Beauty in the Breakdown: Letting Go

We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~ Joseph Campbell

 

One thing I learned during my Twin Flame experience was we have little control over what happens in these connections. And the more we try to control it, the more resistance we will face. The Universe has free rein; we do not. We can do our best to fight it, but we will never win. I fought the Universe tooth and nail. I was determined to get my happy ending with my twin. I thought “We are meant to be. We belong together. This will happen. I know it will. How could it not? He will realize how much he loves me. He will see what I see. I am going to do everything in my power to bring us back together.”

The first year after the separation was hell on earth. It felt as if I was mourning my husband, only he wasn’t dead. He was living in another city without me. He refused to talk to me. It was devastating. I felt deep rejection, but I had read so much about these connections that I knew he was reflecting my lifetime emotional issues back to me. It didn’t make it hurt any less. It may not have been deliberate rejection, because there were spiritual reasons behind it, but it still tore my heart apart. When I found out he was dating another woman, it was the equivalent of somebody taking a sharp knife and stabbing me in the chest over and over until there was nothing left of me. 

At some point, I realized that I had control issues when it came to my life. The more I read about the Buddhist belief of “letting go”, the more I fought it. I told myself “I don’t want to let go. He’s my twin. I love him. I never want to let him go. I don’t want to give up on him. I hurt him. It was my fault. I can make it right.” My head was spinning with half truths, hopes and dreams, and negative thinking. I couldn’t tell the difference between my clairaudience and the voice in my head telling myself lies to make me feel better. “He will come back. Yes, he will come back.” I couldn’t let go of that. I was miserable, but I could not let go of that outcome.

I wanted to be with him and marry him. I wanted to live the rest of my life with him. He just needed to come back. I was intuitive, but I did everything I could to push those intuitive messages away to make room for what I wanted to hear. At times, I was delusional. I will be the first to admit it. I believe that these connections are so powerful and so jolting to our whole being, that we may slip into delusion once in a while.

They make us see what we want to see. We believe what we want to believe, because the thought of losing the love of our lives is devastating and too much to emotionally and psychically process. And all the Twin Flame schlock we read online on message boards and blogs tells us how miserable we will be if we permanently separate. “You’ll never love another. You’ll never have another relationship. You’ll always feel as if something is missing.” Then why can the other twin have relationships? Why can they get married and have children? Why are they capable of falling in love again? Nobody ever brings that up though. They don’t want to think about it. “Oh, he/she’ll come back once he/she realizes the Twin Flame love.” Hmm, and how long is that going to take? “Oh, I don’t know but I’m just going to wait. It WILL happen.”

Twins who date or marry another have made that choice. We can respect and honor that choice, or we can resent it. We can let it tear us to pieces. We can fight it. We can hate our twin. We can be bitter. We can blame ourselves. We can we hold on and let it control us. Think of this connection as a river. Do you swim against the river, or do you surrender to the current and let the movement of the water carry you?

There is a book called Things Are Going Great in My Absence, which is a wonderful spiritual guide on how to release stress and worries and live in a state of joy and peace, trusting that the Divine is taking care of everything. I highly recommend reading it. I found it quite helpful and uplifting. It’s a wonderful book to read when life seems overwhelming and heavy. The concept of the book is simple: Let go of the way you think everything in your life should be, and let it flow the way it’s meant to. Stop over-thinking and start living. We can choose suffering, or we can embrace the fluidity and constant movement of our lives.

One of my favorite articles about letting go gives wonderful advice in regards to relationships:

“Hold lightly. This one isn’t just about releasing attachments—it’s also about maintaining healthy relationships. Contrary to romantic notions, you are not someone’s other half. You’re separate and whole. You can still hold someone to close to your heart; just remember, if you squeeze too tightly, you’ll both be suffocated.

Justify less. I can’t let him go—I’ll be miserable without him. I’d die if I lost her—she’s all that I have. These thoughts reinforce beliefs that are not fact, even if they feel like it. The only way to let go and feel less pain is to believe you’re strong enough to carry on if and when things change.”

When I refer to “letting go” in regards to the Twin Flame union, I am not telling you to stop loving this person. No, I am referring to letting everything play out, or as my teacher Maura says “unfold.” Let the events unfold. If you are guided to call him/her, reach out to them. If you are guided to work on yourself, follow that guidance. If you are guided to take a class or read a certain book that is going to help you with the journey, do it. 

Always go with your gut and do what you think you should do, but do not cling and do not try to control the connection. Surrender to it. Let the connection transform and heal you. Take it all in a moment at a time. Letting go is freedom from suffering, which is in essence the key to surviving the Twin Flame journey.

“Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.” ~ Melody Beattie

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.” ~ Lao Tzu

“Surrendering means, by definition, giving up attachment to results.  When we surrender to God, we let go of our attachment to how things happen on the outside and we become more concerned with what happens on the inside.” ~ Marianne Williamson