Dream after dream, he would visit me in his sleep. In most of the dreams, he ignored me, and he wanted me to know I was being ignored. The way he ignored me was blatant, almost child-like, as if he were a little boy mad at his mommy, trying to punish her.

With each passing month of our separation, he became less of a real person and more god-like. I got to a point where our idyllic past together felt so far away that it was as if it had been all a dream. “Had I even met him?”  Nothing felt real anymore. The thought of him became a fantasy. I was experiencing the “God/Goddess Complex.”

He was my god. He was the best man in the world. And I thought about the way it ended, and I thought of myself as a horrible person. The more I put him on a pedestal, the harder I became on myself. I didn’t see myself as a goddess or a Queen, I was the crazy girl who made his life hell. I was a ball of chaos and brokenness. He didn’t deserve to meet somebody like me. He deserved to be happy. I felt bad that he ever had to deal with me. I carried that regret with me like a sack of heavy stones on my back.

Sometimes these soul connections make us delusional. They force us to think in ways we normally would never. They pull veils over our eyes until we learn the lessons. We see them as gods and goddesses and not as human beings with flaws. We view them as who we wish them to be and not who they really are.

My twin was not perfect. He was not a god. He was a man with deep wounds. He did the best he could with who he was at that time. I’m sure as I was going through my hell, he was going through his own. I can only guess that while he was mirroring issues to me, he was forced to face his own reflections. Who knows what he saw in that mirror? I only know what I saw in mine.

Once the “God/Goddess Complex” fades, the truth reveals we are better than we ever gave ourselves credit. We were so preoccupied, focused on how amazing our soul connections were that we could no longer see the god and goddess within ourselves. We were giving all our love to them and neglecting our own hearts. We can love ourselves as much as we love them. Love this powerful can be spread far. The more we love, the more it grows. And the more we love ourselves, the more we find peace in the connection.

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Why They Walk Away From Love

This is a question I hear all the time: Why do people walk away from love? It doesn’t make any sense. How could a soul connection love you one minute, then just walk away? Who doesn’t want love?

There are several reasons for this. Love can be terrifying. Love can come on too fast and leave the person feeling vulnerable and powerless. Love can bring out feelings of unworthiness, especially when the person has difficulty loving him/herself. The person who is walking away may have had a dysfunctional family who didn’t show them love, so they don’t know what love feels like. Love doesn’t feel comfortable. It doesn’t feel like home. Teal Swan goes into great detail about this phenomenon. Since they grew up in a love-starved environment, that’s ultimately what makes them feel secure.

A woman may have grown up with a emotionally distant father. She meets a man who falls head over heels with her. She loves him too, but because she’s not used to that feeling, she only allows herself to love him so much. He can feel that emotional distance. He fears he loves her more than she does. And because of this, he pushes the relationship onto her. It’s overwhelming. She doesn’t know how to handle it. She continues to distance herself. He pushes more. She runs. He is devastated. He wonders why she ran from the love.

All his life, he has had to push his love onto other people. He has never felt loved. He fears of being abandoned. It’s an issue he’s had since he was a child, when his parents divorced. The trauma of a divorce at a young age has scarred him. He didn’t feel emotionally safe, and that carried over into adulthood.

They mirror each other’s fears. Through their brief relationship, they are forced to face their demons. She fears love. He fears abandonment. He pushes. She pulls away. It’s an energetic dance. The energy is unbalanced between them. Because of this, they separate. They must deal with their issues separately, so they can heal and balance themselves. The relationship is over. But their spiritual connection is as strong as ever.

The man is left, feeling abandoned and devastated, mourning the end of a relationship. This is his fear. This is what he must push through to heal in this lifetime.

The woman feels terrible and guilty. She did not want to hurt him, but he came on too strong. She fears that all her future relationships will end because she can’t accept love. This is her fear. This is the obstacle she must overcome in order to heal in this lifetime.

So, yes, she walked away from love, but she only did it so she could heal that fear. He should not take it personally, but he does. His abandonment brings up feelings of unworthiness. He must heal this as well. He must learn to love himself and feel whole, even though he is without her. This is his lesson.

She must learn to love herself and feel whole as well, but she must also learn accept love from other people without feeling overwhelmed and fearful. This is her lesson.

They must learn to love themselves and find happiness from within. And they are unable to do this together.  They must not blame each other or themselves for any of this. They met to heal each other’s fears. This was the purpose of their union. Even though the relationship is over, the transformation of their lives begins.  This is what they are meant to do. Everything has happened for a reason.

And this is very important: The lessons must be learned and the fears healed before they are able to make the choice to have the relationship once again. No amount of calling, pining over the other, waiting, crying, blaming, resenting, hating, or begging will bring that relationship back until the lessons and healing are complete. But it has to be BOTH people, not just one. If you learn a lesson, and the other does not, you won’t have the chance of having a relationship.

If and when BOTH people achieve their goals, the energies between the two souls balance and they are drawn back together and given a choice to have the relationship again. It’s a CHOICE. It’s left to free will. It is not Spirit-driven. It is a choice between two people living in the material world, not two souls in the spiritual one. That is why some come back together and have a relationship again and others do not.

I know people who are with their soul mates or Twin Flames, as well as ones who were given the option, but for whatever reason, they decided not to have a relationship. Each group has the same thing in common: They are happy with their choices. Do not believe the tired, outdated theory that the people who have met their soul mates or Twin Flames and have decided not have a relationship with them are miserable. They are all at peace. They have healed and learned their lessons, and they realized the relationship was not the reason for their happiness: they were.

Going Through the Twin Flame Journey to the Other Side: Part 1

Everybody who is dealing with a Twin Flame connection wants to know how you can not only survive, but make it through where you find peace and happiness. The most important thing I want you to know is: IT CAN BE DONE. Not only am I living proof of it, but I receive several e-mails a day from people all over the world, sharing their personal Twin Flame experiences with me and how they made it through them. I hear incredible stories of devastating loss, Dark Night of the Souls, spiritual awakenings, healing, perseverance, fearlessness, and fighting through Ego and old emotional wounds to find a rainbow at the end of a storm.

There are people who argue with me that you can’t have a relationship with another man/woman after a Twin Flame connection. These people are misguided. They let the connection win. Now they’re stuck. They don’t know how to deal with it anymore, so they stay chained to it. Or they tell me that twins always come back together. I see it everywhere: “Eventually the twins reunite.” When? In this lifetime or the next? Who says? Where is this information coming from? It sounds good. But I’ve seen a lot of suffering Twin Flames and it doesn’t look like their partners are coming back any time soon or ever.

Have they ever considered that maybe the Universe does not want them together in this lifetime? What if they’re never going to reconnect? What then? Should they not open their hearts to any other romantic partners and continue to wait for their twin to come back? These people have never moved on from these broken relationships. The journey defeated them. A physical relationship and a spiritual connection are two different entities. They may come together to form a beautiful, harmonious union, but they also may conflict with each other.

If you think it’s going to be easy to find happiness, think again. The process is a BITCH. It will leave you in a pool or your tears, aching because your soul is being torn apart, facing your shadow self, fighting your Ego, looking inward and seeing all your flaws, literally praying to God to make the pain go away, begging Him to release you from the connection’s grip on you, and feeling like you’re dying every day. These people have found peace and happiness: Some are living separated from their twins; some have come back together and are in loving relationships with their twins. Everybody’s story is different.

 I would never judge somebody for not choosing to be with their twin. And I would never judge a person for choosing to be with their twin no matter how difficult the relationship. It’s free will. We are the masters of our own happiness and lives. Recently, I have discovered this is quite a polarizing topic within the Twin Flame community. There are many people who believe that once you meet a Twin Flame, you either end up together or you remain separated and are never capable of loving another man/woman.

 I have read countless blog posts from people whose twin has chosen not to have a physical relationship with them or won’t even talk to them. The other twin feels rejection, abandonment, and an immense loss while their twins find new partners, have new experiences, marry other soul connections, and start families. They seem to go on with their lives as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile the other twin is devastated, feeling abandoned and rejected. “How is this even possible?  We are meant to be together. He/she’s the other half of me. He/she is my one and only soul mate. How could he/she just abandon me?” they think to themselves.

 These scenarios happen all the time. It’s sad and it may not make sense to the people who are dealing with these situations, but it’s reality. We’re not meant to understand it. A soul connection is a special bond you have with another member of your soul family. Our Twin Flames are the soul mates with whom we have had the most lives, with whom we have the most karma, the ones who teach us the most and the hardest lessons; they are the ones who push our buttons the most; they are the ones who cause us the most pain; they are the ones who reflect all our karmic issues and emotional wounds; they are the ones who teach us how to love and be loved; they are the ones who clear away the veil so that we see the true beauty and magnificence of the Universe, BUT they are not necessarily the ones we are meant to marry, have 2.5 children, a Golden Retriever, the house with the white picket house in the suburbs. Our purpose for meeting them goes far beyond a physical relationship.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work the way we want it to. The Universe has a plan for us, and it’s not always what we had designed in our heads like the architects of life we try to be (myself included.) If we just trust in the Universe, things would go a lot smoother for us. When we tightly hold onto the reins of our lives, the energy stagnates. Nothing moves. Nothing happens. We wait and wait, and nothing changes in our lives. It’s when we surrender and let go and let the Universe do what it does best is when wonderful things manifest in our lives.

Not all Twin Flame couples are meant to be together. Some Twin Flame connections are not romantic at all! What happens when we love somebody more than we have ever loved anybody in our entire lives and suddenly they are ripped away from us, never to return? Where do we go from there? What do we do next? Do we wait for them to see the light and come back? We have two options: We can shrivel up, crawl into a ball and die, or we can fight our way through the loss, the pain, the misery, the fear, the depression, the anxiety, and do everything in our power to heal and make it to the other side from hell to paradise. Can it be done? YES! A million times yes. Spirit wants us to heal. Spirit wants us to find happiness. Spirit wants us to find love again with another soul connection from your soul family.

But the question is: WHAT DO WE WANT? This is our choice. Do we choose happiness, or do we choose imprisonment? Do we choose opening our hearts, living life out loud, experiencing every wonderful thing we wish to experience, or do we choose waiting, living in the past, closing our hearts, drowning in disappointment, heartbreak, and never moving on? I can assure you the journey is one of the most difficult emotional processes we can go through: It’s a battle we fight, because we know we have to; we know the alternative is no way to live. We see the people who are still suffering decades later, because they gave up fighting, and we vow that we will never let that happen to us.

We are fighters. We make it through to the other side of the journey because we believe that we can. And let’s say we have been suffering for decades, and we can’t seem to get over him/her, it’s NEVER too late. I promise when we decide to fight for our happiness, Spirit will do everything in its power to help us achieve that goal. That was my experience, and from what I’ve heard from others, it’s theirs as well. Spirit wants us to have abundance and joy. These connections bring us to the brink of madness and destruction, so we’ll finally stop trying to control the situation and let the Universe take over. In many cases, we have to hit rock bottom to reach the stage called “Surrender.”

Surrender is allowing life to unfold as its meant to without us acting like backseat drivers telling the Universe where it needs to take us and what routes it should take to get there. If you want to hang onto this connection, you want to wait, you’ll be waiting forever. A watched pot never boils. When you walk away from the pot, that’s when it starts boiling. Let go of the outcome. Let go of what you think should be. The Twin Flame couples who have separated and reconnected both reached the stage of Surrender. That’s why the reconnection occurred. I have an expression: “Your soul mate will never come back to you when you’re sobbing in a corner with tears and snot running down your face. (If it’s meant to happen) your soul mate will come back to you when you’re at your happiest and you don’t NEED anybody to make you happy.”

Years ago, a soul mate of mine left me. I tried calling him, and he would not even talk to me. I called once, and some girl he was dating answered the phone. I was devastated. He wanted nothing to do with me. My heart was shattered. One year later, I decided to go on a date, then we came back to my apartment to hang out, and guess who showed up at my door to say “Hi.” I could not make that story up if I tried, it was so ridiculous. The moral of the story is when I was at my happiest and was putting my energy elsewhere, that’s when this dipshit soul mate of mine reappeared.

Do you want something to happen? Get busy and live life, with or without your twin. And try to have as much fun as you can doing it. The connection is like an elastic band. When we push and chase, the band stretches farther away from us; when we pull away and put our energy elsewhere, the rubber band flicks back.

 Some reconnections never happen. Some do. Regardless, we have to keep on living. We must become warriors and push on even when it hurts, even when we think we can’t go on any further. If we keep going and fight our way through the journey, the other side of paradise is waiting for us. If we want it badly enough, we can make it happen. The battle can be fought: We can be victorious in the end.

Twin Flame Survival: How to Live When You Feel Like Dying Part 2

I felt it was time for me to complete the second part of this article: I’ve been receiving several emails from people asking for advice on how to survive the Twin Flame journey. I want to start by telling you that you, too, can be victorious in this situation. You can get to the other side of this connection and live a happy life. I am living proof of that. And I have met others who have not only survived the connection, but overcame the obstacles of it, made it through the pain, and transformed into incredible people. They are now “kings” and “queens.”  And since their journeys, nothing can hold them back from living their lives out loud with fiery passion. They have all chosen their own happiness over the connection. They are free to live again.

To get to that point in the journey, takes time and hard work. It’s difficult, and it forces you to put all your deepest, darkest issues under a spotlight. You will realize things you never did about  yourself. You will have epiphanies about your issues from childhood. You will recognize toxic relationship patterns. The connection will show you all the issues you’ve been hiding from; all the problems you’ve been avoiding. These all rise to the surface so they can be fixed. It’s an arduous process of healing and clearing.

What does it feel like to lose a soul connection? It feels like death. And in a sense, you do die. The person you were before meeting your twin disappears; like a snake shedding its skin, you let go of all the pieces of yourself that no longer serve you. You transform. You lose friendships. Your interests change. The way you look at the world evolves. You become more spiritual, more philosophical. But the pain remains. It never seems to go away.

When I separated from my soul connection, it felt as if I had lost my husband of fifty years. I grieved him. It was as if I had loved him for decades even though I had only known him for months. These connections are so powerful because you have known them in past lives. I was told by my Reiki healer that he was an ancient soul mate. When we broke up, it was if my soul had shattered into a thousand pieces. It was devastating.

The feeling of loss overwhelmed me. I fell into an abyss of blackness. I don’t know how I functioned. I don’t know how I went to work. I had never felt hopelessness until I lost him. It was as if my soul had died within me. My healer performed a soul retrieval, a powerful shamanic healing method, on me. Because the separation had been so traumatic, I had lost a fragment of my soul.

From all the different methods with which I experimented during my spiritual journey, these will bring you to the other side of the connection: Reiki healing sessions, yoga, and wearing hematite on a regular basis to ground your energy. I would also include magick, which is manifesting by manipulating energy. However in the place of magick, daily affirmations are also effective. If you tell yourself that you’re beautiful or handsome, and that you love yourself, eventually you will believe it. Anybody can feel like a king or queen if they put their mind and energy into it. Transformation starts in your own mind.

To get through the connection to the other side of it, you must have strength and perseverance. You must be willing to try different methods until you find one that works for you and in turn, reaching a place of surrender. If you continue to cling to the connection, you will not be able to move on from it. If you tell yourself that you will be able to get through it to the other side, you will.

There is a myth that you will never be able to ever get over a “Twin Flame”or have another relationship. This is not true. Many people find love again. It happens all the time. Just because you and your twin do not choose to stay together doesn’t mean that you can’t continue on your life’s journey with different partners. You are connected to your twin forever. They are within you, and you are within them. The love that you feel for them can be spread to others. Love is as vast as you want it to be. 

The people I have talked to who were unable to move on past their soul connections took on the role of a perpetual widow or widower. They did not want to let go. Some of them lingered decades later, playing over memories of the past on a continuous loop in their minds. They believed their soul connection was the only one they could ever love and the only one that could ever love them. They believed they would never feel a greater love for another woman or man; therefore, they closed themselves off to any other romantic opportunities. Because they put out the energy that they would never love again into the Universe, they turned it into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We become the people we wish to be. If we want to play the role of the widow/widower for the rest of our lives, the Universe is not going to stop us. If anything, the Universe is going to help us in our mission, because it matches the energy we feed it.

This is why I am starting to dislike the “Twin Flame” label more with each passing day, because it makes people think that this one soul is their one and only soul mate, and if they can’t be with this untouchable, completely flawless god/goddess, they can’t and shouldn’t be with anybody else. That is just not true.

Twin Flames are not one soul. They do not share a soul or a Higher Self. They are two separate souls. They do not complete each other. They are already complete. If you think that another soul makes you whole, the Universe is showing you that you are codependent. Most importantly, these strong connections are members of our soul community, which is a large group of souls in which we have incarnated with in our lifetimes.

We have many soul connections. Each one touches our lives in different ways. Some teach us hard lessons. Some help us grow. Some show us how to love and be loved. Some become our husbands and wives. Some tear our whole world apart and leave us to pick up the pieces. “Twin Flames” are powerful soul connections that teach us, help us heal, and spiritually awaken us.

They are not magical beings. And they are not our one and only anything. The “Twin Flame” label keeps us from truly living, because the entire concept implies that our life and happiness is dependent on another person. The only soul who can make us truly happy is the one we find within ourselves. So how do you live when you feel like dying? You use every cell of your being to make it happen, because you know you have no other choice but to live again.

The Soul Mate Experience

People have asked me “What does it feel like to meet a soul mate or a Twin Flame?” I tell them “It’s warm and comfortable. It feels like home. It’s a wonderful feeling. It’s as if you know them, and they know you. You could talk for hours and not even realize time has passed. It’s like catching up with an old friend.”

In my experience, a soul mate connection never needs to be forced. It will just happen. Problems arise when our own insecurities and issues get in the way. You meet somebody that you have this incredible instantaneous connection with, and you get scared because you either don’t think you’re worthy of that type of love or you fear that love. Fear within ourselves turns to anxiety. Anxiety kills love.

The love between soul mates is an incredible thing, but that love must be cultivated and given room to grow. Think of love like a flower garden. When two soul mates first meet, they plant a seed. As a flower grows, it has to be given just enough water and sunshine. The dirt that holds it must be just right: It can’t be too sandy or rocky. The soil must be moist, but not soaking wet. Love is the same way.

Once a seed in the relationship is planted, you have to take your time and have patience, so that the roots grow strong in the ground. Seeds do not need to be over-watered, just as a budding relationship does not need to be flooded by somebody’s emotions. It is possible for one person to love too much and scare the other one away. Pushing your love onto somebody will only push them away. Everything in moderation. In love, you must ease into your emotions with each other, and you must have a solid foundation, or the relationship will break apart.

The reasons why most soul mate relationships do not work out is because there is a lack of a foundation, and without that foundation, one fight might break up your entire relationship. It happened to me with my Twin Flame! We had one nasty fight, and he refused to ever talk to me again. That was it. Our relationship ended as quickly as it had begun. Our house crumbled, because there was nothing supporting it. I’ve read countless accounts online from others talking about soul mate separations that were caused by meaningless arguments. It happens all the time.

My best advice is to go slowly and take your time to get to know each other. Let the energy flow and things happen in their own time. Love does not ever have to be rushed.

When you meet a soul mate, often feelings of love arise before you even know the person. I once met a soul mate, and we fell in love with each other as soon as our eyes met. I had never believed in “love at first sight” until that moment. As soon as I spotted him dancing with his friends at the club where I worked, I felt like I knew him. And he felt the same about me. Sometimes you just know. 

So where did it go wrong with us? We rushed the relationship. We were only together a week, maybe, before we told each other that we loved another. We both knew that we were soul mates. We could feel the connection because we were sensitive to it. He had been psychic since he was a child, and my psychic skills were only budding. By meeting him, it helped me grow spiritually. I had grown up Catholic, so I had always had faith in a Higher Power, but this was the first time, I actually felt closer to God through the love I felt for my soulmate.

The feelings were too intense between us. He had issues that were coming to the surface, and he ran instead of dealing with them. He had been trying to break up with me for a solid month, but he couldn’t go through with it. He would break up with me, and within minutes be crying in my arms. He couldn’t let me go. At one point he said “I know you are my soul mate, but I don’t understand why it’s not working.” I think he thought that just because I was his soul mate, I was supposed to be the solution to all his problems, but that’s not how it works. Soul mate or not, I was only a human being with my own set of flaws and insecurities. His issues could only be fixed by him. 

One Saturday afternoon, he called me and broke up with me. He said he didn’t love me. He said I didn’t challenge him. He said I wasn’t the woman for him. He said he had met somebody the weekend before (somebody I had been introduced to!) and they clicked with each other. With one phone call, he ended it. Our love was fiery magic, but because our relationship progressed too quickly, we burned everything to the ground. He chose to be with a woman who was not a soul mate, because it was easier. He was a drug addict.

When he was with me, I showed him a reflection of himself that he knew he had to change. With her, she was not holding any mirror in front of him. He could be an addict. He didn’t have to fix anything within himself. She was easy to be with for that reason. Their relationship lasted a year. He called me and told me that it hadn’t worked out. And he said that he wasn’t meant to be in a relationship with anybody. It wasn’t for him. He called me to apologize how he had ended things with me. And no, he didn’t want me back.

In drug-fueled moments, he would call me to see how I was doing. He had chosen drugs over me. And knowing that destroyed me. I changed my number at one point and lost touch with him for good. It was better that way. His sporadic bursts of communication were only putting rubbing alcohol in a gaping wound.

It took me several years to get over him. These connections burn into your skin, your soul, you heart; they brand every cell of your being with love. But when that person is out of your life, the love remains and the heartbreak stays. It’s hell on earth to lose a soul mate. You feel like dying inside. Your whole world turns to blackness. You go through the motions of your existence, but your soul is completely numb. When I think back to the separation, it’s as if I had blacked out. Chunks of time are missing. It’s as if my mind had given up trying to remember all the sadness and loss.

I dated people, and I don’t even remember their names or faces. It was like I wasn’t even there. I do remember I had gone on a first date with a man, and we were hanging out on my couch when I heard somebody tapping at my window. Guess who it was? Awesome, right. Perfect timing for my soul mate to show up. He was just swinging by to say “hi” and see how I was doing.

They always come back when you’re trying to get over them. It’s the push and pull of the energy between each other’s souls. But it sucks. You’re either with me or you’re not, and if you’re not, leave me the fuck alone. There’s nothing worse than loving somebody and trying to get over them, and they’re randomly showing up to check in. “Hiiiiiiiiii”

They love you, but for whatever reason they can’t be with you. And because of that, they can’t stay away. This is why you have to set boundaries. You always have to look out for your own well-being first. If your soul mate wants to be with you, he/she will be with you. It’s as simple as that.

Do not waste time with the confused ones or people you feel you need to prove something to. You’re not a defense attorney. You don’t need to establish a case for somebody to want to be with you. This is a mistake I made with my twin. I kept thinking that I had to prove how incredible a woman I was when were together, and then show him how much I had changed in order to reconcile. I had low self esteem. I didn’t see my worth, so I thought, why would somebody else see it? I had to show it to them.

It wasn’t until I truly loved myself where I said “What the fuck am I doing? I’m awesome. I’m beautiful. I’m smart and funny and I have lots of love to give, and if this idiot can’t see that, that’s his problem.” If somebody is too blind to see what you are, you do not need them in your life, regardless if they are a soul mate or not.

We have many soul mates. If one doesn’t work out, you’ll meet another one. Stop thinking this is your last chance at love, because it’s not. The people who believe that the soul mate who left them was their last chance at happiness are the ones who are right. What you believe is what you will have. If you put it into the universe that you will never love again, then you won’t. Be careful what you wish for.

Go online and Google “soul mate separation”, and you will be amazed by the amount of posts from people who have been suffering for decades over one lost soul mate. Take back the power. It’s your life, not theirs. Don’t let one damaged soul destroy the beauty and goodness of your life. Do you want to give one person the key to your happiness for your entire life? To quote Kanye, “No one man should have all that power.” 

If your soul mate does not want to continue the journey with you, let him/her go with love. Let go or be dragged. Once you get over the pain of the break from them, you will heal, and become stronger than you ever were. And the love you find the next time will be even better. That’s how it works. Every soul mate experience opens our heart more, like a rose blossoming in the garden. These connections heal us, and they help us love deeper and healthier in the end.

Images via Last Light Art by Adam LoRusso

Divine Connections: I Believe in Love

Over the past year, I’ve switched back and forth from label to label, trying to pinpoint my soul connection. Is he a soul mate? Is he a Twin Flame? Is he just the love of my life? What is he to me? Who is he? And it’s taken me much analysis, much research, to realize that love has no labels. And honestly, the universe doesn’t need you to label it.

The universe wants you to trust in the power of the connection and how it will transform you if you allow it. Transformation is an incredible thing: It’s one of the most miraculous, life-changing experiences, but you must have total faith in the process, which can be incredibly difficult.

Love is love. It’s an all-encompassing feeling that fills your whole mind, body, and soul with warmth. Why put a label on something so pure and beautiful? The answer is: You don’t need to, ever.

Everybody has free will in every lifetime. Ultimately, you choose who you want to be with, and labels are nothing but words on paper. Soul connections don’t care about your labels. They honor a whole other set of spiritual rules. Only your ego wants to label this perfect connection that’s been blessed by the universe; and it will drive you absolutely insane trying to figure it out. I suggest you don’t even bother, and leave that nasty ego at the door where it belongs.

Your ego has no clue about the spiritual world, and it’s not supposed to: It has other purposes. It helps shape your personality, but when it comes to dealing with Divine connections, it’s a downright nuisance. Your ego will keep you up at night, wracked with anxiety trying to figure it all out.

“What is happening to me?! Who is this person? Why am I so connected to them? Why is it they are the only person I can think about every waking moment of my life? Why am I being cursed!”: These are all thoughts that will cross your mind at some point after you meet this person. And you’ll desperately search the internet and read books to make sense of it. I did – for months.

You may even spend hundreds of dollars on constant psychic readings, asking if this is an indeed a “soul mate” or a “Twin Flame.” And even if the psychic tells you “Yes, this is your Twin Flame!”, where does that get you? Nowhere. You’re still back in the same situation. Nothing changed, except you fed your greedy little ego for a few temporary moments, and now you’re out $50. How do you feel? The same. In a few days, you start doubting what the psychic said, now here comes the extreme anxiety and fear, greeting you once again like an old friend.

You run back online to do some more research. You may even buy “soul mate” or “Twin Flame” books to really get to the bottom of this. You have to know! “Who is this person who is turning my life upside down! What is the label for this obsession?!”

The vicious cycle continues, and it’s only kept you from what you really need to do, which is to work on YOURSELF, and by not working on yourself, you’re not achieving what the universe wants for you. And if you’re separated from your soul partner, until you’ve worked on yourself, you will not have the chance to reconnect with this person. Some will reconnect, others will not. It all depends on choices of the couple and free will.

If you don’t do the inner work, you’re telling the universe “Nope, I’m not ready to be with him/her!” Until you become a rock,  you can never be somebody else’s rock. The inner work will transform you, and in turn, it will transform the connection. If both partners have the desire to heal, they will come back together to do it.

Call him/her whatever you want. All the labels in the world won’t make it so you don’t have to fix yourself. The universe plays hardball whether you like it or not. You either get on the field with your catcher’s mitt, or you spend the rest of the time sitting on the bench waiting for nothing to happen. Love is all you ever need to believe in. It will change your whole world whether you’re ready or not.

Mastering Your Own Destiny

One expression that I cannot stand is: “It was meant to be.” And I’ll tell you why I hate that stupid cliché, because it takes away our power; it takes away our free will and our choices. In relationships, we need to stop thinking in terms of “meant to be.” We need to start believing in the strength of our own decisions to create the lives and relationships we desire.

I have met two men in my life who I would’ve sworn on my soul that we were “meant to be”, but we were not. What does that tell you about the feeling that it’s “meant to be?”

Now if we break up with somebody who we truly believe we are meant to be with, how devastated do you think we’d be that we’re no longer together? We think: “If we are meant to be together, then why is he/she gone? What did I do wrong?” As we cry our tears and pour out our hearts to our friends, we tell them: “It was meant to be! We are supposed to be together!” To which they nod their heads and listen to us weep, being the good friends they are.

“Meant to be” holds us back from truly living and in times of separation from people we love, it chains us to our past. I have known many people (and have been one) who are dealing with the loss of a relationship, and they can’t move on, because they believe in “meant to be.” We are told that if something is meant to be, then it will happen, but does that really mean? And in cases where you miss your lost love/Twin Flame/soul mate, having faith that the universe is conspiring to bring you two back together because it’s “meant to be” only creates severe disappointment and feelings of loss.

Getting hung up on what you think the universe is and should be doing for you is the worst thing you can focus on. I wasted two years of my life waiting for something to happen. At one point, I was so angry that nothing was happening, I remember thinking “Fuck the universe.”

I felt betrayed by the universe at times. But it was because I didn’t realize that the power to change my life had been within me all along. It was as if I was stuck in molasses and my life was not moving. Nothing new was coming into it. But what I didn’t realize is that we create the new. And we can only manifest new when we let go of the old.

My mind was trapped in a glass case that held all the memories I had of my Twin Flame, because I couldn’t stop holding on to “meant to be.” “Meant to be” was supposed to bring us back together. I thought: “If something is “meant to be”, then it’s supposed to happen, right? All those soulmate/Twin Flame quotes told me as such. He’s got to come back then. How could he not? We’re Twin Flames. We are connected to each other’s souls. All I see are signs pointing me to him! Then why aren’t we together?”

Once I broke through the illusion of “meant to be”, I understood that free will and destiny create a dance together. Some things are meant to happen: Yes, absolutely. We are meant to meet certain people in our lives: Yes! But what we do with those meetings are our choices as human beings with free will. The people we meet have those choices as well. In a relationship, two people’s choices create the outcome.

“Meant to be” means absolute shit. We were meant to meet for a variety of soul reasons, but that’s where it ends. The future is something that you and the other person form together. And if it doesn’t work out, the universe is more than happy to send us another romantic partner your way, if we are open to love and ready for it. We have many soul mates. We just have to know how to manifest them and believe that we can. And when we are ready, they will appear. Once we stop dwelling on the ideal of “meant to be”, we may find love in the most unexpected places.

Image via Bigg World

When the Relationship Breaks: Letting Go of the Blame

“It takes two to make an accident.” ~ The Great Gatsby
A relationship either works, or it doesn’t. The two energies of the individuals either mesh, or they don’t, regardless of their connection to each other. A breakup occurs because the two people are out of balance. It takes two people to create that imbalance, two people to cause a breakup. When a relationship ends, we mourn that severed connection much like a death. We go through various stages of grieving: One of those phases is blame.
How many times have you had a relationship end and thought “If only I had done this. If only I had acted like this. If only I hadn’t done that. If only I had been better. If only I hadn’t said that. Then we would still be together.” That’s a lot of “if onlys”, don’t you think? Yet, this is the type of constant negative thinking that takes place in our heads. We create our own prisons of blame and self-hate. We live in misery and regret, continuously beating ourselves up until there’s nothing left to us. We become shells of the people we once were, nothing but zombies, because our spirits are so broken. Until we learn to forgive ourselves, we are slaves to our own destructive thoughts.
When I lost my Twin Flame, I hated myself. I put all the blame on myself. I thought: “It was all because of my stupid issues, my fear of abandonment, my fear of love, my anxiety that created our separation. If it wasn’t for those deep-seated issues of mine from childhood, we would still be together. It’s my fault. I’m the only one to blame.”
Over the course of two years, I sent him a few long letters that took me months to write, giving him all these reasons to blame me, just so he would give me a second chance. That’s how much I believed that I was the only one to blame. He never responded. He just let me take all the blame. Just because he’s my Twin Flame doesn’t mean he’s not a stubborn asshole. People think that their Twin Flames are magical beings and perfect in every way. Wrong! They’re just people: They’re human beings with flaws, insecurities, and emotional problems like everybody else in this world.
In the summer of 2013, when the pain I felt from the connection was so unrelenting, intense, and sharp, as if somebody were repeatedly stabbing me in the heart with a dagger, I performed a “Love & Beauty” spell on myself. I used the power of magick to make me love me. The spell was powerful and unbelievably effective. I felt as if it was just what I needed to heal my life at that point in time. It is one of my favorite spells I’ve ever concocted. It changed my life. I used the energy of the universe to help me love myself and see myself as beautiful, inside and out.
Within one month, I started to see the true beauty in myself and who I was as a woman. And once I loved me and thought of myself as an empowered queen, not a princess who needed a prince or a knight in shining armor, I stopped blaming myself for what had caused my separation with my twin. We were both to blame. I may have run from him, but he just let me go. He never fought for us. It wasn’t just me. It takes two people to destroy a relationship. I have fully admitted to my role in the destruction. What’s done is done.
I’ve talked to several people in recent months who are separated from their Twin Flame. They all blame themselves for the pain they have caused themselves and their twin; they all blame themselves that they’re not together. One woman told me “He was sunshine to everyone he encountered. Now he’s dead. He hides. He doesn’t create beauty anymore. I felt like we killed each other.” I experienced this as well with mine. It did feel as if we had destroyed each other just by meeting.
In the blackness of night as I lay in my bed, I could feel his pain through the energetic cords linking my soul to his, and it killed me, because I thought I was the reason. I felt so bad all the time and never realized why that pain and suffering would never dissipate. I lived in a constant state of guilt and severe regret.
I felt as if our connection permanently damaged him. I would see pictures of him through mutual friends’ pages, and he had stopped smiling the way that he used to. There was no more light behind his eyes, no more sparkle. Something had died inside of him. And I lived with the regret that he ever had to meet such a damaged person as myself. Somebody who had always been grinning and laughing, bursting with energy and life, had become a shell of himself. It’s been two years since our separation, and I have yet to see that big grin return. The last pictures I saw of him and his girlfriend, his smile is hardly a smile, and his eyes are glazed over.
When Twin Flames or even soul mates meet, individual karmic issues come to the surface so they can be healed. Oh, you have issues with your mom! Well guess what, your twin is going to show you love in the same way your mom did, or she’s going to remind you in some way of your mom. And in a past life, your twin may have even been your mom. Weird, right? When that emotional karma rears its ugly head, it causes chaos and pain within our souls. As it’s supposed to. That’s all part of the process of clearing and healing our karma.
I want to make this perfectly clear to everybody who is dealing with a Twin Flame/soul mate connection, YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. You need to realize that their connection to you is actually helping them. Their hurt is not because of you, even though it feels like it. Their hurt stems from ancient wounds of loss, heartbreak, abandonment, betrayal, etc. Why do you think Twin Flame and soul mate “Runners” can’t handle these relationships and get the hell out of Dodge as fast as they can! This is why.
Separated twins/soul mates always wonder why their partners leave them when the love felt so magical and perfect. It’s because you reminded them of every karmic hurt they’ve ever incurred in every lifetime. Some people can handle this. Many cannot. When they run, they’re running from all that karmic pain. This is also why they jump into surface relationships with other people so quickly after the separation. It’s a way for them to distract themselves, so they don’t have to face the mirror you’re holding, showing them their issues, aka “The Mirror Effect.”
When being with their twin is too painful, they separate and choose a less intense, easier relationship. Some even marry them! You’ll always hear separated twins say “I can’t believe he/she is with that person. They’re all wrong for him/her.” Mine included. In most cases, their current partner is probably the complete opposite of their twin; because they will do anything to not have to face the mirror, which is their twin.
In past lives, we play many roles to teach other lessons. You may be husband and wife in one life and mother and son in the next, but the connection remains the same. That’s why when you meet, you feel as if you’ve known this person your whole life. It’s the familiarity of the union that draws you in. And you think “I have a connection with this person. They feel like home.” But you have to understand that sometimes that feeling of home reminds the other person of a broken one.
We can only heal ourselves. We must not feel bad if our soul mates choose not to. They will at some point, just not with us. The universe will never stop trying to heal them. They can run, but eventually they will have no other choice but to heal. We can never truly escape what the universe wants for us.

Love is Love: Breaking Through False Beliefs

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”-  Pablo Neruda

Love is emotion. Love is energy. Love is inside us. Love is beautiful. Love is more powerful than hate. Love is life-changing. Love connects us to our souls. Love connects us to each other. Love is all-encompassing. Love heals. Love transforms. Love breaks down walls. Love is the magic of the universe. Love is our life force.

Love is not hard. Love is not obsession. Love does not hurt. Love is not pushed onto somebody else. Love is not marriage. Love is not monogamy. Love is not possession. Love is not jealousy. Love is love.

Soul mates and Twin Flames teach each other how to love without expectations and to love themselves. When I separated from my twin, I was overwhelmed with feelings of love and Divine ecstasy. Love beat rapidly from my chest; it lit my heart on fire as my heart chakra opened for the first time. I loved him more than I had ever loved anybody. But this was a different love than I had ever felt.

I loved him, and I loved the sky. I loved the sunlit trees. I loved the flowers and the flock of birds flying over me in a perfect choreography, as if they were dancing a ballet only they knew. I loved the world around me. And sometimes that world was so exquisite and enchanting to me that I would find myself breaking down, sobbing. Tears ran down my face because I realized how beautiful the world was around me. My spiritual awakening lifted the veil that had been covering my eyes for 36 years. It showed me that the universe is pure magic, but we’re all just too blind to see it.

The love I felt for my twin had filled my body with so much love that it made me feel closer to God and the universe. I felt connected to everything. And I knew that was all because of the love I had for him.

He had pulled a love from inside of me, so deep and powerful like an ocean wave from my soul, that it completely transformed me. It made me realize that I had never known true love. This was not just romantic love, this was something on a whole other level. This was Divine love. My soul loved his soul. And I knew that his soul loved mine. It was all that simple.

It didn’t matter that we weren’t together. It didn’t matter that he refused to talk to me, or that he was upset with me for ruining our budding relationship. None of it mattered. That was all ego. That was all surface problems. What we had was a spiritual connection, and with that connection came a love that changed my life and who I was forever. And it was all because of something so simple and wonderful as love.

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The Swan

Yesterday, as I was getting out of my car, carrying all my groceries to the back door of my apartment, I noticed a single swan sitting on a piece of ice on top of the Charles River. I stopped to gaze at him, because he was so beautiful. He was at peace, and he wasn’t frightened by my presence. He was just out on the ice, chillin’.

About a year before, I had been lucky enough to see two swans swimming in the river. At the time, I felt as if it was some sign about my twin flame and me. Swans pair up for life. During our separation between my twin and me, I had always thought we would able to reconcile and get back together. We should have been like those swans, but we weren’t. My fairy tale did not end with him.

When I came across the swan yesterday, I noticed that he wasn’t with a partner. He was by himself. I looked to see if his mate was around, but she was not there. I told my mom that I had seen one swan, and she said “Swans mate for life. Something must have happened to the other swan.” To think that something tragic had happened to his swan love made me sad, but it also helped me recognize a lovely message from Spirit.

Even though the swan was no longer with his partner, he was okay. He was still living, and seemed perfectly content on the ice, basking in the late afternoon rays of sunshine. Life goes on. The world continues to spin, regardless if he is with her or not. Being without your twin is not the end of the world. You can find true happiness being apart from a person you loved the most. The swans were on a journey together, and now one has taken on that journey by himself. I am that swan. And in some regards, my life is better because of it.

Update: The next day, the same swan was back on the ice, but this time he was with his swan wife. It gave me hope that I would find my own special swan someday with whom I could spend my life.

Soul Mates

My lovely new neighbor turned me on to this quote after I told her what I had been through in the past two years. It’s a fantastic quote and so fitting if you’ve ever experienced a soul mate connection.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”  – Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Image via Calikartel